by Riley, Gia
“It’s okay. Ignore it,” he says.
I try my best to pretend like she isn’t going to make a fool of me, but she already did.
Breathe, Winnie.
“How are you feeling, Tess?”
“Like hell. Did Jax come with you?”
Is she crazy? There’s no way I’d ride in a car with that man. Even with Jasper around, I wouldn’t trust Jax to keep his hands to himself and his eyes on the road.
“We came alone.”
She licks her dry lips and presses on the swollen skin by her eye. They’ll both be black by morning. “I need to tell you something.”
I think she expects Jasper to leave, but he doesn’t move.
He stays strong next to me, looks Tess square in the eyes, and says, “Anything you say to Winnie, you can say to me, too.”
“No, I can’t,” she snaps. “And this is my room, so get the fuck out.”
I feel the anger running through his veins. He doesn’t deserve her disrespect, and I should walk out of here without an ounce of regret. But, if I do, that still leaves her with all the power to destroy my life even more than she already has.
I turn around and pull Jasper through the curtain.
Before I get a word out, he’s already shaking his head, telling me, “No, I’m not leaving you with her, Winnie. Don’t ask me to do that.”
“Five minutes,” I tell him. “If I take longer, you can come back and get me.”
He’s torn. Jasper has no place in telling me what to do, but he knows nothing good can come from facing Tess alone. “I’m staying close. I’ll be in the hallway, right over there.” He points toward two empty stretchers near a fire extinguisher hanging on the wall.
I can live with that.
My phone vibrates again. I need to get this over with, so I can call Trey back.
One, two, and then three deep breaths, and I push the curtain aside and go back in. Tess has an ice pack on her face, and she winces, the harder she presses it against her skin. If pathetic had a mascot, it would be her.
“What happened, Tess?” I don’t feel sorry for her. Those emotions disappeared with her addiction.
“Blacked out, I guess,” she says like it’s not that big of a deal.
If she had been alone when it happened, who knows what could have happened to her? I can’t believe I’m actually thankful that Jax was with her, but I am. He kept her alive at the very least.
“Do you know why?”
She points to the wires hooked up to her chest. They’re pumping out rhythms on a monitor next to the bed. Some of the lines rise into higher peaks than the others, and there are bigger gaps and then smaller ones. I wish I knew what they meant.
“My heart,” she says.
The drugs.
Tess has to slow down. She’s been bingeing more and more lately and sleeping less and less. She barely eats, and when she does, she gets sick. One of these days, her heart will give out, and they won’t be able to restart it. She’ll die, just like Dad did.
Her eyes water, and I have a feeling she’s thinking about Dad, too. Tess doesn’t cry about bumps and bruises. When she starts to feel, she numbs herself back up before she’s sober enough to feel any pain. Because, when those feelings come back, she breaks down, and it’s not pretty. She turns into the ugliest human being.
It’s only a matter of time before she goes rogue, but lying here, in the hospital, Tess looks the most human I’ve seen her in a long time. The bed swallows her up, and I almost wish they would keep her here forever. Maybe then she’d have a chance to get off the drugs and get her life back.
Wishful thinking.
“What did you want to talk about?”
She sets the ice down in her lap and swallows. “I can’t work like this, Winnie. All these bruises take time to heal.”
“You can cover most of them with makeup, and as long as the doctor says you’re okay, you won’t be hooked up to the machines forever.”
“You’re not hearing me,” she says. “Ace won’t let me dance. We signed contracts about our appearance. No track marks. No bruises. Not even a mark from rough sex. A tattoo is as far as we can take it.”
I didn’t realize the dancers had a rulebook. I figured all they had to do was put on some makeup, do their hair, and strip. Ace isn’t a dirtball though. He treats girls with more respect than most bosses probably would. He wants his girls clean because they’re a reflection of him and the business. Still, what do I care if Tess can’t dance? She can still waitress and keep herself covered up until they heal.
