by Crimson Cole
When I lag again, he motions to the small open cooler which has several cans of beer waiting for us to drink and waves me over. “Come on! I know a little spot where we can go and enjoy these in peace,” he says, pointing to the alcohol again. “The asshats at the hotel may venture down this way and you don't seem to be in the mood for a party.”
I wander over by him and he lifts my arm and steps backward into the boat, then extends his other hand to help me in too. “It’s not far.” He flashes me a reassuring smile.
I nod in agreement, clasp his hand, and then get in the boat, careful to keep my dress from blowing upward. He rows a few feet away from the shore before I start speaking. “You're right about me not wanting to meet a bunch of new people.”
I observe Jovan’s movements as he guides the boat and shifts his weight for better balance, flexing lean muscles in all the right ways. It makes me want to touch him, but I won’t. I don’t touch anyone really. It makes life easier, but his easy-going nature makes me feel comfortable as we continue to row down around the river’s bend past a small cabin. I want to ask him a million questions, really.
Yet, more importantly, I don't want him to ask me any questions. Thankfully, he rows the boat without hammering me with an interrogation. I wonder what he wants from me, or even bigger than that, what he wants from life.
Chapter Four
“If you could do anything, or be anything, without money factoring into the decision, what would you choose?” I blurt out, breaking our silence.
“Anything?” he asks, cocking his head to the left. “Well, money isn’t the issue that prevents me from living the dream. I just need to make it through AVA then I’ll be free to do whatever I want.” The determination in his voice convinces me that his words are true.
“Oh, I see.” I pop a beer open and chug it, trying to hide my surprise that this guy is one of the rich kids from Apple Valley Academy, better known as a Royal. “So, what’s the issue then?
“Expectations,” he says flatly, as his jaw tenses.
“It’s funny you know. I always thought if I had the money for this or that, I would be free, but it doesn't sound like money equals freedom,” I say sharply, sounding a little more envious than I intend.
“Not in my case.” He motions for me to give him a beer, stopping the boat on the shoreline.
“Why?” I wonder aloud.
“Let’s make a deal. Okay? You don’t want to tell me your name and I don’t want to talk about my asshole father, so let’s drink a few beers and chill. Deal?” He raises his can and clanks mine.
“Deal.” I down the rest of the brew and grab another one. “Let’s be free tonight. Free of expectations, free of limitations and bullshit, of what’s facing us, and just act as if.”
“As if… what?” he laughs, and helps me out of the boat taking the cooler with him.
“As if we’re free. As if you're not slumming it tonight, and we’re free from the boundaries that usually separate us.” I give him a sharp glance and down the beer in almost one shot.
“Ahh, an Honoree I see.” He raises his eyebrows as the name falls from his lips as if it has honor and integrity, and he’s totally unaware of the stigma of being poor and sponsored at Apple Valley Academy by a rich fuck.
“Yes, My Lord.” I curtsy, making the boat wobble, and glare at him.
“Hey, for the record, I don’t think I’m slumming it with you. Okay? I think you’re pretty impressive, so don’t judge me and I won’t judge you.” A fierce glare lingers in his eyes for a brief moment, then he softens his gaze, “We’re free, right?” He curls his lips into the cutest smile and guides the boat to the shoreline.
Heat burns my cheeks for treating him so poorly. I no longer hold fault with him for his fate in life. I nod my head in agreement, “Tonight we can be who we truly are, without limitations.” Stepping out of the boat, I spin around on the spongy grass to lighten the situation.
“Well then, I’m a guitar player and an artist. Nice to meet you, Falcon,” he jokes, as he grabs the beer and jumps from the boat. I allow him to clasp my hand and twirl me around the embankment. He stops spinning me and tugs me close to his chest. “And what are you?” The sincerity in his voice takes and his bold action catches me off guard.
The warmth of his body takes me by surprise. I’m not used to letting guys into my world, let alone within touching distance, but his easy-going nature allows to me relax and I go with the flow.
