“That would be nice. The air is still damp from last night’s rain. Hot coffee would set me to rights. That is, if making it is no trouble,” Daed said.
“Of course it isn’t.” Carefully Robert cleaned out the percolator and added fresh coffee grounds. Within four minutes, fresh dark coffee would begin trickling out.
To his shame, Robert had once timed that, too.
Abe leaned against the counter and watched him with a look of mild interest. “I never have learned how to work one of those things.”
Robert was just irritated enough with his cousin to snap at him. “That’s most likely because Mary is alive and healthy.”
The skin around Abe’s mouth turned white. “You shouldn’t say such things.”
“Why? It’s the truth,” Robert retorted, sick and tired of Abe pretending that nothing had changed when Grace had died.
The simple fact was that everything had changed when Grace died, and there was no circling around the cold, hard facts. When she’d gotten sick, he’d had to get used to doing everything. He’d gotten used to caring for her, and for doing her chores.
Abe still liked to think that a few casseroles and encouraging words had made his life easier.
But nothing was ever that simple—especially not his life without Grace. “I never learned to make coffee until Grace got sick,” he said quietly. “It was only then that I learned to make coffee and cook.”
While Abe shifted uneasily, obviously at a loss for the perfect trite saying to make everything all better, his father took control. “Come sit down, Robert. And look to see what I brought you.” He pushed a sack toward Robert.
As soon as he unfolded the top of the paper sack, the unmistakable scent of fresh bread greeted him. He sniffed appreciatively. “Mom’s been baking, I see.”
“All day and night.”
Robert knew his mother didn’t sleep when she was worried. “Is everything all right at home?”
“It is not,” Abe said quickly. Helping himself at the cabinets, he pulled out three mugs and poured the brewed coffee into each of them. When he joined them at the table, his voice sounded even more judgmental.
“She told me herself that she couldn’t sleep from worrying so much about you.”
Robert sighed. “Word’s gotten around the whole community about you and that Englischer.”
Robert loved his cousin, but he’d had just about enough of his high-handed attitude. Abe had no idea what it was like to lose a wife and to have to keep on living. He’d also had enough of Abe’s girlish penchant for gossip.
“Word’s gotten around, has it? Hmm. I wonder who has been talking?”
“More folks than you might imagine.”
“There’s only one man I’m imagining who has been talking.”
With a sideways look at Abe, his daed murmured, “Robert, we just don’t want you to hurt yourself. To hurt your heart.”
“Thank you for your concern, but my heart’s already been broken. My wife is gone.”
His father winced at Robert’s bitter tone of voice. “I know you’ve been through a rough time, with Grace’s illness and all. But there’s got to be someone nearby who’s a better fit.”
Though the reasonable part of him agreed, Robert was just peeved enough to push his father’s buttons. “Lilly’s pretty nearby, Daed.”
“You know what we’re talking about.” The chair scooted and creaked as Abe shifted restlessly. “I’m telling you, cousin, if you’d just give us a chance, we could introduce you to all kinds of women…”
“I’m not interested.”
“You should be. That girl is not for you.”
Robert flinched at both his cousin’s tone and choice of words. “She’s not exactly a girl.”
“She’s close enough,” Abe proclaimed. “And in addition, she’s got other issues to think about.” He waited a full three seconds before dropping his next bombshell. “Word is out that Lilly Allen is taking Caleb Graber to the city today. She’s going to help him leave. And she’s doing this on a church day, too.”
Robert was shocked by the statement. But he was almost just as shocked by his cousin’s need to make sure Robert knew every bad thing about Lilly.
Warily, he looked at Abe, opposite him at the table, sitting so full of himself with his arms crossed and his expression smug. Was that the kind of man his cousin had become? The type of person to look on others’ misfortunes with glee?
Slowly, he turned to his father. “Daed? Have you been listening to this gossip, too?”
“I can’t help but listen,” he murmured grudgingly. Though it was obvious that his father, too, was a bit startled by Abe’s enthusiasm, he also looked resigned to see the conversation through. “Frank Graber told me about Caleb’s trip himself.”
“Caleb is Frank’s son. And Lilly Allen is their friend and neighbor. Surely what they all are doing is their concern, not ours.”
“I agree with that,” Abe said. “But you are our concern, Robert. And because of that, we need to keep you under our watch.”
“I’m a grown man. I don’t need to be under anyone’s watch.”
Sipping his coffee, Robert’s father glanced over toward Abe. “What Abe is trying to say, is that Lilly Allen, while very beautiful, is not the woman for you. You’re never going to be able to change her.”
“Perhaps she’ll want to change herself?” he added rashly. “Who knows? Perhaps she’ll even consider becoming Plain.”
Abe rolled his eyes. “I seriously doubt that. No Englischer would want to start living with no electricity.”
“Some have done it. Why, there’s a woman in the next county who’s a fine Amish wife and she grew up English.” But even as he said the words, Robert felt full of misgivings. Lilly prided herself on her independence.
“This girl is different, and you know it.”
“Perhaps you could go on a vacation or something, Robert?” his father suggested. “Go on a bus trip out west. Or down to Florida, maybe.”
