He jams my underwear to one side, and my groan is guttural. He smiles. “There she is,” he says. “I’ve been waiting for that.”
I turn my head back to him. “What?”
He kisses me once, much more gently. “I saw it through the lens. It’s hard for you to open yourself up, but you want to. You want to be explored.” He drags his hand from my throat to my chest and spreads his fingers between my breasts. “Open for me.”
My exhale stutters from my mouth. I try not to hear his words. My body is asking for this—not my mind, not my heart. We’re connected, but not bound. If anything’s going to open, it’ll be my legs. “Are you going to fuck me or not?”
His eyes twinkle as he narrows them. He takes both my wrists, clasps them in one hand, and pins them by my head. The angle of my right arm blocks part of my vision.
“That what you want?” he asks. “Me to stick it in without any fun first?”
A mischievous thrill shoots up my spine like an arrow. “Fun?” I breathe.
He slides his free hand under my ass and squeezes. His fingers roam, tracing the elastic of my panties. My stomach dips and swells with each breath. I haven’t shaken this hard since high school, since the night my dad caught me trying to sneak his car out of the garage.
“Fun. You know, F . . .” Finn nips my stomach. “U . . .” He dips his hand between my legs. “N.”
He snaps the elastic of my panties against my skin. I gasp loudly. The sting makes me writhe, my wrists still secured by his hands. He breaches my opening and without ceremony, his fingers are inside me. I don’t stop his sudden, searching thrusts. I’m in trouble, and I can’t seem to put the brakes on. My compliance is easier won than I thought. All I can say is “God, oh, God” over and over. No other words seem to fit.
“How’s it feel to be this wet for so long?” he asks. “To finally be this close?” He releases my wrists before I can answer and sits back on his calves. My hands tingle as blood flows back to my fingers.
He undoes his pants with focus, his lips parted, the bottom one exposed to me. How would that plush mouth, that scratchy beard, feel eating me out?
He looks up as he takes out his cock, huge and hard in his fist. His fingers glisten with my juices. “I just want to taste—” He gets a condom from his back pocket and rolls it on. “Just for a second—” He pulls my hips up his thighs, fits himself to my opening, and slides inside me. His eyes go to the ceiling like he’s in prayer, and he clenches his teeth.
My vision doubles. I was expecting the fun first, but the surprise of him, stiff as stone, tilts my center. He takes me by the waist and pumps into me a few times. We both grunt.
After weeks of foreplay, I think I’m going to come already, but he pulls out and drops me back onto the couch.
I lift my head, breathless. “What’re you doing?”
Removing the rest of his clothes, he says, “Warming you up.”
SEVENTEEN
Finn wants to make art of his fucking. His prize-worthy lips are on my pubic bone. A few licks, a chaste peck on my nethermost lips. He sucks my clit, kisses me right on the pussy, dips his tongue in me like I’m ice cream melting over a cone. He’s warming me up.
I arch my back, moan at the ceiling, rake a hand into his hair. The strands are soft, but I pull them hard. He eats me more furiously. I slap my other hand over my mouth, as if screaming will give us away. I can’t take it. My thighs quiver around his head. He stops and looks up at me. “How do I make you come?”
“For one,” I pant, “don’t stop to ask questions. I was almost there.”
He grins lazily at me, his eyes hooded. “Flip over.”
“But—”
He lifts me with a hand under my ass, urging me onto my stomach. I do as I’m told. He covers me completely with his body, somehow both comforting me and sending me to the edge of madness. He knows what I need before I do. We’re both sweating, our bodies suctioning together. “Here’s a tip,” he says, pushing my hair aside. “Don’t make it easy for me. You tell me how to make you come, I’ll find another way. I want you on the brink for as long as I want to keep you there. Until I decide to push you off.”
“You don’t have to push me at all.”
“Is that right? You’re the type who comes at the drop of a pin?”
“Right now I am,” I say.
