That was a fair point. My timing kind of sucked. Still, it was better than remembering it afterward. In spite of my body’s rampant desire—and it was still there, believe me—I suddenly had a startling, vivid image of Dimitri’s sister Karolina. I’d met her in Siberia, and she’d had a baby that was about six months old. The baby was adorable, as babies often are, but by God, she had been so much work. Karolina had a waitressing job, and as soon as she was home from that, her attention went to the baby. When she was at work, Dimitri’s mother took care of the baby. And the baby always needed something: food, changing, rescue from choking on a small object. His sister Sonya had been on the verge of having a baby too, and with the way I’d left things with his youngest sister, Viktoria, I wouldn’t be surprised to find she was pregnant before long. Huge life changes made from small, careless actions.
So I was pretty confident I didn’t want a baby in my life right now, not this young. With Dimitri, it hadn’t been a concern, thanks to dhampir infertility. With Adrian? It was an issue, as was the fact that while disease was rare among both our races, I wasn’t the first girl Adrian had been with. Or the second. Or the third . . .
“So do you have any?” I asked impatiently. Just because I was in responsible mode, it didn’t mean I wanted sex any less.
“Yes,” said Adrian, sitting up as well. “Back in my bedroom.”
We stared at each other. His bedroom was far away, over in the Moroi section of Court.
He slid nearer, putting his arm around me and nibbling my earlobe. “The odds of anything bad happening are pretty low.”
I closed my eyes and tipped my head back against him. He wrapped his hands around my hips and stroked my skin. “What are you, a doctor?” I asked.
He laughed softly, his mouth kissing the spot just behind my ear. “No. I’m just someone willing to take a risk. You can’t tell me you don’t want this.”
I opened my eyes and pulled away so that I could look at him directly. He was right. I did want this. Very, very badly. And the part of me—which was pretty much all of me—that burned with lust was attempting to win me over. The odds probably were low, right? Weren’t there people who tried forever to get pregnant and couldn’t? My desire had an okay argument, so it was kind of a surprise when my logic won.
“I can’t take the risk,” I said.
Now Adrian studied me, and at last, he nodded. “Okay. Another time then. Tonight we’ll be . . . responsible.”
“That’s all you’re going to say?”
He frowned. “What else would I say? You said no.”
“But you . . . you could have compelled me.”
Now he was really astonished. “Do you want me to compel you?”
“No. Of course not. It just occurred to me that . . . well, that you could have.”
Adrian cupped my face in his hands. “Rose, I cheat at cards and buy liquor for minors. But I would never, ever force you into something you don’t want. Certainly not this—”
His words were cut off because I’d pressed myself against him and started kissing him again. Surprise must have kept him from doing anything right away, but soon, he pushed me away with what seemed like great reluctance.
“Little dhampir,” he said dryly, “if you want to be responsible, this is not a good way to do it.”
“We don’t have to let this go. And we can be responsible.”
“All of those stories are—”
He came screeching to a halt when I tossed my hair out of the way and offered my neck to him. I managed to turn slightly so that I could meet his eyes, but I said nothing. I didn’t have to. The invitation was obvious.
“Rose . . .” he said uncertainly—though I could see the longing spring up in his face.
Drinking blood wasn’t the same as sex, but it was a yearning all vampires had, and doing it while aroused—so I’d heard—was a mind-blowing experience. It was also taboo and hardly ever done, so people claimed. It was where the definition of blood whore had originated: dhampirs who gave their blood during sex. The idea of dhampirs yielding blood at all was considered disgraceful, but I’d done it before: with Lissa when she needed food and with Dimitri when he’d been Strigoi. And it had been glorious.
He tried again, his voice steadier this time. “Rose, do you know what you’re asking?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. I gently ran a finger along his lips and then slipped in to touch his fangs. I threw his own words back at him. “You can’t tell me you don’t want this.”
