by Lauren Algeo
She was temporarily signed off from her job as a receptionist on compassionate leave and she wouldn’t step foot outside the house. From what Georgie could understand, they had money from her dad’s life insurance coming and the house would be covered, but her mum didn’t explain much to her. Georgie decided she just had to look after her mum as best she could. There was no one to do the same for her.
She began to over-eat for comfort. Stuffing herself with food made her feel safe somehow, as though a layer of fat could protect her from any pain. It was easy to get hold of anything she wanted, her mum left her to do their food shopping. She didn’t care how many bags of crisps or chocolate bars Georgie came home with, she just kept giving her the money.
The weight piled on rapidly and before she knew it, there was a fat stranger looking back at her in the mirror. She was disgusted with her new figure but she couldn’t stop the eating. Her mum didn’t even blink at her new appearance. She couldn’t see Georgie any more. She was too busy toying with her pills and crying – surviving each day but not living.
With no close adult support, Georgie was forced to become the parent. She learnt to cook properly and cleaned the house. She washed their clothes and filled the cupboards. She was tackling ironing when she should have been outside playing with her friends. There was no time for them any more and she became withdrawn at school.
A year after her dad died, Georgie started secondary school. It was a big step in her life although there was no sentimental gushing from her mum about how her little girl was growing up. Georgie barely got a nod as she left the house for her first day, in the new school uniform she’d gone to buy herself.
School was hell. There were far more children than there had been at her small primary school. She was now attending one of the largest schools in Hounslow. She felt self-conscious and out of place. The other girls were all thinner and prettier than her. They laughed and chatted, and made friends easily; Georgie kept to herself.
Within a week some boys had given her the nickname ‘Georgie porkie’ and it had stuck. Kids yelled cruel taunts at her but she tried to ignore them. It was only when she was alone in her room, cramming pieces of chocolate into her mouth, that she let the tears come, only then could she release the pain and hurt she was feeling.
Life had passed like that for the last two years. Georgie went through her days at school like a robot: head down, grades up, avoid contact. Her mum had existed in the same fashion – go to work, watch TV, drink.
Alcohol had become more and more prominent in their house. Her mum had started slowly at first, a few glasses of wine in the evenings to numb the pain, to try and forget. Now it was shots of neat vodka throughout the day. Georgie knew she stuck to vodka so they wouldn’t smell it at her office. Sometimes she even had a drink in the mornings to stop the tremors in her hands. She would disguise it in her glass of orange juice at the breakfast table but Georgie wasn’t blind.
She could see her mum fading in front of her eyes with the addiction only there was nothing she could do. Her begging fell on ears that couldn’t hear her and she had no adults she trusted to turn to for help. She was scared that if she told anyone about her mum’s drinking they would take her away. She didn’t want to leave the house they had shared with dad, despite how much she’d grown to hate the woman her mother had become.
It was hard to remember the caring, vibrant woman she had once been. The one who had looked after her and read her bedtime stories. Who had smiled lovingly at dad and held his hand across the dinner table. This new person was cold and empty… or at least she had been.
Yesterday afternoon her mum had come home with a smile on her face. It looked alien after so long with no expression. Georgie had watched in surprise as her mum tidied the living room and hummed to herself. She’d actually cooked dinner for Georgie for the first time in months and hadn’t drunk nearly as much wine as she usually did.
Georgie had tentatively broached the subject of her good mood and her mum had palmed her off with a wave of her hand and a non-committal comment about work going well. Now this morning she was making breakfast downstairs and Georgie could hear her singing along to the radio.
She gave the photo on her dressing table one last, longing look then put her school bag over her shoulder and headed downstairs to get to the bottom of what was going on.
Chapter 2 – 30th May 2007
There was a sharp rap at her bedroom door and Georgie quickly shoved the family-sized bar of Dairy Milk underneath her maths homework.
Her mum poked her head around the door. ‘Georgie love, will you come and set the table.’