He kisses his way down my spine. Bumps tingle over my back with the scrape and scuff of his beard. He pinches the meat of my ass between his teeth, then tongues my slit from behind. With each lick, I mash my face harder into the couch. He pushes my thighs apart and kisses the insides, massages them, his hands dangerously close to my core. He loves every inch of my legs with his mouth, then the bridges of my feet and the paper-thin skin around my ankles.
“This is what happens to a man consumed by a woman he can’t have,” he says from somewhere I can’t see. “I get carried away. I want to see and touch as much of you as I can, while I can.”
I’m still thrumming from how heavy his cock felt inside me for that brief moment. I want it there again. “Fuck me now,” I plead. “Get carried away another time.”
He chuckles, low and deep, and climbs back up the couch. He puts his mouth in my hair, nuzzles me. “Do I have to fuck you?” he asks. “Can I make love to you? Can I do a little of both?”
I am, almost literally, jelly underneath him. There isn’t much I’d protest to at the moment. “Whatever you want.”
“That’s what I like to hear. But the first time, I want you on your back so I can see you.”
I turn over. I admit, I couldn’t give a damn how he takes me as long as it’s without mercy. I don’t deserve mercy tonight, and I don’t want it. He settles himself over me. I lock his big body up in my thighs, calves, and ankles.
Looking between us, he takes himself in his hand. He tests me with just his tip and checks my expression.
“Let me watch,” I say. I want more, even just a little bit.
I loosen my grip, but stay wrapped around him. He lifts his body so I can see. He’s only inside of me enough to tease. The rest of him is poised to enter. His size might scare me if I weren’t used to Nathan.
“Am I hurting you?” Finn asks, stilling completely. “I know it’s big. I haven’t even started, though.”
I realize I’m squeezing my eyes shut. My shoulders are hunched around my neck, my fingers dug into the cushion. Why did I have to think of Nathan right now?
I open my eyes. “All at once,” I say.
He clenches his jaw, desire flickering in his eyes. “It might hurt.”
“I want it to.”
He inches inside me a little deeper. I can’t take my eyes off the way we look together. He’s staring at my face. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Yes, you do. Think of how good it’ll feel to finally—”
He thrusts hard, boring into me with an unrestrained groan of pleasure. Pain rips through me. I bite down on my lower lip until the throb turns good. He stops, breathing hard. Sweat drips from his chest to mine.
“Go,” I say.
He pulls away and eases back in. We both watch my pussy take every inch. “Harder,” I say.
He looks down at me. “Tell me you want me.”
“Tell me I’m a slut,” I shoot back. I don’t know where it comes from. We’re each hot enough that Finn won’t catch the flush of my face. I’m not embarrassed that I want to be called that. I’m embarrassed it’s so important to me, I couldn’t keep it to myself.
“If it’s because of what we’re doing,” he says, moving in and out of me slowly. Even though it’s good, I need more. “I’m not going to call you that. You aren’t that.”
I grab his face. I love that he cares, that he wants me to feel comfortable, and I want to repay him for it. “I want you, Finn. Ever since you looked at me that way—”
“In the hall,” he finishes my sentence. “Like you knew me.” He understands. “Sadie, you looked at me like I was . . . I was someone you
’d loved and lost—and then found.” He buries one hand in my hair and kisses me, his lips both firm and reverent. Apparently, sweet pillow talk is the way to Finn’s cock, because he finally fucks me how I want. His thrusts come harder, deliberate, almost violent. The couch rocks, its oak frame grating against the wall. I’m going to come, not just because it feels so good, but because it feels so wrong. Finn reminds me of Nathan in a lot of ways. He’s also different. New. Rough. Wrong.
Finn grips my chin. “Look me in the eye.”
I thought I was. Finn looks at me, is looking at me, the way Nathan does—or did. As if I’m the sun in his universe.
My chest tightens. Panic comes easier than my orgasm, and it builds fast.
Finn releases my face and smacks the side of my ass cheek hard. I’m startled back to the moment.
“You need this, don’t you?” he asks.
I mouth the word “please.”
