I wish I didn’t care, but . . . whoa. Tears brew behind my eyes and I have to blink them away so I can examine my handiwork. Who gave a sixteen-year-old the scissors anyway?
I tip my chin to the side, brush my hand over my scalp and down to the nape of my neck.
My head . . . it’s so much rounder than I thought. Darker, too. And my forehead. I have a really, really wide forehead. I never knew that. Am I ugly? I never thought I was, but whoever’s in that mirror, it isn’t me. She’s hardly a she at all.
But then I see my eyes—actually see my eyes—and I wonder why that feels new. It’s probably an optical illusion (less hair, more eyeball). They look darker. Like the leather of my drowned Hessians. Yes, they still sort of look half-closed, but in an entirely new way.
Very come-hither.
I like them, I think, and as I do, I realize how funny it sounds in my head.
I’ve always had these eyes. Has Derek noticed these babies?
The thought dissolves straightaway, though. Leaves me heavy. Even the writhing is gone. In its place, something still. Noiseless. Dull and worn-down, like broken glass churned up by the Strait. Nothing sharp, nothing raw. He’s no longer Derek, whoever that was.
He’s an obstacle. Same as Kitaneh.
Taking one last glimpse in the mirror, I tip up my chin at the girl I don’t recognize. She’s stronger. She’s not weak in the knees.
Not for a guy who’d cheat on his wife of a few centuries.
He’s older than the Statue of Liberty, for crying out loud.
I step out into the main room. Callum scans me like a portrait, from all angles.
“It’s gone,” he says at last, gulping back his shock. Then: “It’s perfect.”
Perfect? For a moment I think it’s a compliment—I feel the blood as it beelines for my cheeks. And then I realize what he means. . . . It is perfect. No one will recognize me.
He walks to his desk and lugs over another rubber sack. Smaller this time. Black. “Turn around,” he says, his voice suddenly serious. I do, and he tucks my arms under both straps. “There you go. Enough for the entire wing.”
This sack isn’t heavy. Certainly not as heavy as the red one. But I feel the weight of it with every cell in my body. My muscles want only to put the thing down. I’m wrong, it is heavy.
Too heavy.
Not too heavy. Aven’s in there.
“Do you want any more soup?” he asks, pointing to the bowl of rehydrated broth I left sitting on the moldy mattress box. He had it ready and waiting for me when I got back, and I just about kissed his feet. “And don’t forget to fill up your canteen before you go. I don’t know how you’re still standing, to be perfectly honest.”
Now he reminds me of Benny. Rolling my eyes, I touch the closed cut at my temple and then examine my arms and legs. I shrug.
From a chest of drawers pushed up against the far wall, he pulls out a folded pair of light blue scrubs.
“Here. It won’t get you in, but it’s something. Avoid the main entrances—the receptionists get updates from the DI and they’ll have seen that you’re wanted,” he says, pushing the pile into my hands. “I wish I could come with you. . . .”
“You’ve got to make the cure,” I say, punching him in the shoulder. I hardly know what I’m doing when I catch myself pulling him in for a hug. It’s like my arms just horseshoe-magnet themselves around his body. “We’re a team. Don’t worry. I’ll find a way in.”
Callum laughs, nervous, and pats my back. Just as I start to wonder when he’ll be comfortable around me, it happens: the muscles in his shoulders unwind; his chest loosens.
He relaxes.
“This is it,” he promises, chin resting on the top of my shorn head. “You’re the only one who could pull it off. It’ll work.”
I don’t know what to say back. . . . I refuse to let failure sound so easy, so possible, by saying something weak like, I hope so. But I’m not about to go jinxing it by saying, You’re right, either.
Silence, then, I think. He’ll know my answer’s in the silence. And without knowing when or how this trust came about, I let his breathing, steady and sure, give my heart the rhythm it can’t seem to find on its own.
44
9:30 P.M., SUNDAY
Ward Hope Hospital’s windows glow like animal eyes. A beast that’s eaten Aven, and I have to kill it from the inside. I check my cuffcomm and run a hand over the base of my skull, warming myself. A sheen of sweat has gathered on my scalp, lost in whatever’s left of my hair.
