by Rona Halsall
She hated being left on her own, not knowing what was going on.
Mind you, it wasn’t that she was bothered about going to see his family, because they were an odd bunch up at that huge old farmhouse. Freezing, it was, at this time of year, and everyone wore several layers of clothing indoors, even hats and scarves. Smelly, too. Quite a strange mixture of aromas; herbal incense and a whole range of different sorts of shit. Cows, sheep, pigs, horses and chickens. They kept them all and inevitably muck came in on the boots, which were kicked off in the hallway. She shuddered at the memory and remembered gagging the first time she’d walked into the house. So… grubby. Yes, she’d have to say the place was grubby. Nobody did any dusting, that was for sure; the windows were practically opaque and the floors always looked like they could do with a good mop. But then they would, with a pack of dogs and several pairs of muddy boots in and out all the time.
The family farmhouse was way up in the mountains, miles away from anywhere, at the end of a valley between Caernarfon and Porthmadog. A difficult place to grow up, Luke had said, especially when he reached his teenage years. She could only try to imagine how frustrated he must have been, not being able to meet up with his mates when he wanted to, always reliant on someone giving him a lift. You’d feel powerless in that situation, she thought, and she’d often wondered if that was the root of his troubles, where all the anger came from.
His family unnerved her, with their silences and sideways glances, so she was happy not to have to be anywhere near them. No, it was the fact that Luke just abandoned her at times that hurt.
But he always let her know. Always.
A knock at the door brought her back to the present.
They’re missing.
My family.
Four
Sunday
Four men stood at the door, an assortment of shapes and sizes, wrapped up in red waterproof jackets and dark trousers. A couple of dogs on leads sniffed round their feet. The tallest man stood at the front, the others standing one step back. He was thin and gangly, with a prominent pointed chin and a livid starburst of a scar on his left cheek. His dark hair was greying at the temples and in need of a cut. Raindrops pattered on their clothing, tapping out a steady rhythm, plastering the man’s hair to his head, dripping down his face.
Mel gasped with relief, her hand going to her chest.
‘Mrs Roberts? Mike Brown, Mountain Rescue.’ He held out a hand and shook hers with a firm grip.
‘Oh, thank God. Come in. Please, come in.’ She held the door wide and moved back to allow them through, but Mike shook his head.
‘No, no, don’t want to make a mess. We just need to know where we’re looking and who we’re looking for.’
Mel frowned, having hoped this would all have been sorted out. She really didn’t know anything about grid references or where to start searching for missing people.
‘I told the woman on the phone.’ She realised her disappointment made her sound a bit snippy and she forced a desperate smile. ‘I think it might be better if you came in. Look, it’s a tiled floor. I can mop up any mess.’ She opened the door as wide as it would go, and after a moment’s hesitation, they traipsed inside, leaving the dogs sitting in the rain.
The men stood in an awkward huddle in the hallway, their clothes creaking and rustling as they all tried to fit in, puddles forming around their feet as the water dripped off them.
Mel plastered a smile on her face, telling herself the mess wasn’t a problem. It really wasn’t.
‘Come into the kitchen. I’ll make a cup of tea, shall I?’
The men looked at each other. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Mike shaking his head. ‘No, you’re alright. We’d rather get on. It’s going to be a long night as it is.’
‘Oh, okay. Yes. Well…’ Mel stuck her hands in her pockets, fidgety now that she was the centre of attention and four pairs of eyes were staring at her. ‘I just got here at eight o’clock. Tonight. I was working today, you see.’ She could feel the colour rising up her neck, burning her cheeks. ‘I got delayed getting here. Anyway, the lights were on all over the house, as if Luke and the kids had just popped out. But the fire was cold.’ She frowned, wondering why the two things hadn’t connected in her mind before now. ‘So, I suppose they can’t have just gone out. Luke left a note, saying they’d gone for a hike and would be back later.’
