by Karina Halle
I look at Lael, who’s wearing some goggles that she found hanging in front of her. She appears like she’s having second thoughts. Fuck that, we’re doing this. I put it in gear and we tear out of the garage and down the driveway.
Roar yells at the top of his lungs in Norwegian, waving his arms and running behind us. I just smile and wave, pretending not to notice he doesn’t want me to ride off with his toy.
Growing up in the city, I missed out of this sort of thing, so as I tear down the desert road, I regress deep into an adolescent dream and spin the tires around every corner. I turn to Lael, expecting her to tell me to tone it down but she is fumbling with the stereo. This demon machine has more horsepower than any God-fearing man should ever want or need, and the wattage of the stereo system matches the arrogance of the engine. I’m not sure how Lael manages but the new Metallica album is blaring (does Roar have it in every vehicle he owns?), shaking the metal frame around us.
With the engine screaming, the music blaring, and Lael shouting for joy, this is damn near perfect. I can’t see her eyes because her goggles have a layer of dust on them, but the full moon lights her smile, a smile that makes me feel light and time stand still.
“Are we going to take this thing into town?” Lael shouts over the sound of the engine and music as the lights of the city approach.
I only answer with a devilish smile as I pull off the highway toward downtown Santa Fe. The new Metallica album is a long one and is still going strong as we roll into the center of town. We are getting honked at, yelled at, and maybe even laughed at. I know the moment we run into the police this will not end well.
I don’t take my time. When traffic comes to a crawl, I feel like a sitting duck so I drive over medians and sidewalks. Lael holds on to the metal frame as we bounce over the obstacles. I sense this machine is capable of much more abuse.
I see a place that looks like a bar. I don’t think there will be a ton of options and I know my luck will run out soon if I keep tearing around the city center on this insane-looking dune buggy, so I pull over and park, killing the motor and unbuckling my seatbelt.
“This place looks good,” I say. Actually, the place looks too classy for us, but here we are. We climb out of our stolen machine and walk onto the patio of the white table-clothed restaurant.
“Welcome. Would you like to dine inside or outside?” the kind-looking waiter asks, seeming to not notice that we’re covered in dust and Lael has goggles pushed back on her head, while our vehicle parked only meters away is totally illegal.
“Outside, please,” I answer, playing it cool while the buzz of the journey hums through my veins.
We sit on the patio facing the street. Our stolen vehicle is parked crooked and looks painfully out of place in contrast to the nice surroundings.
We order a bottle of champagne and two steaks. We get lucky with the restaurant because everything is perfect.
Lael is perfect. She’s become the focus of my attention since she picked me up from the airport all those weeks ago. I’m beginning to question why I’m so restrained with her, almost gentlemanly. That said, it’s been an unusual day and I’m emotionally drained, my defenses are down, and I’m vulnerable. While Lael is watching some people gathering around the dune buggy, I’m watching Lael.
Why am I fighting this? Is it her father? Certainly, if I had an open relationship with Ronald Ramsey’s daughter there would be consequences. I’m not sure it would be the complete end of my career, but Ronald would make good on his threat and try his best to ruin me. Even though I’m his cash cow, he would drop me if he thought I was trying to woo his daughter, the very person I’m supposed to protect.
Yet I’m not sure it’s Ronald who’s stopping me.
Lael is young. At first she seemed considerably younger because I could still see the kid I once knew, but since we’ve been spending time together I can’t say I see that kid anymore. I see an attractive young woman instead. She is, in fact, so beautiful and sweet that I’m concerned I’m the wrong guy for her. She’s a beautiful lake and I’m a barrel of oil floating around, harmless until opened. It’s not Ronald, it’s not that she’s considerably younger…it’s me.
There haven’t been that many women in my life, but they all have something in common. My mother gave me away, Miss Sugar practically sold me to Ronald, and then there’s Lindsay, who only wants to see me when I have a song in the top 40. It leaves me wondering, could it be me? Strip away my celebrity and fame—am I just a lost motherless loser with an oversized yellow t-shirt and shoes that are too big?
I drink the last of the champagne in my glass and feel myself going to a dark place.
“What’s on your mind?” Lael asks.
“You.”
“Good thoughts, I hope.”
The waiter comes with our late dinner and puts it on the table, breaking our conversation before it can get too deep. Lael raises her fork and I instinctively hit it with mine.
“Let’s eat,” I tell her.
“Damn, this is good stuff,” she says, savoring each bite with her eyes closed. Then, when she opens them, her attention goes to something over my shoulder.
“Umm, Brad,” she says warily.
“What?” I start to turn around to see where she’s looking.
“No!” she whispers harshly, leaning in. “Don’t look now, it’s the police, and they seem interested in our dune buggy.”
I fight the urge to look and try and hide the smile on my face. I do my best to enjoy my steak while noticing our legs are touching under the table. Lael, meanwhile, looks like someone who’s desperately trying to conceal their guilt. Shifting, twitching, and looking in every direction except where the police are apparently checking out our ride.
“Relax, it will be fine,” I assure her.