“What’s your point?”
“If I don’t dance, Winnie, I won’t make enough money to keep the trailer. Waitresses make shit and rely on tips. The stage is where the money is. Everyone knows that.”
“Can’t Jax cover you until you’re better?”
“Jax covers me.”
He covers her habit. The rest is up to her.
“I don’t have any money to give you, Tess. Jax already took everything I had.”
It’s a lie. I don’t tell her about the money Trey just gave me. As long as she thinks I’m broke, she won’t go looking.
“That’s why I’m gonna need you to cover for me. I’ve worked too hard to get the best spot in the lineup. If I don’t show, I’ll lose it.”
I blink a couple of times. I must be dreaming. That bump on her head needs to be checked out again because she’s delusional.
“No, Tess.”
“Don’t tell me no, Winnie. You don’t have a choice. Not unless you want to live on the streets. Maybe that’s where you belong.”
“I’m not leaving, Tess.”
There’s no place for me to go. Trey’s across the street, but he made it clear that I couldn’t stay with him. He’ll never change his mind. Even if I sneak in and out of Jasper’s bedroom, I can’t live there full time. His mom would eventually catch on, and then he’d get busted.
Ace’s office has a nice bathroom, and I could sleep there if I hid until closing time. They sweep the place before they lock up, but I’m small. I can fit on the shelf in the closet behind a stack of towels or inside the hamper. At least The Whip has a kitchen, and there’s always a ton of food in the fridge. Nobody would ever realize some fruit or bread was missing.
Trey would know. I’d get away with it until he came home again. Then, he’d figure out I had no place to go after I left him. He’d see me ducking out of the trailer park, in the opposite direction of my trailer.
Tess has me backed against a wall, and she knows it.
“You’re not being fair.”
“Life’s not fair, Winnie. Do you think I want to be here right now? Do you think your dad wants to be six feet under ground?”
The second she brings my dad into the conversation, I want to strangle her. That, I could get away with. She’s played dirty before, but this is an all-time low, even for her.
“Ace won’t go for it. I’m not eighteen yet.”
“Ace is about dollar signs, Winnie. You’ll bring in every horny fuck off the street. That park will be cleared out in an hour after they get wind that you’re dancing.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“It’s the truth. Ace offered to let you work there because he hoped you’d get a taste of the money and want more. He wants you on the stage, Winnie.”
Jasper’s brother isn’t like that. He told me I could come there and eat anytime I wanted. He looks out for me, and he knows I’m close with Jasper. Why would he want to ruin me when his brother’s attached? He wouldn’t just be hurting me; he’d also be hurting Jasper.
“That’s not true,” I tell her. “Ace doesn’t want me. I quit today, and he let me walk out.”
“Want to bet?” she says. “Ask him. The second you mention dancing, he’ll hire you back in a second.”
I can’t ask him. If I do, he’ll think I’m interested, and there’s no way I’d ever get onstage and take my clothes off. When I was with Trey, I couldn’t even take my bra and panties off in fr
ont of him. And I love him.
“I’ll get back into babysitting and get you the money. I already have a night lined up with Ace to watch his daughter.”
“You’ll never make enough. Do what I tell you, and then I’ll teach you everything you need to know. If you want to go on last in my spot, you have to be the best.”
I don’t want to learn how to be a slut.
She laughs at how nervous I am. “I’ll let Jax know you’re moving out. He’ll have all your stuff on the porch by the time you get there. Don’t even try to go inside, or I’ll let him do whatever he wants to you.”
He already has.
The tears build, and I avoid blinking for as long as I can. Crying only fuels her fire, and I can’t afford to do any more damage. Money means more to Tess than my body ever will. My back’s against a wall, and if I say no, my life will pretty much be over.
“Fine. I’ll do it.”
Her smile is so fake, I almost gag. How can she live with herself, knowing she’s destroying any chance I have at a normal life?
