by Rona Halsall
‘So, what do you think has happened?’ Lockett asked.
Mel sighed again, not really wanting to air their problems in public. But she had to now, didn’t she? If she wanted them to be found. She opened her mouth to speak, then stopped herself as she tried to find the right words, but there was nothing in her mind to soften what she had to say, nothing to make it easier. She blurted it out, her fingers bunching her joggers in her lap.
‘I’ve got to be honest with you. The fact is, things haven’t been easy. This holiday was a “start again” sort of thing. We were putting it all behind us and he was making a real effort.’ She looked at them and nodded as if to reassure herself. ‘He was.’ Her eyes shone and a tear tracked down her cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her hand and took a deep breath. ‘He’s not been well. He was in the forces, you see; did I say that?’ Stevens nodded and Mel stared at him, not wanting to put her worst fears into words, but she had to try, had to make herself face up to the truth of the situation. ‘He gets these… these depressions and I just hope…’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘I hope he hasn’t done anything to himself and the children.’
Now that she’d said it, it seemed the only feasible option. If they hadn’t been found by now, with all the people searching, had he hidden himself away and done what he’d threatened to do?
Lockett pushed back her chair, walked over to Mel and put an arm around her as the tears streamed down Mel’s face. ‘I just pray he hasn’t hurt them. Please find them. Find my kids. Please.’
‘Don’t you worry, Mrs Roberts,’ the inspector said. ‘There’s lots of lines of enquiry for us to follow. Let’s not think the worst just yet.’
Lockett rubbed Mel’s shoulder; an empty reassurance, Mel thought, just like the inspector’s words.
Nine
Monday
Mel couldn’t hold back her tears any longer, a flash of panic burning through her once she’d voiced her worst fears. That Luke would kill himself and the children. Had things been that bad between them? She thought they’d sorted it all out, thought they’d talked through their problems and were coming out the other side. He’d seemed a bit more upbeat in the last few days, their household a little calmer, and she’d thought it had signalled an end to the sniper war that had raged in their household. It had exhausted them all, but neither of them had seemed able to stop the downward momentum, which had gone on for months, ever since the Callum-in-the-bed incident.
It didn’t mean she didn’t love him, though. Because even now, especially now, he was everything she wanted. Him and the children. They just weren’t used to living with a woman who stood up for herself and refused to be a doormat.
‘We’ve only been married for a year,’ she sobbed and she felt the atmosphere shift. The sergeant’s hand stopped rubbing her shoulder and she looked up to see the inspector staring at her. A hard stare that held a whole host of questions. Mel chewed her lip.
Should I have told them earlier? Would it have made any difference?
‘But together longer, presumably?’
Mel shook her head. ‘Not really, we’d only been together six months or so when we got married.’
Lockett’s mouth dropped open for a moment before she spoke. ‘So, when did their mother die? I don’t think you said. I was assuming it was some time ago, but did I get that wrong?’
Mel studied her hands, fingers knotted together. ‘I’m sorry, I should have said. Their mother died nearly three years ago. They were living in Scotland then, but Luke wasn’t coping on his own and moved back to Wales to be near his family.’
The sergeant’s mouth pressed into a thin line of annoyance. ‘We’ll need details of where he used to live in Scotland, then. Where he worked, any friends he may have been in contact with, to add to the list. Is it possible he’s hooked up with someone he used to know from up there?’
Mel shook her head, her face a picture of regret. ‘I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know any of his Scottish contacts. I’m so sorry I didn’t make it clear earlier.’ But she knew why she hadn’t and recognised denial on her part. She wanted to be the children’s mother. Their real mother, instead of a stand-in, a pale imitation of the wonderful Anna. ‘I just thought they’d be back by now. I didn’t think it was important. Thought you’d never need to know.’
They never wanted me.
She surprised herself with the words. Spoken in her head, thankfully, and not out loud. But the bitterness of her thoughts made her heart shrivel inside her chest.
But it’s true, isn’t it? Look what happened just a couple of weeks ago.
‘Tessa, why don’t we have a girls’ day out?’ she said when she went into Tessa’s room. The girl hardly ever came out these days and Mel thought it was unhealthy, something she needed to try and address. Tessa always seemed angry with her at the moment and she put it down to a sudden flush of hormones. Maybe if they had a day out together, she could get to the root of the problem, because there was clearly something bothering the girl. She saw other mothers out with their daughters, having a lovely time, taking selfies and shopping together. Surely it was only normal for her to want that too?
