“How can I know? How am I supposed to know? This—working in Sugarcreek, working on our farm—this is my life. I don’t know much about the outside world at all.”
To his surprise, she didn’t soften. “Don’t play me for a fool, Caleb Graber. Ignorance and naiveté can only go so far. And I’ve never thought you were full of either trait. If you leave here, you will be leaving all your security and protection. You’ll be an outsider, and subject to much more than you are dreaming of now. And everyone you meet won’t care about your confusion. All they’ll do is attempt to take advantage of it.” A hint of a secret pain darkened her eyes. “And they will. Trust me on that one. They will.”
For a second, he was tempted to ask what had happened to the brothers she’d helped. If their lives had become even harder after leaving.
But part of him was afraid to know. Before, all he’d cared about was that two boys had gotten out. Now, though, she’d given him something more to think about.
What if things weren’t any better in the outside world? What if they were even harder? The thought of that made his stomach churn.
“Thank you for the banana bread,” he mumbled.
“You are welcome. Come back anytime, Caleb. You are always welcome here.”
He turned away before she could see the flush he knew was staining his cheeks. The things she had told him didn’t make him feel any better. If anything, they’d only made his situation worse.
Right at that moment, he didn’t know if he’d be in any hurry to stop over there again.
He’d come to the restaurant again. Lilly fought a suspicious onslaught of nerves as she approached his table. It didn’t help that he seemed to be silently watching her every move. “Hi.”
“Good morning,” he said politely.
“Would you care for some coffee?” She felt slightly silly. The two of them were acting like they hardly knew each other. But she didn’t feel comfortable enough yet to gauge his moods.
“Sure.”
“And pie or a cinnamon bun?”
“Just coffee, Lilly. And, perhaps, you could spare me a few moments?”
“Of course.” She waved a hand around. “There’s no one else here. I’ll, um, be right back.”
She hurried to the drink station and poured Robert a mug of coffee. On the other side of the picture window leading into the kitchen, she heard Miriam chuckle. Oh, her friend would have a lot to tease her about when he left!
“Here you go, Robert,” she said, trying to find the right combination of friendliness and warmth in her voice. “It’s fresh.”
He took the cup from her as she sat down across from him. “It’s hot,” he said with a smile. “Though…I don’t suppose it really matters.”
“Why is that?”
“I came here to see you, of course.”
She felt her skin flush. Okay. So they were being honest. “I’m glad you stopped by. I had a good time at the farmer’s market. And I love my kitten.”
Those clear blue eyes of his warmed. “I’m glad.” A moment passed. He sipped his coffee, looking like he was searching for something else to say. “I got an order for a hope chest today. In oak.”
“You are certainly keeping busy.”
“Jah.” He frowned. “I mean, yes.” He sipped his coffee again.
Behind her, the bells at the door rang. More customers arrived. “I better get to work.”
“Yes. I guess you should.”
She stood up. “I’m glad you came by, Robert. I’m very glad.” She turned away before she could see his expression. But she hoped it was happy. And more than that, she hoped he would stop by again. Walking up to the couple standing at the hostess desk, she smiled. “A table for two?”
“Three. My husband’s parking the car.”
As Lilly walked them to their table, she passed Robert on his way out the door. She could have imagined it, but she thought he reached out and brushed her shoulder with his hand as they passed.
It was the simplest of touches. But she still felt it all the same.
Robert Miller knew he was mooning over Lilly Allen like a lovesick pup. It was embarrassing. But he couldn’t help it. From the time he’d asked her to accompany him to the market and she’d said yes, he felt like he was suddenly woken up from a too-long self-imposed sleep. Everything seemed a little clearer now. Brighter.
Their time spent together made him feel younger. Made him feel things he’d thought had died when Grace had taken her last breath.
All day long, he’d found himself smiling—as he recalled the flash of pleasure in her eyes when she’d first spied him at her restaurant that morning; and as he remembered getting lost in the corn maze with her. But then, when he recalled their kiss, his smile would fade.
It had been a foolhardy thing to do, to kiss her. But for the life of him, he couldn’t regret it. He’d been married. He’d enjoyed a loving relationship with Grace. And if he was honest with himself, he missed affection. He missed that spark of awareness that had burned brightly whenever he and Grace had been together.
Of course now, he had no idea what he should do. Continue to see Lilly? But to what end? She wasn’t Amish, and sure didn’t seem interested in being that way. But if she never became Amish, then he would have to leave his order.
And that might mean leaving everything he’d always held dear.
When the front door chimed, it was a welcome relief from his thoughts. “Hello, Frank. Do you need something?”
“I hope so,” Frank Graber said. “I need to order a hope chest for Judith.”
“Does she have a beau?”
“No, but she’s looking around at all the boys in the area something fierce now that Gretta and Joshua are married and in a family way.” With a teasing smile, Frank added, “Careful you don’t get caught in her clutches.”
Frank was chuckling, so Robert did, too, though a thousand questions were forming in his head. Was their age difference really not much of a worry for her parents?
What would Frank think if he’d seen him out with Lilly?