Thirty minutes—I’ve got thirty minutes to get the serum into the right spot in the filtration system before evening rations. I better find a way in fast. If I waste too much time, I’ll be caught by the night attendant.
As I jog closer to the staff-only entrance, I spot an emergency transport sub bubbling up to the surface, red-and-white lights blaring as they spin. A shiver slides behind my ears and I jump back, out of sight behind a garbage Dumpster along the boardwalk.
Brack. The sub’s drawing too much attention.
I’d hoped to find a nurse on a cigarette break or something. . . . It’ll do, though.
Crouched low behind the Dumpster, I slide my way closer to the sub. Its rectangular airlock hatch opens, and a Bouncer lifts himself up, onto the dock. Must be an HBNC emergency—they’ve found someone who’s contagious.
But the Bouncer moves slow. Takes his sweet time, like he’s got no place to be.
Only one reason why he’d be doing that—whoever else is in that transport sub has got no place to be either.
‘Cause they’re dead.
Not at all their good luck . . . but definitely mine.
I jog toward the submobile and climb onto it, then down into the hatch.
Sure enough, I see a stretcher with a white sheet laid over it. That’s when I rethink that bit about luck. There’s nothing lucky about this. Lifting the sheet, I gag—
It’s a man. Older. Frail and slight, except that his chest has ballooned out. He looks like a pregnant woman, but one whose baby formed over where the lungs should be.
Wriggling myself onto the stretcher, I position the sack between my knees and I lift the man’s arm. When I touch his skin, it’s still warm, and my whole body cringes. Swallowing the acid from my stomach, I try to shift his torso. Pretty quickly though, I realize I can’t. He’s too heavy.
I reach for the sack and slide back off the stretcher. Though I’d rather go facedown on the stretcher, if I do that, I’ll never be able to get the sheet over us. So I loop my arms under his shoulders and shimmy myself under him. With the sack positioned behind his kneecaps, I lay my back on the stretcher.
Last, I shift the rest of the man’s limbs so he’s directly over me, and even the sheet over the both of us.
I’m gonna vomit. . . .
It’s his weight, the way it presses down on me. And his hair. I can feel each strand shake against my nose when I move. I can’t breathe. I don’t even want to—the man may not have the scent of death on him yet, but I can smell it anyway. I’ve got too good of an imagination. My stomach fights to free itself from my body. I close my eyes, try to will away the nausea.
Against the submobile’s roof, the clang of footsteps.
More clanging as the Bouncer makes his way down the ladder. The foot of the stretcher jostles in his hands as he lifts me and the dead man up through the airlock. “Heavy guy,” I hear him grunt as we go higher.
At the top, the stretcher starts to move sideways—he must be pushing it onto the dock. And then, after a few more moments, the light through the sheet goes bright.
We’ve been wheeled into the hospital . . . through the hospital. The Bouncer doesn’t stop.
Now, the dangerous part. I keep myself so still, I feel like I could be dead along with the man.
No one better decide to examine him, or they’ll be mighty surprised.
I hear a door click open. I hear it slam shut. Again, click open. Again, slam shut.
In an instant, I’ve got goosebumps. The room is freezing.
I’m in the morgue.
I wait just a few moments longer before attempting to get off the stretcher, just to make sure the Bouncer is gone. Soon as I know I’m alone in here—the only sounds come from the air-conditioning that’s keeping the bodies refrigerated—I push the man off.
As fast as I can, I snake myself away from the stretcher.
I’m so close to retching, I’m actually dizzy. So without air ’cause I didn’t want to smell him, or his hair. Everything spins. I’m shivering down to my hair follicles.
But I’m in. I’ve made it in.
Slipping out of the cold room, I try to find my bearings without wasting too much time in the hallway. Callum drilled the schematics into my memory before I left, but he never showed me how to get to—or from—the morgue, so I’m at a loss. My only guess is that I’m in the contagious ward . . . assuming they store the contagious and noncontagious bodies together.