“You think what I need is a change of scenery?” Robert felt so out of sorts, he thought that his temper was going to burst. “Taking a trip to the beach is not what I need. What I need is…” His voice trailed off as he struggled to put into words all of his wishes and dreams. All of his struggles and hopes.
He wondered how he could ever admit, to the two men who were the closest to him in the world, that what he needed was companionship. A partner. He wanted a relationship…a woman’s smile. The feel of her in his arms when he went to sleep at night and when he awoke in the morning.
He wanted marriage. A marriage with a feel and an identity of its own—not just a mere copy of what he and Grace once had.
And none of the Amish women in his community held his attention like Lilly did.
He knew what he wanted. What he ached for.
As the silence across the three feet of table lengthened and pulled a tension into the air so thick that it could almost be seen, his father leaned forward. “What do you need, son?”
“I need to be happy,” Robert finally said. “I want to be happy again. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes in order to feel that way.”
Abe stood up. “You’re making a mistake,” he said bluntly. “And you’ll rue your impulsive ways when you realize it, too.”
Robert got to his feet as well. “It’s my mistake to make. Abe, I hope you and Mary have a long and prosperous life together. I hope the two of you enjoy each other’s company and find comfort for many years to come.” He sighed, for a moment debating whether to say what was on his mind or to hold his tongue. “But if something does happen to Mary, I promise that I will be by your side. I promise I’ll be there for you…even when I don’t always agree with your decisions. It would have been nice if you could have made such a promise to me.”
Abe’s eyebrows snapped together. “Now, wait a minute. I have been there for you—”
“You’ve been by my side to make sure I stay on the ‘right’ path.
You’ve been here to tell me how our people are judging my behavior,” Robert said softly. “But what you don’t realize is that no matter what happens in the future…I will never, ever forget the past.”
Chapter 16
“What’s she like, this Cassidy friend of yours?”
Lilly looked at Caleb and tried to describe her old friend in just a few words. It was difficult. Almost as hard as her phone call to Cassidy had been.
To put it mildly, Cassidy had been surprised that the first time Lilly had reached out to her was because she wanted Cassidy and her brother Eric to spend their Sunday afternoon with a sixteen-year-old Amish kid.
“She’s got brown hair and brown eyes.”
“And?”
Lilly thought some more. “She loves to go shopping.” She paused. “Let’s see. Cassidy is honest. And she’s funny.” She glanced his way again, unsure if she was giving him the information he wanted.
Caleb still stared at her. “But what is she like?”
“Hmm.” Lilly tried to think of a story that would illustrate what her friend from home was like. “Well, one time during our freshman year, a couple of girls we’re really into finally being in high school and we’re kind of putting on airs. It was ridiculous, really. They went to the mall and bought all kinds of expensive clothes and told everyone how much money they were spending.”
“And people respected that?”
“People respected that they had spent all that money,” she corrected with a hint of foreboding. That was the kind of thing Caleb was going to have trouble with. Not the spending money, but the unspoken nuances that reigned supreme in an English teen’s life. Things were “in” or “out.” And a teenager’s knowledge of that determined whether they would be included in groups or not.
Realizing her mind had been wandering, Lilly lightened her tone. “Anyway, part of their acting all grown up was to completely ignore Cassidy and me. As retaliation, Cassidy started a rumor that they’d bought all their clothes from a resale shop.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a place where people sell their old clothes and get money for it, and others can buy them. You can get good deals there if you go to some of the best stores. Anyway, everyone believed that rumor. So whenever the girls continued to brag about their expensive things, people just snickered.”
Caleb looked impressed. “So Cassidy’s a mean sort of girl.”
“No, not really. She’s just fair, I think. She was tired of being looked down on by girls who were trying to be something they weren’t. Anyway, there’s more to the story than that. About a week later, Cassidy went out of her way to befriend the girls. She felt really guilty for what she’d done.” She glanced Caleb’s way. “That’s what I’m trying to get at. She’s impulsive yet friendly. She’s got a sense of what’s right and wrong, but she struggles with it, too. She’s not all sweet and perfect. She’s just, well…Cassidy. You’ll like her, Caleb.”
As she sped along 90 toward Cleveland, keeping in the middle lane, Caleb looked like he was weighing that story over and over in his head. Finally he spoke. “Do you think she’s going to like me?”
“She’s going to like you fine. And she should anyway. You’re great.”
Caleb didn’t say anything. Lilly wasn’t sure if her words embarrassed him, or if it was all just too much to take in. They hit traffic closer to the city, so she had to stop thinking about Caleb’s worries and concentrate on the traffic.
But he was doing enough sightseeing to keep them both occupied. “What’s that?”
“It’s a steel mill. There’re still a few around. Not like there used to be, though. More than a dozen factories around here have closed since our parents were our age.”
“The factories are very big.”
“They are. I’ve never been in one, but people have told me they’re like a small city. Real mazes in there.”
As traffic picked up, they saw some of the skyscrapers in the distances, and the wide expanse of Lake Erie to the north. “It looks like the ocean,” Caleb said. “I mean the ocean that I’ve seen in pictures at school.”