He did want it. In a heartbeat, his mouth was at my neck and his fangs were piercing my skin. I cried out at the sudden pain, a sound that softened to a moan as the endorphins that came with every vampire bite flooded into me. An exquisite bliss consumed me. He pulled me hard against him as he drank, almost onto his lap, pressing my back against his chest. I was distantly aware of his hands all over me again, of his lips upon my throat. Mostly, all I knew was that I was drowning in pure, ecstatic sweetness. The perfect high.
When he pulled away, it was like losing part of myself. Like being incomplete. Confused, needing him back, I reached for him. He gently pushed my hand away, smiling as he licked his lips.
“Careful, little dhampir. I went longer than I should have. You could probably grow wings and fly off right now.”
It actually didn’t sound like a bad idea. In a few more moments, though, the intense, crazy part of the high faded, and I settled back to myself. I still felt wonderful and dizzy; the endorphins had fed my body’s desire. My reasoning slowly came back to me, allowing (kind of) coherent thought to penetrate that happy haze. When Adrian was convinced I was sober enough, he relaxed and lay down on the bed. I joined him a moment later, curling up against his side. He seemed as content as I was.
“That,” he mused, “was the best not-sex ever.”
My only response was a sleepy smile. It was late, and the more I crashed down from the endorphin rush, the drowsier I felt. Some tiny part of me said that even though I’d wanted this and cared about Adrian, the whole act had been wrong. I hadn’t done it for the right reasons, instead letting myself get carried away by my own grief and confusion.
The rest of me decided that wasn’t true, and the nagging voice soon faded into exhaustion. I fell asleep against Adrian, getting the best night of sleep I’d had in a long time.
I wasn’t entirely surprised that I was able to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and even blow-dry my hair without Adrian waking up. My friends and I had spent many a morning trying to drag him out of bed in the past. Hungover or sober, he was a heavy sleeper.
I spent more time on my hair than I had in a while. The telltale mark of a vampire bite was fresh on my neck. So I wore my hair down, careful to style it with a part so that the long waves hung heavy on the bite side. Satisfied the bruise would stay camouflaged, I pondered what to do next. In an hour or so, the Council was going to listen to arguments from factions with varying ideas on the new age decree, Moroi fighting, and the Dragomir vote. Provided they let me in the hall, I had no intention of missing the debates on the hottest issues in our world right now.
I didn’t want to wake up Adrian, though. He was tangled up in my sheets and slept peacefully. If I woke him up, I’d feel obligated to stick around while he got ready. Through the bond, I felt Lissa sitting alone at a café table. I wanted to see her and have breakfast, so I decided Adrian could fend for himself. I left him a note about where I was, told him the door would lock on his way out, and drew lots of x’s and o’s.
When I was halfway to the café, though, I sensed something that ruined my breakfast plan. Christian had sat down with Lissa.
“Well, well,” I muttered. With everything else going on, I hadn’t paid much attention to Lissa’s personal life. After what had happened at the warehouse, I wasn’t entirely surprised to see them together, though her feelings told me there had been no romantic reconciliation . . . yet. This was an uneasy attempt at friendship, a chance to get over their constant jealousy and dis
trust.
Far be it from me to intrude on love at work. I knew another place near the guardians’ buildings that also had coffee and doughnuts. It would do, provided no one there remembered that I was technically still on probation and had made a scene in a royal hall.
The odds on that probably weren’t good.
Still, I decided to give it a try and headed over, eyeing the overcast sky uneasily. Rain wouldn’t help my mood any. When I got to the café, I discovered I didn’t have to worry about anyone paying attention to me. There was a bigger draw: Dimitri.
He was out with his personal guard, and even though I was glad he had some freedom, the attitude that he needed close watching still angered me. At least there was no giant crowd today. People who came in for breakfast couldn’t help but stare, but few lingered. He had five guardians with him this time, which was a significant reduction. That was a good sign. He sat alone at a table, coffee and a half-eaten glazed doughnut in front of him. He was reading a paperback novel that I would have bet my life was a Western.
