by Kira Adams
***
“Hello Cincinnati!” I began, waiting for the cheers to halt before continuing on. We had sold out a show at the prestigious Blacklight Theatre; we would be playing on the same stage a handful of our favorite bands had played on; something that was nearly impossible to achieve being so new to the entire scene. “Welcome to our first headlining show! It sold out—and that’s all thanks to you guys.” I pointed out across the crowd, “Thank you for everything you have done. We have some amazing bands on the roster tonight. Please do yourself a favor and take a moment to check out their merch! They have some amazing deals and most are struggling musicians on tour, so let’s help them earn a paycheck!”
We began the set with a new tune, hoping to feel out the crowd. “Alright guys, we’re going to start this show off a little differently,” Noah spoke into the microphone. “We have a new one for you guys tonight.” He shifted his attention to me. “Peyton?”
“This is called ‘Things I’ll Never Say’.” So maybe it wasn’t the smartest thing to incorporate my feelings for both guys into one song…but to be fair, I hadn’t anticipated them both showing up to my bands first headlining show; Colton and Jace, in one room, with me. Seeing the two guys I had been obsessing over for months nearly side by side had been quite a shocker. This could get ugly. But I wasn’t going to let it ruin my moment. I was going to perform to the best of my abilities, just like every other time I took the stage. Distractions, be gone!
I began the first verse on the heels of Madison’s violin shredding; both guys’ eyes burned into me as I sang the words they probably assumed were written solely for each of them alone.
I’ve thought of you non-stop, every day since the first encounter
Your face could haunt me anywhere
I’ve been in denial and played it cool
But I’m not a fool
I’m falling hard, I can’t lie
All this time keeps passing by
Tell me you feel the same
And that I’m factored into your end game
I glanced over at Colton; he was clearly hanging on my every word; nodding along slowly in deep thought. I switched my attention to Jace; his expression more difficult to read. He wasn’t even looking at me while I sang. He had a somewhat uncomfortable expression etched across his face, and he was staring off in the distance. I wish I knew what you were thinking.
***
The night had been a complete success and because of all the support I was shown, I made it a point to stick around and chat with everyone who had made the long drive out from my hometown, Day Heights. It took longer than I would have liked, but I felt like it was the least I could do.
“What did I tell you?” Kayleigh gushed when she came up to hug me after the show; my parents and her boyfriend Bentley in tow.
“Honey, that was something to see.” My mother agreed, throwing her arm around me at the same time my father had.
“Way to go, pumpkin,” My father added, kissing me on the top of my head.
“Need a ride home?” Kayleigh asked.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll get one from Brooklyn,” I replied. It was my go-to answer. I had no idea if Brooklyn was even still around, I hadn’t seen her since the show had ended, but the two handsome, completely opposite guys that were painstakingly still in the vicinity were hard to ignore. I could tell the entire time I spent mingling they wanted to be polite and let me do my thing; yet also wanting to make their presence known.
Unfortunately I was not going to be able to address them separately as they were both waiting at the bar, side by side. I wondered if they had caught on yet that they were waiting for the same girl…I walked up to them, not sure who I should make eye contact with first, so I looked down…
“Hey,” I heard them greet me simultaneously, before realizing they had been waiting on the same person the entire time. I saw Colton eye Jace down protectively, thoughts probably running wild in his head; Jace giving Colton the once over as well.
“Hey…” I trailed off, not sure how it was going to play out. I looked up at Jace, his blue eyes nothing compared to his twin’s. “Jace, this is Colton.” I pointed. “Colton, this is Jace.”
“Nice to meet you,” I heard Jace say, awkwardly as they shook hands, before he turned his attention back to me. “Well, I just wanted to stick around to say good job. I should get going though, I have work in the morning.” Jace had picked up a part time job for the summer of light construction work.
My face fell before I could stop it; Colton obviously caught the disappointment in my eyes. “Okay,” I replied flatly.
“Later,” Jace gave a short wave as he walked off; the drama I had anticipated all but vanished.
I turned to Colton, unsure of what his reaction to Jace was going to be. “Who was that?” he asked simply.
“A friend from school.” At least it isn’t a lie…
“You wanna get out of here?” He changed the subject.
“Yeah, actually, I do,” I responded, finally feeling well enough to be physically close with anyone.
We got into his car and drove aimlessly in silence for what felt like forever. “Where are we going?” I finally asked after endless stretches of roads passed us by.
“We’re escaping.” His eyes darted to meet mine, and then back to the road again; a sly grin spreading across his face. I welcomed the distraction.
We pulled up to an unfamiliar park in the outskirts of Cincinnati. I followed Colton blindly; anxious to what he had planned. After we parked, he grabbed a blanket from the trunk and we began a mile long trek. It was dark and dimly lit as he chose an area to spread the blanket out on. “You planned this?” I found myself asking.