Glancing at the wide expanse of water, with the silky blue waves rushing the shore, and the whitecaps decorating them, Lilly smiled. “No, you’re right. It looks a lot like the ocean. I love to look at the water.” It was one of the reasons she’d driven a little farther north than she needed to. “Every once in a while, I meet someone who talks as if the Great Lakes aren’t really all that big—like they’re just overgrown lakes. They have no idea how much they look like the ocean.”
She started south on 71 toward Strongsville. “We’re only about thirty minutes away now.”
Beside her, Caleb kept quiet. Lilly could practically feel him tense up as she exited the freeway.
The silence remained as she headed into the heart of the suburb—toward the only place she’d ever really known until they’d moved to Sugarcreek.
To her surprise, Lilly hardly had to even look at the streets. Even after all this time, it felt like she’d just taken that exit a week ago.
But what was surprising was that she wasn’t feeling as nostalgic as she thought she would. Maybe it was the nervousness she felt about seeing Cassidy again. Maybe it was her second-guesses about taking Caleb. She didn’t want Caleb to be made fun of.
But she couldn’t protect him. He was desperate for a change, and she knew enough about that to want to help him in any way that she could.
“Hey, Caleb, just to let you know…Cassidy doesn’t know I was pregnant.”
He looked at her in surprise. “Why not?”
“My mom and dad didn’t want anyone to know,” she blurted, then amended her words. “No, that’s not completely true. I didn’t want anyone to know, either.”
“Because you’d be shunned.”
“Shunned? Yeah, in a way I was worried about that.” Shunning.
The word caught her off guard. It was such an antiquated word. Such an Amish word. Yet, that was what she’d feared the most, wasn’t it?
She’d been afraid that she’d be made fun of. Left behind while everyone else went on with their lives…
All this time, she’d acted like it had been her parents who’d been so afraid of what others thought. She’d been so self-righteous, lashing out at them. Blaming them for so much.
Perhaps, even secretly blaming them for her miscarriage. It had been so much easier to put the bad feelings on their shoulders. To resent them for everything. So much easier to blame her parents, like a spoiled child.
Instead of accepting responsibility like the grown-up she’d been trying too hard to be.
The realization wasn’t a good one. In fact, it was bitter and embarrassing. For a moment, her hands tightened on the steering wheel and everything around them blurred.
“Lilly!”
She jerked back to the present. “What?”
Caleb’s hands flew in the air. Obviously he was dying to place his hands on the steering wheel, but didn’t dare.
“The car!”
Only then did she realize that her Civic had started to drift to the left. With a jerk, she righted the car. “Sorry,” she bit out. Then, realizing that her weak apology did nothing to soothe the moment, Lilly breathed deeply. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “When you mentioned shunning, it brought forth a lot of memories and thoughts I’ve been trying hard to ignore.”
Still looking alarmed, Caleb faced forward. “S’okay.”
“Um, back to what you said…yes, I think I was worried about being shunned by my friends. I had a great group of both guy and girlfriends. Though I let my parents be the driving force for the move, I know now that I was grateful for it.”
“They really wouldn’t have accepted you with a baby?”
“I don’t know. Maybe they would have. Maybe not.” She reflected some more. “I think I was more worried about their opinion of me than anything else. I didn’t want it to change.”
“Because they thought so
highly of you?”
“Yes. No, that doesn’t sound quite right. It was more like they thought I was a perfect fit in their group. If I was different, I wouldn’t fit in so well, you know?”
The moment she said the words, Lilly regretted them. Caleb had his own problems. He didn’t need hers to shoulder as well. “Guess what?” She pointed to a red brick house with black shutters. “We’re here.”
“What if I don’t get along with them? I’ll be out of choices.”
“I’ve started to realize that God provides more choices than we can ever imagine. If this isn’t the answer for you, then something else will come along. It’s just that simple.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“I know it’s not.” She was mature enough to admit that she didn’t know all the answers. And that it would be wrong to even try. “I don’t know. I guess I just decided to start hoping and praying for solutions. That counts for something, right?”
He leaned his head back against the seat’s headrest, his wheat-colored hair mixing with the beige upholstery fabric. “It does. I didn’t think I would be so naerfich. So nervous.”
“I think it means you care,” she said softly. “So that’s a good thing. Now, let’s go in. Mrs. Leonard is probably looking out her living room window at us, wondering why we are still sitting in the car.” Before he could stall, she opened her car door and grabbed her purse.
But she still took the time to say a quick, silent prayer for guidance.
Cassidy opened the door before they were even halfway up the walk. “Hi! You made it.”
“We did. We’re not late, are we?”
“No, I was just looking for you.” She eyed Caleb up and down. “Hi. I’m Cassidy.”
“Caleb.”
She stepped backward to allow them entrance, then closed the door behind her. “My mom is so excited to see you two. She’s in the living room, waiting.”
As they followed Cassidy, Caleb looked around, stunned.
Lilly didn’t blame him. Walking into the Leonards’ home was like walking into another world, one that was a little bit more colorful and unusual than his own.
Seasons of Sugarcreek 03. Autumn's Promise Page 14