No one sat with him. His escort simply maintained a ring of protection, a couple near the walls, one at the entrance, and two at nearby tables. The security seemed pointless. Dimitri was completely engrossed in his book, oblivious to the guards and occasional spectators—or he was simply making a good show of not caring. He seemed very harmless, but Adrian’s words came back to me. Was there any Strigoi left in him? Some dark part? Dimitri himself claimed he still carried the piece that prevented him from ever truly loving anyone.
He and I had always had this uncanny awareness of each other. In a crowded room, I could always find him. And in spite of his preoccupation with the book, he looked up when I walked toward the café’s counter. Our eyes met for a millisecond. There was no expression on his face . . . and yet, I had the feeling he was waiting for something.
Me, I realized with a start. Despite everything, despite our fight in the church . . . he still thought I would pursue and make some pledge of my love. Why? Did he just expect me to be that unreasonable? Or was it possible . . . was it possible he wanted me to approach him?
Well, whatever the reason, I decided I wouldn’t give it to him. He’d hurt me too many times already. He’d told me to stay away, and if that was all part of some elaborate game to toy with my feelings, I wasn’t going to play. I gave him a haughty look and turned away sharply as I walked up to the counter. I ordered chai and a chocolate éclair. After a moment’s consideration, I ordered a second éclair. I had a feeling it was going to be one of those days.
My plan had been to eat outside, but as I glanced toward the tinted windows, I could just barely make out the pattern of raindrops hitting the panes. Damn. I briefly considered fighting the weather and going somewhere else with my food, but I decided I wasn’t going to let Dimitri scare me off. Spying a table far from him, I headed toward it, going out of my way not to look at or acknowledge him.
“Hey Rose. Are you going to the Council today?”
I came to a halt. One of Dimitri’s guardians had spoken, giving me a friendly smile as he did. I couldn’t recall the guy’s name, but he’d seemed nice whenever we passed each other. I didn’t want to be rude, and so, reluctantly, I answered back—even though it meant staying near Dimitri.
“Yup,” I said, making sure my attention was only on the guardian. “Just grabbing a bite before I do.”
“Are they going to let you in?” asked another of the guardians. He too was smiling. For a moment, I thought they were mocking my last outburst. But no . . . that wasn’t it. Their faces showed approval.
“That’s an excellent question,” I admitted. I took a bite of my éclair. “But I figure I should give it a try. I’ll also try to be on good behavior.”
The first guardian chuckled. “I certainly hope not. That group deserves all the grief you can give them over that stupid age law.” The other guardians nodded.
“What age law?” asked Dimitri.
Reluctantly, I looked over at him. As always, he swept my breath away. Stop it, Rose, I scolded myself. You’re mad at him, remember? And now you’ve chosen Adrian.
“The decree where royals think sending sixteen-year-old dhampirs out to fight Strigoi is the same as sending eighteen-year-olds,” I said. I took another bite.
Dimitri’s head shot up so quickly, I nearly choked on my food. “Which sixteen-year-olds are fighting Strigoi?” His guardians tensed but did nothing else.
It took me a moment to get the bite of éclair down. When I could finally speak, I was almost afraid to. “That’s the decree. Dhampirs graduate when they’re sixteen now.”
“When did this happen?” he demanded.
“Just the other day. No one told you?” I glanced over at the other guardians. One of them shrugged. I had the impression that they might believe Dimitri was truly a dhampir but that they weren’t ready to get chatty with him. His only other social contact would have been Lissa and his interrogators.
“No.” Dimitri’s brow furrowed as he pondered the news.
I ate my éclair in silence, hoping it would push him to talk more. It did.
“That’s insane,” he said. “Morality aside, they aren’t ready that young. It’s suicide.”
“I know. Tasha gave a really good argument against it. I did too.”
Dimitri gave me a suspicious look at that last part, particularly when a couple of his guardians smiled.
“Was it a close vote?” he asked. He spoke to me interrogation style, in the serious and focused way that had so defined him as a guardian. It was a lot better than depression, I decided. It was also better than him telling me to go away.
