by Kira Adams
Even though I knew I was already going to the dance with Jax, I was still filled with anticipation as to how he was going to ask me and how elaborate it was going to be. I had always been a romantic at heart, so I let my fantasies of the perfect invitation fill my mind. I watched Isaiah send Brooklyn a rose to every class, until her last one which then asked her to go. I heard Liam filled Madison’s locker with balloons, top to bottom, he was a good friend. I was anxiously awaiting my invitation, wanting to feel a bit of the excitement like the girls had.
Unfortunately for me, my romantic invitation would never come. Jax figured that since we were already dating it was assumed we were going together, therefore no invitation necessary. I was disappointed. It was the first dance I had ever had a date for, and yet, so underwhelming. At least my dress was fabulous. Brooklyn, Madison, and I had gone shopping at this amazing, little chic boutique we found. I set my sights on a one-shouldered, long, lilac dress with lots of ruching; it had a slit right down the side of my left leg. I paired my dress with purple peep-toe heels that had a bow on the top. Madison and Brooklyn said Jax was going to be falling all over me, and for once, I believed them.
***
It was the night of the dance and my usual group of friends, plus the addition of Jax were piled into my family’s home taking pictures. My mother had all the couples arranged going up the stairs, and was on her sixth round of pictures when I finally felt the need to speak up, “Mom, we need to get to the dance.”
“Oh, okay honey. But you all just look so dapper!” My mother chirped.
“Mom, don’t let her be late to her first formal,” Kayleigh chimed in.
We all descended the stairs and began walking out my front door and out to the limo. I paused briefly on our front steps, turning to my sister. “Have any advice for me, big sis?”
“Have a wonderful time, Peyton, you deserve it. Promise me you won’t do anything you’re not ready to do, okay?” I wondered what she meant by that, but nodded, and then hugged her. “You look beautiful by the way,” she whispered into my hair.
I smiled as I released her, realizing my sister and I were finally building the foundation to our relationship. It was something I had always hoped for, but never thought would come. I skipped down the steps in my new heels and joined the group in the limo.
Everyone already had glasses of champagne, and as I climbed in, Jax handed me one as I slid up next to him. “What are we toasting to?” I asked, as I leaned back.
“To tonight.” Jax smiled widely, before clinking his glass against mine.
“To tonight,” I repeated, and then took a long swig of the sweet champagne.
***
Music was playing softly as I heard Rihanna’s voice come through, pleading for her man to stay. My eyes were attempting to adjust when I felt a strange sensation, I was cold. I was actually shivering and had goose bumps. I was lying on a bed; I wondered when I had fallen asleep. Who brought me home? Am I home? I looked down at my body, terrified to see my dress had been removed, even my bra. I was left in only my lace panties. Millions of thoughts were running through my head when I noticed a blurry figure coming towards me, and I realized quite quickly, that someone was Jax. What did he do to me? I was shaking from fear. “What a-a-are you doing?” I stammered as I wrestled to get as far away as possible from him.
I jumped up from the bed, but was so disoriented, I couldn’t think straight. The room was spinning and I thought I might throw up. “What did you do to me?” I stammered, enveloping my naked body with my arms.
“It’s called a roofie.” Jax replied, smiling a sinister smile.
I had heard horror stories of the infamous date-rape drug. Jace was right.
“Why are you doing this?” I couldn’t help the fear spilling off my voice. I had never felt more unsafe in my entire life.
“You weren’t supposed to wake up so quickly. That was my mistake though, I don’t think I gave you enough of the damn thing. It’s a learning experience.” Has he done this to other girls or am I his first victim?
“You don’t have to do this,” I stammered, attempting to buy myself some time. I began assessing my surroundings looking for the quickest escape route.
As soon as my eyes fell on the door, Jax spoke again. “Oh no you don’t.” Suddenly, had me pinned against the wall; his bare chest against my bare breasts. I was sure he was going to rape me; my first time would be due to rape.
I looked up at him disgusted. Was this his end game all along?
“Please don’t do this Jax, I’m begging you,” I pleaded with him. I felt his hands reaching for my underwear, sliding his fingers across the elastic band, pulling it away from my body. “Stop!” I screamed, pushing him away, but he was strong. Suddenly, power came over me I never knew I had before and I head-butted him.
He went flying backwards, grabbing his forehead. My head was throbbing with pain, but my will to survive was much stronger. He recovered from my stunt much quicker than I anticipated, but my fist was ready for him this time. I pulled back my arm socking him in the face.
That’s right, square in the nose. I was running on such adrenaline I didn’t realize just how much damage I had done to my hand, all I saw was Jax holding his face, blood gushing everywhere.
“You bitch!” He lunged at me again, but this time, I dodged him, then watched as he ended up knocking himself out. Even though I couldn’t forgive what he had done to me, I still checked to make sure he was alive and breathing before I snuck out of the hotel room. I was too worried about him waking up while I was still there to put back on my dress, so I simply picked up my bra, slipped it on real quick, and borrowed one of the hotel robes. I didn’t even bother grabbing my dress or shoes, I was so scared, I just exited as quickly and quietly as I could.
