“I need to get back,” I said abruptly. “It’s past curfew.”
A wry smile crossed Dimitri’s face. “And you need me to get you back or you’ll get in trouble.”
“Well, yeah, I was kind of hoping. . . .”
We heard some rustling near the door of the sanctuary, and Father Andrew walked in, which definitely ended our session. He was getting ready to shut down the chapel. Dimitri thanked him, and then the two of us headed back to the dhampir dorm. Neither of us spoke along the way, but it was a comfortable silence. It was weird, but since his outburst outside the med clinic, I felt like something had intensified between us, as impossible as that seemed.
Dimitri got me past the woman at the front desk, and just as I was about to head off for my wing, a guardian named Yuri walked by. Dimitri called to him.
“You’ve been working with security, haven’t you? When was the last time they laid new wards?”
Yuri considered. “A couple days ago. Why?”
Dimitri gave me a meaningful look. “Just curious.”
I nodded to Dimitri to show that I understood his point, and then I went off to bed.
After that, the next week or so played out in a repetitive pattern. I followed Christian for three days a week, had my counseling sessions, and trained with Dimitri. During those times, I could see the concern on Dimitri’s face. He always asked how I was but didn’t push me to talk about anything I didn’t want to. Mostly, it was all physical training, which I liked since it didn’t require too much ruminating.
Best of all, I didn’t see Mason during this time.
I also didn’t witness any attacks—of either the Mână type or the guardian type.
We were in full throes of the field experience, and every other novice in my class was having regular fights. The tests grew intricate and more difficult, and everyone had to stay on their toes. Eddie seemed to have to defend Lissa every other day from some guardian playing Strigoi—but it never happened when I was around. In fact, no attacks at all happened to anyone when I was around. After a while, I began to get the idea. They were going soft on me. They were worried I couldn’t handle it.
“They might as well have cut me from the field experience after all,” I grumbled to Christian one evening. “I’m not doing anything.”
“Yeah, but if you still pass, why worry about it? I mean, do you actually want to get in a fight every day?” He then rolled his eyes. “Never mind. Of course you do.”
“You don’t understand,” I told him. “This job isn’t about taking the easy way out. I want to prove what I can do—to them and to myself. You can never get enough practice. I mean, Lissa’s life is at stake.” And also possibly my future with her. I’d worried before that they might decide to replace me—and that was before they thought I was nuts.
It was nearly curfew time, and I was dropping him off for the night. He shook his head. “Rose, I don’t know if you’re crazy or not, but I’m actually starting to think you might be the best guardian—or soon-to-be guardian—out there.”
“Did you just give me a serious compliment?” I asked.
He turned his back on me and headed inside his dorm. “Good night.”
My life was still in chaos, but I couldn’t help a small grin as I headed back toward my dorm. The walk always made me nervous since I now lived in perpetual fear of seeing Mason. There were other people scurrying back before curfew too, though, and he mostly tended to show up when I was alone, either because he preferred the privacy or because he really was a figment of my imagination.
Talking about Lissa reminded me that I’d hardly seen her today. Comfortable and content, I let my mind slip into hers while my body continued its walk.
She was in the library, hurriedly trying to finish up some notes. Eddie stood near her, glancing around. “Better hurry up,” he said teasingly. “She’s making another round.”
“Almost done,” Lissa said, scrawling a few more words.
She shut the textbook just as the librarian came by and told them they had to leave now. With a sigh of relief, Lissa stuffed her papers into her bag and followed Eddie out. He picked it up and carried it over his shoulder as they went.
“You don’t have to do that,” she said. “You aren’t my valet.”
“You can have it back as soon as you fix that.” He gestured to where she was tangled up in her coat. She’d shoved it on while trying to get out of the library on time. She laughed at her own disorderliness and adjusted the inside-out sleeve.
“Thanks,” she said when he handed it back.
“No problem.”
Lissa liked Eddie—though not in a romantic kind of way. She just thought he was nice. He did things like that all the time, helping her out while still doing an excellent job in his duties. His motives weren’t romantic, either. He was just one of those rare guys who could be both a gentleman and a badass. She had plans for him.
“Have you ever thought about asking Rose out?”
“What?” he asked.
What? I thought.
“You guys just have so much in common,” she said, trying to sound casual. Inside, she was excited. She thought this was the best idea in the world. For me, it was one of those moments where being in her mind was being too close to her. I would rather have been standing beside her so I could shake some sense into her.
“She’s just my friend,” he laughed, his face taking on kind of a cute shyness. “And I don’t think we’d actually be that compatible. Besides . . .” His expression fell. “I could never go out with Mason’s girlfriend.”
Lissa started to say what I always told her, that I hadn’t actually been Mason’s girlfriend. Wisely, she instead chose to let Eddie keep believing the best. “Everyone has to move on sometime.”
“It hasn’t been that long, not really. Just over a month. And it’s not really something you get over quickly.” His eyes had a sad, faraway look that hurt both Lissa and me.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like something small. What you saw—I know it was horrible.”