Georgie nodded and prayed she didn’t have chocolate around her mouth. ‘I’ll be down in a minute.’
Her mum smiled widely and walked along the hallway to the stairs. Georgie stared at the empty doorway with a frown. They usually ate dinner on their laps in the living room – something was happening.
Over the last two weeks, her mum had been transformed. She’d begun to make an effort with her appearance again – styling her shoulder-length, blond hair and putting on more make-up in the mornings. She’d even started to dress smartly and wear heels to work. Georgie wasn’t complaining, her mum had been taking more of an interest in her life and spending time with her in the evenings, but she was suspicious. She had a feeling the reason for this improvement would be revealed very soon.
She put her homework aside and headed down to the kitchen, where her mum was making dinner. Georgie took two plates from the cupboard and her mum glanced over her shoulder from the hob.
‘We have company tonight so set three places,’ she instructed, gesturing to the small dining table in the corner of the kitchen.
Georgie felt slivers of ice in her blood. ‘Who’s coming for dinner?’ she demanded.
Her mum hadn’t kept in touch with any of her old friends, and she certainly hadn’t made up with Georgie’s grandparents.
‘A man from work.’
‘A man?’ Georgie glared at her mum’s back. ‘What man?’
Her mum carried on stirring the pot on the hob without turning around. ‘His name is Nick and he’s our new delivery guy. He’s very nice.’
‘Is this a date?’ Georgie managed to spit out. ‘Are you dating now after dad?’
Her mum slammed the spoon down on the counter and spun to face her. Her eyes flashed briefly with anger then seemed to clear.
‘It’s just a friendly dinner,’ she said. ‘He’s new to the area and I thought he could use some company. I’ve told him all about you.’
She started to turn back to the hob then paused. ‘I don’t want to hear another mention of your father, please. Not tonight.’
Georgie felt tears sting her eyes and she swallowed down the hard lump that had formed in her throat. She didn’t want another man there – a stranger. She couldn’t think of a reason that would cancel the dinner though, he would already be on his way. She watched her mum pour herself a glass of white wine as she cooked.
‘We’re having spaghetti bolognese,’ her mum told her. ‘Won’t that be nice?’
Georgie silently began to lay the table – for three. She purposefully left the seat at the end of the table where dad used to sit empty; this Nick guy was not going to sit in her dad’s place.
‘Thanks, love,’ mum smiled when she’d finished. ‘Now go upstairs and put on something nice, he’ll be here in a minute.’
With a loud sigh, Georgie stomped upstairs and pulled off her t-shirt and joggers. Her mum was wearing a black, low cut dress but there was no way Georgie was dressing up for some man. She put on navy leggings and a long, beige top – one that was slightly baggy to hide her belly. She brushed her hair but refused to put on any of the make-up she’d once stolen from her mum’s bag. There, that would do.
She was at the top of the stairs when the doorbell rang.
‘Georgie, can you get that please?’ her mum called. ‘I’m just dishing up.’
Georgie forced herself to
walk down the stairs and opened the front door with a fake smile plastered on her face.
‘Hi there.’ The greasy man on the doorstep beamed. ‘You must be Georgina? I can see that good looks run in the family.’
Georgie hated him instantly. Nick was the polar opposite of her dad. Her dad had been tall, with dark brown hair and warm, brown eyes. He’d been clean-shaven and kept himself in shape with jogging and swimming. This man was fairly short, with unkempt, dirty-blond hair that hung limply below his ears. He had a beer belly, several days of stubble on his cheeks, and cold, grey eyes.
Georgie took in his battered jeans and slogan-bearing t-shirt, which was openly offensive to women. Her dad had always dressed smartly in suits and shirts; his jeans hadn’t looked as though they would fall apart in the wash.
‘Hi Nick,’ she replied, keeping the stiff smile frozen on her face. ‘My mum’s in the kitchen so come in.’
Nick walked straight through the house with a cocky swagger and Georgie trailed behind with a scowl on her face.
