I nodded. “Okay.”
“Stay right here,” she said.
Liv went back to the hallway and I stood alone.
My eyes filled with tears again.
This was not the time for reality to rear its ugly head.
Liv kept to her word.
I rushed around the hotel room to make sure I had everything that was mine. Not that I had anything of true value with me. It wasn’t like I was carrying around a special necklace worth millions.
I just wanted my clothes and wanted to leave.
Oh, and I also got changed.
Last thing I needed was to keep walking around in a long t-shirt with nothing else on, seconds away from giving anyone near me a free show.
I wasn’t some woman with that band that did that kind of thing.
Not that I was suggesting Liv or the other women did that.
But the band… before they found love… they had their groupies. That I was sure of. What rock star didn’t? And that’s what Sab needed. He needed groupies, not me.
Definitely not me.
Did I fall in love with him? Of course I did. It was Sab. My Sebastian. That would never change. A piece of me had been in love with him since we were teenagers. Before he took off and became a famous rock star.
And seeing him like this…
“What’s your plan, Bree?” Liv asked.
I froze, two steps from the door.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just have to… go…” I took a breath. “Thank you for everything, Liv. You, Candice, Abby, and Wren.”
“Whether it matters or not… he’s in love with you.”
“I know he is,” I said.
“He shouldn’t have done what he did,” Liv said. “I’ll agree with you there. That would piss me off too.”
“You’re not going to talk me out of leaving.”
“I’m not trying to,” she said. “I’m just talking to you. I’d hate to never see you again. And I want you to know what they said was true. There were a lot of times at parties with wild stuff going on… and there’s Sab… face down in his phone. And everyone knew he only did that for you.”
I nodded. “I understand, Liv. It’s just…”
“I know,” she said. She closed in on me and hugged me. “I hope you’re okay, Bree.”
“I will be,” I whispered. “I just have to go.”
I opened the hotel room door and checked the hallway.
It was clear.
I told Liv to stay behind.
Face it, it wasn’t hard to get around anymore. I’d use my phone to get a ride… to anywhere.
The main goal was to get away from the hotel.
I hurried down the hallway and opened the door.
Sab was waiting for me on the steps.
The door shut with the same echoing sound as before.
“What are you doing, Bree?” Sab asked.
“Leaving.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“Because I found your birth parents?”
“You took something from me,” I said. “And… what is this?”
He pointed to me. Then himself. “This? This is you and me finally together.”
I shook my head. “It can’t work, Sab.”
“What can’t work?”
“Us.”
“Why?”
“Because I said it can’t,” I said.
I took a step and he blocked the way. “Bree…”
I looked up at him. “That was my decision to make and you made it for me. I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to know. Why would I want to know, Sab? Why is all this happening to me? Why did my mother do this?”
“I don’t know, babe,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to do this. You have to believe me. What I thought…” Sab shook his head.
“What? What did you think?”
Sab stepped away and gave me a clear path down the stairs.
“You don’t know how to make a move in life, Bree,” Sab said. “That’s the truth. You got stuck in that town. You work at your best friend’s mother’s gift shop. That’s your life? That’s your career? No big dreams?”
“Are you serious right now?”
Sab looked at me. He nodded. “You never wanted anything more for yourself? And how does this matter to your mother and birth parents? It matters… a lot. Your mother died, Bree. She died in a car accident. And you haven’t faced it. You haven’t thought about your life. You took off. With me. Which was a good decision, but you’re still avoiding it all. And with your birth parents? You’d just think about it all the time. You’d go back and forth. You’d never make a decision. Then you’d either regret it or you’d build it up in your head and get let down.”
“Really? You went through all that thinking on your own, Sab?”
“I did.”
“And at what point were you going to ask me what I wanted?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But now you know. Your birth parents are alive. And there’s an address. Now you can decide what to do. I thought I could be the one to be there with you. For you.”
“You’re a rock star, Sab. You’re not Sebastian anymore. You have to play shows. Record music.”
“See? You’re doing it right now. Making excuses. I could be on stage in Sweden and if you needed me, I’d walk off the stage and fly to get to you.”
“And what kind of pressure does that put on me?” I asked. “I’d ruin your dream. Nothing ever happened between us back then, Sab, because you had a dream and I knew I would ruin it.”
“No,” he said. “That’s the cheap way out of this.”
“I’m going to take your advice to heart,” I said. “I’m leaving to go face it all. You’re right. I took off. With you. I pretended like nothing happened. I got to be a rock star’s girlfriend for a little while. But now I have to go be real.”
“You don’t think this is real?” Sab asked.
