She was strikingly beautiful, in a hard and terrible way. Her build was similar to mine, indicating she hadn’t been a Moroi when turned. Isaiah, the Strigoi who’d captured me, had been very old, and power had radiated from him. This woman hadn’t been around nearly so long, but I could sense that she was older than Dimitri and much stronger.
She said something in Russian to him, and her voice was as cold as her beauty. Dimitri answered back, his tone confident yet polite. I heard Nathan’s name mentioned a couple of times as they spoke. Dimitri reached down and helped me up, and I felt embarrassed at how often I needed his assistance, when I used to almost be a match for him.
“Rose,” he said, “this is Galina. She’s the one who has been kind enough to let you stay.”
Galina’s face didn’t look so kind. It was devoid of all emotion, and I felt like my entire soul was exposed to her. While I was uncertain of a lot of things around here, I’d picked up enough to realize that my continual residence here was a rare and fragile thing. I swallowed.
“Spasibo,” I said. I didn’t know how to tell her it was nice to meet her—and honestly, I wasn’t sure if it was—but I figured a simple thank-you was good enough. If she’d been his former instructor and trained at a normal Academy, she probably knew English and was faking it like Yeva. I had no clue why she’d do that, but if you could snap a teen dhampir’s neck, you were entitled to do whatever you wanted.
Galina’s expression—or lack thereof—didn’t change with my thanks, and she turned her attention back to Dimitri. They conversed over me, and Dimitri gestured to me a couple of times. I recognized the word for strong.
Finally, Galina issued something that sounded final and left us without any sort of goodbye. Neither Dimitri nor I moved until I felt the nausea dissipate.
“Come on,” he said. “We should get back.”
We walked back through the maze, though I had no idea how he knew where to go. It was funny. When I’d first arrived, my dream had been to get outside and escape. Now that I was here . . . well, it didn’t seem that important. Galina’s anger did.
“What did she say?” I asked.
“She doesn’t like that you’re still here. She wants me to awaken you or kill you.”
“Oh. Um, what are you going to do?”
He stayed silent for a few seconds. “I’ll wait a little longer and then . . . I will make the choice for you.”
He didn’t specify which choice he’d be making, and I almost began my earlier pleas to die before becoming Strigoi. But suddenly, instead, I said, “How long?”
“Not long, Roza. You need to choose. And make the right choice.”
“Which is?”
He held up his hands. “All of this. A life together.”
We’d emerged from the maze. I stared at the house—which was crazy enormous when viewed from the outside—and at the beautiful gardens around us. It was like something from a dream. Beyond that, endless countryside rolled away, eventually becoming lost in the darkness and blending into the black sky—except for one tiny part that had a soft purple glow on the horizon. I frowned, studying it, then turned my attention back to Dimitri.
“And what then? Then I work for Galina too?”
“For a while.”
“How long is a while?”
We came to a stop outside the house. Dimitri looked down into my eyes, his face alight with a look that made me take a step back.
“Until we kill her, Rose. Until we kill her and take all of this for ourselves.”
TWENTY-ONE
DIMITRI DIDN’T ELABORATE. I WAS too startled by his words and the rest of the night’s events to even know how to begin to address them. He took me back inside, past the Strigoi on guard duty, and upstairs to my suite. Nathan was no longer outside.
For a few brief moments, that nagging voice in my head spoke loudly enough to break through my addled thoughts. If I had no guard in the hall and Inna returned soon, I had a very good chance of threatening her enough to get out of here. Admittedly, that would mean I’d have to deal with a house of God only knew how many Strigoi, but my escape odds were better in the house than in this room.
Then, almost as soon as those thoughts appeared, they vanished. Dimitri snaked his arm around me and pulled me to him. It had been chilly outside, and even if his body was cold, his clothes and jacket provided some warmth. I snuggled closer to him as his hands ran all over me. I thought he was going to bite me, but it was our mouths that met, hard and furious. I wrapped my fingers in his hair, trying to pull him closer to me. Meanwhile, his fingers were running against my bare leg, pushing my skirt up almost to my hip. Anticipation and eagerness lit every part of my body. I had dreamed about the cabin for so long, remembering it with so much longing. I’d never expected anything like that to happen again, but now it could, and I was astonished at how badly I wanted it.
