The augris abruptly let me go, as though Orion had signaled it. Turning, I caught a glimpse of its face beneath the mask. Its eyes bulged, and its facial muscles spasmed. I'd seen this before. Orion could take over men to peer through their eyes and manipulate them like puppets. A lurch of horror went through me. He could do that with Excris, now? What about shifters?
Is that what he’s planning for Xander?
Taking a deep breath, I knew I had to get a grip. Figure out what these monsters were planning and stop them. Escape, somehow, and get back to Winfyre.
“We let you go before, Tiani,” Orion said and glanced at me, smirking. “It’s all over your face. Desperation.” His eyes darkened and became almost hungry. “You think you can get back to them. I told you, shift and fly away. Here, I’ll tell you this as a token of proof—I’m planning on taking Winfyre in five days.”
Five days. That would barely give me enough time to get back.
Swallowing, I stepped forward and stared up. There was a suggestion of blue hidden in those clouds, and my heart leaped, wondering if I’d finally get to leave earth. Or if I jumped, would it trigger some kind of shifter instinct and save me?
Only problem was, I had barely been able to shift before.
I was terrified to try, and Orion knew it. I didn’t want to touch that wound at the center of me, that place I’d been chained off from for so long. He’d said the beast was gone, so why was he trying to have me shift?
He wants proof. Maybe he’ll try to do this to Xander. You were the perfect guinea pig.
“Do it,” Orion hissed, and I sensed a flicker of fear behind his words.
Tentative, with the sense I was fumbling in the dark for a flame long gone out, I reached for the golden hum of power I’d known once.
But all I found was ashes.
I sucked in a hard breath. No. My chest felt like it was collapsing.
All those times, all those close calls—I’d thought it was still there, somehow. Had I just told myself that to keep going? Or had the bracelet eaten away at it until…?
“It worked.” Orion sounded breathless, almost giddy. “The first dragon slain.”
I went to take a swing at him, but Lind was there and caught my arm.
“Now we can prepare for the hunt,” Orion said and rubbed his hands together, sounding distracted. “I have so much to do. Lind, will you take care of—”
I drove my elbow into Lind’s side, and her grip loosened enough so that I could sweep my legs and kick her. She landed flat on her back, and I sprinted for the tunnel entrance, only to be met with an ax-wielding Excris that looked like a cross between a lizard and a gorilla.
“You can’t run, Tiani,” Orion said as I backed up. More Excris and Skrors were appearing at either end, while Lind got to her feet, shoving and snarling at someone who tried to help her.
At my back was the thunderous, hidden river and the opaque mist. Could I take my chances?
“You won’t jump,” Orion said, and his voice was a whisper, eyes going all black. “You’re a fighter. You’ve never taken the easy way out in your life.”
Lind went to move forward, but Orion stepped in front of her and put an arm out. He outstretched a hand to me, and the whispers began to crowd in my ears. But instead of the tide of fears and anguish, it was warmth and wishes. Living in Winfyre, seeing Iris all the time, finding my place in the families of the Alphas, and Xander…
Xander was holding out his hand, smiling, and I suddenly couldn’t remember why I shouldn’t take it, why I should—
“What’s happening?”
I shook my head and saw that Orion had looked away, his hypnosis gone. Mentally, I made a note that he seemed to be able to do it both by touch and by holding someone’s gaze.
“What is that? Wolves? Shifters? Stop them!”
“It’s not shifters,” grunted an Excris, and he shifted uneasily as the howls reverberated up. “It’s forest guardians.”
“What?”
Suddenly, a huge wolf exploded out of the tunnel, snarling and snapping, blue eyes alight with fire. Another followed. Its fur was a bright white contrast to its partner's black. The Excris fell back as the Skrors surged forward. I blinked in confusion as Lind dove into the fray, too.
Orion was distracted, but the tunnel was still blocked. Before I could make a move towards the cliff, movement caught my eye. A figure in a dark hood and cloak, darting through the melee. He was graceful for his huge size, almost catlike, and, for a moment, I thought it was Xander.
