by H. D. Gordon
He could accept that. As long as he got to see his little girl first.
And surely he could make it until Monday.
Chapter 28
Mina
She had to admit, she was really starting to like him. He was handsome, successful, sweet, and—well, just a good guy. Even Dominic and Davis had taken to him pretty well, and that was saying something. Russell had picked her and the kids up this morning and now they were at the County Fair. He had bought more game tickets than the kids could ever use in a lifetime, and the boys had all but shouted with glee. He even made good on his promise to win her a teddy bear.
The day was a sweet one. Last night’s storm had come and gone, taking with it the rain and gray, leaving a bright blue sky and puffy white clouds. There were more people here than Mina had expected, clustered in groups and scattered around the various rides and games. She hadn’t come to the County Fair since she was a girl in high school. The rides and booths set up here today looked as though they may very well be the same rides and booths as when she had come all those years ago. They sure looked old enough. Despite the fact that the bolts and hinges holding the Ferris wheel aloft looked rusted and rotten enough to break loose at any moment and roll off like a human-hamster wheel, people were happily shelling out their money and lining up to ride. The venders selling cotton candy and hot dogs and kettle korn looked just like those people you would see as a child, when your mother would clutch you close to her side and whisper, Stay close, now. As if you had a choice with your head stuffed under her armpit. And Mother would ask, What have I told you about strangers? You would reply, Don’t talk to ‘em, Don’t take stuff from ‘em, and if they try to grab me, scream.” That’s right . That’s a good girl. These venders and carnies looked just like those clutch-your-child-and-hurry-past people your mother had always warned about, and yet everyone around was shoving clouds of cotton candy down their throats, gobbling down dogs and joining the fun. Russell and Mina and her children included.
And why? Mina knew why. It was because there was a certain amount of faith one must have to be able to get along in this world, maybe in any world. You had to have faith that the food you bought, the water that poured so easily and thoughtlessly from your faucets, the home you built around you was, well, good. The chicken breast you picked up at the supermarket would not poison you. The water from the magical faucets would not kill you. The walls and floors and ceilings you called home would not suddenly collapse in on you and become a prison of your doom. When you flicked a switch, the light would come on. When you arose in the morning, the sun will have risen with you. Faith. County fairs, carnivals and circuses always made Mina think of it. More so than any Bible study or sermon had ever been able to.
However sometimes, too much faith can be a deceptively dangerous thing.
“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”
Mina looked down. Dominic was tugging at the hem of her sundress. The look on his precious little face was one only a child could fully accomplish; such wonder and innocence and…faith?
Yes, faith. Faith that Mommy was holding on to more game tickets. Mina smiled. “What’s up, baby?”
“You see that ride over there? The one with the horsies and the dolphins and the lions going round and round in a circle? Can I ride that, Mommy? Can I ride that? Can I ride that?” Dominic asked, a grin stretching from earlobe to earlobe.
Mina pointed at the ride. “The carousel?” she asked, although she knew good and well that he meant the carousel.
Dominic was now hopping up and down, the lights in his Iron Man tennis shoes flashing a dull red. “Yeah, that’s what I said, the carrot sell. Can I ride the carrot sell, Mommy?”
Russell pulled a handful of ride tickets from his jeans pocket and raised a questioning eyebrow at Mina, who nodded. He held them out to Dominic, who snatched them and took off toward the line to the carousel, shouting a thank you to Russell over his shoulder. Davis had seen a few friends that he knew from school, and after their parents assured Mina they would look after him (Davis protested this, he was almost ten, Mom, so don’t, like, embarrass him). She consented to let him go with them on the condition that he meet her at the Ferris wheel in two hours. She and Russ watched Daniel as he chose a lion’s back to sit on, gripped for dear life the pole rising out of its head, and waved like a fan in the background of a World Series game (Hi Mom!).
Russell chuckled and waved back. “He’s an awful cute little thing, ain’t he?” he said, slanting a smile down at Mina.
Mina had to keep waving to Dominic every time he circled back around on the carousel. She looked up at Russell for a moment to admire just how beautiful a man he really was. Not beautiful in a soft or pretty way, but in a hard masculine way that made her feel delicate and womanly and also quite glad that she had made an effort to keep up her figure after having given birth to two sons. Russ was not built in the hard, bulky manner of a juiced gym-rat. He had a hard, natural way, as if each lean muscle had been forged with real work and long days. His face was that of a man’s man and a woman’s man. Rare. He was intelligent, but small spoken. He watched and listened and saw what went on around him. Mina could not deny the attraction, few women would be able to. Even so, agreeing to this date with him was something of an anomaly for her, especially agreeing to a date with him while her boys came along–not that she ever had free time without them. She didn’t like to bring strange men around her boys. They knew who their father was—shithead that he was, though she never voiced this in front of the boys–and that was enough. She had to be a good role model.
So this was the first time she had been on a date since before either of the boys were born. The first man she had dated since the boys’ father. Needless to say, she was nervous. Perhaps if he were not so beautiful she would not have been. As a single mother of two, she had to wonder why a man like Russ would even be interested in her. It was not so much low self-esteem. She knew she was beautiful, exotic even, but even pretty girls feel inadequate when they meet a man like him.