My hands moved down to his shirt, undoing all the buttons so that I could touch his chest. His skin still felt like ice, a startling contrast to the burning within me. He moved his lips from mine, down to my neck and shoulder, pushing down the dress’s strap as he covered my flesh with hungry kisses. His hand was still on the side of my bare hip, and I frantically tried to pull his shirt off altogether.
Suddenly, with a surprising abruptness, he jerked away and shoved me down. At first, I thought it was just more of the foreplay between us, until I realized he was purposely pushing me away.
“No,” he said, voice hard. “Not yet. Not until you’re awakened.”
“Why?” I asked desperately. I couldn’t think of anything except him touching me—and, well, another bite. “Why does it matter? Is there . . . is there a reason we can’t?” Until I’d come here, sex with a Strigoi had never occurred to me…maybe it just wasn’t possible.
He leaned toward me, putting his lips near my ear. “No, but it’ll be so much better if you’re awakened. Let me do it . . . let me do it, and then we can do anything we want. . . .”
It was a bargaining chip, I realized vaguely. He wanted me—it was written all over him—but he was using the lure of sex to get me to give in. And honestly? I was this close to accepting. My body was overriding my mind—nearly.
“No,” I whimpered. “I . . . I’m scared. . . .”
That dangerous look softened, and while he didn’t exactly look like the Dimitri from before, there was something a little less Strigoi about him. “Rose, do you think I’d do anything that would hurt you?” Somewhere, hadn’t there been a discussion about how my options were to turn or die? The latter seemed like it might hurt, but I didn’t mention that just now.
“The bite . . . the turning would hurt. . . .”
“I told you: It’ll be just like what we’ve already done. You’ll enjoy it. It won’t hurt, I swear it.”
I looked away. Damn it. Why couldn’t he still be sinister and scary? It was so much easier to put my foot down and resist. Even in the heat of passion, I was able to resist. But somehow . . . seeing him like this, calm and reasonable . . . well, it was too close to the Dimitri I’d loved. And that was hard to turn away from. For the first time, it made turning Strigoi seem . . . not so bad.
“I don’t know,” I said lamely.
He released me and sat up, frustration filling his features. It was almost a relief. “Galina’s patience is running out. So is mine.”
“You said we still have time. . . . I just need to think more. . . .” How long could I use that excuse? The narrowing of his eyes told me not much longer.
“I have to go,” he said harshly. There would be no more touching or kissing, I could tell. “I need to deal with some things.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, both confused and afraid. I didn’t know which Dimitri I wanted. The terrifying one, the sensual one, or the almost—but still not quite—gentle one.
He said nothing. Without any other warning, he leaned down and bit into the tender skin of my throat. Whatever feeble escape strategies I had were gone. I closed my eyes, nearl
y falling over, and only his arm wrapped firmly around me kept me upright. Just like when we kissed, his mouth was warm against my flesh, and the feel of his tongue and teeth sent electricity through me.
And like that, it was over. He pulled away, licking his lips as he still continued to hold onto me. The fog was back. The world was wonderful and happy and I was without any cares. Whatever he’d been worrying about with Nathan and Galina meant nothing to me. The fear I’d felt moments ago . . . my disappointment over sex . . . my confusion—I didn’t have time to worry about any of that, not when life was so beautiful and I loved Dimitri so much. I smiled up at him and tried to hug him again, but he was already leading me to the couch.
“I’ll see you later.” In a flash, he was at the door, which saddened me. I wanted him to stay. Stay forever. “Remember, I want you—and I would never let anything bad happen to you. I’ll protect you. But . . . I can’t wait much longer.”
With that, he left. His words made me smile more broadly. Dimitri wanted me. Vaguely, I recalled asking him outside why he wanted me. Why on earth had I asked? What answer had I wanted? Why did it matter? He wanted me. That was what counted.