Suddenly, he made a beeline for me, and I caught a glimpse of a bright grin against black skin.
“You can trust me,” he said in a warm, deep voice. Strong hands spanned my waist. “Oh, and hold on.”
And then he hurled us off the cliff and into the mist.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Xander
Earlier that same day
“Nothing,” Luke said in a tone of great frustration. “Not even a footprint.”
“She planned this,” Kal said in a grim tone.
We were standing together in a stretch of wilderness between Veda and Cobalt, the most likely path that Tiani had taken out of Winfyre Ridge when she’d left. My fists clenched, as they did every time I thought about it. Then would follow the same pattern—a surge of fury, a dull drum of grief, and a knot of fear. Meshing and crashing together, distracting me at the worst possible times.
“She had help,” Luke said. He was the best tracker Winfyre had. “Whether she knew it or not.”
“I think she knew,” I said in a low voice. “I think she waited. That’s why Lind risked getting in here, why she cornered her alone, why she…” Got my guard down, acted like my friend, and then betrayed me. “Excris were probably waiting to clean up her trail.”
“It also rained.” Rett had appeared, looking drawn and exhausted.
I didn’t want to hear any defenses or anything about Tiani. I’d wasted enough time.
“Thank you,” I said. “Call off the trackers. We’re done.” All three of them stared at me. “I have to go to Veda and see Beylore. Probably won’t be back till late.” I didn’t meet Kal’s eyes as he glared at me, or Luke’s concerned gaze, or Rett’s bewildered one. “Run double patrols again tonight.”
Luke swore under his breath, and Rett shook his head, his voice soft as he said, “You really want us to stop looking?”
I let out a small, bitter laugh. “You’re not going to find her.”
With that, I turned and left them, stewing in annoyance that my friends were failing to grasp the magnitude of Tiani’s betrayal. It was irritating. Like she’d just stepped out or something.
“She left,” I said and shoved my hand into my jacket pocket, crushing the paper in it into a thin, twisted strip. “She made her choice.”
They all fell silent, and I began to walk away.
“What about Iris?” Rett asked in a low voice.
I went to turn around, when Kal cleared his throat. “I’ll talk to her.”
With that, I left.
The whole day had a nasty flavor to it, an ugly urgency that wouldn’t give me a moment’s peace, and I found myself short and impatient with everyone. Beylore found me barking at a handful of young shifters who’d carelessly left a gap in the extra daytime patrols. Yes, the team on duty was a group of veterans, but still. We needed to be vigilant.
Lor waited until I was done, her eyebrows pulling closer and closer together in my peripheral vision. I felt myself faltering a little bit, and a few of the shifters shot her grateful looks.
“I think you’ve made your point, Xander,” Beylore said mildly.
Nostrils flaring, I jerked my head at her, said a few more choice words, and then dismissed them. Ignoring Beylore, aggravated and a little embarrassed, I stalked off into the woods, hoping she wouldn’t follow me. I needed to be alone, to clear my head and continue my work.
I was assessing potential weak spots in Veda’s perimeter, and Lor was supposed to
be helping me. However, I’d been on my own for hours, and now it was wearing late into the afternoon. Climbing a ridge, I stood on a hill and glanced around. Then I gave a small start.
I’d brought Tiani here to this exact spot a few days before she left.
“Dammit,” I muttered.
“Alex, what are you doing?” I flinched but didn’t turn around. “Alex.”
“Leave me alone, Lor,” I growled.
“You brought Tiani here.” Lor moved closer, and my eyes closed. Did nothing escape her notice? “And you’ve come back. Why?”
“Not on purpose,” I muttered.
“Oh, my,” Lor hummed to herself. “Subconscious, then. Tell me, my brother, are you really going to let her go?”
I choked and whirled around, my eyes searching through the forest, my senses expanding. We were completely alone, but still, we never used any kind of word that could indicate our shared blood.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Lorel?” I hissed, and then grimaced at my slip up. “Dammit.”
