by J. H. Croix
I smiled even though I didn’t want to. “Fine. So he’s handsome. I’m not serious relationship material,” I said flatly, ignoring the funny little thump of my heart.
“Why are we talking about getting serious already?” she asked. “You don’t have to skip to that right off. A little fun wouldn’t hurt you. To be honest, I’m not one to talk up one night stands, but you are way overdue to get laid and have been for too damn long. I mean, when’s the last…?”
My cheeks were so hot I needed a fan. “Oh my God. Shut the hell up. You know I hardly ever date. My vibrator is as good as any guy.”
The moment I said that, for the first time ever, I was lying. Levi was far and away better than my vibrator, but I wasn’t about to fess up to that just now.
“Bullshit,” she said bluntly. “You definitely don’t date, but good sex is better than a vibrator any day.”
She took a sip of her coffee and broke off the end of my scone when I pushed the plate in her direction. “Look, you’re awesome and Levi’s a good guy. I can’t even say he’s a player. He dates here and there that’s pretty much it. Why not relax and enjoy some fun for once in your life?”
“I have fun!”
Amelia shook her head. “I know you do. Not with guys though.”
I sighed, ceding this argument. It wasn’t worth it, not just now. “I have to find another place to stay.”
“Well, you’d better get on it then,” she said with a wry grin. “Unless you want to come stay with Cade’s parents, I’m not sure how much luck you’ll have right now. I’d offer our place, but the downstairs floor is torn up, and we have no hot water.”
“I don’t want to stay with Cade’s parents. That’ll be weird because it makes it seem like I’m like too childish to stay with Levi.”
“Aren’t you then?” Amelia countered.
I resisted the urge to throw the last bite of my scone at her and satisfied myself with a glare.
“You could always call your mom,” she added, her tone softening.
What was it with people bringing up my mom today? I sighed and shook my head softly. “No, that would be even weirder. Janet already gave me a little pep talk about her today.”
Amelia held my gaze evenly. She was one of the few people that I’d confided in about my life before Willow Brook. “Well, then I say you keep staying at Levi’s and maybe have lots more sex.”
I burst out laughing, my cheeks heating even more. “Oh my God! Don’t even, okay? It’s bad enough that Cade heard.”
“I felt terrible last night. Seriously. As soon as you made your little announcement, I knew you were gonna die when you realized you were on speakerphone. If you’d told me sooner, I could’ve headed you off,” she said bluntly.
“It was just the night before,” I mumbled. “I really wasn’t holding out on you.”
“Like I said, Levi’s a good guy. He’s close to his sister, and his parents are great. Honestly, if you were looking for something more than sex, he’s a pretty good candidate,” she said.
My heart tumbled in my chest, and I felt as if I was falling inside—that feeling you get when an elevator goes down too fast and your whole stomach drops with it. Or when you’re on a roller coaster and it rounds the top of a curve before plummeting down.
None of this was supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to want Levi so much it made me ache. I wasn’t supposed to give into it and then feel as if I were being bound in a web of intimacy that felt so good it terrified me.
I mistakenly assumed my first thought had been unspoken, but Amelia’s eyes widened.
“Oh my God. What did I just say out loud?”
“That it wasn’t supposed to happen,” she said calmly before taking a sip of coffee. Setting her mug down, she eyed me. “Try to relax and maybe enjoy it. You know I’m here for you. No judgment. Ever.”
My throat tightened because I knew she meant it. She was loyal to the bone and there for me no matter what.
“I know,” I finally said, quickly shifting topics. “I suppose we should get to work, huh?”
Amelia shrugged. “Don’t you have a doctor’s appointment soon?” she asked, her eyes flicking to the brace on my forearm.
“Next week. She said I should be good to go by then.”
“Good. There’s plenty to do no matter what. We’re due to start the tile cutting for the bathrooms. You can do that, and I’ll do all the heavy labor,” she offered with a grin.
“You love this, don’t you? You get to insist I do all the boring, tedious shit.”
She burst out laughing. “I don’t love it, but it’s good for you to take it easy and to maybe accept a little help here and there.”
I rolled my eyes as I stood. “I don’t need anyone’s help,” I muttered as I snagged my empty coffee mug and plate.
Chapter Twenty
Levi
Pulling my fire gloves off my hands as I stepped away from a firebreak we’d been working on, I spun around to scan the horizon. Smoke hazed the sky in this section of the forest, although the wind had finally slowed, so it was thinning out. I dragged my sleeve across my face and rested a hand on my hip as I caught my breath. The same fire we’d dealt with last week in a section of forest outside Willow Brook had kicked up again yesterday. It had originally been sparked earlier this summer after some campers ignored the no campfire rule. We’d largely contained it, but too many days of dry weather and wind kept fanning the flames.
We’d spent most of the day creating several new firebreaks on the outskirts of the area to help keep the fire from spreading if the wind changed direction. Though there were postings everywhere about the campfire ban, the wilderness in Alaska—even in areas with nearby towns—wasn’t like the manicured trails in the Lower 48. Hikers and campers often lost track of where they were, or didn’t take certain restrictions seriously. With a dry summer, we had to monitor for wildfires all season long.