That thought and the wonderful endorphin rush enveloped me as I lay on the couch, and I felt drowsiness overtaking me. Walking over to the bed seemed like too much work, so I stayed where I was and just let sleep come.
And, unexpectedly, I found myself in one of Adrian’s dreams.
I’d pretty much given up on him. After my first desperate attempts at escape in the suite, I’d finally convinced myself that Adrian wasn’t coming back, that I’d sent him away for good. Yet here he was, standing right in front of me—or, well, at least his dream version was. Often we were in the woods or a garden, but today we stood where we’d first met, on the porch of an Idaho ski lodge. Sun shone down, and mountains soared off to the side of us.
I grinned broadly. “Adrian!”
I didn’t think I’d ever seen him look as surprised as he did just then. Considering how mean I usually was to him, I could understand his feelings.
“Hello, Rose,” he said. His voice sounded uncertain, like he was worried I might be playing a trick on him.
“You look good today,” I told him. It was true. He wore dark jeans and a printed button-down shirt in shades of navy and turquoise that looked fantastic with his dark green eyes. Those eyes, however, looked weary. Worn. That was a little odd. In these dreams, he could shape the world and even our appearances to what he wanted, with only a little effort. He could have looked perfect but instead appeared to be reflecting real-world fatigue.
“So do you.” His voice was still wary, as he eyed me from head to toe. I was still in the clingy sundress, my hair down and loose, the sapphires around my neck. “That looks like something I’d normally dress you in. Are you asleep in that?”
“Yup.” I smoothed down the dress’s skirt, thinking how pretty it looked. I wondered if Dimitri had liked it. He hadn’t said so specifically, but he had kept telling me I was beautiful. “I didn’t think you’d come back.”
“I didn’t think I would either.”
I looked back up at him. He wasn’t like his usual self at all. “Are you trying to figure out where I am again?”
“No, I don’t care about that anymore.” He sighed. “The only thing I care about is that you aren’t here. You have to come back, Rose.”
I crossed my arms and flounced onto the porch’s railing. “Adrian, I’m not ready for anything romant—”
“Not for me,” he exclaimed. “For her. You have to come back for Lissa. That’s why I’m here.”
“Lissa . . .”
My waking self was pumped full of endorphins, and it carried over here. I tried to remember why I should be so worried about Lissa.
Adrian took a step forward and studied me carefully. “Yeah, you know, Lissa? Your best friend? The one you’re bonded to and sworn to protect?”
I swung my legs back and forth. “I never made any vows.”
“What the hell’s the matter with you?”
I didn’t like his agitated tone. It was ruining my good mood. “What’s the matter with you?”
“You aren’t acting like yourself. Your aura . . .” He frowned, unable to continue.
I laughed. “Oh yes. Here it comes. The magical, mystical aura. Let me guess. It’s black, right?”
“No . . . it . . .” He continued scrutinizing me for several heavy seconds. “I can barely get a fix on it. It’s all over the place. What’s going on, Rose? What’s happening in the waking world?”
“Nothing’s happening,” I said. “Nothing except me being happy for the first time in my life. Why are you acting weird all of a sudden? You used to be fun. Figures the first time I’m finally having a good time, you go all boring and strange.”
He knelt down in front of me, no trace of humor anywhere. “There’s something wrong with you. I can’t tell what—”
“I told you, I’m fine. Why do you have to keep coming and trying to ruin things for me?” True, I’d desperately wanted him to come a little while ago, but now . . . well, that wasn’t so important. I had a good thing with Dimitri here, if only I could figure out how to solve all the not-so-good parts.
“I told you, I’m not here for me. I’m here for Lissa.” He looked up at me, wide-eyed and earnest. “Rose, I am begging you to come home. Lissa needs you. I don’t know what’s wrong, and I don’t know how to help her. No one else does either. I think . . . I think only you can. Maybe being apart is what’s hurting her. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with you now, why you’re acting so weird. Come home. Please. We’ll heal both of you. We’ll all figure it out together. She’s acting so strange. She’s reckless and doesn’t care about anything.”