“I sure think so,” she returned, but perhaps it had taken her too long to answer. Russell’s attention seemed to be elsewhere. He was staring off in the distance at something and hadn’t even heard her answer to his question or comment or whatever it had been.
Mina waved again as the carousel circled back around to Dominic, who was still grinning and gripping for dear life. She looked back up at Russ. “Hey, you okay?” she asked him. He was still staring across the carousel at something.
The carousel’s circular motion began to slow.
“Yeah, uh, where is the exit gate?” Russ asked.
Mina furrowed her brow, looking around the edges of the ride for the sign on the gate that read EXIT. They were still standing at the entrance. Russell was already walking around the carousel, moving fast. Mina had to jog to catch up with him. “What’s wrong, Russ?” she asked, but even as she said it, she realized she hadn’t seen Dominic get off the carousel. Growing more and more frantic, her eyes swept the lions and dolphins and ostriches and horsies, her heartbeat instantly so rapid that it seemed to be vibrating harshly in her chest. There was no Dominic. She turned her eyes forward and found that Russell had left her behind; he was almost at the exit gate now. Mina felt a nearly undeniable impulse to scream out, to call her son’s name at the top of her lungs until her voice cracked, but she did not. Not yet. She wasn’t even sure there was anything to worry about. God please let him be there let him be there on the other side he’s on the other side right? He’s got to be on why had Russ looked like that?
What happened next would weigh on her mind like shame and horror and failure wrapped in a hard shell for the better part of forever, she believed. The moment was awful enough. Hindsight was some kind of all-seeing bitch. Truly.
She could see Russell, the back of his shirt as he slipped and shoved his way past people. They had finally reached the spot in the gate that held the exit to the carousel. Mina’s head whipped back and forth in a way that wou
ld have been comical if not for the shocked and terrified look on her face. Her eyes seemed to take in everything at once and nothing at the same time. No Dominic. Dominic was not here.
The thought was too ugly for her mind to grasp.
Then she heard a few people gasp, and up ahead she saw people swerving around someone. Supposedly the same someone who had incited the gasp. No, not someone, Russell. He had shoved some guy hard, and Mina had looked up in time to see the guy stumbling back. Then a feeling that can only be described as utter relief swept through her. She seemed able to breathe again, though she had not known she’d ever stopped. Dominic was tucked under Russ’ left arm. The boy had his two middle fingers in his mouth and his right arm wrapped around the back of Russ’s knees. She skidded to a stop next to them, scooping her little boy up into the safety of her arms.
“Whoa, what’s your problem, buddy?” The man who Russell had shoved was saying. He was dark-skinned and dark-haired with a mustache and a nondescript haircut. He looked to be in his mid-thirties and of some Middle-Eastern descent. He only stood about five-three and probably only weighed about one-hundred and forty-five pounds. He wore khakis and a short-sleeve yellow shirt.
Mina’s hackles went up immediately, and any questions she had about what had just transpired disappeared. This man was bad news. It wasn’t any one thing about him, and yet, it was everything about him. She squeezed her child to her chest and all but growled in sudden fury. Vengeful thoughts raced through her head. This fucking piece of dirty shit had intended to take her child from her. She knew it. She wanted very much at that moment to shed the chains of civilization and hurt this man. Better yet, kill this sonofabitch for even entertaining such an idea. All in the space of a hummingbird’s flail, she had gone from normal to homicidal. It felt good. It dampened the horror of the potentials.
However, she didn’t even have to say anything, because Russ was there. He looked just about as pissed as a poked rattlesnake, which was just slightly less pissed than Ms. Mama Lion. Russell grabbed the man by his shirt front and lifted him off of his feet into the air. Russell shook the man, once, twice, and again. Hard. “You know what my problem is,” said Russ, in a way that seemed to Mina to be difficultly but clearly restrained. Mina thought Russ looked like he wanted to say much more, doubtlessly obscenities and threats and things of that nature.
Russ threw the man then. He landed hard on his tailbone, first crawling, then scrambling, then finally taking to his feet and hobbling/running off. Despite the fact that she had just made a serious parental fuck-up, and the horror of those awful potentials was setting in harsher and deeper—even though she was holding her baby boy, whom without life would mean nothing—Mina felt a little warmth weave into her stomach. She was looking at Russell again. Shame, shame, shame.
Russell put his arm around her shoulder and they walked away. He didn’t say anything. Neither did Mina. Truth be told, on top of all the other terrible emotions she was feeling, she was also embarrassed. Call it like it is, darling, you fucked-up big time. You weren’t paying attention. Your child needed you to do the only thing in the world you have to do: protect him. You failed. You failed and got lucky that someone else was paying closer attention than you were. Yep, it’s the handsome, thoughtful man who has his arm around your shoulder right now, the one who looks like he wants to skin a small, brown, creepy creeper you should have noticed first. But, hey, don’t be embarrassed. Don’t be uncomfortable. You fucked-up, but it’s turned out okay now, that’s all. Could’ve been worse. Oh, yes, it could’ve been much worse. You certainly fucked-up.