“I’m the Headmaster.” I grab a beer and take a large gulp as we walk away from the shore.
“At Apple Valley?” He lets out a howl. “You want to be a teacher?”
“No.” I spit my beer on the ground and wipe the back of my mouth with my hand. “Hell no! I want to be the Headmaster at Apple Valley Rescue Ranch.”
“Hmmm, animals. That’s cool.” He takes my beer and finishes it.
I turn my back to him and slowly walk back into the water, wiggling my toes as the shore laps at my feet. “Animals are so much more trustworthy than people.”
“I wouldn’t know,” he admits, “I’ve never owned one.”
I stop kicking my feet in the water. “Really? I can’t imagine life without animals in it. I volunteer at the ranch every chance I get.”
“I wanted a dog...” His voice trails off as if he’s deep in thought, “but the asshole we agreed not to talk about, never let me have one.”
We can’t have pets in our apartment, so I volunteer.”
Jovan stands next to me. “You live in an apartment?” His eyebrows lift as if the idea of life in an apartment is akin to living in the animal shelter.
“I thought we agreed not to talk about our shitty lives.” I splash water on his leg with my foot. A passive aggressive shot at his first-world notions.
“Hey,” he smiles. “You really want to get into a water fight?” Before I can answer, he bends down and splashes water on my thighs.
I squeal and run deeper into the water with Jovan in hot pursuit, splashing water on my back.
He grabs me in a bear hug and turns me around, brushing the stray hair from my face. “You're beautiful,” he says, and presses his lips on mine.
This strange new sensation has heat exploding in my chest despite the chilly water and I allow myself to open. Usually I would pull away and clam up, but not tonight. Right now, I’m free as a bird, and go with my gut instinct to kiss him back. Yearning for more of him, I part my mouth slightly and Jovan senses the invitation, gently probing his tongue into my mouth.
He raises both his hands and cups my face, peppering my lips with kisses. “Tonight, we’re free.” He plants a kiss on the top of my head and releases me studying my face.
Unsure if I should kiss him again or pull away, I go the safe route and wade deeper into the river, which allows my sundress to float on the surface.
Jovan tugs at the ends of my dress, drawing me backward into his chest, and sways in the water with my body tight against his. “So, what are your favorite animals to work with?” He asks, not breaking the rhythm of our bodies fluidly moving together.
“Horses and dogs,” I whisper, and brazenly nuzzle the side of my face closer to his mouth.
He kisses my ear and neck, then spins me around to face him, enveloping me in his powerful arms. I close my eyes and sway with him in the water, forgetting my shitty past and the pressures of the upcoming school year.
Boldly, I lift onto the balls of my feet and kiss him deeply. I feel his heartbeat quickening against my chest as I trace my fingers over the hollow in his cheeks, then down his strong jawline. The sensation of touching his skin amazes me. There’s something different about him that draws me in and makes we want to explore every aspect of him.
His mind, his soul and shockingly, I want to explore his body. I want to know more, to feel more with him. I stare at him for a moment, and notice he has a tiny scar under his eye above his cheekbone about two inches long.
“What happened?” I ask, moving my fingers lig
htly over the mark, then sweeping my hand upward over his cheek and into his hair.
His jaw twitches before he speaks. “A disagreement with my father on what’s best for my life, but we made a deal not to talk about that stuff tonight.”
“Fair enough.”
He reaches his hands around and cups my bare ass, and quickly lifts his gaze to meet mine searching for approval, when I don’t resist, he moves his fingers lightly up my body, trailing the curve in the small of my back.
I raise my arms upward and wrap them around his neck. “Free right?” I stare at him under the moonlight and I swear I see a vast grassland in the green of his eyes. Inviting me to lay down my troubles, and get lost in the vibrant color and peacefulness he offers.
Jovan grips me tighter, then kisses me as if we are the only people on earth, lost in the current of the water, destined to merge as one.