“I knew you’d come around. Go see Ace in the morning. I’ll let him know you’re coming.”
“I need more time than that.”
“Tomorrow, Winnie. I make the rules, remember?”
The curtain parts, and the doctor moves around me to check Tess’s wires. The negotiating is over, and I’ve just made a deal with the devil. I thought things were as bad as they could get, but they’re about to get a whole lot worse.
Like a zombie, I walk down the hallway, not paying attention to where I’m going. Until I feel the fresh air on my face, I don’t plan on stopping. The only thing powerful enough to slow me down is a vibrating phone against my hip. I forgot all about calling Trey back.
My voice is shaky, and I do my best to hold back the tears when I answer.
“Look up,” Trey says.
I lift my chin, and there he is, standing in the waiting room by the revolving door with his phone against his ear.
“You’re here?” It comes out as a question, like he’s not real.
But there he is, waiting for me.
He stuffs his phone in his pocket and then takes mine out of my hand and ends the call.
“How did you know where to find me?”
“I put a tracking app on your phone.”
“Is that normal?” I don’t know what the phones come with. I’ve had one for all of twenty-four hours.
He laughs and says, “Depends on who you ask. But I wasn’t going to take any chances with you living in that trailer. If anything happened, I needed a way to find you.”
“I couldn’t answer. The first time, I was talking to the cops, and the other times, I was with Tess. I’m sorry.”
“No, you did the right thing, Winn. Did she hear it ring or see it?”
“I was careful.”
“Good girl,” he says. Then, he leans forward and kisses my forehead.
“You’re not mad?”
“I panicked when you didn’t answer. Then, I saw where you were, and I was afraid something had happened to you.”
“It’s not me. I’m fine. Tess fell and knocked her head open.”
“I don’t care about Tess. Just you.”
He’d care if he knew she just threatened to kick me out of the trailer. God, I feel so dirty, and I haven’t done anything wrong. Trey thinks I quit The Whip. If he tracks my phone and sees I’m there, he’ll know something’s up.
I want to tell him what’s going on and what Tess is putting me up to. He’d be able to make it better, but I can’t ask him for more money. I’ve never depended on anyone but myself, and that’s what I have to do now. Step up to the plate, and handle my business like an adult.
“You’re cold, Winn. Have you eaten?”
I shake my head. It’s been a while.
“I’m fine.”
“What do you need?” he asks.
“Just you. Can we go to your place?”
I still can’t believe he came back for me. When Trey goes away, he disappears. I don’t hear from him for weeks, sometimes months, and only when he’s done with whatever mission he’s on does he resurface. Him being here gives me so much hope that we really can work.
He tucks my hair behind my ear and leans down, brushing his lips against mine. “I missed you.”
“You have to go back, don’t you?”
He nods, and my heart splits down the middle.
If he goes, there’s no doubt that I’ll end up at The Whip tomorrow, getting instructions from Tess and Ace about how to earn them the most money. I won’t get to keep a penny even though it’s my body on the stage.
I hug Trey a little tighter, wishing he would stay yet hoping he’ll be away long enough that he’ll never find out about the dancing. Because, if he does, I’ll lose him forever. He won’t want me anymore.
The only thing that closes the open wound is kissing him. I wrap my arms around his neck and pray he keeps choosing me, no matter what happens.
“I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”
“Winn, I want to stay. I’ll take care of business as fast as I can and come back to you.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
I believe him. He won’t stay away longer than he has to. When I was younger, I thought Trey loved his job. He seemed happy, and he always had nice things. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that possessions don’t mean as much to Trey as people do.
“Trust me, Winn.”
“I trust you.”
Good-byes are so bittersweet, but this one will go down in the history of mess-ups. Because, when I let go of Trey, Jasper’s standing off to the side, leaning against the wall, with his hands in his pockets, watching us.