My hand was throbbing with pain; it was like nothing I had ever felt before, going in and out from being numb, to blind searing pain. I’m sure to anyone who saw me, I was a mess. Thankfully it wasn’t my dominant hand, so I was able to dial out with my right hand. I located a pay phone in the hotel lobby, and noticed a clock on the wall behind the front desk. It read 3:18 am. How long have I been out for? I was so nervous and so ashamed about what happened, I didn’t even know who to call. I picked up the phone, held it against my ear for a long while, and then set it back down on its base again.
The sliding glass lobby doors opened and in walked in a group of twenty or so handful of peers from my high school, still dressed to the nines, obviously hammered, filling the lobby with laughter. I tried to hide my face, in case anyone recognized me, but there, in the middle of the crowd, I spotted Jace. He had his arm slung around Olivia’s neck and was throwing his head back laughing along with the rest of them. I must have stared for just a bit too long because Jace had spotted me too. He excused himself from the group, and Olivia, as they continued the party all the way to their rooms. “Peyton?”
I turned my back to Jace, afraid of what it might do to him to see me in such a fragile state, by his brother’s hand nonetheless. He reached his hand out to my shoulder and spun me around. “Oh my God, are you okay?” He grabbed reached his hand up first to lightly touch my forehead, which was no doubt swollen and red. Then he shifted his attention to my hand suddenly, realizing I had a serious injury. “What happened to you, Peyton? Was it Jax? Did he do something to you?”
I looked back at him with tears in my eyes. I never cried in front of anyone; I had never felt powerless in my life; my chest fallen, I felt defeated. “I’m going to kill him!” I saw fire in Jace’s eyes.
“Jace, can you just please take me home?” I whimpered, with pleading eyes.
“I’m not taking you home; I’m taking you to a hospital.” Jace quickly scooped me up in his arms like I weighed nothing, and carried me out to his car. I laid my head on his chest, relieved to finally be free of his sick brother.
***
My hand was broken; in my attempt to free myself, I broke Jax’s nose and shattered every bone in my hand. It was turning out
to be a week for the record books. On the bright side I got a neon purple cast, or at least I told myself that was the bright side. Jax was pulled from school by his parents, who thought keeping him out of the limelight was best---which it probably was. Spring break had come and gone, and there was only one week remaining until my dreaded theatre scene with Jace. We had been spending a lot of time together since that night; he was the only person who knew the truth about what happened. He was the only person I felt comfortable enough to talk to about it with, as it was the most traumatizing experience of my life.
Friends and peers alike were gossiping on the nature of my injury and how it had happened. The most my peers knew was I had fallen off my bicycle and broken my hand bracing my fall; that was that. I wasn’t ready to talk with anyone about the real truth; I kept it from even my closest of friends, Madison and Brooklyn. I felt guilty hiding a secret of such caliber, but explaining the story to them would mean admitting to myself that it had happened, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that yet.
Colton had been reaching out to me more frequently, but with everything that I went through, I didn’t feel comfortable being physically close with anyone; I knew when I was with Colton we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other, so I was avoiding him like the plague. It didn’t mean he went away or let up, if anything, he just got more persistent, which just made me push him further away.
To make matters worse, I was having trouble sleeping. Nightmares began the night of the formal and had not let up since. I spent most of my nights in cold or hot sweats, screaming, or with insomnia. In fact, it had gotten so bad I was having trouble remaining awake during the day, especially in class. I had already been sent to detention three times during the week due to falling asleep in class, but I couldn’t help it. They even sent me to the Principal’s office, who probed me to find out what was going on.
It felt like the longest day in history when I finally arrived home. I knew Jace was supposed to be stopping by to rehearse our scene, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open; before I knew it, I drifted into a deep sleep. In my dream I was running, and running, and running from whom? I’m not quite sure, I never saw their face, but I got to the edge of a cliff, and they had me cornered. I tried to elude them to no avail. I could feel their breath on my neck, it was terrifying; the feeling of goose bumps that came over me, but when I spun around, no one was there. Suddenly, I realized I was no longer dreaming and that the breath I felt was real. I was literally shaking with fear, when I felt someone grab me by my shoulders. “Ahhhhhhhhhh!”
“Peyton, calm down, it’s just me, Jace.” He was rubbing my shoulders, as an attempt to comfort me.
“Jace?” I squinted at him, through tired lashes.
“Guilty as charged.” He raised his hands up in fake surrender. “Were you having a nightmare or something?”
I nodded lightly. “I’ve been having trouble sleeping since, you know, that night and all.” I sat up, looking down, embarrassed of my own confession.
“Peyton, why didn’t you tell me?” He sat down on the edge of my bed.
“I just didn’t want to burden you or anything, he’s your brother…and...” I trailed off as Jace grabbed my hand in his, and I felt a volt of electricity shoot up my arm.
“If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do,” he confessed, laying his head on my hand, and then kissing it softly.