I’ve never really felt ready to be intimate with a man before, to let them into my world, but he is different—flawed and vulnerable like me. I unbutton my dress slowly and Jovan leans in pressing a flurry of hungry kisses on my collarbone.
Instinctively his hands roam back under the hem of my dress, searching for satisfaction. As he tugs at me, my body stiffens in his arms. “Want to know a secret?” He asks, as if he senses my reluctance to go any further.
“Yeah,” I whisper, and rest my head on his shoulder, relieved he’s not pushing himself on me.
“My father hasn’t lived with us for years. My mother hides that fact from everyone, but he only comes and goes. He abandoned us a long time ago, but still wants to control every aspect of my life.” His chest heaves as if a great weight lifted from his psyche.
“I’ll tell you one if you want…” I pause, waiting for his answer as I trail my fingernails up and down the sides of his torso fascinated by the sensation of grazing my hands over his skin.
“This is our night. Confession frees the soul, right?” He says, and kisses the side of my head, then lifts my chin and brushes his mouth over my cheeks and lips. The water laps at our hips in gentle waves under the moonlight in stark contrast to my impending revelation.
“My mother hasn’t lived with me since I was four,” I admit, and pull away, unwilling to reveal all my truth to him. I head toward the shore without consciously thinking about it, but Jovan reaches for my hand and I willingly clasp mine around his as we both walk toward the riverbank.
“Why?” he asks, stopping me short of the grassy embankment.
“Because she killed herself two days before my fourth birthday.” A low guttural sound escapes my mouth, before I can stop the deluge of tears that I've bottled up for so long, but I don’t know how to let him comfort me. I break away from him and sit at the shoreline, resting my head on my bent knees.
“Get me another beer. Please?” I ask, hoping that another drink will dull the pain. He silently obeys, retrieving one for each of us and sits beside me.
“That’s messed up,” he manages to say after a long silence, and inches his hand closer to mine. “My mother is on autopilot, a robot of sorts. All painted up, saying the right things, expecting the right things from me. It’s all about image. No substance, no warmth.”
His revelation stuns me. Not that his mother would keep up with pretenses, rather that he trusts me enough to tell me. We chug our beers in silence and toss the cans toward the boat. Jovan lands his dead center to clatter inside, but mine falls short.
I nudge him with my shoulder. “We all have scars from our parents. Some are hidden and some more obvious.” I trace his cheek again and frown.
“Life hands us bullshit, but it also gives us beauty.” He reaches across me and caresses my face, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“And strength,” I say, turning my head to face him. I can’t believe the turn of events in my life, but one thing I'm sure of things are certainly looking up since I met Jovan.
If I only knew nothing would be farther from the truth.
Chapter Five
A light breeze causes goosebumps to pop out on my arms and I rub at them to try and warm myself. Jovan guides me down to lie on the grass and looms over me, stroking my face and hair. He rests his hand on the few buttons still closed on my dress, and gazes up at me for approval, but I turn my head away from him.
“Hey,” he says, and nudges my chin back to face him again. “Am I moving too fast for you?”
The yearning in his eyes sends shivers down my spine. I trace the outline of his hairline and nose, then let my fingers fall to his lips, grazing my index finger over them. I want nothing more than to lose myself in his allure, to surrender and give myself to him, but years of baggage makes me hesitate.
“I’m ruined,” I whisper, and pull his body closer to mine to avoid eye contact.
“No, you're not,” he asserts. “You’re perfect.” He smooths his palms down the sides of my hair, and props up on his elbows, giving me a perfect view of his toned chest.
My fingers brush down the center of his pecs, and over his treasure trail of faint hair leading into his shorts, but I waver and linger at the line between staying walled in and giving myself openly to him.
“You don’t understand.” I shake my head.
“I don’t understand,” he says honestly, searching my eyes. He sweeps in and kisses me, grazing his fingers up and down my leg. His hand slips under my dress again. He explores my body with his fingers, running them over my inner thighs and pelvis, tracing small circles on my belly.