He says nothing at first. Just stares. I’m afraid to look at Trey, and I’m ever more petrified to move. I let myself get so wrapped up in seeing Trey that I forgot about where we were and who was waiting for me.
I take one step toward Jasper, and Trey grabs my hand.
“Did you come with him?” he asks.
Lying won’t do an ounce of good. I’m stuck right in the middle of my two favorite people, and they’re each perfect for me in different ways. I can make Trey understand, but with the way Jasper’s looking at me, I don’t think that’s fixable.
“It’s not what you think, Trey.”
“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking, Winn. I promise you that.”
Thirty
Jasper
At first, I think I must be seeing things. Winnie’s jumped into Trey’s arms in front of me before, so I didn’t think twice about the way he hugged her or the way she rested her head against his chest. Even the kiss on her head was no big deal. But then she looked up at him, and he leaned down and kissed her. Right in the middle of the waiting room, they made out in front of everyone.
Nobody cared. To them, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. To me, it was like someone took a hot branding iron and pressed it against my heart. Everything I thought I’d felt for Winnie was a lie. She doesn’t need me. She doesn’t even want me. She wants everyone, except me.
It takes every bit of strength I have left to walk over to her. She watches each step I take, and her eyes roam over my face. Scared. That’s the only way to describe the vibe she’s giving off.
“Do you need a ride home?”
She glances at Trey, and he doesn’t say a word. Not even a gesture one way or the other.
Then, she looks back at me and says, “No.”
Twice, I’ve been rejected. Yet here I stand, looking for an explanation about what these two guys have that I don’t. Then, it hits me. “Is Trey your neighbor?”
A single nod. That’s all the explanation I’ll get as long as he’s standing beside her. She wasn’t seeing some mysterious guy; it was him, pretending and hiding from the rest of the world.
When Trey grabs her hand, I don’t beg her this time. I take it as my cue to leave, and it hurts ten times worse. Winnie didn’
t just hide her relationship; she also flat-out lied to me. And shit does that sting.
I storm by a security guard, slam my car door, and drive like an asshole the entire way home. I weave in and out of traffic so many times, I’m shocked I don’t get pulled over. Even Stop signs get ignored. With no business being on the road right now, I park in the driveway and sit in the dark.
Maybe I’ll pack a bag and take the bus to the beach. The guys have a ton of beer and probably some weed, too. I can smoke up and forget about Winnie and her boyfriend. At least at the beach, I won’t be tempted to walk by her trailer or stumble across her kissing Trey again.
But, come morning, I’m not angry anymore. Just hurt. I still need the money for the car, and I still care about Winnie. Not even another relationship would make me give up on her. Because Trey comes and goes; that’s what he does. I’m always here. Like last night, I’ll keep being there when she needs me.
The rest of the day is pretty calm. I pull weeds and mow the grass. By the time the sun goes down, I’m showered, waiting to go to work. My cell rings, and I grab it, hoping it’s Winnie. Then, I realize she doesn’t have my number, and I never thought to ask for hers.
Ace tells me Winnie had to cancel, and he needs me to watch Lydia tonight. He’ll pay me the same as if I were going to The Whip. Even though I tell him I’ll do it, I ask why Winnie can’t.
“Something came up,” is all he says.
Trey. I bet Winnie can’t babysit for Ace because he’s related to me. Trey thinks I’ll be over there, trying to invade his turf. Well, guess what? By fall, I’ll be in the same building as Winnie five days a week. He might think he can keep us apart now, but soon, he’ll have no control over when I see her and what we talk about.
Winnie doesn’t need another controller. She needs someone who’s patient and caring. Someone who will love her the way I can.
I’ll go to Ace’s, and I’ll cover for Winnie. But, tomorrow, I plan on having a long talk with her. And I’m going to make her listen.
Thirty-One
Winnie
I spend the day pacing my bedroom. Tess was discharged from the hospital around six in the morning. When she got home, she threw the door open with what little strength she had left and made sure I was here.