“I hoped for it,” he answered, smiling back. He sat down on the blanket and patted beside him.
I followed suit, joining him on the flannel blanket.
He was more meticulous in his actions this time around, knowing my disorder and how unstable my reactions could be. He inched closer, eyeing me intently as to not alarm me.
“You were so sexy up there,” he exclaimed lightly.
I had never been called sexy in my entire life; the idea made me want to giggle out loud. “Really?”
He ran his fingers through my long curls. “You have no idea how much I have missed you.” It was the first time I had seen him since the west coast tour had finished. We had kept in touch through texts, but they were more just to check in.
“I missed you too,” I said, running my fingers through his short locks. Thankfully my heart was not racing out of fear this time; it was racing out of anticipation.
He pressed his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. “I wish everything was this simple.”
I wonder what he means by that. I didn’t have much time to ponder the idea though because shortly after, he was leaning in. I closed my eyes, our lips meeting softly. I reached my hand up behind his head, pulling him in deeper.
He pulled away, gasping for breath. “Damn, you definitely missed me.”
I laughed at that before pulling him in closer for another sweet kiss. “So what are we really doing out here?”
“I heard this amazing thing that Mars is supposed to be passing by the moon today and it is going to look just as big.” He raised his eyes up to the sky, clearly searching it.
I shook my head, chuckling lightly.
“What?” He asked, playfully.
“You are so gullible,” I replied, still giggling to myself. “Let me guess, you found your news off Facebook?”
“It’s not real?” he asked, still searching the sky.
“You can look all you want…but you are not going to see two moons tonight,” I stated, shattering his dreams.
He was pouting back at me when my phone went off; alerting me of a text message. “Probably an alert from Facebook.” I joked, playfully, grabbing my white iPhone from out of my clutch.
I turned on my phone surprised to see three text messages from Jace. Wonder how I
missed these. I opened the first one, I’m sorry I didn’t stay longer, the first one read. I smiled slightly to myself before glancing over at Colton who was equally immersed in his phone. I clicked my eyes back to the text messages, opening up the second one. You seemed kind of busy. It was sent a half hour after the first one, and after being met with silence on my end. My heart rate felt like it was doubling. I shot Colton one more apologetic look, only this time he was sitting there silently. “I’m sorry.”
“Everything okay?” he asked, sounding more irritated than concerned.
“Yeah...yeah,” I stuttered, shutting off my phone, not even bothering to read the third one.
“You sure?” he asked, still eyeing me suspiciously. It was not a conversation I wanted to have with him in the slightest.
I was not one to invite confrontation…so I did the only thing I could think of; I shut him up with a kiss.
Chapter 10
Does it Turn You on to be the Hero all the Time?
Vulnerable
It’s getting harder to breathe
There’s a loss of air
Tell me what I need to do
To get me outta here
I’m gasping for breath
Everything around me grows dark
This is all your fault
Because I gave away my heart
When I had finally made it home, I scrambled to pull my phone from my purse, dying to read the remaining text. As the screen lit up my heart was in my throat; there was a new text from Jace, adding to my growing stack. Who was that guy anyway? He questioned. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in.
I couldn’t deny the intense feelings I had for Jace; the undeniable chemistry I felt when we were together…but Jace had shot me down at every turn. He was the master of mixed signals. One minute I was positive he was going to kiss me, the next I would think he couldn’t care less about me. I loved the mysteriousness that came along with his demeanor and I found myself falling for him without much attempt. But his mysteriousness was also the thing I hated most about him. I wanted him to stop walking the line and choose a side; friend or lover.
I opened the last and final text from him which had been sent less than an hour ago. You know what? Forget what I asked. It doesn’t matter who he was…as long as you’re happy. He seemed like a decent guy from what I gathered. We should all hang out sometime! I’d love to give my approval.
Jace and his mixed signals were about to be kicked to the curb. I didn’t know how much more I could stand. Why doesn’t he want me? My cheeks began to grow hot with disappointment and embarrassment. Why can’t I be good enough to make you happy? I swatted my tears away, frustrated with the entire situation. Here I was, fifty pounds lighter, and I still doubted my self-worth. It didn’t matter that I had gained materialistic friends or that my popularity had sky rocketed from it. Because the one person I wanted to be good enough for; the one person who had treated me normal from day one didn’t want me back…and it crushed me. I didn’t want to spend any more time around him. Being near him and not being able to have him; knowing he didn’t want me would only add to my current depression.
I wiped the last tear away which had snaked its way down my cheek, picking up my phone. I thought for a few moments on what I wanted to say back to him before sending it. No worries. He is the guitarist from DarienMae. I’ll see if he would be interested. I wanted to be polite but not spend any more time hung up on Jace.