I follow the hallway straight for a few minutes. Eventually, I’ll have to hit a stairwell. And if I am where I think I am, I should be able to take it to the rooftop, where the filtration system is.
As I keep on, I hug the wall though I know it’ll do no good if someone recognizes me. Voices echo through the corridor—I don’t like it. It’s too loud. They bounce around and I start to think I’ve come upon an area for visitors. Like the waiting room.
I slide up to a corner, and just as I was afraid of, I see the waiting room. Quickly, I duck away, afraid of being seen. But when I peer around again—
Walking up to the receptionist’s desk, hair glinting like stupid, useless copper pennies . . .
Derek. He’s here. . . . Why is he here? I pull myself away, out of sight, but down to my toenails, I can feel him. And for some reason, I can’t stop my confused head from thinking it should be happy. I’ve made a habit out of worshipping him.
He wanted you to give up on Callum, I remind myself. On everyone.
Still, my body betrays me. I peek my head out into the hallway and search for him.
He turns.
Our eyes meet. Idiot, move! But it’s too late. He cocks his head.
Cursing myself for being so weak, I pull myself away for a third time. It’s okay. . . . He didn’t recognize you. But I don’t know that for sure, and I won’t forget the sack I’m wearing on my back.
The serum. Aven. Everyone in Ward Hope Hospital.
I check my cuffcomm: only twenty minutes left. Brack. I’ve wasted too much time already.
Ungluing my legs, I shuffle back the way I came, brisk, but at a hospital-appropriate pace. If Derek is following, I don’t hear the footsteps.
Moments later, I pass the morgue on my right and I keep going. Then, at the end of the corridor—the stairwell I was searching for.
In I go.
I clamber up it, all the way, until I reach the top. Breathless, I open the door.
45
9:42 P.M., SUNDAY
Just like I remember, the rooftop is a steel maze of gutters and piping. I hear city pigeons, hidden away. They’re cooing, shelved for the night, deep in the filtration system’s nooks. As I step over a line of tubes, their warbling follows after me, but none of the birds move.
Calling to mind Callum’s schematics, I start searching for the HBNC wing’s water funnel. The most western one. Up here, the roof slopes in sharply angled geometric shapes, kind of like they dug upside-down pyramids into the ground. It was designed that way to increase the roof’s surface area and catch as much rainwater as possible. And though I’m all turned around up here, landmarks are easy to find. To my left, the Strait—West.
Overhead, the moon shines a flashlight on every surface she can. You’d think there were a hundred of her, it’s so bright. Altogether too much wattage for a night like tonight, me up here sneaking a miracle drug into hospital water.
When the ground beneath shifts, slopes down, I know I’m at the funnel. I start sliding, no traction. I quicken my step, feet clanging against metal, tugged along by gravity.
At the bottom of the pyramid, a hollow square chute.
Can’t just drop the sack down, or it’d get diluted in the giant tank and be useless to everyone. It needs to go into tonight’s rations. Which means down I go into the water tanks. Not at all excited for that. I pull off Callum’s scrubs, wearing my own leggings and buckled shirt underneath, then stuff them into the dry sack he gave me. I seal it shut, and it goes back in my belt pocket.
Here goes.
Filling myself with air, I hold my nose and swing the black pack around to my chest so it hangs frontside. Then I crab-walk to the square. It’s pretty wide—good for my backside—and I release my grip.
Down I go: half slide, half bump, half free fall.
No chance to enjoy the free-fall bit though, because of the first two. Mostly the second. Clutching the rubber pack like a baby, head down, I notice too late my arm unwrapping itself.
One elbow smacks the side of the chute; I ping-pong—metal side to metal side, sending my right knee smacking too. My joints throb. I howl twice, then shut up. What if someone is down there? That thought puts the buzz in my blood. Every nerve starts humming. Callum said the room should stay empty between the morning attendant and the night shift, but still. It’s the water tank, after all. The place is a gold mine, and people steal.
No time to come up with a plan if someone is down there.
Soon my stomach starts to really feel the drop, to rise up into my chest, and that’s when I come flying out the chute—
Back in the water.