My heart began doing overtime. I was pretty sure people all over the world could hear the loud beating coming from my chest. Did Jace really admit what I think he just did? He must have, because only a few seconds later I could have sworn I saw him leaning in, eyes closed and everything…only to be interrupted by my darling sister knocking on my door.
“Peyton,” she called, peeking her head in. “Can we talk?”
“Sure,” I responded, sighing lightly to myself, getting up from my bed.
“You know what, it’s getting late, and I should be getting home anyway.” Jace stood as well, lifting his backpack onto his shoulder.
“Are you sure? We haven’t been able to rehearse the scene in its entirety.” I was referring to our dreaded kiss, in my own roundabout way. To be honest, I needed the rehearsal, the practice, after everything that had happened; I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to be kissing anyone yet.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Jace smiled at me. “See ya tomorrow?”
“Think you can find your way out?” I joked as I watched him leave.
“I’m sure I’ll manage,” I heard him respond from the hallway before his barreling footsteps followed down the stairs and out our front door.
Kayleigh took his spot on the edge of my bed. “So I haven’t pressured you, because I know how difficult it must be to talk about, but, I really think it’s time we talked about what happened on the night of the spring formal.”
I couldn’t even look her in the eyes, my own sister, it was pathetic. “Kayleigh—“ I began before she interjected.
“Listen, I know I haven’t always been the best sister, but I want you to understand that I am always here for you, Peyton. You can trust me with anything. If you ever need someone to talk to, or just listen, I am here. I promise I won’t judge. You’re my little sister, and God forbid, if anything happened to you, I would never be able to forgive myself.” That was the second time I had heard that today.
After that I couldn’t justify not being open and honest with her, so I told her everything; about being drugged, the hotel room, his nose, my hand, etc. At first she just sat there, listening harder than I think I’ve ever seen her do before, and then, I saw her facial reaction change when I mentioned how scared and powerless I had felt that night. She hugged me for a long time after my story, just holding me and stroking my hair. As strange and different as it felt, it also felt safe.
“I lost my virginity on Prom night. You remember the type of guys I went out with when Bentley and I weren’t together…” she confided in me. “I thought it was going to be this beautiful, romantic night, and instead all I remember is not being ready and being pressured into it. God, I was even on my period. I begged to do it another week when I wouldn’t be on it, but he said no. I remember being in the middle of the act and me just bursting out into tears because of the pain and awkwardness of the entire situation in general. He just pretended not to notice and kept going until he was finished. It was the most degrading experience I have ever had.” She shook her head lightly, frowning. “I’m so sorry Peyton, that Jax did this to you.” She looked at me empathetically. “You are going to have trouble trusting guys for a bit, and intimacy? Forget about it. I am just so thankful he wasn’t successful in his mission that night. I am so glad you didn’t get that choice taken away from you or made for you, even though it was damn close. Because that one night changed my entire life, and I hope you never have to ever experience what I had to.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” I squeezed her hand. “I wish you would have told me sooner so I could have been there for you.”
“I’m working on it.” She smiled back at me, through watery eyes.
“We both have things to work on, and I know I don’t say it much either, but I love you, Kayleigh. You’re my big sister, and I want you to feel comfortable telling me everything.”
“I’m not sure about everything.” She laughed. “But I’m just going to take it day by day. Are you going to tell anyone else? You could really make him pay for this.” She was right, but I just wanted to forget it all. I was so embarrassed by what happened, the thought of opening up to anyone else was absolutely terrifying. And as much as I wanted Jace to get what he deserved, karma was a bitch and I had all the faith in the world he was going to be dealt a heaping pile of it soon enough.
“I don’t know if I’m ready. Please promise you won’t tell Mom and Dad.” My eyes were pleading with her to do this one thing for me.
“I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise I won’t strangle him myself if I see him.” She smirked slightly a
t her confession.
My lips curled up into a smile. “Thank you.”
I was just excited to be able to confide in my sister, she was someone I had really looked up to my entire life; always wishing to be her, always aspiring to even be in her presence. We came to an agreement; we would try to be better siblings. We were going to take it day by day and see where it led.
Chapter 8
Am I Clear to Enter the Premises?
Eyes on Me
Eyes on me
Everywhere I go
I can’t escape
I can’t overthrow
They’re watching me
All the time
I’m going crazy
Losing my mind
The voices never cease
Too loud for me to think
They attack me when I sleep
And try to make me see
It was the weekend before my infamous scene with Jace, and after the way he left things the last time I saw him, I was determined to take my mind off the scene, the kiss, Jace, and everything. After a lot of deliberation, I decided to return Colton’s multiple phone calls. It wasn’t a surprise he picked up on the first ring and agreed to meet me without hesitation; he was extremely eager to see me, speak to me, seeing as I had been avoiding him for close to a month. I was nervous about being alone with him, so I had asked him to hang out casually alongside my band mates and I, our mutual friends, and his band mates. It was a go; just something low key, low pressure. We decided to have a small party at Harper’s mansion, due to her folks being out the country.