I glanced over at Jesse Franklin as he approached. He set the chainsaw he’d been using down nearby and caught my eye.
“Think we’re done for the day?” he asked.
I nodded, leaning over to snag a water bottle on the ground. I took a long draw from it, wiping my mouth with my sleeve. “Damn good the wind died down this afternoon, and we had a chance to do this.”
“Too much dead spruce around here,” he added.
The forest had started to recover from the spruce bark beetles, which had decimated entire swaths of this area a while back. Even though there was new growth, it would be another few decades before the forest recovered.
“Yeah, we’ll post some more signs later this week, especially in the busier areas. That should hopefully prevent another entirely unnecessary fire.”
Jesse nodded and spun to scan the horizon, replying to something another crewmember approaching us said.
Cade’s crew was out here with us as well. For a few years, I was a foreman on his crew, but I’d taken over as superintendent for another crew last year. I’d barely spoken to Cade today, if only because we were working hard. Even in downtimes when we weren’t actively fighting a fire, hotshot firefighting was damn hard work. Today had been filled with hours of clearing trees, downing dead ones and creating firebreaks along streams, using the landscape to our advantage.
I spun around, looking in the distance as the smoke cleared. Denali was visible through the haze, rising tall in the sky. Denali was the tallest mountain peak in North America. All of the central towns in Alaska were within view of Denali. I took a deep breath and let it out as my eyes traveled away from Denali through fields of fireweed, a bright fuchsia weed dotting the Alaskan landscape in the open areas.
A ribbon of river wound through a valley, leading to Willow Brook. The river in question was our town’s namesake, laughingly called a brook. It was wide and shallow, and ran down from the mountains, feeding into Swan Lake.
My mind spun to Lucy. She’d become the touchstone for my thoughts at all times lately. She’d insisted this
morning that she didn’t care to try to gloss over her tipsy announcement to Amelia and Cade last night. I knew how private she was, so I knew she wasn’t enjoying the spot she’d put herself in. Yet, it was so like her to insist on facing it head on. I loved how she never backed down from anything. That look of vulnerability had flickered in her eyes. Just thinking about it now, my heart squeezed again. I had stared into her gorgeous blue eyes and considered that I’d happily cart her back to bed and stay there all day.
“Let me handle it, but do me a favor and don’t take this as permission to announce it to the world,” she’d said.
“Hey, I wouldn’t have said a damn thing,” I’d countered with a wink.
“I was a little tipsy,” she’d replied, a slow smile claiming her lips.
I’d grinned, relieved she wasn’t cranky about the whole thing. We didn’t speak of what passed during the night. The moment her bottom wiggled against my cock, I’d come out of my half sleep, already rock hard and ready. It seemed as though we weren’t going to talk about the fact we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other.
I supposed we didn’t have to talk about it. I knew I needed to wait and bide my time. Because if there was one thing I knew about Lucy, she did not like to be pressured into anything.
* * *
Later that afternoon, I leaned my head against the wall behind me on a bench in our locker room. At the sound of footsteps, I glanced up to see Cade approaching. He sat down across from me.
“So any comment on that little convo last night?” he asked, the hint of a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
I shrugged. “Nothing to add,” I offered.
He held my gaze for a moment and then nodded. “Wasn’t trying to gossip. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
I leaned my elbows on my knees. “Why would you think I needed to talk?”
He was quiet for a beat. “Seems to me you kinda have a thing for Lucy. Have for a while.”
It was easy to forget how perceptive Cade was. I’d known him for years. He tended to be low-key and quiet. Damn if he hadn’t honed in on exactly what was going on with me. What I had for Lucy was a hell of a lot more than a thing though. Problem was I had to be patient. I sure as hell knew she would not appreciate anything even remotely resembling gossip about us. But Cade wasn’t one to gossip.
So, I held his gaze and nodded slowly. “You might say that. I know you won’t talk but I’m gonna have to ask you not to say a damn thing. Lucy will tear me a new one if she thinks anyone more than you two hears about us.”
He chuckled. “Oh, I know. Amelia figured Lucy was pretty upset about saying anything last night. You know you don’t have to worry about us.”
“I know.” I paused, chewing on my thoughts. “Look, Lucy’ll run for the hills if she gets wind I might be hoping for more than a little fun between the sheets.”
Cade was quiet before his grin stretched slowly across his face. “That she will. You’d best know what you want.”
“I do,” I said, my heart giving a hard thump as I spoke.
“Hey guys, what are we dealing with now?” Beck asked as he rounded the corner into the locker room.
Beck’s crew was picking up where we left off this afternoon out at the fire site. He slid onto the bench across from me and glanced between Cade and I.
Cade replied first. “We established the perimeter on the far side of that tricky ravine and by the river. If you guys take care of the opposite side, we should be good.
“Anything else my guys should know?” Beck asked.
“Don’t think so. The wind died down, so the fire’s not spreading anymore. Fred’s doing a flyover to check the perimeters,” I offered, referencing one of our local pilots who often helped fly our crews out to fires.
Beck stood. “Got it.”
