"Yes," he interrupted. "Whatever it is, yes."
"Cool, cool," I murmured. "It's a good thing I brought my new strap-on, then."
That goddamn sarcasm of mine.
He gave me a bland stare. "For you, I'd do it. I'd ask you to go easy and use extra lube. Even more than you think necessary. The most lube ever. But I'd do it. I'd take whatever you had to give me, and who the fuck knows? Maybe I'd enjoy it." When a giggle slipped past my lips, he continued, "Ask the question, Magnolia."
I brought my free hand to my hair, stopping a second before I mussed the carefully messy bun I'd managed. I whispered, "Are you sure?"
I'd intended to ask him to help Matt and Lauren move into their new house next weekend but I couldn't do it. I couldn't make this moment about anyone but us. And that was where Ben had me—I did know.
Oh, yeah. I knew. But I was a woman who lived in a cloud of doubt. Hell, there were instances when I didn't even believe these men liked me more than they liked the thrill of competition.
Rob studied me, his brow furrowed. He seemed confused, maybe annoyed. Maybe it was an annoying question. Maybe I was meant to take his words at face value and be happy I heard them at all.
I swiveled my head from side to side, shaking that nonsense loose. My sarcasm could stay but this uncertainty had to go. I'd come too far, worked too hard to let that noise drag me down.
"I'm sure I didn't love Miranda," he said. "I cared about her and I thought we were right for each other but we never loved each other. I know that now." His lips brushed over my temple as he locked his arms around my waist. "I know I love you and I know it has nothing to do with wanting to win. I realized something else this week."
I tipped my head back to meet his gaze. Stared, waited for him to continue. When he didn't, I said, "By all means, draw out the drama. I'm here for the suspense."
"You're so mean to me," he drawled. "How do you make it hurt so good, love?"
He was hard through his tuxedo pants, thick and throbbing. But that could wait. Sex was great but the sensation of every damn cell in your body colliding into a sharp arrow of affection for another human was better than any orgasm. "Because I know how."
"What else do you know?" he asked. I ran my hand up his chest, pinched his nipple. He yelped, flattened me against him. "Why do I like it when you're mean to me?" He shook his head. "Never mind. Don't answer that."
His hands slipped over my backside. "What else did you realize?" I asked.
"That you could choose the firefighter," he said. "You could choose him and I'd bow out. I'd hate it. I'd fucking hate it. But I'd do it if it meant you were happy. If it was your choice, I'd wish you the best and step aside."
He watched me, his eyes wide and his lips parted as that same arrow of affection lanced through him.
I was done. Heart eyes and butterfly bellies and a lava cake heart. Done.
And I knew why I couldn't stay with Ben tonight, even when he begged. I felt things for Ben and I felt things with Ben but they weren't like this. Nothing was like this.
Because I knew.
I knew falling was like this.
* * *
We went. We saw. We drank all the champagne.
Maybe not all of it, but when we stumbled into Rob's hired car later that night, my head was squishing like a fishtail and the world felt like a sweet, bubbly sea. I was giggling for no obvious reason and my messy bun was falling apart, but I didn't want anything to change.
Rob pulled the car door shut behind him and fell back against the seat, his long legs sprawled out in front of him. His tie was loose and his collar open, his cuffs rolled up to his elbows. A wash of pink rode high on his cheeks. His eyes, that speckled blend of gold and green, bathed me in shimmering heat.
"That was," he started, gesturing toward me, "that was…interesting."
Another giggle burst from my lips, louder and more unchained than I'd expected. "Can I be honest?" He nodded, dropped his hand on my thigh. "I know I experienced this through a different lens than you, but I don't think it was bad-interesting. It was"—I bit my lip, hesitated—"weird. It was weird-interesting."
"So weird."
"Okay, okay." I scooted closer to him. That champagne and those fishtail thoughts, they stole all my caution, my care. "I think there's a weird element we've ignored up until this point. I think it's time we address it."