Lor laughed. “We’re alone.”
“It’s still not safe. We decided that long ago, to hide you. After…”
After Brody died, so many things had gone wrong. Lor had had to be hidden so as to keep Winfyre safe. No one except Kal, Fallon, and a few of Lor’s trusted Coven Riftborn knew who she was. Iris also knew, as she'd inadvertently found out. Luke, Rett, and Tristan had all agreed to consume a draught that would wipe Beylore and my family from their minds. To them, she was the mysterious Head of the Coven, not a childhood friend and Brody’s wife.
Although I sometimes wondered if it had worked as well as it should’ve. Either way, they never brought it up, and Kal barely brought anything up, so Lor had been safe.
Anger ripped through me. I’d wanted the Coven to prepare the same draught for Iris, but Lor had refused. She hated that it had come to that long ago, hated being kept a secret.
“Still think it was a good idea to let Tiani keep her memories?” I asked snidely.
“Excuse me?” Lor asked, and her voice was a shard of ice.
“Sorry,” I gritted out and ran a hand through my hair. “If you couldn’t tell, I’m in a terrible mood. That’s why I walked away—I need some space.”
“Actually, I think you need less space. Usually, I’d recommend you go spend time with our family—you know, our parents, grandparents, and extended relations who constantly inundate me with questions about you and how you’re doing.”
“That’s why I live in Cobalt, and you live in Veda,” I said, trying to smile and failing.
“Alexander Bane,” Lor said with a sigh. “You…” She trailed off and frowned, eyes sliding down from my face to my jacket. Specifically, to my hand in my jacket pocket. “What is that?”
I’d shoved my hand into my pocket and been unconsciously crushing Tiani’s letter. It was now wrapped in my fingers, and there was no way to quietly extract it.
“Uh,” I said. “It’s a…” Lor’s eyes became fierce. “It’s a note,” I muttered, resigned to her uncanny prescience and nosiness. “A note I haven’t read.”
Lor’s eyes were huge now. “Xander! Are you stupid? You’ve been carrying it around for, what, five or six days? There could be important information in there. It’s now clear that Lind and Orion still have some kind of hold on Tiani.”
“No, what’s clear is that I should have never trusted her.”
“What’s clear is that you’re so furious, you’re willing to risk just about anything to salvage your poor, damaged ego.”
Lor and I glared at each other for several moments. She broke first.
“Alex.”
“No.”
“Alex, you have to read it. You know that. That’s why you wound up here. It’s why you’re in such a bad mood—you’re in limbo between knowing the worst and hoping it’s not.”
“Tiani…” I stopped and sucked in a hard breath.
I thought her name would seem like a shard of glass in my mouth.
Instead, it was soft and full of longing.
“Iris got a letter, too,” Lor said, and I stared at her. “That’s why I was late. I was trying to use it to see if I could figure out where she’s gone. But I can’t pinpoint her, not outside of Winfyre.”
“Why?” I asked.
Lor’s gaze fell, and her eyes became shadowed. “You know, up until I started dating Brody, I always thought you’d get married first.” A prickle ran across my skin, and my eyes widened. “Especially as you got older, and you became so confident, so self-aware and open. It’s like you didn’t have flaws because you knew they could be strengths; you knew when to be vulnerable or when to be strong. You’d grown up so much, become so mature and wise.”
I almost laughed. “What? Lor, you’re the wise, mature one.”
“In my own way, I guess. But not like you. Mine came from learning. Yours was innate.”
I shrugged, not sure where she was going with this.
“Remember how we were always worried about Kal—me, you, and Brody?” she asked, and I reluctantly nodded. “His heart that he’d closed off, and his unwillingness to step outside the narrow lines that he’d drawn for himself…” Lor’s expression clouded. “But part of that is Kal’s nature. He’s quiet and introverted, and it takes him a while to warm up to people.”
“I can be an introvert,” I said. “Depends on the day.”
