“He’s ready for it?” Ben asked.
Madeleine watched as Michael pulled back the covers of the bed and walked shamelessly naked across the room to the bathroom. The sight of his narrow hips and tight buttocks was something she would never grow tired of seeing.
They’d lived in his house since their return to Detroit, and even though it had only been weeks between living at her house and now living at his, it felt like they’d always had this life. As if they had always spent their days together when he wasn’t needed at the office and their nights cooking and watching TV when he got home. As if they had always gone to bed together and made love together and woken up ready to do it all over again.
“He’s as ready as he can be. I hope I’ve covered every avenue Peg might explore.”
“I’m sure you have. So…what happens next? When the interview is done will you continue your…vacation?”
Madeleine didn’t pretend not to know what Ben’s question meant. She had told him about their relationship. He had seen them together as a couple when they were sitting outside his quarantined room. They had talked with him every day for weeks. And while they didn’t hold hands or make out in front of him, anybody in the world could look at them and know they were lovers.
He knew it was obvious when they looked at each other. When they made an effort not to kiss each other or hold hands. So when Ben asked what was next, what he was really asking was if she was coming back to Philadelphia. Ever.
“I don’t know. I think…” She gulped. “I think if he lets me, I would stay here…for a while.”
“Lets you?”
Right. Bad choice of words. It implied she was begging for him to let her stay. But, in truth, she needed to stay. Because she needed him.
All of those things were so dangerous. So scary.
“Wants me to. And if I decide I want to. Or would like to. Maybe. Or I could decide to leave. I don’t know…”
Her babbling was cut off by a rumbling chuckle from the other side of the phone. She was happy to know she at least made him laugh.
“Ben, stop asking me questions I don’t know the answer to. You know I hate that.”
“Okay. Keep me up-to-date.”
“I will. And how is the nurse working out?”
“She’s fine,” he said, his tone clipped. “I think I can let her go, actually. I’m feeling stronger every day and can finally take care of myself.”
“Don’t push it, Ben. You know you’re not out of the woods yet.”
“Yet. But I will be soon. I can sense it. I feel whole again. Like the thing that was eating me up from the inside is finally gone for good.”
“That’s great. Just don’t overdo it.”
“You sound like Anna.”
Madeleine waited. In all the time she and Michael had sat with him keeping him company he’d never once mentioned Anna. Had never even said her name. Or asked where she might have gone. Madeleine thought that was revealing in its own way.
She knew what Anna thought he felt about their time together and she knew what Anna had told her he’d said. But sometimes what a person said wasn’t always what they meant. Or what a person didn’t say wasn’t always how they felt.
Madeleine had personal experience with this.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked tentatively.
“No.”
She figured as much. “I have her new cell number. She gave it to me.”
“That she felt she needed to change the old one was ridiculous and immature. What did she think…I was going to harass her? Stalk her? She quit. End of story. I have no intention of contacting her.”
But somehow, he knew her previous number was no longer in service. Madeleine debated telling Ben her thoughts. She didn’t want to be disloyal to Anna, but if there was any hint of feeling for his former assistant, he needed to know where Anna was coming from. “I think she did it more for herself than out of spite for you.”
“Explain.”
“I don’t think she wanted to know you weren’t trying to contact her. Sometimes a phone that doesn’t ring is the hardest sound to listen to.”
There was silence. Madeleine waited patiently, wondering if he would ask for the number she’d offered. Not that he needed to get it from her. If Ben wanted to track down Anna, he would.
“I should go.”
“Of course,” Madeleine said, backing off. She’d given him enough to think about it. “I’ll let you know my schedule as soon as I can.”
“Goodbye.”
Madeleine ended the call just as Michael was coming back into the bedroom fresh from his shower. A towel was wrapped low around his hips and she could see beads of water still clinging to his body.
She wanted to lick each one of them off.
Ducking her head to hide her blush, she marveled at her sexual attraction to this man. Everything he did got to her. He once burped in front of her and while she’d scolded him, it also made her consider what a man he was. Following on the heels of that thought was an intense desire.
After he’d burped.
She was…besotted. There was no other word for it.
No, there was another one; she just wouldn’t let herself use it. Couldn’t let herself use it until she knew for sure that his feelings were more substantial than something born from gratitude.
Instinctively she held the sheet up over her breasts and watched as the motion drew his attention to her body. She shifted under his scrutiny, but when she looked at him, he was tossing the towel and revealing the front view.... It was more fun than the back view.
“Well, that is impressive.” She smiled.
He looked down at himself and caught his hardening penis in his hand. His smile was almost as big as his erection. “I know.” He looked at her and wiggled his eyebrows.
She’d never had this much fun with men and sex. But before she got lost in it again, she did have questions.
Michael took two steps and essentially fell onto the bed on top of her. His mouth aimed for her neck and he kissed her there, knowing it drove her wild. She moved her head to kiss him and he shook his head.