“Very close. If Lissa could have voted, it wouldn’t have passed.”
“Ah,” he said, playing with the edges of his coffee cup. “The quorum.”
“You know about that?” I asked in surprise.
“It’s an old Moroi law.”
“So I hear.”
“What’s the opposition trying to do? Sway the Council back or get Lissa the Dragomir vote?”
“Both. And other things.”
He shook his head, tucking some hair behind his ear. “They can’t do that. They need to pick one cause and throw their weight behind it. Lissa’s the smartest choice. The Council needs the Dragomirs back, and I’ve seen the way people look at her when they put me on display.” Only the slightest edge of bitterness laced his words, indicating how he felt about that. Then it was back to business. “It wouldn’t be hard to get support for that—if they don’t divide their efforts.”
I started in on my second éclair, forgetting about my earlier resolution to ignore him. I didn’t want to distract him from the topic. It was the first thing that had brought the old fire back to his eyes, the only thing he seemed truly interested in—well, aside from pledging lifelong devotion to Lissa and telling me to stay out of his life. I liked this Dimitri.
It was the same Dimitri from long ago, the fierce one who was willing to risk his life for what was right. I almost wished he’d go back to being annoying, distant Dimitri, the one who told me to stay away. Seeing him now brought back too many memories—not to mention the attraction I thought I’d smashed. Now, with that passion all over him, he seemed sexier than ever. He’d worn that same intensity when we’d fought together. Even when we’d had sex. This was the way Dimitri was supposed to be: powerful and in charge. I was glad and yet . . . seeing him the way I loved only made my heart feel that much worse. He was lost to me.
If Dimitri guessed my feelings, he didn’t show it. He looked squarely at me, and, like always, the power of that gaze wrapped around me. “The next time you see Tasha, will you send her to me? We need to talk about this.”
“So, Tasha can be your friend, but not me?” The sharp words were out before I could stop them. I flushed, embarrassed that I’d lapsed in front of the other guardians. Dimitri apparently didn’t want an audience either. He looked up at the one who had initially addressed me.
“Is there
any way we could have some privacy?”
His escort exchanged looks, and then, almost as one being, they stepped back. It wasn’t a considerable distance, and they still maintained a ring around Dimitri. Nonetheless, it was enough that all of our conversation wouldn’t be overheard. Dimitri turned back to me. I sat down.
“You and Tasha have completely different situations. She can safely be in my life. You can’t.”
“And yet,” I said with an angry toss of my hair, “it’s apparently okay for me to be in your life when it’s convenient—say, like, running errands or passing messages.”
“It doesn’t really seem like you need me in your life,” he noted dryly, inclining his head slightly toward my right shoulder.
It took me a moment to grasp what had happened. In tossing my hair, I’d exposed my neck—and the bite. I tried not to blush again, knowing I had nothing to feel embarrassed about. I pushed the hair back.
“That’s none of your business,” I hissed, hoping the other guardians hadn’t seen.
“Exactly.” He sounded triumphant. “Because you need to live your own life, far away from me.”
“Oh, for God’s sake,” I exclaimed. “Will you stop with the—”
My eyes lifted from his face because an army suddenly descended upon us.
Okay, it wasn’t exactly an army, but it might as well have been. One minute it was just Dimitri, me, and his security, and then suddenly—the room was swarming with guardians. And not just any guardians. They wore the black-and-white outfits guardians often did for formal occasions, but a small red button on their collars marked them as guardians specifically attached to the queen’s guard. There had to be at least twenty of them.
They were lethal and deadly, the best of the best. Throughout history, assassins who had attacked monarchs had found themselves quickly taken down by the royal guard. They were walking death—and they were all gathering around us. Dimitri and I both shot up, unsure what was happening but certain the threat here was directed at us. His table and its chairs were between us, but we still immediately fell into the standard fighting stance when surrounded by enemies: Go back-to-back.
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