‘That’s it? No clue as to which direction they went?’ The men looked at each other, and she caught one rolling his eyes. Her hands clasped the material of her pockets. Is it me he thinks is stupid, or Luke for not telling anyone where they were going? ‘So, where have you looked?’
‘Well, I drove to Windermere and then back over to Coniston. I didn’t go the other way because that’s the way I came and I would have seen them if they’d been on the road. And I didn’t pass any houses, so there’s really no neighbours in that direction that they might have taken shelter with. And before you ask, yes, I have rung all the pubs.’ She was getting frustrated at having to repeat herself while her family were out there in the freezing cold. Wet and hungry. They needed to be found, but she had no idea how to help the men narrow down their search area.
Mike frowned. The men glanced at each other. Mel squirmed.
‘Well, they didn’t go in the car,’ she said. ‘That’s still in the drive. So, I’m assuming they’ve walked from here.’
‘There are so many trails through the forest. Needle in a haystack,’ Mike said with a sigh. He ran a hand over his forehead, smoothing wet hair out of his eyes. ‘Right, so we’ll see if the dogs can pick up anything.’ He turned to Mel. ‘Can we have an item of clothing for each of them, just to give the dogs a scent?’
‘Yes, yes. Of course. Yes.’ Mel hurried upstairs, snatching up pyjamas from where they’d been dropped on bedroom floors, her heart racing. She’d gone about this whole thing all wrong, should have called these people straight away. But now she’d lost over two and a half hours, and when it came to hypothermia, that could be the difference between life and death. Her stomach roiled as her mind spelt out her worst fears. That they were dead. Her husband, her children. Lying dead in the rain somewhere. Her chest heaved and she screwed her eyes shut, not wanting to think about it, not wanting to imagine this was even a possibility.
She ran back downstairs and fluttered the clothes at Mike, her voice cracking as she tried to keep control. ‘Here you go. Will these do?’
‘Great, thanks.’ He took the clothes off her and his face softened at her obvious distress. ‘Right, we’ll just see what the dogs can do, okay? If your family are in the forest, well, they could be anywhere and it’s a big space to search at night. I’ll ring in and see if they’ll put up the helicopter. They might pick up something on thermal imaging.’
Mel nodded, her hands wrapping themselves around each other. ‘Yes, yes, that sounds great. Thank you.’ Her chin quivered. ‘Thank you so much.’
Mike’s gaze searched her face, his voice gentle.
‘Don’t you worry, now. Most times people have just got lost, or plans have changed, or the phone battery has gone dead.’
She nodded, trying to make herself believe that there was nothing to worry about. ‘Straight to voicemail,’ she said, looking at Mike. ‘Maybe you’re right. Flat battery.’ She let out a sigh. That could be it. Nothing sinister at all, just a flat battery. Which would mean he couldn’t ring her or text even if he wanted to.
The men left and she went into the kitchen, found the mop and cleaned the hall, wiped round the work surfaces, and washed up her plate and mug. Then she put the kettle on, just for something to do. She hadn’t really taken to Mike Brown, assessing her with those eyes. She got out a clean mug. The truth is rarely straightforward, is it? she thought as she tipped a slug of brandy into her tea, then realised what she’d done and threw it down the sink. She took a deep breath, in lieu of alcoholic fortification, as the idea of a baby fluttered in her stomach. Not worth the risk.
She fil
led a glass with water, went into the lounge and stood by the fire, warming the backs of her legs while she thought through the possibilities, trying to make a mental list of the things she could be doing to try and find her family.
An accident was still the most obvious possibility and she checked again to make sure she’d called everyone she could. She tried the nearest A & E department again, and ten minutes later, she knew they still weren’t there. Then she discovered that there were two other hospitals in Cumbria, so she tried them, and found out they weren’t there either. But then she’d known in her heart that they wouldn’t be.
Luke had been roaming the mountains all his life and it seemed impossible to her that he would have gone on a hike that was in any way dangerous, not when he knew how worried she’d be about the children. And even if one or both of them had been hurt, then surely Luke would still be standing to raise the alarm?