He gets up on both forearms and drives into me. Relentlessly. Powerfully. He holds nothing back. He doesn’t worry about breaking me. He lets go. I let go, slithering under him. Nothing is more important than reaching the top of this hill.
I come, grasping his shoulders to keep from losing myself. He grimaces as I make deep imprints in his skin with my nails. Either he likes it, or he’s in pain.
He seizes my face in one hand and forces my head still. “Are you on birth control?” he demands, his eyes like the white-hot center of a fire.
“Yes,” I gasp, “but you’re wearing a condom.”
His face contorts. With his thumb, he applies pressure to my lips until I open them. I suck, taking in his tormented expression. “Jesus,” he says. “Shit.” The top of my head squishes into the arm of the couch as he loses himself in me. With his ragged, out of control pace, I can’t do anything more than lie there until he barks out “fuck!” and comes.
He collapses, spent and sticky. His thrusts lengthen, slow. I run my hand over his sweat-slickened back and massage his scalp, trying to calm him down.
He kisses the outer shell of my ear as if he’s aiming with his eyes closed. “You’re here,” I think he says. His voice is muffled by my hair.
“Are you?” I ask. Compared to the violent way he just came, the silence is deafening.
“I’m here. Give me a minute.”
He slides his arms under me and holds on like I’m trying to escape. I’m not. I have nowhere to go. The realization hurts like a punch in the stomach. Maybe I lied just now. Physically, I’m here, but part of me isn’t and may never be.
It takes Finn some time to recover from the way he devoured me. He mutters, raw and raspy. “Jesus, Sadie. I feel like I just came for the first time in years.” He sighs. “Too much of that could kill a man.”
My laugh is breathless—his heavy body is crushing my lungs. I can’t imagine sex taking down a man of his size.
He lifts his head. His hair is damp and smooth, like polished honey-oak floors. Some strands fall around his face in slow motion. “I’m sorry about that last thing.”
“I understand.” Between my ringing ears and fuzzy head, our conversation earlier this week isn’t entirely clear. Still, I remember the important details. “Kend—she lied to you about birth control.”
“You can say her name. Kendra.” He clears his throat. “I haven’t been with anyone since I met her. I guess I got a little scared at the last minute.”
“I don’t want that either, Finn. Believe me. It’s the absolute last thing I want.”
He thumbs the hollow of my cheek. “Why? Kendra begs me for another baby.”
“Perhaps Nathan and Kendra should get together, then.” I wince before I’ve even finished the sentence. Finn stares at me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s fine. Is it so far outside the realm of possibility at this point?”
I look away so he doesn’t see it in my eyes. The truth—I’d kill Kendra before she could have Nathan. He’s too good for all of us. Is he, though? Is he the man I married? I never thought I had it in me to cheat on him, but I’m not as surprised at myself as I should be. I’m not the angel he is, or was.
Finn pulls out of me, discards the condom, and fits himself into the tight space between my body and the back of the sofa.
As I move onto my side to get comfortable, he grabs me. “Don’t,” he says. “Don’t go yet.”
“I’m not. I’m here for now.” I stare at the apartment, weirdly familiar, like my own, and utterly different. The record player is squarely in one corner, partially hidden by bubble-wrap cascading off the entertainment center. The radiator kicks and sputters but keeps blowing. “Did he sit on this couch when he came to fix the heater?” I ask.
Finn kisses me behind the ear. “Let’s not go down that path.”
The image of Nathan in this room spasms and fades to black, like turning off an old television set. I don’t notice the sickness in my gut until it disappears. “Yeah. You’re right.”
“And you’re calm,” he says. “Not that I’m complaining, but I was worried you’d be more . . . not calm.”
I’m not sure what he wants me to say. A post-orgasmic stupor will only last so long, and then who knows? Right now I feel like a butterfly with damaged wings and a rare opportunity to return to my cocoon for a few hours. “I’m content,” I say. “It’s been a while since I was anything other than confused. I don’t see the point in fighting it.”