“Happens to the best of us,” Russell said.
Mina looked up at him. He slanted her a smile and ruffled Dominic’s soft hair. “You okay, kiddo?” he asked.
The boy nodded, and Mina looked down at him for the first time since she had scooped him up. Subconsciously, she had been too ashamed and horrified to look her child in the eye. Now what she saw made her heart seem to literally swell in her chest, and she felt the first stinging prickles of coming tears touch her eyes. She took a deep breath to force them back, but it only seemed to inflate that muscle in her chest all the more. Dominic was looking at Russ as if the man had just hung the stars and moon and all the heavens. He was looking at him in the way only boys do when they look at the man who should’ve been their father. It was a look of grateful love and respect. She had never seen it on either of her sons’ faces before.
When Dominic held his arms out to Russ, and Russ took the boy and held him close, Mina did cry, just a little. It was a soundless cry that only the few tears that escaped their ducts gave voice to. But it was one she felt all the way down to the pit of her soul, where the love for her children was rooted and born. She came to him then, and he wrapped his arms around her as well, Dominic in middle of the two of them and so utterly safe that a few more tears found their way home. He kissed her forehead gently.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered, in that soft Texas drawl he had. “Let’s go find Davis. I was thinking I would like to stop for some ice cream before I take y’all home.”
Dominic’s head popped up from where it had been resting in the crook of Russ’ shoulder. He pulled his two middle fingers out of his mouth. “Ice cream! Yes! Ice cream! I want ice cream. Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Ice cream. Wuss says I can have Ice cweeeam!”
“Okay,” Mina said. She rubbed her son’s back and stared at the man who had managed to make her fall in love with him on their first date. Earlier she’d said that he was a good guy. Scratch that, he was a goddam angel. He’d just saved her from what would have been the worst heartache of her life. A keeper, her mother would have said. A real keeper.
They collected Davis and picked up the ice cream from the Dairy Queen around the corner from Mina’s house. Now they were sitting on the back porch and watching the boys chase each other around the yard. Russ was puffing a cigarette and sipping from the beer Mina had offered him. She hadn’t said much, other than asking him if he would like to stay for a little while, and he was just as silent as he always was, slanting a smile at Dominic and applauding when the boy made Russ watch some amazing trick he could perform. She had to say something. It simply would not be right not to.
“Thank you, Russ.”
He looked at her now, and his deep blue eyes were warm and beautiful. That diagonal smile found his lips. “You are quite welcome, ma’am,” he said, tipping an imaginary hat on his head.
Mina couldn’t help but smile. He was like some noble, romantic, gun slinging cowboy who had ridden into town on his white horse to sweep her off her feet. She never, not in her wildest dreams, would have thought she could have fallen for such a man, a cop as well. She had always gone for the bad boys, but then, look where had that gotten her.
“I-I—”
Mina didn’t know what to say. She…what, exactly? She should have been watching her child? Yes, that. She was embarrassed out of her mind? That too. She usually paid better attention and she was horrified beyond words and, and, what? All of that. More than that. But what to say?
“Thank you,” she repeated stupidly.
Russell patted her leg and sat back again, returning a wave to Dominic, who had waved at Russ perhaps a hundred times just since they had been sitting out here. “Don’t you fret over what happened, darlin’,” he told her. “No harm done. Your boy’s right there and he’s just fine. I meant it when I said it happens to the best of parents. My momma, God rest her soul, raised me and my three brothers by herself. She worked hard. She was a great parent, and she lost me once.” Russ chuckled, slanted smile on his lips once more. “Jus’ left me at the park and didn’t figure it out until she got home and noticed only three ducklings climbing outta the car when there shoulda been four. She was a good mother, just like you are.” He shrugged. “It just, you know, happens to everyone at least once.”
Now it really hit her. A man like Russell Remington wasn’t just rare, his kind was nearly extinct. There were other good men out there,
sure. There were even good men who were willing to love another man’s child as though it were their own. However—and yes, this was shallow, but the truth often is—there were not so many good men who looked like Russell Remington. It was truly a wonder that some younger, childless girl had not picked him up and tied him down already. It was very nearly the equivalent of winning the lottery. It scared the shit out of her.
“I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a long time,” he said quietly.
“I’m glad you did,” she said. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”
He nodded. “I would like that very much.”
Russ helped clean up after dinner and then left shortly after, kissing Mina again on the forehead, hugging Dominic and waving goodbye to Davis. Later that night, as Mina lay in her bed staring at the ceiling, she couldn’t help but replay the events of the day over and over in her head. Russell had told her that he saw the creeper-man watching Dominic from across the carousel and had just heard his—intuition?—warning bells go off in his head. When he had seen that Dominic wasn’t over by the exit gate, he’d looked for the man he’d been watching in the yellow shirt, and there he was, leading Dominic away with one dark hand on the boy’s shoulder. Mina had to keep shoving those potentials out of her mind. What if, what if, what if? Terrible things, those what if’s. What finally allowed her some sleep was thinking about Russell, and how much she truly wanted him to be her man. Dominic loved him. Hell, even Davis didn’t seem to mind him.
