That joke could have been so much funnier, but I’d learned not to expect too much from Jesse. I knew for a fact that he didn’t care about Adrian and me. I also suspected he didn’t even believe we had anything going on. But Jesse was still bitter about me threatening him earlier, and here was his chance to get back at me. Dustin, standing within earshot, had no interest in Jesse’s idiotic teasing. Dustin would probably have an interest, however, if I slammed Jesse’s face into the wall.
That didn’t mean I had to be silent, though. Guardians talked to Moroi all the time; they just tended to be respectful and still keep an eye on their surroundings. So I gave Jesse a small smile and simply said, “Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.” I then turned away and surveyed the rest of the room.
When Jesse realized I wasn’t going to do anything else, he laughed and walked away, apparently thinking he’d won some great victory. Dustin left shortly thereafter.
“Asshole,” muttered Christian, returning to his station. Class had about five minutes left.
My eyes followed Jesse across the room. “You know something, Christian? I’m pretty happy to be guarding you.”
“If you’re comparing me to Zeklos, I don’t really take that as much of a compliment. But here, try this. Then you’ll really be glad you’re with me.”
His masterpiece was finished, and he gave me a piece. I hadn’t realized it, but just before the meatloaf had gone in, he’d wrapped it in bacon.
“Good God,” I said. “This is the most stereotypical vampire food ever.”
“Only if it was raw. What do you think?”
“It’s good,” I said reluctantly. Who knew that bacon would make all the difference? “Really good. I think you have a promising future as a housewife while Lissa works and makes millions of dollars.”
“Funny, that’s exactly my dream.”
We left the class in lighter moods. Things had grown more friendly between us, and I decided that I could handle the next six weeks protecting him.
He and Lissa were going to meet in the library to study—or pretend to study—but he had to stop by his dorm first. So I followed him across the quad, back into the winter air that had grown chillier since sunset seven hours ago. The snow on the paths, which had turned slushy in the sun, had now frozen up and made walking treacherous. Along the way, we were joined by Brandon Lazar, a Moroi who lived in Christian’s hall. Brandon could barely contain himself, recapping a fight he’d witnessed in his math class. We listened to his rendition, all of us laughing at the thought of Alberta sneaking in through the window.
“Hey, she might be old, but she could take on almost any of us,” I told them. I gave Brandon a puzzled look. He had bruises and red splotches on his face. He also had a few weird welts near his ear. “What happened to you? Have you been fighting guardians too?”
His smile promptly disappeared, and he looked away from me. “Nah, just fell.”
“Come on,” I said. Moroi might not train to fight like dhampirs did, but they got in brawls with each other just as often as anyone else. I tried to think of any Moroi he might have a conflict with. For the most part, Brandon was pretty likeable. “That’s the lamest, most unoriginal excuse in the world.”
“It’s true,” he said, still avoiding my eyes.
“If someone’s screwing with you, I can give you a few pointers.”
He turned back to me, locking eyes. “Just let it go.” He wasn’t hostile or anything, but there was a firm note in his voice. It was almost like he believed saying the words alone would make me obey him.
I chuckled. “What are you trying to do? Compel me—”
Suddenly, I saw movement on my left. A slight shadow blending in with the dark shapes of a cluster of snowy pine trees—but moving just enough to catch my attention. Stan’s face emerged from the darkness as he sprang toward us.
Finally, my first test.
Adrenaline shot through me just as strongly as if a real Strigoi were approaching. I reacted instantly, reaching out to grab both Brandon and Christian. That was always the first move, to throw my own life before theirs. I jerked the two guys to a halt and turned toward my attacker, reaching for my stake in order to defend the Moroi—
And that’s when he appeared.
Mason.
He stood several feet in front of me, off to Stan’s right, looking just as he had last night. Translucent. Shimmering. Sad.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I froze, unable to move or finish going for my stake. I forgot about what I’d been doing and completely lost track of the people and commotion around me. The world slowed down, everything fading around me. There was only Mason—that ghostly, shimmering Mason who glowed in the dark and seemed like he so badly wanted to tell me something. The same feeling of helplessness I’d experienced in Spokane returned to me. I hadn’t been able to help him then. I couldn’t help him now. My stomach turned cold and hollow. I could do nothing except stand there, wondering what he was trying to say.