What would he think about two such different folks courting? If, of course, that was even what they were doing?
Frank snapped his fingers. “Ah, Robert? You all right?”
“Jah. Sorry, my mind went drifting.” He pulled out a pencil and paper. “Do you have time to go over designs and dimensions?”
Frank pulled out a paper of his own. “I did one better. I asked Elsa to help me with our order.”
Robert took the paper with relief. The way his thoughts were flying around, he doubted he’d be able to make much sense of anything. “I’ll figure out the costs and will let you know by the end of the week.”
“I’ll stop by on Friday, then,” Frank said. He turned away, but two beats later, looked at Robert again. “Are you all right, freind?”
“Of course. I just have a lot on my mind today, and a lot to do.”
Instead of taking the hint, Frank sat down. “You know, I heard from more than one person that you were walking with my neighbor at the market on Saturday.”
“Yes, I took Lilly to the farmer’s market.”
“Some people are wondering why you are spending time with a girl who’s English. And younger than you…”
With a sinking heart, Robert prepared to be judged. “I’d be surprised if everyone didn’t talk. It seems people do enjoy worrying about things that are not their business.”
“Sometimes it seems that way, I guess.” Slowly Frank added, “Though we both know that the interest comes from caring. People want each other to be happy.”
“Perhaps,” Robert allowed, though he kind of doubted it. Not all gossip was from the best of intentions. Still stung from his cousins’ veiled accusations and obvious disapproval, Robert braced himself for a lecture. “What do you have to say?”
He raised his hands in mock surrender. “Not a thing.”
“Truly?”
“Of course.” Frank looked a bit put out to b
e doubted. “Truth be told, I was just going to tell you that I am fairly well acquainted with Lilly. I know her parents as well. They are good neighbors.”
Robert waited for the other shoe to drop. “And?”
“And nothing.”
Robert shook his head. “I’m sorry, Frank. I’m a bit sensitive about Lilly, and I don’t know why. No, that’s not true. I know why,” he said in a horrible, rambling rush. “I’m touchy because I know she’s the last person I should be thinking about. But I can’t seem to stop.”
“She’s a pretty thing.”
“She’s more than that. There’s a depth to her that I admire. And a joy that comes from her, too. I’ve sorely missed that.”
“You’ve had a difficult time.”
Difficult didn’t begin to describe it. Watching a spouse slowly fade away through a blanket of uncertainty and pain wasn’t something he’d wish on anyone. “I loved Grace…but she’s gone.”
“Where do you see things going with Lilly Allen?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should? You know what I mean, Robert.” Looking almost amused, Frank folded his arms over his chest. “I’m old, but I’ve still got my wits about me. People are talking, and they’re talking loud enough for me to hear what’s said between the lines. There’s something going on.”
Stung, Robert retreated more into himself. He was tired of being judged. Tired of men stopping by and offering unsolicited advice. “Lilly, she’s my friend. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Unable to help himself, he murmured, “She’s gut friends with Joshua, I know.”
“She is, but there’s more between you two than just friendship.”
Robert bit back a sharp retort. It didn’t matter that Frank was right. He still didn’t like being the subject of community gossip. And he sure didn’t want to be forced into thinking about what was happening between himself and Lilly. “I don’t know what the Lord has planned for me and Lilly Allen,” he said. Giving away a bit more of his private thoughts than he’d intended. “Once more, I don’t know why it is of your concern. I’m not a child, Frank.”
“You’re right. You’ve been married and have known great trials. But for all that, taking advice from friends isn’t a bad thing.”
“As long as it’s just advice…”
Frank didn’t even flinch. “Perhaps it is. But since I’m already saying too much, I’m gonna offer you some more wisdom…Robert, you should do some thinking about your interest in Lilly Allen. She’s young, she’s English, and she became pregnant out of wedlock.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know. And let’s not cast stones.”
“I don’t want to do that. I’m not saying that her pregnancy is something to be scorned.” He swallowed. “However, it is something to weigh and balance.”
“Ah, and is that what you’re doing?”
“You know, it may surprise you to find out that I don’t necessarily think she is the wrong person for you.”
Robert snapped his head up. “Truly?”
Frank shrugged. “This has been a most unusual year. Things have happened I never imagined. I’ve kind of thought it was our Lord’s way of reminding me that I can’t always be in charge. He is, you know?”
“I know.”
“Perhaps the thing to do would be to pray a bit and ask Him for guidance.”
“That is good advice.”
“I thought so.” With two slaps to the top of the desk, Frank stood up. “I’ll see you on Friday. Judith will be pleased with this gift, I’m sure.”
His mind far away once again, Robert barely waved him goodbye.
Chapter 8
Lilly heard her mother groan when she passed by her parents’ room in the hall.
When a bout of coughing followed, and then the flush of a toilet, Lilly frowned in sympathy. Her mother was suffering from morning sickness.