He swung my legs onto his lap, wrapped his arm around my torso. His hand slipped between my legs but the position we'd contorted ourselves into kept it chaste. As chaste as two drunk people in the back of a town car could be. "Is it complete and total lack of pigs-in-a-blanket at that party? I don't care where it's taking place, you need mini hot dogs."
"No, but now I'm hungry."
"Food. Yes. Let's do that." Right on cue, his stomach sent up a thunderous rumble. "We'll go home, get Gronk, and then walk over to that place on Boylston. The one with the dog-friendly patio."
"You want to get burgers and shakes in a tux, Russo? Is that what you're saying?"
"I want to take my contacts out before I scratch my corneas off," he answered. "But otherwise, yes. I promised to flaunt you tonight."
Rob in a tuxedo was bad enough. Add his sexy nerd glasses with the thick, horn-rimmed frames to the equation and it didn't get much worse.
By worse, I definitely meant perfect. He was perfect.
And he wanted to feed me burgers and milkshakes, and bring my dog along too.
Perfect.
"I'm changing into flip-flops for the next portion of this flaunting. I really must get all the mileage out of this dress that I can. It's not like I can wear it to work."
Rob studied the neckline, traced it with his finger. "I would pay to see that."
"That can be arranged since your terrace is still a concrete wasteland."
He dipped his chin, sent me a stare that bit at my cheeks until I was flushed and grinning. "Send me a bill, love."
My lips parted as a gravelly breath sputtered out and that would've been confession enough, but then my belly gurgled. It was loud and vaguely odd—a product of organ rearrangement via Spanx—and it told Rob everything else he needed to know.
I was starving. For food, for him, for us.
And I couldn't hide it any longer.
He smiled, allowed me an exit from speaking the words crystalizing between us. "What have I ignored, Magnolia? Was it how Eddie gave Miranda the exact same ring I'd picked out for her? Or the swan ice sculpture, because that thing was unusual. I've already mentioned this but I think the mini hot dog issue is worth revisiting. I know for a fact that both of those motherfuckers love mini hot dogs."
"Those are valid concerns but the weirdest part is those motherfuckers invited you." Rob turned his attention back to my dress, now busy pushing the skirt over my knees. "Why would they do that?"
He traced the ball of my kneecap. "I don't know." He paused, lightly tracing an almost-healed scrape. "I think—maybe—they saw the gesture as an olive branch. A twisted olive branch from a fucked-up tree, but an olive branch. They probably thought they were earning some absolution in the process. Whatever their reasoning, I don't think they expected me to show up and show up with the most incredible woman in this city."
"They didn't expect to see you, no. They didn't hide their surprise too well." I dropped my head to his shoulder as another round of loose, silly giggles rolled through me. "I think we might've taken over their party. I haven't danced that much, ever."
"It's their fault. They hired a kick-ass band and your body was meant to move and—"
"—and you loved stealing some of their spotlight," I interrupted.
His expression softened, sobered. "I liked stealing it with you."
I reached for the open collar of his shirt, tugged his face closer to mine. "I liked it too."
Rob sucked in a breath. "I already love you. Stop making it worse."
I brought his lips to mine, offering a quick brush before pulling him in, demanding more.
He tasted new, different. As long as I lived, I'd swear it wasn't champagne but the flavor of beginnings. It was hypnotic, like orange blossoms a minute before they bloomed.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ben: Hey, pretty girl.
Ben: I'm working nights every day this week so I won't see much of you unless you set something on fire. If you do that, stay away from the gas. You really need to know what you're doing to do it right.
Magnolia: Firefighter humor is…dark.
Ben: You don't know the half of it.
Magnolia: Does that concern you?
Ben: What do you mean?
Magnolia: I mean, I don't know much about you or your work. Does that concern you?
Ben: There's an emergency, I show up. There's a fire, I put it out. Not that complicated.
Magnolia: Okay, yeah, I get that but…we could still talk about it. We don't talk about a lot of things. You know?
Ben: Hadn't really thought about it.