He lifted one translucent hand and pointed off toward the other side of campus, but I didn’t know what it meant. There was so much over there, and it wasn’t clear what he was pointing at. I shook my head, not understanding but desperately wishing I could. The sorrow on his face seemed to grow.
Suddenly, something slammed into my shoulder, and I stumbled forward. The world suddenly started up again, snapping me out of the dreamy state I’d just been in. I only barely managed to throw out my hands in time to stop myself from hitting the ground. I looked up and saw Stan standing over me.
“Hathaway!” he barked. “What are you doing?”
I blinked, still trying to shake off the weirdness of seeing Mason again. I felt sluggish and dazed. I looked into Stan’s angry face and then glanced over at where Mason had been. He was gone. I turned my attention back to Stan and realized what had happened. In my distraction, I’d completely spaced while he’d staged his attack. He now had one arm around Christian’s neck and one around Brandon’s. He wasn’t hurting them, but his point was made.
“If I had been a Strigoi,” he growled, “these two would be dead.”
FIVE
MOST DISCIPLINARY ISSUES AT the Academy went to Headmistress Kirova. She oversaw Moroi and dhampirs alike and was known for her creative and oft-used repertoire of punishments. She wasn’t cruel, exactly, but she wasn’t soft, either. She simply took student behavior seriously and dealt with it as she saw fit.
There were some issues, however, that were beyond her jurisdiction.
The school’s guardians calling together a disciplinary committee wasn’t unheard of, but it was very, very rare. You had to do something pretty serious to piss them off to get that sort of response. Like, say, willfully endangering a Moroi. Or hypothetically willfully endangering a Moroi.
“For the last time,” I growled, “I didn’t do it on purpose.”
I sat in one of the guardians’ meeting rooms, facing my committee: Alberta, Emil, and one of the other rare female guardians on campus, Celeste. They sat at a long table, looking imposing, while I sat in a single chair and felt very vulnerable. Several other guardians were sitting in and watching, but thankfully, none of my classmates were there to see this humiliation. Dimitri was among the watchers. He was not on the committee, and I wondered if they’d kept him off because of his potentially biased role as my mentor.
“Miss Hathaway,” said Alberta, fully in her strict-captain mode, “you must know why we have a hard time believing that.”
Celeste nodded. “Guardian Alto saw you. You refused to protect two Moroi—including the one whose protection you were specifically assigned to.”
“I didn’t refuse!” I exclaimed. “I . . . fumbled.”
“That wasn’t a fumble,” said Stan from the watchers. He glanced at Alberta for permission to speak. “May I?” She nodded, and he turned back to me. “If you’d blocked or attacked me and then messed up, that would be a fumble. But you d
idn’t block. You didn’t attack. You didn’t even try. You just stood there like a statue and did nothing.”
Understandably, I was outraged. The thought that I would purposely leave Christian and Brandon to be “killed” by a Strigoi was ridiculous. But what could I do? I either confessed to screwing up majorly or to having seen a ghost. Neither option was appealing, but I had to cut my losses. One made me look incompetent. The other made me look insane. I didn’t want to be associated with either of those. I much preferred my usual description of “reckless” and “disruptive.”
“Why am I getting in trouble for messing up?” I asked tightly. “I mean, I saw Ryan mess up earlier. He didn’t get in trouble. Isn’t that the point of this whole exercise? Practice? If we were perfect, you’d already have unleashed us upon the world!”
“Weren’t you listening?” said Stan. I swore I could see a vein throbbing in his forehead. I think he was the only one there as upset as I was. At the very least, he was the only one (aside from me) showing his emotions. The others wore poker faces, but then, none of them had witnessed what had happened. If I’d been in Stan’s place, I might have thought the worst of me too. “You didn’t mess up, because ‘messing up’ implies that you have to actually do something.”