Then, one of the police officers focuses his attention on us, stepping close to the patio fence. He clears his throat. “Did you folks happen to see who parked this vehicle here?”
I’m about to say no, but Lael pipes up before I can say anything. Lael, in a horribly fake and untraceable accent says, “Do you mean that silly one there? I didn’t even notice it until now.”
Silence hangs in the air as both the cop and I turn our heads toward the wild looking dune buggy that has the attention of everyone within a hundred feet.
“You didn’t notice this vehicle until just now?” The cop questions.
“Oh, that one. Okay, yeah, I noticed that one. I thought you meant the one next to it, that Corolla there. No, yes, I noticed that one. Sure, yeah.” Lael’s strange accent sounds different than when she began.
I look at her in complete bewilderment.
“Where are you folks from?” the cop asks, sounding suspicious. I have to say I can’t blame the guy.
“Australia. My name is Mildred and this is my husband…Tom,” Lael replies in a very non-Australian accent.
“Sir, did you witness anything in regards to this vehicle?”
I clear my throat. “When Mildred was in the restroom I saw some teenagers park this vehicle here. I think they ran off in that direction. They seemed to be drinking.” I try to match her crazy accent which has me sounding like both an Englishman and a Jamaican. Maybe with a bit of Norwegian thrown in. I’ll blame Roar for that one.
“Could you describe them to me?”
“I’m afraid I cannot. They seemed pretty wild, and I didn’t want to get their attention so I did my best not to look at them.”
“Right,” the cop says after a few long beats, looking us over. “All right, well, enjoy your dinner, folks. I hope you enjoy your stay here in Santa Fe.” As wary as the cop seems, he thankfully puts his attention back on the dune buggy that is now being loaded onto a tow truck.
“What the hell was that?” I whisper to Lael. Her face is beet red and terrified. “Why the accent and fake names? Australia? That accent wasn’t even close.”
“I don’t know, I don’t know,” she says, and doesn’t blink as she downs
a full glass of champagne.
“You’re nuts,” I say with a smile.
“I think I’m going to have a heart attack,” she says.
“You’re going to give me a heart attack,” I chide her.
“I must tell you now, I’m not a very good liar.”
“You don’t say,” I answer while laughing.
Lael covers her mouth, trying to hold back her laughter. “Oh my god, I don’t know. I got nervous.”
“Alright, Mildred. I’m taking you home.” I put some money on the table and we begin the short walk to our hotel. We walk arm-in-arm, breaking in and out of whatever accent Lael was performing earlier. Since it’s rare that I drink, I’m definitely feeling the effects of the champagne.
In our hotel, riding up the elevator, Lael hugs my arm as if it were her pillow. My concern about what is right or wrong concerning Lael are all but gone as I look down at her.
Her teal hair over the tanned skin of her shoulders is a beautiful sight. I want to press her against the wall and kiss her. I’m finally in the moment and it’s all I want, all I care about.
I don’t give in, but I do hold her close, and I know she can feel my affection.
The elevator door opens and we step into the hall.
“I’m this way,” I say, pointing down the hall.
“I’m this way.” Lael points in the opposite direction.
Neither of us turn to walk away. We stand in the hall in silence holding eye contact. I know I’m going to kiss her, but I take my time. I like the way she’s looking at me, and I can feel my lips curling into a smile. We haven’t touched yet, but something has already begun and there’s no turning back.
I reach out and hold both of her hands as she begins to run her fingers softly against my palms. I pull her in and she puts her hand on my chest. Our eyes are still locked on each other, and with every passing second the intensity increases.
I don’t have to make an effort; rather I submit to the gravity pulling me into her. I grab the back of her head. Her soft lips are open and we melt into each other. I’m becoming desperate to feel her skin on mine, our breaths are deepening, our hearts are racing, and our eyes are closed. Gently, I bite her bottom lip, and she responds by kissing me harder.
Ding.
The elevator door begins to open and we plummet back to reality. We take a step back from each other, trying not to make it obvious to Arnie who is standing there awkwardly with a pizza and a six-pack of beer.
“Don’t stay up too late now. Big day tomorrow, aye?” Arnie says, his eyes darting around as he shifts his shoulders. He’s clearly aware he interrupted something.
“Goodnight, Arnie,” I say as he passes by. “Goodnight, Lael” I say to her more forcefully so that Arnie takes note.
I take in a slow, deep breath, trying to settle down. Arnie is fumbling with his room key only steps away and I try not to look at him.
“Goodnight, Brad,” she says, one eyebrow raised. Arnie has the door open but he’s struggling with the pizza, six-pack, and the self-closing door.
Lael struts down the hallway, swishing her hips side to side like she’s performing a seductive dance. I watch her disappear around the corner—she never looks back.
Arnie’s door finally snaps shut, and I’m alone. I’ve been wondering what kissing her would be like since the audition when she surprised me with her force and commitment. I can still feel her lips on mine. I want nothing more than to knock on her door and pick up where we left off. Whatever is happening between Lael and I is something new to me, and the way she kissed me has left me high. The image of her face is burned into my brain. I can still feel her lips and her touch. Her smell is still in the air, and her energy is inside me, running through my veins and exploding in my heart. I walk back to my room with a smile on my face.