Cannonballing myself, unfiltered rainwater splashes up around me like a tent. Toe to head I’m soaked. Don’t let go—I cling to the rubber sack like a life raft.
Which it is, in its way.
I’m dunked underwater; I kick, I sew my mouth tight, but I wasn’t ready for the fall so I’m a moment too late. I push myself to the surface, taking gulps of rainwater, using only my legs. The pack in my arms may be weighing me down, but I’m not letting go.
I kick and I kick, and then—
Air.
I gasp, eyes darting around the giant space. I’m looking for a way out, making sure no one’s here.
Behind me, I see what I’m looking for and I exhale.
A ladder.
I swing the pack around to my back again, freeing my arms to swim. Limbs pull the water, and I frog swim through the tank. The rainwater is cold, but it ain’t nearly as bad as the Hudson; otherwise I would’ve grabbed Callum’s wet suit. This is nothing. I cross the tank easily, legs burning only a little.
At the ladder, I grip the rails and pull myself up.
Okay, maybe not nothing. My legs wobble—my knee hurts so bad I can actually feel the creaking as it bends. I’m almost sent tumbling back into the tank, but catch myself, and I come down the other side, no incidents.
At the bottom, I collapse to all fours, dripping wet.
I need to breathe.
I count to five to collect myself. One—peel myself out of the wet clothes. Two—back into the scrubs. Three—find the exact spot Callum wants me to put the serum. Four—slow down my heart rate, ’cause this I have to get right. If I put the serum in the wrong place, this whole thing will have been for nothing. Five—see nothing, and freak out, frantically scanning the room. I don’t need to hit six. Just like Callum had described, I see it: the robot arm.
A nickname, but I see it’s pretty accurate, and it makes me laugh. Barely.
From one side of the tank, a super-sized, metal-plated arm one might imagine belonging to a robot. Of course, it ain’t an arm. It’s just the main pipe. But the similarities are uncanny. It starts out thick, steel sheets bolted in places. That’s where the water gets filtered, Callum said. Not with sand, like us at the ’Racks, but with metal meshing and chemicals.
Attached to the arm is a wheel. Don’t open it.
I see it, a great big captain’s wheel. Check, do not open. That wo
uld be bad. The wheel opens and closes the tank valve. Opening frees the water into the pipes. That’s the attendant’s job, and he does it only three times a day to keep the rest of the water safe in the tank.
I follow the steel arm, since the wheel is not what I’m looking for. It extends downward, hovering over the floor. Then it starts to narrow, shrinking and shrinking, until the material changes, connects to a different part of the arm.
Jackpot . . . sorta.
The basin.
After the attendant turns the captain’s wheel, that basin right there then gets filled with everyone’s rations. Then it’s inspected. That is also not where the serum is going. But it’s close.
I walk to the basin and pull off the sack.
A click, and I jolt upright at what sounds like the ID scanner at work. Someone’s unlocked the door. I look at my cuffcomm—less than fifteen minutes. The attendant shouldn’t be here. . . .
Quickly, picking up the sack again, I follow the basin to the pipe that it feeds into—that’s where I need to get the serum.
My hands move like two hummingbirds, fingers flying to twist off the cap at the top of the pack. Across the room, footsteps echo, somewhere behind the water tank. I’m out of sight, hidden by the robot arm, but there’s no time to waste.
Soon as the rubber pack is open, I hold it over the pipe’s mouth and position it. Then, I let it pour.
“Ren—”
That voice—
He’s here. Even timbre, warm, though I can hear the crackle of frustration in it. Derek’s found me. . . . I still don’t look up. The sack continues to empty into the pipe.
“Please, Ren. Where are you?” he calls again, insistent. I can hear it—he’s behind the water tank, on the opposite side of the room—he don’t see me. I won’t let him see me.
I tilt the sack’s mouth so every bit drains out, then crane my neck to find Derek.
When I don’t see him, I watch as the last of the serum rushes away, following the line of tubing. A few drops get stuck on the sides, but I don’t worry—tonight’s rations will pick up whatever was left behind. When it’s all gone and the sack is nothing but rubber, I throw it over my shoulders.
The Ward Page 30