“You know what’s weird? I actually don’t remember much of it. And that’s what’s horrible. I was so drugged out that I had no idea what was going on. I hate that—you have no idea. Being helpless like that . . . it’s the worst thing in the world.”
I felt the same way. I think it was a guardian thing. Eddie and I had never talked about it, though. We’d never even talked about Spokane much.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Lissa told him. “Strigoi endorphins are strong. You couldn’t have fought against them.”
“I should have tried harder,” he countered, holding the door to her dorm open. “If I’d been even a little more conscious . . . I don’t know. Mason might still be alive.”
Eddie and I, I realized, should both have been in therapy as soon as we got back from winter break. I finally understood why everyone said blaming myself for Mason’s death was irrational. Eddie and I were both holding ourselves responsible for things that had been beyond our control. We were torturing ourselves with guilt we didn’t deserve.
“Hey, Lissa. Come here.”
The serious subject was put on hold as Jesse and Ralf waved at her from across the dorm’s lobby. My defenses immediately went up. So did hers. She didn’t like them any better than I did.
“What’s this about?” asked Eddie warily.
“I don’t know,” she muttered, walking over. “I hope it’s fast.”
Jesse gave her a dazzling smile, one that I had once found really hot. Now I saw it for the fake piece of crap it was. “How’s it going?” he asked.
“It’s going tired,” she replied. “I need to get to bed. What’s up?”
Jesse looked over at Eddie. “Would you give us a little privacy?” Eddie looked at Lissa. She nodded, and Eddie backed up enough to be out of earshot but still watch her. When he was gone, Jesse said, “We have an invitation for you.”
“To what, a party?”
> “Kind of. It’s a group . . .” Ralf wasn’t so good with words, and Jesse took over again.
“More than a group. It’s only for elite people.” He gestured around. “You and me and Ralf . . . we’re not like a lot of other Moroi. We’re not even like a lot of other royals. We have concerns and issues that we need to take care of.” I thought it was funny that he’d include Ralf. Ralf’s royalty came from his mother, a Voda, so he didn’t even carry one of the royal names, even if he technically had the blood.
“It sounds kind of . . . snobby,” she said. “No offense. Thanks for the offer, though.” That was Lissa. Always polite, even to creeps like these.
“You don’t understand. We aren’t just sitting around. We’re working to get things done. We’re—” he hesitated and then spoke more softly, “—working on ways to get our voices out there, to make people see our way no matter what.”
Lissa gave an uncomfortable laugh. “Sounds like compulsion.”
“So?”
I couldn’t see her face, but I could feel her working hard to keep it as straight as possible. “Are you out of your mind? Compulsion’s forbidden. It’s wrong.”
“Only to some people. And apparently not you since you’re pretty good at it.”
She stiffened. “Why would you think that?”
“Because someone—a couple people, actually—hinted at it.” People? I tried to remember what Christian and I had said in the feeder room. We’d never mentioned her by name, though both of us had bragged about having seen someone use compulsion. And apparently, Jesse had noticed other things about her. “Besides, it’s actually kind of obvious. People love you. You’ve gotten out of so much trouble, and I finally figured out why. You’ve been working people over this whole time. I was watching you in class the other day when you convinced Mr. Hill to let Christian work with you on that project. He never would have let anyone else do that.”
I’d been with them in class that day. Lissa actually had used compulsion on her teacher to get help for Christian. She’d been so caught up in her pleas that she’d compelled Mr. Hill without even realizing it. Compared to other things I’d seen her do, it had actually been a pretty weak show of compulsion. No one had noticed. Well, almost no one.
“Look,” Lissa said uneasily, “I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about. I need to go to bed.”
Jesse’s face grew excited. “No, it’s okay. We think it’s cool. We want to help you—or actually, we want you to help us. I can’t believe I never noticed it before. You’re really good at it, and we need you to show us. Plus, none of the other Mână chapters has a Dragomir. We’d be the first to have every royal family represented.”
She sighed. “If I could use compulsion, I’d make you guys go away. I told you, I’m not interested.”
“But we need you!” exclaimed Ralf. Jesse shot him a sharp look and then turned his smile back on Lissa. I had this weird feeling he might actually be trying to compel her, but it had absolutely no effect on her—or me, since I was watching through her eyes.
“It’s not just about you helping us. There are groups of Mână at every school,” said Jesse. He was leaning close, and suddenly, he didn’t look very friendly anymore. “Its members are all over the world. Be a part of it, and you’ll have the connections to do whatever you want with your life. And if we can all learn to work compulsion, we can stop the Moroi government from doing stupid things—we can make sure the queen and everyone else make the right decision. Everything about this is good for you!”
“I’m doing fine on my own, thanks,” she said, stepping back. “And I’m not really sure you know what’s best for the Moroi.”
“Fine? With your Strigoi boyfriend and slutty wannabe guardian?” exclaimed Ralf. He spoke loudly enough to get Eddie’s attention, and Eddie did not look happy.