I feel weightless.
Chapter Ten
Lael
Holy fucking shit.
What the hell just happened?
I have barely any time to process the thoughts before I’m zombie walking across the hotel room and flopping over like deadweight onto the bed.
After the insane and ridiculous day I’ve had, I should be passing right out. I’m beyond exhausted and that kiss with Brad made my legs feel even weaker.
But I can’t pass out. It’s late and I can’t sleep. I can’t do anything but lie here and replay everything in my head, over and over again.
Never mind how the day started out. That crazy Norwegian fucker Roar showing up and then all of us piling into that SUV with the sawed-off roof and the seats that aren’t actually seats but somehow a couch. Then us being shuttled off to his compound in the desert where I fired a gun for the first time in my life.
Then the walk through the desert with Brad, which lead to moments I’d only dreamed about, a closeness I’ve been craving. I know I’ve been bold with him, terribly bold, but it’s the only way I know how to be. He just does something to me that brings it out, that makes me stop being afraid. I swear I could do anything to him, say anything (and from the way I was blabbering, I’m pretty sure I have) and it wouldn’t matter. Brad can take what I’m giving.
And I can take what he’s giving.
And I want more of it.
I’m a greedy little girl like that.
I sigh into my pillow and wish that my brazenness would carry me down the hallway and to his room. But I could tell from the way that Arnie was looking at us, that the time isn’t right. In fact, I’m sure the fact that Brad kissed me was a big mistake. I know he’s not supposed to lay a hand on me, I’ve heard the threats from my father.
And I know there’s a lot at stake when it comes to Brad and his relationship with him.
It’s just that I’m not afraid. I’m old enough to make my own decisions and the fact is, I like Brad. A lot. I mean, that’s a given, it’s always been a given. But this isn’t a young teenager pining after a rock star. This is me, a young woman, getting to know this rock star on a very personal level. I’m falling for the real Brad Snyder, the man behind the mask, the man of few words and a damaged past. I’m getting to know him and the more I get to know him and all his faults and flaws, along with everything that makes him magical, the more that I like him.
And the braver I’m getting, for better or for worse.
Fuck. That kiss. I can still feel it on my lips. The way he tasted, smelled, the feel of his hands in my hair, the way he bit my lower lip, tugging just so. I was so close to dragging him to my room.
I turn over and stare up at the ceiling, blowing a strand of hair off my face. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping for some time and I feel like if I don’t start talking to someone about all of this, I’ll burst.
I bring out my phone from my bag and look at the time. It’s almost midnight but Christy always burns the midnight oil when she’s working. I’ve only texted her here and there, mainly checking on how Baby Groot is doing, but I could do with some female bonding. Though I’ve always been independent and never had many close female friends growing up, always preferring the company of boys except for my friend Shelby, who moved to London after high school, being on the road can be lonely.
I decide to Facetime her.
She answers on the third ring and I hold the phone high above me, my head back on the pillow, smiling at the sight of her face.
“Hey, am I bothering you?” I ask her, checking the small picture of me on the screen. I look all sorts of nuts with my hair spilling out around me, a crazed look in my eyes.
“Not at all,” she says, bright-eyed, considering how late it is, “I was actually debating taking a break. I swear I’m going cross-eyed.”
“What are you working on now?”
“Oh nothing. Nothing interesting compared to what you’re doing. How is it? I caught your show in Phoenix! You did amazing!”
“It was on TV?”
“Well I saw it on Youtube.”
I’m touched that she looked it up.
“But,” she s
ays, “it was pretty amazing and really well shot. You were badass and the camera loved you. It kept focusing on either you or Brad. You are both fucking babes.”
I swear I feel myself blushing.
“Well, thank you.”
“So tell me everything. I mean everything, the real things, not just the easy stuff that you can text.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to keep you from work.”
“Oh come on, you know it’s fine. I’ve been working pretty much ever since you left, I’m in dire need of something exciting. Let me live vicariously through you. And please, please tell me you’ve gotten some action at some point.”
I burst out laughing. “Did you think I was that hard up?”
She sticks her tongue out at me. “No. I didn’t but for the time we’ve been living together, I’ve never seen you go out on a single date.”
“I work a lot.”
“So. Work hard, play hard. And you’re working now but don’t you dare use that as an excuse.”
“Okay, let me see Baby Groot first.”
“He’s right here,” she says and puts the phone down for a moment so I see a shot of the ceiling in her office. Then after some shuffling she aims the phone’s camera back at her and Groot’s little Chihuahua face is looking at me.
I swear I almost burst into tears. It’s funny how attached you get to something even after a short time. It’s not that I’m homesick, not at all, but seeing my little dog’s face makes me realize how unstable everything really is for me right now.
And I can’t blame that on anything more than my feelings for Brad.
What I feel for Brad knocks me off balance.
Of course Baby Groot doesn’t know what’s going on. He tries sniffing the screen and then licking Christy’s face as she holds him close to her.
“Say something, talk to him,” she says, laughing.