I shook my head. “Being away isn’t what’s wrong with me. Probably not what’s wrong with her, either. If she’s really worried about spirit, she should go back on her meds.”
“She’s not worried; that’s the problem. Damn it.” He stood up and began pacing. “What’s wrong with you two? Why can’t either of you see there’s something the matter?”
“Maybe it’s not us,” I said. “Maybe it’s you imagining things.”
Adrian turned back toward me and looked me over again. “No. It’s not me.”
I didn’t like any of this—not his tone, expression, or words. I’d been excited to see him, but now I resented him ruining my good mood. I didn’t want to think about any of this. It was too hard.
“Look,” I said. “I was happy to see you tonight but not anymore, not if you’re going to sit and accuse me and make demands.”
“I’m not trying to do that.” His voice was gentle—the anger was gone. “The last thing I want is to make you unhappy. I care about you. I care about Lissa, too. I want you both to be happy and live your lives like you want . . . but not when you’re both heading down destructive paths.”
He almost made sense. Almost seemed reasonable and sincere. I shook my head.
“Stay out of it. I’m where I want to be, and I’m not coming back. Lissa’s on her own.” I jumped off the rail. The world swirled a little, and I stumbled. Adrian caught my hand, and I jerked away. “I’m fine.”
“You are not. Jesus Christ. I’d swear you’re drunk, except . . . the aura’s still not right for that. What is it?” He ran his hands through his dark hair. It was his typical sign of agitation.
“I’m done here,” I said, trying to be as polite as possible. Why on earth had I wanted to see him again? It had seemed so important when I first arrived. “Send me back, please.”
He opened his mouth to say something, then froze a few moments. “What’s on your neck?”
He reached forward, and addled or no, I managed to dodge pretty efficiently. I had no idea what he saw on my neck, and I had no interest in finding out. “Don’t touch me.”
“Rose, that looks like—”
“Send me back, Adrian!” So much for my politeness.
“Rose, let
me help—”
“Send. Me. Back!”
I shouted the words, and then, for the first time, I managed to pull myself out of Adrian’s dream. I left sleep altogether and woke up on the couch. The room was still and silent, the only sound my rapid breathing. I felt all tangled up inside. Usually, so fresh from a bite, I would be floating and gleeful. Yet, the encounter with Adrian had left part of me troubled and sad.
Standing up, I managed to make my way to the bathroom. I flicked on the light and winced. It hadn’t been very bright in the other room. Once my eyes adjusted, I leaned toward the mirror and pushed my hair out of the way. I gasped at what I saw. There were bruises all over my neck, as well as signs of fresher wounds. Around where Dimitri had just bitten me, I could see dried blood.
I looked . . . like a blood whore.
How had I never noticed this before? I wet a washcloth and scrubbed at my neck, trying to get the blood off. I rubbed and rubbed until the skin turned pink. Was that it? Were there more? That looked like the worst of it. I wondered how much Adrian had seen. My hair had been down, and I was pretty sure most of it had covered my neck.
A rebellious thought came to my head. What did it matter if Adrian saw or not? He didn’t understand. There was no way he could even come close. I was with Dimitri. Yeah, he was different . . . but not that much different. And I was sure I could find a way to make this work without becoming a Strigoi. I just didn’t know how yet.
I tried to reassure myself over and over, but those bruises kept staring back at me.
I left the bathroom and returned to the couch. I turned on the TV without really watching, and after a while, the happy fog rolled over me again. I soon tuned out the TV and returned to sleep. This time, my dreams were my own.
It took a while for Dimitri to come again. And by “a while,” I mean almost an entire day. I was getting twitchy by that point, both because I missed him and because I missed the bite. He usually visited twice a day, so this was the longest I’d gone without the endorphins. Needing something to do, I preoccupied myself with making myself as beautiful as possible.
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