‘Hello Nick!’ her mum greeted him brightly.
‘Hi Lily, thanks for having me.’ He walked over and kissed her on the cheek before presenting her with a bottle of Rose wine. ‘I brought you some wine.’
‘Oh, how lovely,’ mum beamed. ‘Thank you.’
Georgie couldn’t believe the happy act she was putting on. She silently got out a wine glass for Nick and a clean one for mum. She poured herself a glass of coke and sat at the table, feeling sick with dread.
The meal was awkward. Her mum and Nick flirted outrageously with each other while Georgie toyed with her food and shifted uncomfortably in her seat, wishing she could escape to her bedroom. Her mum kept giggling girlishly and playing with her hair, it was embarrassing to watch. Nick asked Georgie a couple of questions, but everything he said made her want to cringe.
‘How’s school, Georgie?’ he grinned at her. ‘I bet you’ve got all the boys after you, eh?’
She tried not to shudder when he winked at her. She had no delusions about her appearance – boys did not want a fat girl. Nick was just trying to win her over in front of her mum. It made her skin crawl.
‘Not quite,’ she replied evenly.
The spaghetti was actually tasty but for the first time in years, Georgie didn’t devour her plate. Seeing a new man in their kitchen made the food stick in her throat and she turned down dessert.
‘I have a lot of homework to do.’ She excused herself after mum and Nick had finished their dinner.
‘Aren’t you a good girl?’ Nick smarmed. ‘Well, it was lovely to meet you and hopefully I’ll see you again very soon.’
He patted her hand with his warm, sweaty one as she got up from her chair. Georgie tried to hide her obvious flinch at his touch.
‘Night sweetie,’ her mum purred as she opened another bottle of wine for the two of them.
Georgie raced to her room and shuddered as she closed the door. That had been one of the worst evenings of her life. She threw herself onto her bed and let out all the anguish she’d been holding in. She lay there, with hot tears streaming down her cheeks, and listened to them talking and laughing downstairs. How could her mum do this? Had she forgotten about dad already?
Georgie didn’t understand how she could ignore her daughter for years and then change completely when a man came along. Her mum had acted as if they were best friends down there, not relative strangers.
At 9.30pm Georgie forced herself to get ready for bed. Nick was still downstairs and she knew they would have finished their second bottle of wine by now. Her mum’s cackling laughter drifted up as she climbed into bed and burrowed under the covers. She prayed he would leave soon so she could go to sleep in peace.
About fifteen minutes later it went quiet downstairs and Georgie held her breath to listen carefully. Maybe he had finally gone? There was a bump in the hallway, followed by some hushed whispering and giggling. Nope, he was still there, and they were coming upstairs. Georgie felt physically sick as she heard her mum’s bedroom door close. The bedroom she had shared with dad.
The sounds Georgie could now hear left no mistake as to what was going on in there. Her mother’s soft moans reverberated in Georgie’s ears and Nick’s grunts mixed in with the squeaking of the bed. Georgie stuffed her pillow over her head and buried herself further under the covers, begging it to stop.
Thankfully it didn’t last long and the house fell silent again but Georgie couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned for the rest of the endless night.
The next morning, she got ready for school quickly and went downstairs to the kitchen, hoping she was up early enough to avoid Nick.
She wasn’t – he was standing at the sink and filling the kettle with water. He was wearing her dad’s navy dressing gown, which her mum had never gotten around to throwing out, and Georgie bristled with rage.
‘Morning,’ Nick smiled sleepily at her. His hair looked even greasier now, as it lay tousled behind his ears.
‘Nice uniform,’ he murmured, giving her the once over with his bloodshot eyes.
Georgie’s skin broke out in goose bumps as he stared at her. How could her mum like this disgusting man? She mumbled something non-committal and stormed out of the house. It was the first time she’d ever left without breakfast but she wasn’t the slightest bit hungry. Her stomach was twisting into painful knots as she marched to school.