“No, you can’t. I’ve already brushed my teeth and you haven’t brushed yours.”
“You’re saying a little morning breath is going to stop you from putting your tongue in my mouth?”
“Yep. We’re not on equal ground. Two morning breaths cancel each other out. But when one has brushed and the other hasn’t…ewww. So we’re going to have to do this sans mouth kissing. Let’s try it this way to avoid any temptation.”
He rolled onto his back and tugged the sheet away from her. With effortless strength he pulled her on top of him so that his erection was bumping against her bottom and his hands were kneading her breasts.
“What makes you think I want to do it at all?” she asked, slightly miffed.
He let one hand slide down the middle of her body until a knuckle was pushing through the folds between her legs, making her squirm on top of him and rub her butt against his penis. “That.”
“You’re shameless.”
“I’m horny. And happy to be so.”
She looked down at him and her breath almost caught. He was happy. She could see it in his face. The lines around his eyes seemed to have eased and the tension she had always associated with him was gone.
“You never did tell me what Dr. Sheffield said.”
He stopped plucking her nipples, and she was slightly disappointed, but she couldn’t help her curiosity. She knew he’d made an appointment to see a therapist he liked. When he’d gotten back from the appointment last night and she had asked him about it, he’d simply said he was cured and then started kissing her. Which made her forget everything else.
But cures for psychological trauma didn’t easily happen and they both knew it.
His hands dropped to her hips and he held her in place on top of him.
“We talked. It was good. He basically said I had been ready to let go and I did. So now I’m fixed.
Yay me.”
She brushed her fingers over his chin. “I think you always have it in you to do whatever you set your mind to.”
Again Michael’s eyes twinkled. “Really? Well, right now I’m setting my mind to getting inside you and making you come really hard. Then I’m taking you out for brunch afterward. How’s that for goals?”
“Michael.” She chastised his crude language ever so slightly. She would never admit it to him, but secretly it thrilled her.
Then he went ahead and did exactly what he said he was going to do, just like he always did.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“WE’RE GOING.” Michael already had his coat on and was standing in the foyer with his car keys in his hand.
“Why can’t we make breakfast here?”
“Because I want to go out with you. And not to some dark movie theater. I want to be in the sunlight with you in public. It’s a gorgeous spring morning. We’ve got nowhere in particular to be for several hours. Let’s go get breakfast and drink mimosas.”
“You can’t be drinking. Peg and her crew are coming today. You need to be sharp and completely on your game.”
“Fine. I’ll stick to orange juice.” He frowned at her. “It’s time you get over this, Madeleine.”
Get over it, she thought. Easier said than done. “Why suddenly now? We’ve been together for weeks and this hasn’t been an issue. You’ve been fine with the way things are. At least I thought you were.”
“I am fine. More than fine. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. But what are we doing here if not starting a life? This is where I live. I want to show you the places I like to go, take you to all the places where I like to hang out. Heck, I would like to introduce you to my neighbors.”
The neighbors. How could she possibly do that?
Oh, hi, I’m Madeleine Kane, Michael Langdon’s girlfriend. Remember me? That’s right. I’m the scandalous whore and home wrecker, but we should all get together at the block party and share stories.
“I told you how I felt about this. If we can get past the interview, let any attention that might come out of that die down for a time, then maybe in a couple of months—”
“A couple of months?” Michael sputtered. “Are you kidding me? Madeleine, this is it, we’re together now and I’m tired of hiding.”
“You’re not the one who has to hide.”
“You don’t have to hide, either.”
She shook her head. “You don’t know how it will be. You said it—this is your hometown. Someone might see you and wonder who you are with. People know you date celebrities so they will look at me a little more closely. And then it will be the same old thing. ‘Why does she look so familiar? How do I know her…? Oh, that’s right. She’s the president’s girl.’”
She watched his jaw clench and knew he hated it when she talked about herself like that, but it was the reality of how other people thought of her.
“I know it’s hard. I know it’s hard. But you can’t spend the rest of your life wondering when the past will catch up with you. We’re a couple and when I go out I want you with me. So put your coat on, get in the car and come eat some damn waffles with me.”
Madeleine bristled. “That sounds suspiciously like a command.”
He approached her carefully and probably with good reason because she had an overwhelming urge to run. Back upstairs to the bedroom or even all the way home to Philadelphia.
Michael softened his tone. “Look, I know it’s scary. But you do realize your fears are groundless. You don’t know that anyone will see us. And if someone did what’s the worst that could happen?”
They would stare at her. And the whole time they were staring at her, she would know what they were thinking.
Slut. Whore.
One mistake. She’d made one damn mistake. Tears came to her eyes and Michael hissed.
“No, no. Please don’t do this. It’s just brunch. If you don’t want waffles you can have whatever you want. French toast, oatmeal…”
She knew he was trying to tease her, but it didn’t loosen the knot in her stomach. “Michael, I know you think my fears are silly…”
“Not silly. I get it. You were hunted by the media. If I could go back in time and change everything they did to you, and rewrite everything they said about you and make it all go away, I would.”