Tessa, who had been lying on her bed, reading a book, stared at her for an uncomfortably long time, before saying, ‘No thanks,’ and turning over, so her back was to Mel.
Rude, Mel thought, recoiling as if she’d been slapped and with no idea what to do next to bridge the chasm between them.
Callum wasn’t much better. He stuck to his father’s side like a little limpet, doing anything to attract his father’s attention. And Luke fell for it every time. Like last week. All that fuss about the bloody dog. In fact, they’d all been as bad as each other on that occasion.
Animals die. They do. Mel sighed. It wasn’t my fault. That was Luke as well, though he’d be the last person to admit it.
There was no getting away from the fact the kids resented her. She’d been so excited to have a family after all this time, but she’d completely underestimated how hard being a stepmum would be. Especially when their biological mother appeared to have been a saint. Who could measure up to that?
No, they just hadn’t taken to her and she could only see things getting worse as they became teenagers. She could see rebellion in their eyes when she asked them to tidy up, to help around the house, to switch off whatever damned device they happened to be on. It drove her mad, the way they ignored her in favour of technology, with its virtual friends and make-believe worlds. She’d taken steps to try and redress the balance but they never wanted to spend time with her, wouldn’t let her be their mum, and Luke did nothing to help.
‘Give them time,’ he’d said, like a soundtrack on repeat. ‘It’s not easy for them to have a new mum.’
Well, it wasn’t easy inheriting children either, when there was no biological tie, no natural bond of love to soften the necessary conflicts of parenting. She’d lost count of the number of times she’d said sorry. Sorry for what? For trying to be a decent human being and bring up someone else’s kids to an acceptable standard? Sorry for trying to run the house and their finances properly? Sorry for being herself?
‘So, there was a bit of tension in the family?’ The inspector’s voice broke into her thoughts.
Mel’s fingers gripped each other more tightly, her mouth moving from side to side as she contemplated his question. ‘The children are very close to their father. And he has one view of parenting and I have another.’ She sighed. ‘It’s caused a few arguments, but then what family doesn’t argue? We have a lot of fun as well, days out together, evenings in all snuggled on the sofa. I don’t think we’re different to any other family, to be honest.’ She sat up straight and took a deep breath. ‘I think as a stepmum you always feel a little insecure.’ She gave the inspector a tight smile. ‘It’s still early days, still getting used to each other’s little ways, you know.’
‘But, in light of the fact that you’re not getting on too well, we have another scenario we nee
d to look into, don’t we? Might he have left you?’
Mel’s eyes widened, her heart jumping as if she’d had an electric shock. Never for a minute had she considered this to be a possibility. They were only just married. They’d said their vows and only a few days ago, he’d told her how much he loved her. That he was sorry. That they’d make it work.
She shook her head. ‘No. No way would he leave me. Honestly, that really isn’t an option.’
Lockett gave her a look, which she thought might be pity, and she glanced away. What did she know about Mel’s life? About the depth of their love, the special bond they had? She knows nothing, she thought, and decided that she didn’t particularly like the woman. Judgemental, and anyone doing her job really shouldn’t be judging.
‘I want to do an appeal,’ Mel said, gabbling now. ‘On the news. Can’t we do that? Somebody must have seen them in Windermere. Maybe they hitched a lift back here on Friday, instead of catching the bus? That’s a possibility, isn’t it?’
Stevens pursed his lips and glanced at his sergeant, who shrugged.
‘It’s worth a try, isn’t it?’ He gave Mel a reassuring smile. ‘Sergeant Lockett can record it for us, then I’ll get it sent out to the PR people, see what they can do for us on social media, as a first step. To be honest that seems to work better than the news these days.’
Mel sat back in her chair, a lightness to her breathing, relieved that she could actually contribute something positive to the search. It felt better to have told them everything, warts and all. Nobody had a perfect relationship, or perfect children, did they? Not in real life. She hadn’t thought about Luke’s friends from Scotland, but talking to them was a good idea. She didn’t know them, but she was sure the police would track them down. At least it would widen the net and an appeal would jog people’s memories.