Please let him be gone when I get home, she prayed. Just let it have been a one-night thing.
Something about Nick felt wrong. It wasn’t really anything she could put her finger on but she sensed something very dangerous about him.
Chapter 3 – 17th June 2007
‘A toast,’ Nick said as he topped up his wine glass.
Her mum’s was already full and Nick poured some white wine into a cup for Georgie.
‘Nick!’ mum protested with a giggle. ‘She’s only fourteen.’
‘Shh Lil, it’s only a drop on her birthday.’ He pushed the half-full glass across the table to Georgie and raised his own. ‘To Georgie. Happy birthday. You’re growing into a fine young woman… blossoming in fact.’
His eyes flicked down to her chest and he held them there for a long second. Georgie looked desperately towards her mum, who was smiling adoringly at Nick, oblivious to anything out of the ordinary.
‘Cheers!’ mum cried and took a gulp of her wine.
Georgie sipped at her own, grimacing at the sharp taste. The dinner they had just eaten was threatening to reappear. Her mum had made her favourite, roast beef with all the trimmings, but Georgie hadn’t had much of an appetite lately. She had stopped binge eating food in her room too; she felt hollow. It took all of her strength to stay at the table and choke down some birthday cake.
It hadn’t been a one-night stand, like she’d hoped. Her mum was hooked and Nick had been coming around most evenings for weeks now. They drank, stayed up late and had noisy sex. Georgie hated it, hated him. Nick had been getting very touchy feely with her lately – a pat here, a rub there – and it made her uncomfortable but her mum was blind to it.
Georgie had tried to broach the subject of his perviness with her last week, on a rare evening when Nick wasn’t there. Her mum had only laughed and given her a patronising hug.
‘I know you think boys will never notice you honey, but one day they will. You’ll lose this puppy fat and they’ll come flocking.’ She’d pushed Georgie’s hair away from her face. ‘Just make the most of yourself for now. Try to dress up a bit more.’
Georgie had shouted that she wasn’t jealous and fled from the room in tears. She knew her mum would just pour herself some more vodka and retreat into her comfortable drunken haze. She didn’t understand Georgie’s fear; she couldn’t see Nick as anything other than perfect.
Georgie pushed her plate aside and asked to be excused. Nick watched her as she left the room, she could feel his eyes boring into her back. She raced up the stairs two at a time and shut herself in her bedroom.<
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There was a new dress on her bed that her mum had bought for her birthday but it was too big. She’d lost weight since Nick had come along and her body was thinner than she’d seen it in a long time. She pulled a face at herself in the mirror and sat on the edge of her bed. Even her room didn’t feel safe anymore.
For the last couple of nights, Georgie had heard her door opening when she was in bed. She’d smelt Nick’s potent aftershave wafting in from the doorway and felt his gaze upon her. She’d stayed motionless and pretended to be asleep.
The first time, he’d just stood there for a minute then closed the door again, but last night he’d walked into her room and stopped by her bed. She’d been terrified and lay rigidly until he left again.
She didn’t have a lock on her door and she prayed he wouldn’t come in again tonight. The idea of him watching her sleep was incredibly creepy and she didn’t know why he’d want to. Maybe she could ask her mum for a lock now she was getting older.
Georgie put in her iPod earphones and lay back on the bed. She was now fourteen so it was time for some privacy.
Chapter 4 – 18th June 2007
Georgie woke up to a silent house and got ready for school. She was determined to ask her mum for the door lock today, and to redecorate her room. The walls were a baby pink colour, with cream curtains and bedcovers. It had been that way since she was little and she hated pink now.
She hadn’t wanted to ask her mum about changing it, but when Nick told her how much he liked her room last week, she felt as though she should. He’d commented flippantly about how a girl’s room should be pink and neat like hers and something in his tone made her feel awkward. She didn’t want a girl’s room anymore; she was a teenager. She wanted a purple or navy colour scheme.