The only other option was… was what?
Somebody kidnapped them? Even as the idea popped into her mind she knew it was fanciful.
Her hand went to her mouth as another possibility slunk into her thoughts. One that, although terrifying, she could imagine being feasible. She sagged onto the settee, her legs suddenly weak.
‘Please find them, please find them, please find them,’ she muttered under her breath, her face in her hands as she rocked away the horrible ideas that were circling like vultures, heralding death.
There was nothing to do but wait.
A couple of hours later, she was staring at the flames of the wood burner, her mind numb with fear, when a knock on the door startled her.
She jumped up and flung the door wide, watching the men traipse inside, wet and obviously weary.
‘Well,’ Mike said, ‘the good news is the dogs picked up the scent straight away. Looks like your family walked up the road to Hawkshead. Then we lost the scent. So, what we think is they got on a bus. Could have gone to Coniston, Ambleside or Windermere. Take your pick.’
‘A bus,’ Mel repeated, as though he’d said they’d been beamed into a UFO by aliens.
‘That’s right.’ Mike sighed and ran his hand through his wet hair, smearing it back from his brow. ‘Thing is, I’m really sorry, but there’s nothing more we can do tonight. Not when we’ve no idea which direction they went. The helicopter has had a good look round with the thermal imaging – they’ve circled over a wider radius and they can’t see anything, so we don’t think they’re out in the forest. Not within walking distance of here anyway. And there’ll be nobody at the bus company at this time, so there’s nothing we can do on that score.’ He gave her that steady stare again, and said gently: ‘Most times, in these situations, it’s a simple explanation and everyone turns up safe. But if they’re still missing tomorrow –’ Mel looked away, unwilling to think that far ahead – ‘then I think it’s probably a job for the police, rather than us lot. We’ll update them on what we’ve found.’ He gave her a smile, firm and brief. ‘But, listen, let’s not jump to conclusions. Let’s not think the worst. You try to get some rest tonight. I’m sure it’ll be fine.’
Mel’s mind skimmed over his reassurances and settled on just one word. Police? That suggested they thought something bad had happened, didn’t it? Her heart hammered in her chest.
‘Maybe they took a bus to Windermere or Coniston and got stuck there? Why don’t you try ringing a few more pubs, widen the net a bit? And try some hotels. Maybe they decided to stay over for the night?’ He shrugged. ‘Is that possible?’
Mel stared at him. ‘Even if his phone battery is flat, don’t you think he would have rung me if he was staying over somewhere?’
Mike pursed his lips. ‘I suppose he would. If he knows your number off by heart. Not many of us do these days, do we?’ He looked as tired as she felt, dead on his feet, and she realised what he said made sense, igniting the faintest glimmer of hope.
She nodded at him as they turned to leave, barely able to mouth her thanks, tiredness dragging at her body as the adrenaline started to ebb away.
Five
Monday
Once the mountain rescue team had disappeared out of the drive and down the road, Mel slumped on the sofa, elbows on her knees, hands anchored in her hair.
What would Luke do? If they’d been caught out somehow, what would he do?
He’d get a message to her somehow. He would have rung the police himself and told them his predicament, wouldn’t he? If he was in a pub or a hotel and didn’t have his phone, couldn’t remember her number, he would have found a computer, asked to borrow a phone and messaged her. She was sure of this. Absolutely sure.
If Luke was okay, he would have found a way to let me know and stop me worrying.
She scrolled through her phone, checking and re-checking, walking over to the window where the signal was stronger and refreshing her screen, but there was nothing.
Her body was limp with exhaustion and she leant against the windowsill. It was well after midnight now and she couldn’t imagine that anyone would be manning reception desks in hotels. Pubs would be closed. There really was nothing more she could do tonight.
She wandered back over to the sofa, despondency adding weight to her limbs, heaviness to her heart. She curled up in a corner, the blanket draped over her. She couldn’t go to bed. Not with her family out there. She tried the hospitals again, but she got the same reply. Re-checked her messages and still there was nothing.