“But you can’t.”
“Nope. I figured out a long time ago that there is nothing to be done about changing the past. But this is now. You and me. We need to be able to live our lives normally.”
“Yes,” she said, clinging to his words. “Now! On the day you are being filmed. The day of your big announcement. Let’s not forget Blakely hasn’t signed anything with you. What if word gets out about who you are seeing and he doesn’t like the idea of us or the thought of negative press? I’m doing this for your own good.”
He shook his head, calling her on what she knew was a lie.
“No, you’re not. You’re doing this because you’re still afraid. It’s why you hid in your house for all those years. It’s why you still put up walls to keep me out.”
“I don’t have walls…” she argued but stopped when he pressed a finger to her lips.
“You do. Plenty of them. And I will break all of them down, I swear it. One damn brick at a time if I have to. If you’re ever going to believe I love you, if you are ever going to trust me enough to love me back, we need to get over everything we’ve been afraid of. I’m working on my end.... I need you to work for it, too. Take that first step. Come outside with me. Please.”
He reached his hand out to her and her first instinct was to take it. It was when her brain kicked in and began to think too much that she tightened up. When she retreated behind her walls. Because he was right. She did have them.
But she didn’t want them anymore. They were keeping her from him. She was keeping herself from him, and if she was ever going to have a chance at happiness, real happiness, she knew this was it.
He was it.
Michael was right. She needed to take this step forward. For him.
“Okay.”
He smiled. “That’s my girl.”
“But I don’t like oatmeal. I prefer eggs.”
“Eggs it is.”
* * *
“NOW FOR your next step.”
They were eating brunch at a table for two near the window that overlooked a main street in downtown Grosse Pointe. When they had been seated, he could see Madeleine was stiff, but after a cup of coffee and some pleasantries with the waitress, and when no one had pointed at her or shouted “Jezebel,” she had started to relax.
Looking at her now as she moaned a little bit over her bite of eggs Benedict, he thought she might actually be glad she’d come here. Glad to sit here with him and be his date. But this step she’d taken to come out with him was really only the first of many.
He thought about what Dr. Sheffield had said about taking it slow. It was good advice, and made total sense, but Michael was fighting every instinct he had to do it.
Michael drove fast, moved fast and wanted everything with Madeleine…fast.
Like a general he needed to lay out his strategy for moving forward. Because they were moving forward. The other option, the one in which he might not be able to hold on to her, he dismissed. He simply wouldn’t let it happen.
No, Michael was sure she didn’t realize it yet, but Madeleine was soon going to be Mrs. Michael Langdon. He wouldn’t have it any other way. It was difficult to admit, because the realization scared the crap out of him, but he needed her.
Like air and food and water.
Yeah, it was scary to know how much she meant to him. But it was also a little thrilling. Like he was in this race and marriage was the finish line, and he knew he had what it took to get there. He only needed to execute the plan.
She swallowed her bite of eggs and chased it with some coffee. “What next step? I’m here, aren’t I? Without my sunglasses.”
&nb
sp; “Yes, we’ve now conquered your fear of daylight. See, it’s not so bad.”
“I suppose I haven’t started to melt.” She smiled.
“So we proceed to our next step. I told you Blakely and I are going to D.C. to speak before a congressional committee about the impact of the electric car. Both on the environment and the auto industry as a whole.”
“Yes.”
He took a deep breath. This was a risk, but when the idea came to him he thought it sounded so right. What better way to get over the worst of her fears than by going back to the place it first happened and confronting the memories head-on?
“I want you to come with me.”
She laughed.
“I’m not joking.”
Her smile fell and instantly he knew he’d screwed up. “Yes, you are. Because even suggesting such a thing would be nothing more than cruel, so you must be joking.”
Michael knew she wouldn’t take his idea easily, but he wasn’t prepared for the pain he saw in her eyes. He’d caused that pain and it killed him. “I’m not trying to be cruel. I’m trying to help you overcome your fear.”
“I get it,” she said tightly, throwing her napkin on the table. “I see what this is all about now. You’re cured. All better. Congratulations. Now poof, I’m supposed to let go of everything, too, and join you in happy land where the past doesn’t hurt us anymore.”
It sounded silly to hear her say it, but yes, he supposed that was what he thought might happen. She’d helped him. He wanted to help her. It only seemed right. Like they were rock climbers using each other to work their way up the cliff. She was his safety first while he made his move upward. Now it was his turn to make it okay for her to come up behind him.
“Well, maybe I’m not you. In fact, I know I’m not you because I can’t do it. I can’t forget what happened. I can’t make it go away. I was humiliated. I was decimated. I was literally spit on by people in that city and you think I would ever go back? How could you even suggest it?”
Michael closed his eyes at the sound of anguish in her voice. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he had to get through to her. “I think you have nothing to be ashamed of—”
One Final Step Page 19