Finn nuzzles my hair. “That means a lot to me.”
I glance back at him. He sounds sincere, and though we’ve become close, there’s much we don’t know about each other. “Why? Why does this mean anything to you?”
He squints at me. If he’s attempting to peer into my soul, he might not find anything left after what we just did. “It feels right, doesn’t it? Like this is supposed to be. I question everything in my life, all the time. Kendra. Work. Whether I should’ve stayed in Connecticut. The only sure thing is Marissa. And then you come along, and it’s like things fall into place. Suddenly, taking this risk, moving back to the city—it was the right decision.”
“But what about Kendra?”
“She’s always driven the conversation of us, and I let her. Being back in the city revitalizes me, though. You’re part of that.”
I face forward again. “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.”
“I’m saying I finally have a reason to be firm with Kendra.” He pauses. “You.”
I tense in his grip, and I don’t try to hide it. Several questions hit me at once. He would tell her? Why now, and why me? What did the last hour mean to him, and is it the same as what it means to me? Do I even know how I feel? “Me—?” I ask hesitantly.
“I feel something for you. Something strong.” He squeezes me close. “Now more than ever, I could see us together.”
I can’t help my small scoff. Any woman would be lucky to have him, myself included. It’s been less than two weeks, though. “Together?” I ask, because I can’t seem to stop repeating him.
“I know it’s soon. And maybe it’s impractical. But it’s like I was going through the motions until I found you.”
I’m silent. It’s the same romantic, lofty bullshit Nathan loves. It’s always been hard for me to understand why he’s that way. He might’ve said something similar a couple weeks after we met. I wouldn’t have believed him, but Nathan’s been proving the truth behind his words for years. Up until recently, I’ve had no reason to doubt him. I don’t know if I buy into fate, but before Nate, I would’ve laughed in Finn’s face just for suggesting it.
“I don’t expect you to answer,” he says after a minute. “That’s just me. Your situation might be different.” He swallows. “Is it?”
“I don’t even know.” I close my eyes. My voice is robotic. “I can’t trust how I feel, because I’m lonely at the moment.”
“No,” he whispers hotly into my hair, drawing out the word. “No, no, no. I don’t want you to feel lonely, not ever. Especially
not in my arms.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean this actual moment. Just in general.” I move against him to show I don’t regret being here. He kisses my cheek, caresses the skin under my breast. I’m still alone, but Finn chases that feeling away. “I had a wonderful time today,” I say.
“You mean it?”
“Yes. You pushed me outside my comfort zone.” I think of Finn looking through the photos later, after I leave. “The pictures came out beautifully.”
“A photographer is only as good as his subject.”
“I don’t believe that,” I say with a small smile. “You are really talented, Finn.”
His heart beats against my back. “Thank you, Sadie.”
“As for in the bedroom . . . well, you could use some practice there.”
He grunt-laughs, then tweaks my nipple without warning. I suck in a breath. “Careful,” he says. “I might want to practice with you again. Soon.”
I roll my lips together. I know he’s playing around, but it does bring up questions. “Is that what you want?” I ask. “To do it again?”
“Would it make me a shit person if I said fuck yeah?” He rubs his scratchy jawline against my cheek. “You’re just as beautiful as I thought you’d be when you come.”
I snort. I’m sure I look a lot of things when I come, but beautiful? The moments before climax are savage. My body will contort any ugly way to reach ecstasy. My mind will go anywhere. There’s no black too opaque, no light too blinding. Nothing is off limits. It’s raw, and raw is ugly, but it’s the truth. “Bullshit. You don’t really think that.”
“I do,” he says. “I physically can’t stay away from you now that I’ve seen it.”
“And you sound pretty worried about it,” I say wryly.
“I probably am, somewhere inside. I’ll deal with it later.”
“So, you want to do it again.” I’m still processing all of this. Once could be argued as a crime of passion. But twice? “Two times . . .”
Slip of the Tongue Series: The Complete Boxed Set Page 17