I changed into my pajamas and then began washing my face. It had been a long day and I was exhausted. I was just about to climb into bed and call it a night, when I heard the alert of a text message on my phone and I sauntered over to it. It was probably Brooklyn checking to make sure I made it home okay. I couldn’t imagine anyone else would be up; it was past two a.m. I swiped my finger across the screen and was taken aback when it was yet another text from Jace.
Just getting in?
I tried to read the emotion from the text but Jace had been one of the most difficult people for me to read since the day I met him; Irritating and handsome all at the same time. What did it matter if I made it home after the show or hours later? Jace and I were not together…something I was painfully reminded of every time I let myself get too close. I had been crushing on a version of Jace almost my entire life…and then had to find out that the person I had idolized and fantasized about was more of a nightmare…but something beautiful grew from that realization…there was a better version of Jax out there…a better person.
Everything about Jace attracted me; his sandy brown hair that I had been wishing and dreaming of running my fingers through, his haunting cobalt eyes that I felt could see through to my soul, that birth mark I had only recently discovered…because it made him unique…and do I have to talk about his body? Should I even go there? There was no comparison. It made me blush even thinking about him taking his shirt off…I didn’t know if I could even handle such a thing.
That was just his physical appearance. His hero complex was enough to make any girl hot. When he lifted me off the ground and carried me to his car; that was the moment I knew…Jace had stolen my heart. But the more he played with my emotions with his mixed signals, the more I lost faith that I would ever be enough for him. So I pushed my attraction as far to the back of my mind as possible, so that we could at least attempt a friendship. It didn’t mean butterflies didn’t swarm my stomach each and every time I caught sight of him. It didn’t mean my heart rate stopped spiking any time he lightly touched me. It just meant that I tried to hide it better. I found a better game face.
I didn’t know that I even wanted to return his last text, but curiosity killed the cat as they say, and before I realized it, I was already typing back my response.
I set my phone down on my nightstand and climbed into bed, snuggling up under the warm blanket. I should have been tired, my day had been jam packed, but my mind would not stop racing. Damn you, Jace, I thought to myself before closing my eyes, shutting out the rest of the world.
***
My parents had gone all out for our summer vacation. Together, along with Harper’s parents, they rented out a total of four neighboring beach houses for a fun-filled week. The parents were all rooming together in the end rental while we had full reign on the remaining three. It was our usual group, most of the band mates, a few significant others, and friends, along with Kayleigh and Bentley. I was excited to be able to get away from the drama that was my love life. Being able to clear my mind and re-center myself was my main goal.
“Holy shit, this place is awesome!” Bentley exclaimed, his eyes growing wide as we entered the rental we would be spending the following week in. It was a three story beach house, with two bedrooms as well as a loft area with three more beds. The living room also had a couch with a pullout. There was a wraparound deck you could stand out on and watch the ocean. And the beach was only a short walk away.
“Not too shabby,” I replied, smiling back at him. “I call my own bedroom!” I ran down the stairs to the second floor and threw my suitcase on top of the queen-sized bed, claiming it.
Kayleigh and Bentley were now graduated and of legal age, so my parents allowed them to share a room. That left the remaining twin beds to be claimed by Brooklyn, Madison, and Isaiah. The pull out was reserved for Kayleigh’s best friend, Monica.
“So what is the plan for tonight?” Madison asked as I made my way back up to the main floor.
“Midnight bonfire?” Isaiah offered.
Brooklyn threw her arms around his neck. “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”
I grinned back at them. “Sounds good to me.”
“Honey, we’re home!” I heard the announcement as the basement door slammed shut and countless footsteps made their way upstairs.
“Aren’t these rentals awesome?” Noah asked as he rounded the last stair. He had brought a small army of the rest of our crew.
“I’m starving! Anyone else wanna grab lunch?” Harper whined, her emerald eyes s
witching between the lot of us.
The consensus was to get lunch and then spend the day on the boardwalk, taking in the quaint stores and scenery. “Let me grab my purse real quick,” I said before hopping down the stairs and into my claimed bedroom. Before throwing it over my shoulder I grabbed my phone and checked for any missed calls or text messages. 1 missed call. I swiped my finger across the screen to unlock it. Missed call from Colton. He had probably wanted to meet up. I checked my text messages next. There were two unread ones; one from Colton, one from Jace. I opened Colton’s first, curious to what it said.
Hey, are you home? Can I stop by? I need to talk to you. My heart felt like it was lodged in my throat. “We need to talk” was a highly famous break up line. Are Colton and Tara back together? My mind was racing along with my heart.
I’m on vacation. I’ll be back in a week. I wrote in reply, nervous energy spilling off me with every word I typed.
I closed out of his text message and opened up the second one from Jace. What are you up to today? It read. I hadn’t seen Jace since the night of our headlining show. That had been almost two weeks ago. We had been texting here and there, but with no intentions on hanging out. I had actually spent almost the entire past week wrapped up in Colton, spending countless hours together, never getting bored of one another.