Her screensaver photo caught her eye and she scrolled through her pictures; her life, her favourite memories right there in front of her. The Christmas play, the sponsored walk they’d done up Snowdon to raise money for the school, Callum on his scooter, Tessa on a pony, Luke all smart in a suit for an event. She smiled when she came to the picture of them all at the Greenwood Centre, an eco theme park in Snowdonia where they’d enjoyed a wonderful day out. They were all smiling at the stranger who Luke had asked to take the photo, genuine happiness on their faces. Tears pricked at her eyes. Would they ever be that happy again? Would she even see them again?
She found another picture, her and Luke on their wedding day, a picture taken by one of the witnesses, a man who they’d practically dragged off the street. She smiled to herself as she remembered the happiest day of her life.
It had been a whirlwind romance. Eight months after she met him they were married, and when all was said and done she’d have to take responsibility for that. She’d organised a surprise holiday. A break in Scotland, a whole week just the two of them, to wander on romantic walks, explore ancient castles and become enchanted by the Scottish wilderness. Exactly the sort of holiday she knew Luke would love. And if he was happy, then she was too.
Of course, she’d always had a plan, even though it seemed a little far-fetched, more of a fantasy really, but it was a leap year, so how could she not take advantage of it? Especially when Luke was so cautious. It was obvious he was madly in love with her, devouring her with his eyes, his mouth and his body whenever he had the chance. Oh yes, Luke was a very physical man, the strong, silent type, letting her chatter on, as she liked to do. He was perfect in every way, she’d thought, but she’d soon realised it was going to be up to her to make the move. And if things didn’t go according to plan, well, it would have been money well spent setting the whole thing up, because the idea of it was thrilling enough.
‘Luke,’ she’d murmured to him on Valentine’s Day, looking up at him from under her lashes as they sipped wine in the hotel dining room after a day exploring the beautiful Loch Lomond. ‘I have a question I want to ask you.’
He’d smiled at her, his eyes crinkling at the edges, his face smoothed free of worry. She’d never seen him looking so relaxed and handsome and knew in her heart that this was right. She put a small red box on the table and he looked at it, puzzled. Her heart raced.
‘Go on, it’s a present,’ she’d said, pushing the box closer to him, excitement pulling at her insides, tugging at the corners of her mouth.
He picked it up
like it was an eggshell that could break any minute and snapped the lid open to reveal a gold ring inset with a ruby. Red being his favourite colour.
She’d licked her lips, her voice wavering with nerves as she took the boldest step of her life. ‘Luke, will you marry me?’
His eyes had widened and he was silent for a moment. A waiter hovered in the background with the bottle of champagne she’d ordered, just in case. The air stilled, the silence thickened, filling her ears. Her skin had felt a sudden chill as she’d gazed at his bowed head. And just when she thought she might have misjudged the whole thing, he’d taken her hand and gazed into her eyes, a look so full of meaning she felt a delicious shiver run through her. Nobody had ever looked at her like that before.
‘Yes,’ he’d said, a smile on his face, his voice thick with emotion. ‘Yes, I’d love to marry you.’
She’d laughed, relief washing over her in waves that made her light-headed as she put the ring on his finger. A perfect fit. Of course it was. She wasn’t going to spoil the moment by getting that one wrong.
Later, as they’d lain in bed, sweating and tangled in the bed covers, she’d said, ‘We could get married here, in Scotland, Luke. No fuss. Gretna Green is on our way home, you know.’ She stroked his chest.
He looked away, and she could feel his heart thumping beneath her hand, making her wonder if he was having second thoughts. If she was pushing him too fast.
‘No need to wait, is there?’ She’d drawn a finger down towards his belly button and felt a shudder run through him. ‘If this is what we want.’ She sighed. ‘And I know that you are everything I have ever wanted and more. I love you so much, Luke. So very, very much.’