“I didn’t say that,” I said. “And you know what, Sab? Fuck you. Fuck you for assuming I got stuck in that town. I want to live there. I want to work with Mia. Gina’s shop is busy. I have a career. People depend on me. I survive. Okay? I’m sorry I’m not fucking famous or have millions of dollars and I’m sorry I don’t fuck a new stripper each night…” My throat tightened. “I just… goodbye, Sab. Just… goodbye.”
I ran down the stairs.
My eyes filled with tears again.
When I got outside the hotel, a car was waiting for me.
“Bree?” the driver asked.
“Who the hell are you?” I asked.
“I’m Dan,” he said. “I was told by Toby and Sab to make sure you got home safely. I’m driving you home. You tell me where that is and I’ll make sure you get there safe.”
I nodded
Dan opened the back-passenger door for me.
He smiled.
I had no desire to smile.
I looked over my shoulder, secretly wishing Sab was standing outside the building.
If he was, I would have ran to him and hugged him and begged him to hold me forever.
But he wasn’t there.
It was time for me to go home.
21
SAB
The show must go on.
That was the worst feeling in the fucking world.
Walking through that hotel room that lingered with her smell. And the smell of us.
The fact that she took the fucking envelope with the address…
Meaning what?
That she wanted it? That I wasn’t so wrong after all?
Or maybe she tossed it in a trashcan on the way out the door.
The band was quiet when we left the hotel.
They stayed quiet on the tour bus.
It was depressing and I couldn’t take it.
I ended up in the back of the bus with a guitar and a bottle of whiskey. Add a broken heart to that mix and you had the makings of a good song.
Taking that risk to lo
ve Bree was a big one. And it came and went so quick.
We just got done telling each other we loved each other and…
I just got done telling you how I feel.
And one letter on the floor changed everything we knew.
I’m alone in a hotel, thinking about you.
On the tour bus, miles pulling me away from you.
I’ll run from the sunrise to try to go back in time to tell you I love you sooner.
The door opened and Nash entered the room.
“Writing a song?” he asked.
“No.”
Nash leaned against the wall. “So what are you going to do about this?”
“About what?” I asked.
“Are you going to let her get away?”
“She wanted to get away.”
“So?”
“Nash…”
He snapped his fingers. “Hey. What the fuck is this?”
I stood up and threw the guitar across the room. “It’s the truth, Nash. Everything we just said to each other is the truth. It’s why we never hooked up back then. And it’s why doing it now was a mistake. Two separates lives, man. Okay? That’s all we are. I’m lost over Mitchy dying. She’s lost over her mother dying. We used that pain to comfort one another. It’s done now.”
“Wow,” Nash said. “Didn’t take you to be such a pussy.”
“Say that again and I’ll put your head through that door.”
“All I know is that my drummer… a guy I consider a brother… he’s always known who he’s loved. You never talked about her. You kept her in your heart. Until she showed up. I’ve never seen you this complete before. Now you’re letting it slip away. This one is on you, Sab.”
Nash left the room.
I sat back down.
The whiskey was my new best friend.
Years of practice taught me how to play a show while drunk.
Yeah, we had a bit of a rule that said you couldn’t get so drunk you fucked up a show. That was what Mitchy used to do. He used to ruin shows for us. Back then there wasn’t social media, which was good, because he would have been plastered all over the internet with his antics.
I played the show like it was my last show with the band.
The crowd was big, loud, and I tried my hardest to let them replace the hole Bree left.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
What she was doing. Where she was.
If she was sitting in her apartment alone.
If she was with Mia, tearing me to shreds.
If she was with some guy looking for comfort.
The show became a process for me.
From behind the kit to the barstool with the acoustic guitar.
Then back behind the kit.
Throwing drumsticks into the crowd.
When we played the last song and I smashed my sticks against the cymbals for that last goodbye to the show, I felt nothing.
I stood up and walked to the front of the stage to meet the band so we could take a bow.
In the front row, I noticed a woman with bright, blonde hair, a low-cut FILTHY LINE shirt, and she was reaching for me, screaming my name. She was bouncing… and I mean bouncing…
I moved to the very edge of the stage and crouched down.
I twirled one of the drumsticks in my hand and handed it to her.
She screamed louder and put her hands together, begging me, then pointed to the backstage area.
I finally found the ability to smile.
The closest security guard looked at me.
I nodded to him and pointed to the woman.
She covered her cheeks and looked shocked.
When I stood up and turned, Nash was right there, his hand to my chest.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he yelled at me in front of twenty thousand fans.
“Doing what I should have done a long time ago,” I called out. “Forgetting her.”
I pushed by Nash and walked off the stage.
I dropped my other drumstick to the floor and waited for my date to arrive.
The security guard ushered her toward the backstage area and when I saw her again, she froze in place and covered her mouth.