“Be quiet,” Jesse told him angrily. He turned to Lissa. “He shouldn’t have said that . . . but he’s kind of right. Your family’s reputation is all on you, and the way you’re going, no one’s taking you seriously. The queen’s already trying to keep you in line and get you away from Ozera. You’re going to crash and burn.”
Lissa was growing angrier and angrier. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. And—” She frowned. “What do you mean she’s trying to get me away from Christian?”
“She wants to marr—” Ralf started to speak, but Jesse immediately cut him off.
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” said Jesse. “We know all sorts of things that could affect you and help you—you and Christian.”
I had a feeling that Ralf had been about to mention the queen’s plans to marry Lissa off to Adrian. I was puzzling out how he would know about that until I recalled again that Ralf was related to the Vodas. Priscilla Voda was the queen’s adviser and best friend. She knew all of the queen’s plans and had probably told Ralf. His relationship to her must have been closer than I’d realized.
“Tell me,” Lissa demanded. The thought of using compulsion on him actually crossed her mind, but she dismissed it. She wouldn’t lower herself to that. “What do you know about Christian?”
“No free information,” said Jesse. “Come to a meeting and we’ll tell you everything.”
“Whatever. I’m not interested in your elitist connections, and I don’t know anything about compulsion.” Despite her words, she was insanely curious about what he knew.
She started to turn away, but Jesse grabbed her arm. “Damn it! You have to—”
“Lissa’s going to bed now,” said Eddie. He’d shot over as soon as Jesse touched her. “Remove your hand, or I’ll do it for you.”
Jesse glared at Eddie. Like most Moroi-dhampir matchups, Jesse had height, and Eddie had muscle. Of course, Jesse had Ralf’s bulk too, but it wouldn’t matter. Everyone there knew who would win if Eddie went up against them. The beauty of it was that Eddie probably wouldn’t even get in trouble if he claimed he’d done it to save Lissa from harassment.
Jesse and Ralf slowly backed off. “We need you,” said Jesse. “You’re the only one. Think about it.”
When they were gone, Eddie asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah . . . thanks. God, that was so weird.” They moved toward the stairs.
“What was it about?”
“They’re obsessed with this royal society or something and want me to join so they can have every royal family in it. They were kind of fanatic about it.” Eddie knew about spirit, but she wasn’t comfortable reminding him what a badass she was with compulsion.
He opened the door for her. “Well, they can annoy you all they want, but they can’t make you join something you don’t want to.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” Part of her still wondered what they knew about Christian or if it had been a bluff. “I just hope they don’t get too annoying.”
“Don’t worry,” he told her, his voice hard. “I’ll make sure they don’t.”
I slipped back to my body and opened the door to my own dorm. Halfway up the stairs, I discovered I was smiling. I certainly didn’t want Jesse and Ralf bothering Lissa, but if it came down to Eddie having to rough them up? Yeah. I wouldn’t mind seeing them get a little payback for what they’d done to others.
TWENTY-TWO
DEIRDRE THE COUNSELOR must not have had much of a life, because she scheduled our next appointment on a Sunday. I wasn’t thrilled about it, seeing as it wasn’t just my day off—it was also the day my friends had off. Orders were orders, however, so I grudgingly showed up.
“You’re wrong,” I told her as soon as I sat down. We hadn’t really addressed the questions from my first session yet. We’d spent our last couple of times talking about my mother and what I thought of the field experience.
“What about?” she asked. She wore a sleeveless floral dress that seemed too cold for a day like today. It also bore an eerie resemblance to the nature photographs that hung around the office.
“About the guy. I don’t just like him because I
can’t have him. I like him because . . . well, because he’s him. I’ve proven it to myself.”
“Proven it how?”
“It’s a long story,” I said evasively. I didn’t really want to get into the details of my Adrian compulsion experiment. “You just have to trust me.”
“What about the other thing we talked about?” she asked. “What about your feelings about Lissa?”
“That idea was wrong too.”
“Did you prove it to yourself?”
“No, but it wasn’t the kind of thing I could really test the same way.”
“Then how can you be sure?” she asked.
“Because I am.” That was the best answer she was going to get.
“How have things been with her recently?”
“Recently how?”
“Have you spent a lot of time together? Kept up with what she’s been doing?”
“Sure, kind of. I don’t see her as much. She’s doing the same things as usual though. Hanging out with Christian. Acing every test. Oh, and she’s practically got Lehigh’s web-site memorized.”
“Lehigh?”
I explained the queen’s offer to Deirdre. “She won’t even be there until fall, but Lissa’s already looking at all her classes and trying to figure out what she wants to major in.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What will you do while she attends classes?”
“I’ll go with her. That’s what usually happens if a Moroi has a guardian close to her age. They’ll probably enroll me too.”
“You’ll take the same classes she does?”
“Yup.”
“Are there classes you’d rather take instead?”
“How do I know? She hasn’t even picked the ones she’s going to take, so I don’t know if I want to take them or not. But it doesn’t matter. I have to go with her.”
“And you don’t have a problem with that?”
My temper was starting to prickle. This was exactly what I hadn’t wanted to talk about. “No,” I said tightly.
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