My cell phone rang, and I slipped it from my front pocket, glancing down to see my dad’s name flash on the screen. “Gotta take this guys,” I said as I stood and stepped away.
“Hey Dad, what’s up?” I asked.
“Hey son, could use a little help this afternoon if you’ve got a few minutes,” he replied quickly.
“Just finishing up at the station. Whaddya need?”
“Looks like some rain might be rolling in tonight, and I need a little help getting the firewood we had delivered put away.”
“Sure I’ll be by. Give me a half hour or so, okay?”
I left the station wondering if I should let Lucy know I would be home later than usual. I laughed to myself. Before a few days ago, I wouldn’t. She was so insistent that I just live the way I would normally even though she was staying with me. Yet, if any other friend were staying with me, I’d likely let them know. It was simple courtesy.
Yet, now that I’d been buried deep inside of her, as close as we could physically be, every simple action felt loaded. I knew my parents would offer me dinner. The natural extension of that circumstance would be Lucy eating canned soup. Because she did not cook. I’d noticed that unless I cooked something, she grabbed whatever easy thing she could. I contemplated inviting her to my parents, yet I didn’t know how much she’d read into that.
I didn’t let myself think too much. Before driving out of the parking lot, I texted her quickly.
Chapter Twenty-One
Lucy
My phone vibrated on the dresser. I’d just finished taking a shower and was tugging a sweatshirt over my head. It was chilly out this late afternoon. After a clear, calm day, clouds had rolled in, bringing a chill along with them.
I yanked my sweatshirt down and strolled to the dresser to glance at my phone screen. Tapping it, I saw a text from Levi.
I’m helping my dad stack some wood, and my mom’s cooking. I thought you might want to stop by. You’re welcome of course. My mom’s a better cook than me. ;)
I stuffed my hands in the front pocket of my sweatshirt and stared down at my phone—as if though the phone itself was a person standing in front of me. I chewed the inside of my cheek and turned away, walking to look out the windows. Though it was gray outside, the view from the guest bedroom was a splash of color. The window looked out over a field of fireweed. The fuchsia stood out even more brightly amidst the drab landscape this late afternoon.
My heart was pounding hard and fast, and I didn’t know why. It shouldn’t make me nervous to have dinner with Levi and his parents. It was something any of my close friends here would do. I’d had dinner with Amelia and her parents, along with Cade’s family and Susannah’s. Yet, I’d never felt the way I did about Levi. He’d moved from the category of casual friend who sort of annoyed me to far more. As such, his casual invitation somehow felt loaded.
I felt silly and sheepish though. If I stayed here, I’d probably have soup for dinner. I had complete faith that Levi’s mother was an amazing cook, if only because he was and he insisted it was all because of her. It would be nice not to be alone with my thoughts. I couldn’t decide if it would send a message if I went, or more of a message if I didn’t.
Oh my God. You need to calm the fuck down. You’re making this way more than it is. Just like Amelia said, you can have a little fun. It doesn’t have to be anything else.
I shook my critical thoughts away. Spinning away from the windows, I snagged my phone off the dresser, typing out my reply before I thought too much harder.
Thanks. Sounds great. You know I’ll probably just have soup if I stay here anyway.
As soon as I set the phone down, it occurred to me I had no idea where his parents lived. Feeling sheepish, I grabbed my phone again.
Where and when?
His reply was swift.
Cottonwood Hollow, last house on the road. A big yellow farmhouse looking place. Come anytime. I’m on my way there now. Scratch that. Don’t come early because I know you’ll end up trying to help. How’s your arm anyway?
Warmth swirled in my belly and curled up around my heart. I shouldn’t savor it so much to have him be concerned, but I di
d. I glanced down at the brace on my wrist. I hadn’t experienced pain in days now and was about ready to say screw it. The only thing stopping me was I knew Amelia would get on my case. So would Levi. I flushed straight through at that thought. Because he would, and what that said about him and how much a part of me savored the fact he cared enough to nag was almost too much for me to contemplate.
It’s fine. I’ll be there soon. I have one good hand. I can help.
His reply was almost instantaneous.
Trying to win an award for being stubborn? No way in hell I’m letting you stack wood with one hand. Don’t fight me on this. You can hang with my mom in the kitchen. She’ll love it.
My heart did another tumble in my chest, and my throat tightened with emotion.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lucy
The cool metal of my silver bracelet slid through my fingers as I sat at the kitchen table in Levi’s parents’ house. Levi’s mother, Gloria, was chopping onions and chatting away while she did so. I’d offered to help but she declined, insisting she was too bossy in her own kitchen.
I was restlessly fiddling with my bracelet because I was anxious. I was fielding a host of new feelings. I’d never had enough of a relationship with any man to meet his family. I didn’t know what to call what Levi and I were doing, yet somehow it didn’t sit right to pass it off as some sort of friends with benefits thing. So, that was confusing to me. Then, there was the odd feeling of wanting his mother to like me. I’d never cared much about anything like that. At the moment, I was trying to hold all of my internal unrest at bay and staring idly out the window. Gloria’s voice nudged me back into awareness.
“Lucy?” she asked.