Magnolia: No worries. It was just a random thought.
Ben: Yeah. It's all good.
Ben: Hey look I gotta go. Talk later.
Magnolia: Take care.
* * *
Rob: Hi, love. I'm just getting home but I hope you're in bed already.
Rob: I have a crazy early call with London in the morning. Morning for them, I guess.
Rob: I know I'm going to be tied up from that point forward but I wanted to make sure you got a good morning message before I stumble/sleepwalk into the office at 4 a.m.
Rob: I also wanted to mention your notable absence in my bed right now.
Rob: It is not the same without you.
Rob: I'm not the same without you.
Rob: In case you need proof, I bought a potted plant on the way home from that stupid long business dinner. There was a little flower shop I'd never noticed in the South End before. I didn't know they were open so late but I went in and picked out a green thing.
Rob: The lady working there said it was a peace lily but I don't see any flowers.
Rob: She also said it's toxic for dogs. I'm sure you know that. I don't know where to put it but Gronk can't climb so we'll find a good spot.
Rob: Right? He can't climb? I wouldn't put it past him though.
Rob: Anyway, yeah, I bought a plant.
Rob: Have an amazing day, love. Feel free to warm my bed and teach me how to deal with a plant tonight.
Magnolia: lol no, he can't climb
Magnolia: His vertical leap isn't bad but he also knows he's not supposed to eat plants so that helps.
Rob: Why are you awake, my love? Are you thinking about how much happier you'd be sleeping with me?
Magnolia: You do have central air and it is hot as balls so…yes.
Rob: That's fine. Use me for my HVAC. I'm good with it.
Magnolia: How was dinner?
Rob: Stupid long.
Magnolia: Other than that…
Rob: Fine. Closed some new business and picked up some good info that will keep the air conditioning on indefinitely. Had some nice roasted brussels sprouts with that sweet vinegar glaze stuff you like.
Magnolia: And you bought a peace lily.
Rob: Apparently.
Magnolia: It's a gateway houseplant, you know. First it's a peace lily and then it's a pothos and a spider plant and maybe an orchid or two. Soon enough you have 9 different types of ferns, a fiddle-leaf fig, and a rubber tree.
Rob: A rubber tree? You're making that up. That's a landscape architect joke, right?
Magnolia: The sap is latex.
Rob: My mind is blown.
Magnolia: You've had a late night and you're looking at an early morning. Go to sleep. We'll talk about green things tomorrow.
Rob: Dinner?
Magnolia: Sure. I'll text you later.
Rob: Sounds good, love. Sleep well.
Magnolia: You too. Enjoy that air conditioning.
Rob: I'd enjoy it more with you.
Magnolia: Same.
* * *
Ben: I know it's the middle of the night and I really hope this doesn't wake you up.
Ben: You told me you've had your phone on silent for something like 19 years once so I figured this wouldn't make a sound but now I'm not sure if it will vibrate.
Ben: I hope you're not awake because this is a god-awful hour of the night.
Ben: I shouldn't even be typing this right now.
Ben: But I'm on nights so I'm up and I can't stop thinking about what you said.
Ben: We don't talk, do we?
Ben: We talk about paint colors and your dog and my complete inability to hammer a nail straight but we don't talk about anything important.
Ben: I was trying to figure out why that is and I don't think I can talk.
Ben: Right now. I can't talk right now.
Ben: I think I'm really fucked up and the deepest thing I can handle is bashing the shit out of a nail and then yanking it out and doing it all over again because you won't let me fuck up.
Ben: Maybe that's what I'm supposed to get out of this. You won't let me fuck up the only good thing I ever tried to do.
Magnolia: I'm sure you've done plenty of good things.
Ben: Fuck I woke you up.
Ben: I'm so sorry.
Magnolia: I'm awake because Gronk had to go out. There was a squirrel taunting him.
Magnolia: Or a ghost. I'm not sure which one.
Ben: Do you believe that? Dogs can see ghosts?