She ran up to me and threw her arms around me.
“Hey, babe,” I said with my lips near her ear. “You can’t cover your mouth tonight… okay?”
She laughed. “This is crazy. This is so fucking crazy…”
I touched her hip and backed away. “He’ll bring you to me when I’m ready, okay? What are you drinking?”
“Anything you are,” she said.
Her eyes were dazed with stars.
This was the exact kind of relationship I was meant to have.
She was obsessed with me. I’d get what I’d want.
She’d get a story.
Then I’d never see her again.
I walked away to the back of the area.
All security knew which room was which. That was something we went over with them before the show. That was something we’d been doing for years.
I helped myself to drinks on the walk to my room.
My mind swirled.
I couldn’t get her out of my head.
Bree…
But that’s why I had her replacement.
No name. Just a body.
Just someone to fuck…
I mentally count how many drinks Bree has had. She swears she’s going home with Steph and it’s fine. I’ve already talked to Steph and she’s sober. Of course, Steph being Steph, she stood with her back to a tree and flirted with me the entire time. Wanting to know why I cared so much about Bree when nothing was ever going to happen there. Meaning Steph was ready to fool around in the back of my truck. I told her to just get Bree home safe.
I should just take Bree home myself. But she wants to crash at Steph’s place tonight.
Mia is out of town with her mother.
Some mother-daughter bullshit trip or whatever.
I know I can get Bree home safe and sound.
I don’t like Steph.
But I can’t do shit about it.
Steph grabs Bree’s hand and they leave.
The fire is dying out.
The party is officially over.
They leave and I linger for a few minutes before getting into my truck and driving home.
I made sure to stay sober because I knew Bree was going at it hard.
She had a bad week and was down on herself.
I knew this was going to happen…
Again, it doesn’t matter.
I drove home and sit on the porch of the old house.
I hate going inside that house.
Everything in there is its own version of hell.
I always tell myself when I make it big, I’ll buy my mother a house, give her some cash, and then make it so I never see her again. Is that right? Fuck no. But it’s the only way to survive her.
I don’t know if she’s at work or fucking some random guy upstairs.
I don’t even care.
If I got paid for every asshole loser I chased out of the house, I’d have enough to move to LA right now.
The thing is… I don’t want to go to LA without Bree. And she’s not going to come with me. So I know I’m going to have to break both of our hearts at some point.
The thoughts keep coming at me… and then I see someone.
Walking down the sidewalk.
I slowly stand up and squint my eyes.
The person turns to come up my sidewalk.
“Bree?” I ask.
“Hey,” she says, drunk as hell.
I run down the steps and toward her. “What are you doing here?”
“I walked to see you.”
“Why?”
“I love you.”
“What?”
Bree laughs. She touches my chest. “Stupid Steph. She had boys come over. She had something all worked out. Thought I was going to sleep with her fuck buddy’s best friend.�
��
“What?” I growl.
Bree laughs again. “Don’t get so jealous, Sebastian.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Yes, you are,” Bree said. She reaches up and taps her pointer finger to my chin. “You’re jealous of me with other boys. You don’t like it. Because you really like me.”
“Come on, Bree. You need to sleep this off.”
“Just admit it,” she says. “You love me. I love you. Let’s just do it, Sebastian. Right now. Let’s go…”
“What are you…”
I grit my teeth.
She grabs my shirt and pulls herself closer to me.
“Kiss me,” she says. “Then take me somewhere. I want you.”
I put my head back and let out a deep breath.
She’s drunk. And even if she really does feel this way… she’s fucking drunk.
“Come on, Sebastian,” she says. “Are you going to do it or what?”
I look down at her and touch her face. “You won’t remember this, Bree, but you have no idea how bad I want to do it. How bad I want to kiss you, hold you and never let you go…”
She laughs again and puts her head to my chest.
Two seconds later she lets out a long groan and slips her arms around me.
We’re hugging and she’s slowly falling asleep already.
So I stand there and hug her.
Someday… someday we’ll figure out what this whole thing is…
I threw the bottle back and drank the whiskey like water.
I sat on the leather couch with one small light on.
The mood was set.
There was everything anyone could ask for when it came to the rock star life waiting for that nameless woman.
If she wanted something to drink, I had it.
If she wanted a pill to swallow, I had it.
If she wanted something to snort, I had it.
She’d be taken care of for the night and then left to get the fuck home on her own by morning.
I saw the door handle gently move and I grinned.
This woman was the most important woman in my life at the moment. She was going to begin the process to get rid of Bree from my recent memory.
She wasn’t going to be the last though.
The door opened.
It wasn’t the nameless woman.
It was Liv.
A FILTHY Friend (Filthy Line Book 5) Page 18