Mechanically, I kiss him back, but his touch reminds me… of terrible things, and my mind wanders to my scholarship at Apple Valley Academy. My Mom’s former employer set up a trust for me to attend the elite school for my senior year.
The same man, while my mother worked cleaning his offices, gave me crayons to color and occupy my time. Then he’d run his fingers down my arms and legs, tickling me. His voice whispered huskily in my ear ‘be a good girl,’ as perverse need compelled him to inch his fingers up beneath my dress, and under my panties.
Sanctimonious, grubby, middle-aged hands, exploring taboo places. Morality blurred. Lines crossed… the price of admission to Apple Valley Academy.
“Stop it!” I smack Jovan’s hand away and push him off me.
“What's wrong?” Turmoil plays in his eyes as he searches for answers, staring at me.
It's clear he doesn’t have a clue and how can he? I jerk away from him and try to sit upright, thrusting him further off me, but his body stays solid, unyielding to my force.
“Don’t push me away, please,” he pleads in a soft tone. “There’s no one here but us. We can confess our darkest secrets and reveal our wildest dreams to each other. You’re safe.” He nods his head at me slightly, waggling an eyebrow to lighten the mood and reiterate his point.
Safe. That word rings true in my ears, and I release the tension I’m using to try and hold him at bay, relaxing my arm. I tug him to me, his mouth is so close to mine, I can feel the heat of his breath against my cheek—so close, looming above mine, teasing me in small, lingering movements. He barely brushes the most sensual of kisses across my lips, and runs his hands over my hair, then down my shoulders.
I moan, soft and low, allowing myself to yield to the sensation of his fingers running over my arms, my collarbone and down inside my dress, grazing his fingertips over my breasts. My nipples harden under the command of his touch. Jovan slips one hand under my dress, caressing my belly and hips. Long strokes from my belly button move upward between my breasts, and I arch my back to meet his touch. Then recoil, pressing my body hard against the grass.
Suddenly, I push at his chest in a futile attempt to try and run away from the memories flooding my brain. “You don’t want me. I’m damaged.”
“Yes, I do.” He kisses my face, soft and gentle.
I want to believe him, but I know better. I twist my head and whisper in his ear. “The man who sponsored me at Apple Valley did terrible things to me.” My body heaves under his weight as the gravity
of saying those words aloud hits me in the gut, making my stomach churn as if I want to purge the truth out of me. “I was violated before… at an early age. Tainted. Ruined. The price I paid to gain entrance into your world.”
“I’m so sorry.” Jovan hugs me tight.
The warmth of his body makes me feel safe and secure, as if I’ve purged an icy past from my soul by spilling those chilling words into the Universe.
“You’re perfect to me. Beautiful. Pure. No one can take that away from you no matter what they did to you.” He says this as if it is absolute truth.
I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head in silence, but he argues his point further.
“Stop giving him power over you.”
His voice rings loud in my ears jarring my senses.
“What?” I can't wrap my mind around what he is saying to me as if somehow, I’ve given the old bastard the power to destroy me.
He gently rubs his hands over the sides of my face, “Stop giving him the power to screw up your life.”
He says this so matter of fact that it almost makes sense to me. I tip my head slightly pondering his words.
“You control your life. If you want me to touch you... if you want to touch me… why let him ruin that for you? It’s giving him the power to fuck you up forever.”
Take back my power. His words are intriguing. Take. Back. My. Power.
Without speaking, I draw Jovan’s chest onto mine and allow my hands to roam over his shoulders and arms. He doesn’t say anything either as he nudges my knees apart and presses his hips into mine, kissing me deeply. Only thin fabric separates raw desires.
Our bodies blend together, and we tug at each other’s clothing in an urgent need to merge as one. I want him to rip my dress off and make love to me before I can think about it, but his movements are disjointed. Jovan’s reluctant to go further as he paces his raw passion and pulls back from me.
“Are you sure?” His eyes search my own for approval.