Magnolia: Ummm…I think so? There are times when he barks at empty rooms and I refuse to believe he's hollering at the termites.
Ben: I like that.
Ben: I wish I could see ghosts.
Magnolia: I know, sweetie. I know. I'm sorry you're going through this. That house isn't the only good thing you've done. I'm sure of it.
Ben: I didn't do anything. That's the problem. I had this big idea and thought I was going to pull off this whole remodel in a goddamn weekend or something and I could've spent that time with my grandmother. So, now she's gone and I didn't give her a nice place for her last days and I didn't even spend those fucking days with her.
Magnolia: Did she know you were working on a house for her?
Ben: Yeah.
Magnolia: I'm no expert on the matter but I think that gesture probably spoke volumes to her.
Ben: Maybe.
Magnolia: It's okay if you can't talk right now. There was a time when I couldn't talk.
Ben: When? What happened?
Magnolia: I made some bad choices a few years ago. I thought something was real but it really, really wasn't. I ruined a dear friendship, one I'll never get back.
Ben: I don't believe that.
Magnolia: lol which part?
Ben: I don't believe that you ruined anything.
Magnolia: Believe it. I've ruined more things than I've preserved. Ruined myself once or twice or a dozen times.
Ben: I don't believe that.
Magnolia: Well…it's true.
Ben: What happened?
Magnolia: Which time? There's the time I dated a guy for YEARS even though he stole absolutely everything from me.
Magnolia: Including my dog.
Ben: First of all, he ruined that situation.
Magnolia: And I let it happen. I saw it, I knew it, and I just let it happen.
Ben: I'm gonna call bullshit on that.
Magnolia: Your second point?
Ben: Oh yeah. I'm gonna need his full name. An address if you have it. I have a rubber hose and I'm in the mood to teach some manners.
Magnolia: Don't bother. Not worth your time.
Ben: What else? What else have you ruined? Because I don't think you have it in you, pretty girl.
Magnolia: Ha. How about flunking out of college two times? Mostly because I just didn't show up or do shit.
Ben: You know what they say. Third time is the charm.
Magnolia: Uh, not really. I just got tired of my own bullshit and didn't like wor
king the drive-thru line at Starbucks and found something I actually wanted to learn.
Ben: I'm not sure I could get tired of my own bullshit. I kinda like it.
Magnolia: Yeah. I know.
Ben: What else? Give me your worst.
Magnolia: There was a guy who helped me when I was first starting out in landscape architecture. I misunderstood a few interactions and signals. Or, I took those interactions and signals and I invented something that wasn't there.
Magnolia: Then I truly strangled the shit out of that relationship with both hands. Mentorship, gone. Professional relationships, gone. Business engagements, gone.
Ben: I will also need his name and address.
Magnolia: I would've given you both a few years ago but the best recovery from shitshows like that one is moving on and doing well.
Ben: All right. Listen. You're pretty and nice and I like the hell out of you and you have worked more than your share of shitshows but you haven't spent your grandmother's last days on earth fucking around with a house that needed months of work.
Magnolia: You're right. I haven't experienced that.
Ben: You're not carrying that kind of regret around.
Magnolia: No. Again, you're right. I'm not carrying that specific regret.
Ben: Not trying to be a dick.
Magnolia: I don't think you're being a dick. I think you're hurting. A lot.
Magnolia: And I wish there was something I could say to make it better but I'm not sure I can do that for you.
Ben: It's okay. It's not your job to make it better.
* * *
Magnolia: Any interest in an espresso martini lunch?
Magnolia: Because I could use an espresso martini today.
Andy: Your Wednesday is going that well, huh?
Magnolia: My Wednesday started at 12:45 a.m. when I got up to get a cookie and found a bunch of texts from Rob.
Andy: Is he losing his shit?
Magnolia: Actually, no. He was perfectly charming. But we talked about plants and air conditioning for 20 minutes. Then we made dinner plans for tonight.
The Magnolia Chronicles: Adventures in Modern Dating Page 20