“Okay, then. I froze.” I looked at him defiantly. “Does that count as messing up? I cracked under the pressure and blanked out. It turns out I wasn’t prepared. The moment came, and I panicked. It happens to novices all the time.”
“To a novice who has already killed Strigoi?” asked Emil. He was from Romania, his accent a bit thicker than Dimitri’s Russian one. It wasn’t nearly as nice, though. “It seems unlikely.”
I dealt out glares to him and everyone else in the room. “Oh, I see. After one incident, I’m now expected to be an expert Strigoi killer? I can’t panic or be afraid or anything? Makes sense. Thanks, guys. Fair. Real fair.” I slumped back in my seat, arms crossed over my chest. There was no need to fake bitchy defiance. I had plenty of it to dish out.
Alberta sighed and leaned forward. “We’re arguing semantics. Technicalities aren’t the point here. What’s important is that this morning, you made it very clear you did not want to guard Christian Ozera. In fact . . . I think you even said you wanted us to be sure we knew that you were doing it against your will and that we’d soon see what a horrible idea it was.” Ugh. I had said that. Honestly, what had I been thinking? “And then, when your first test comes around, we find you completely and utterly unresponsive.”
I nearly flew out of my chair. “That’s what this is about? You think I didn’t protect him because of some kind of weird revenge thing?”
All three of them stared at me expectantly.
“You aren’t exactly known for calmly and gracefully accepting things you don’t like,” she replied wryly.
This time, I did stand up, pointing my finger at her accusingly. “Not true. I have followed every rule Kirova laid down for me since coming back here. I’ve gone to every practice and obeyed every curfew.” Well, I’d fudged some of the curfews but not willfully. It had always been for the greater good. “There’s no reason I’d do this as some kind of revenge! What good would it do? Sta—Guardian Alto wasn’t going to really hurt Christian, so it’s not like I’d get to see him punched or anything. The only thing I would accomplish is getting dragged into the middle of something like this and possibly facing removal from the field experience.”
“You are facing removal from the field experience,” replied Celeste flatly.
“Oh.” I sat down, suddenly not feeling as bold. Silence hung in the room for several moments, and then I heard Dimitri’s voice speak from behind me.
“She has a point,” he said. My heart thumped loudly in my chest. Dimitri knew I wouldn’t take revenge like that. He didn’t think I was petty. “If she were going to protest or take revenge, she’d do it in a different way.” Well, not too petty, at least.
Celeste frowned. “Yes, but after the scene she made this morning . . .”
Dimitri took a few steps forward and stood beside my chair. Having his solid presence nearby comforted me. I had a flash of déjà vu, back to when Lissa and I had returned to the Academy last autumn. Headmistress Kirova had nearly expelled me, and Dimitri had stood up for me then too.
“This is all circumstantial,” he said. “Regardless of how suspicious you think it looks, there’s no proof. Removing her from the experience—and essentially ruining her graduation—is a bit extreme without any certainties.”
The committee looked thoughtful, and I focused my attention on Alberta. She had the most power here. I’d always liked her, and in our time together, she’d been strict but always scrupulously fair. I hoped that would still hold true. She beckoned Celeste and Emil toward her, and the other two guardians leaned closer. They had a whispered conference. Alberta gave a resigned nod, and the others leaned back.
“Miss Hathaway, do you have anything you’d like to say before we tell you our conclusions?”
That I’d like to say? Hell, yeah. There were tons of things. I wanted to say that I wasn’t incompetent. I wanted to tell them that I was one of the best novices here. I wanted to tell them that I had seen Stan coming and had been on the verge of reacting. I especially wanted to tell them that I didn’t want to have this mark on my record. Even if I stayed in the field experience, I’d essentially have an F for this first test. It would affect my overall grade, which could subsequently affect my future.
But again, what choice did I have? Tell them that I’d seen a ghost? The ghost of a guy who’d had a major crush on me and who had quite likely died because of that crush? I still didn’t know what was going on with these sightings. One time I could write off to exhaustion . . . but I’d seen him—or it—twice now. Was he real? My higher reasoning said no, but honestly, it didn’t matter at the moment. If he was real and I told them, they’d think I was crazy. If he wasn’t real and I told them, they’d think I was crazy—and they’d be right. I couldn’t win here.