Though she hadn’t suffered that malady too much, Lilly had had it enough to be in complete understanding. Some mornings, her symptoms had been bad enough to make everything in the world seem green. Her body had felt weak and her hands had shook. Her skin had felt hot and flushed. Only the comfort of a can of soda, a handful of crackers, and the welcome relief of an ice cold washcloth on the back of her neck had enabled her to continue her day.
And here, her mom had been going through the same thing in silence.
When she heard the telltale sound of her brushing her teeth, Lilly knocked quietly. “Mom? Are you all right?”
The faucet turned off. “Of course, honey.” She cleared her throat. “Did…did you need something?”
Instead of answering, Lilly asked a question herself. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
Though their house still felt new, her parents’ bedroom and bath still seemed the same as always. She’d know her father’s cologne everywhere. On his bedside table was a pile of change from his pockets and a few business cards.
On her mother’s side lay two books and her reading glasses. On their dresser was a ceramic vase Charlie had made for them in fourth grade, as well as a family photo, taken when Lilly was just fourteen.
Memories and familiarity hugged her hard as she walked into the brightly lit bathroom. Her mother sat on the edge of the bathtub, both hands braced on her knees. “I’ll be out in a minute. I’m just trying to get my bearings.”
“Mom, how about a cold washcloth?”
For a moment, Lilly thought her mom was going to refuse the offer, but a grateful smile lit her face. “Thanks. That sounds heavenly.”
Lilly ran out to the linen closet, picked up a clean washcloth, then, back in the bathroom, placed it under the faucet. A few wrings and two folds later, she placed it on the back of her mother’s neck.
She smiled weakly. “I don’t know why this feels so good, but it does. Thanks, honey.” She closed her eyes and sighed.
Lilly sat down beside her.
As they sat together in silence, Lilly knew it was time to stop avoiding her mom. It was time to grow up a little more and think about someone else’s needs. “Do you need anything else? A Coke or something?”
She slipped the washcloth off her neck. “No, honey. This did the trick.” Their eyes met in the mirror’s reflection. “Did you need something?”
“No. I just heard you and got worried…” Lilly’s voice drifted off as she realized how lame she sounded. She shouldn’t have waited so long to reach out.
Ever since she’d blown up at her parents, Lilly had done everything she could to have as little to do with them as possible. She’d left the house early for work and come home only after she could find nothing else to do. On Sunday, she’d even driven Ty to his friend’s birthday party so she wouldn’t have to spend time with her mom.
While her mom never said a word about her absence, her father had. His voice had been stern as he’d cautioned her to stop feeling so sorry for herself.
But even that talking-to hadn’t encouraged her to change her ways. Actually, if anything, it had only increased her desire to avoid her mom. Obviously they didn’t understand how hard it was for her to watch her mother plan for a baby.
Her mother, on the other hand, had been doing everything but avoid her. She’d tried to talk to Lilly about her life. About her job at the Sugarcreek Inn. Even about how Charlie was doing at Bowling Green. Never once did she talk about how she was feeling. No, she’d continued to put Lilly’s needs first. In addition, her mom had been doing her best to hide everything about the pregnancy so Lilly wouldn’t be hurt.
But Lilly had hardly bent at all. No, she’d done her best just to stay away and ignore her feelings, to talk about everything but what was most important to her mother.
Funny how pretending nothing was wrong was continuing to be a family trait. Her parents had been champions at doing that when Lilly had been pregnant. And here, she’d done her best to act the same way during the last few weeks.
“I bet your stomach will set
tle down soon,” Lilly ventured. “All the books say it does.”
“I hope you’re right. The doctor said I need to gain a little bit of weight.” She shook her head wryly. “Imagine that! After all those years on Weight Watchers, now I’m supposed to be gaining weight! It’s hard to wrap my head around.”
“I bet.” Lilly leaned against the gray marbled counter and watched her mom brush and curl her hair. Her mom had worn the same hairstyle for ages.
So much was different…but still the same, too. When their eyes met again in the mirror, her mom inquired, “You okay?”
“Oh, sure. I was, uh, just thinking how nice everything looks in here.”
Smiling, her mom ran a finger along the wall. “I like it, too. I thought I’d never get all that dust out of the carpet, but now that everything’s back to normal, I think it was worth the mess.”
Her parents had recently finished sprucing up their master bath. Boring eggshell white walls were now painted a deep grayish-blue. Shiny bright hardware had been switched to a burnished silver. Gray and blue and ivory towels hung from hooks and towel rods.
And a beautiful watercolor of lilies hung above the bathtub.
“Did I tell you that Cassidy came out here the other day?”
Turning, her mother faced her in surprise. “No. What brought her?”
“Me. She got tired of me not answering her phone calls.”
“I wish you could have encouraged her to stay for dinner. I always liked Cassidy.”
“Actually, she stopped by the inn. I was working, and she had to get back, so her coming over wouldn’t have been possible.” Lilly didn’t even know how to admit that she had been less than friendly, anyway.
“Oh.”
“I think I might go see her soon,” she blurted, wondering where in the world that had come from. “When we started talking, I realized that I should have called her or emailed her or something. We used to be really good friends.”
Seasons of Sugarcreek 03. Autumn's Promise Page 8