Lor ignored that. “I get that it’s a self-defense mechanism more than anything, but Xander, you’ve retreated so far inward, it’s like you’re vanishing before our eyes.” Her own shone, and a sharp stab went through my chest. “Sometimes it feels like I lost a husband and a brother.”
The stab that went through my chest this time almost knocked me back. “Lor,” I said, and a wave of guilt went through me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”
“No,” she said and brandished a finger at me. “Listen.” She took a deep breath and said slowly, “I never wanted to say anything because I didn’t want to make you feel bad. You were trying to protect me, trying to fix everything and make it right. You were taking care of me. But over the last year or so, Xander, you have all but given your soul to Winfyre. You never took a day off, you smiled less, and I thought I was going to lose you until Tiani came.”
“What?”
“Tiani brought you back. I saw the old you. It was brief at first, like flashes. But even that first night, you were acting so odd, and yet it warmed my heart. Because you were uncertain and flustered and curious. Over time, you started to relax and open up again. She was the catalyst.”
“Yeah, for destruction,” I said, my voice harsh. “Lor, that’s enough—”
“No. As much chaos as she wrought on you, Tiani brought you peace, too. She made you furious, she made you laugh, and she reminded you to want. To be human and not this perfect warrior specimen to protect Winfyre—not to vanish into a symbol or a protector.”
I had nothing to say to that.
“You’re a warrior, but you’re a man, too.”
Heat rose in my face. “Enough.”
“Tiani was the first person outside of the family and pack that you let yourself rely on in a long time. She made you think you didn’t have to control and protect everyone. You didn’t have to handle every little detail. You could help them help themselves.”
“How do you know that?”
“You let her work with you—hell, Xander, you let her live with you. You didn’t send her away. You listened, you talked, and you began to think of her as a friend.” My sister waved a hand. “Besides, I know you—you were attracted to her from day one.”
“None of that matters.” Jaw grinding, I tried not to glare at Lor. “I was wrong about her.”
Lor nodded at my jacket. “Were you?”
I pulled out the letter, crumpled and worn, the edges fraying. But I didn’t open it.
“I’ll meet you in a little while at the border, okay?” Lor said. Stepping forward, she rose up on h
er tiptoes and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Read it.”
Lor vanished, and I was alone, with nothing but the sigh of the wind and the drab stretch of gray sky overhead. My fingers slid the paper back and forth. It was folded in half and densely covered with writing on the inside. Something in me lurched at the familiar slant of Tiani’s scribble.
Something else wanted to set this piece of paper on fire.
Swallowing, I instead opened it, noting wryly that it looked like it had been read several times already. It took me a few moments to steel myself. Was she going to gloat about how she had tricked me? Or try to convince me that she hadn’t stabbed me in the back?
Or worse, give me hope? Hope that there was a valid explanation?
Hope for us?
Xander,
Don’t forgive me for what I’ve done or what I’m about to tell you. Hate me, I beg you. If I can draw one comfort from this action, it's that you'll see that I was the monster all along.
Years ago, I made a deal with the devil to save Iris’s life. Orion came to me and set out terms that would ensure her safety. It’s too long to go into here, but suffice it to say, he wanted me positioned in the Greyclaw, although he never asked me for information or anything about them. Not really.
At the time, I fooled myself into thinking it was selfless and strong-willed on my part. But I took Iris’s choice away. I never told her. I think it was more ego, overprotectiveness. We're alike in that, although you are a hell of a lot better at catching yourself and a lot more entitled to that arrogance.
I don’t regret trying to keep Iris safe, but I do regret the choices I made after. Small, stupid, and selfish ones that chipped away at who I was. I didn’t remember, didn’t want to remember.
Not until I met you.
I thought I hadn’t let my burdens get to me or change me.
I had. I’d lost myself somewhere.
I write you this letter, not as a way to exonerate myself, but to beg that you don't make the same mistakes. Xander, you do more than enough for Winfyre. Don't let this place consume your soul. It needs you—the people, the Alphas, and the land.
Dragon's Oath (Northbane Shifters Book 5) Page 20