“No, Guardian Petrov,” I said, hoping I sounded meek. “Nothing more to add.”
“All right,” she said wearily. “Here’s what we’ve decided. You’re lucky you have Guardian Belikov to advocate for you, or this decision might have been different. We’re giving you the benefit of the doubt. You’ll go on with the field experience and continue to guard Mr. Ozera. You’ll just be on a probation of sorts.”
“That’s okay,” I said. I’d been on probation for most of my academic life. “Thank you.”
“And,” she added. Uh-oh. “Because the suspicion isn’t entirely removed, you’ll be spending your day off this week doing community service.”
I jumped out of my chair again. “What?”
Dimitri’s hand wrapped around my wrist, his fingers warm and controlling. “Sit down,” he murmured in my ear, tugging me toward the chair. “Take what you can get.”
“If that’s a problem, we can make it next week too,” warned Celeste. “And the next five after that.”
I sat down and shook my head. “I’m sorry. Thank you.”
The hearing dispersed, and I was left feeling weary and beaten. Had only one day gone by? Surely the happy excitement I’d felt before the field experience had been weeks ago and not this morning. Alberta told me to go find Christian, but Dimitri asked if he could have some time alone with me. She agreed, no doubt hoping he’d set me on the straight and narrow.
The room emptied, and I thought he’d sit and talk to me then and there, but instead he walked over to a small table that held a water dispenser, coffee, and other beverages.
“You want some hot chocolate?” he asked.
I hadn’t expected that. “Sure.”
He dumped four packets of instant hot chocolate into two Styrofoam cups and then added in hot water.
“Doubling it is the secret,” he said when the cups were full.
He handed me mine, along with a wooden stirrer, and then walked toward a side door. Presuming I
was supposed to follow him, I scurried to catch up without spilling my hot chocolate.
“Where are we—oh.”
I stepped through the doorway and found myself in a little glass-enclosed porch filled with small patio tables. I’d had no idea this porch was adjacent to the meeting room, but then, this was the building the guardians conducted all campus business out of. Novices were rarely allowed. I also hadn’t realized the building was built around a small courtyard, which was what this porch looked out to. In the summer, I imagined one could open the windows and be surrounded in greenery and warm air. Now, encased in glass and frost, I felt like I was in some kind of an ice palace.
Dimitri swept his hand over a chair, brushing off dust. I did the same and sat down opposite him. Apparently this room didn’t see a lot of use in the winter. Because it was enclosed, the room was warmer than outdoors, but it wasn’t heated otherwise. The air felt chilly, and I warmed my hands on my cup. Silence fell between Dimitri and me. The only noise came from me blowing on my hot chocolate. He drank his right away. He’d been killing Strigoi for years. What was a little scalding water here and there?
As we sat, and the quiet grew, I studied him over the edge of my cup. He wasn’t looking at me, but I knew he knew I was watching. Like every other time I looked at him, I was always struck by his looks first. The soft dark hair that he often tucked behind his ears without realizing it, hair that never quite wanted to stay in its tie at the back of his neck. His eyes were brown too, somehow gentle and fierce at the same time. His lips had that same contradictory quality, I realized. When he was fighting or dealing with something grim, those lips would flatten and turn hard. But in lighter times . . . when he laughed or kissed . . . well, then they’d become soft and wonderful.
Today, more than his exterior hit me. I felt warm and safe just being with him. He brought comfort after my terrible day. So often with other people, I felt a need to be the center of attention, to be funny and always have something clever to say. It was a habit I needed to shake to be a guardian, seeing as that job required so much silence. But with Dimitri, I never felt like I had to be anything more than what I already was. I didn’t have to entertain him or think up jokes or even flirt. It was enough to just be together, to be so completely comfortable in each other’s presence—smoldering sexual tension aside—that we lost all sense of self-consciousness. I exhaled and drank my cocoa.
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