Almost an hour later, after a few tries at the appeal, with Lockett coaching her, Mel managed to control her emotions enough to beg people to phone the police if they had seen her family, or knew anything that might help them to be found.
‘That was great,’ Lockett said, when the final attempt was deemed to be acceptable. ‘The PR team will add an introduction and slide in the photos, and we’ll get that circulating as quick as we can.’
‘Yes, well done,’ Stevens added. ‘Not everyone is as comfortable speaking to an audience as you seem to be.’
Mel swallowed. What does he mean by that? ‘It’s my job,’ she said, defensively. ‘As a management consultant, I run training events and speak to rooms full of people all the time. Thank goodness it’s helped me to do a good job here.’
Lockett tapped away on a tablet and finally looked up. ‘The PR team are on it now. They say it should be on the local six o’clock news tonight as well.’
Stevens nodded. ‘Fingers crossed it leads us to them.’ He looked at his sergeant. ‘Okay, well, I think we’ll just have another quick look around if that’s okay, see if there’s anything else in the bedrooms that might help.’
Mel nodded. ‘Yes, yes, please help yourselves. I’ll put the kettle on.’
It wasn’t long before they came back downstairs with the children’s tablets in their hands. ‘Is it okay if we take these?’
Mel hesitated for a moment then nodded and pointed to the worktop. ‘Luke’s laptop is over there if that’ll help.’
‘We can check their search history, see if they’ve been looking at places, or walks, or transport. If you could make a note of the passwords.’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Mel shook her head. ‘I’ve no idea about passwords. I didn’t even know the kids had these tablets until I got here and saw them in their rooms. Luke must have bought them as a holiday treat. And I’ve never used Luke’s laptop.’ She shrugged, feeling helpless, berating herself for not knowing. ‘I’m sorry, I just have no idea.’
The inspector sighed. ‘Right, well, we’ll get them up to the techies, see what they can do, and if you think of anything they might have used as a password, then please will you let us know?’
Mel nodded, her heart thumping, aware that once again she was falling short.
Ten
Monday
When the police finally left her, after what seemed like days but was only a few hours, Mel’s brain was exhausted, her emotions spent. She wasn’t normally a crier, but this situation had brought out what felt like a lifetime’s worth of tears. Now she was alone she was glad to finally stop, and as she sat curled up on the settee, she wiped her tear-stained face, gazing at the fire as if it held the answer.
Her stomach gurgled, but she didn’t have the energy to go and make something to eat, a feeling of nausea rising up at the thought of food. How could she eat when they were gone? When her life was falling apart. How could she?
Her thoughts travelled back over the day and she shivered, pulled her fleece round her body.
It’s my fault, she thought, for being so impulsive. It had always been a problem and had always got her into trouble. I should have learnt by now. Good things come to those who wait. Isn’t that the saying? So why do I always do the opposite? Why can’t I just use my bloody head and think before I act?
The TV blared out the music for the six o’clock news and dread threaded its way through every nerve in her body. Then, when the local news came on, there it was. A family have gone missing in the Lake District. The police need help finding them. The pictures flickered up on the screen and she studied Luke’s face, her heart lurching as if it had forgotten how to beat, her love for him as strong as it had even been.
Where are you, sweetheart? Where the bloody hell are you?
The pictures of the children. So young and innocent.
Then there she was, her face blotchy, eyes red-rimmed, pleading for her family to get in touch or for anyone to phone who might have information. She was shocked by how ragged she looked, but almost pleased as well. Surely people would take pity, take notice and something useful would come in?
When the newsreader moved on to the next story, Mel sat back and wondered how she’d got it so wrong, how her hopes and dreams of a perfect family unit, complete with a new baby, had been so comprehensively shattered.
She thought back to the recent bout of trouble, which had started about two months ago. She’d been squeezed into a lacy basque that she’d bought at Ann Summers. She’d thought it might tempt him, pique his interest a bit, because activity in the bedroom had been intermittent to say the least, especially since the Callum-in-the-bed incident.
She’d been to the beauty parlour and had everything waxed to perfection. Then she’d made sure the kids were out on a sleepover with her new best friend Annabelle’s kids, who were a similar age. And finally, she’d bought a dine-in-for-two from M&S, and in return for all her efforts, she’d hoped for a night of passion.
His expression said it all when he walked into the bedroom and found her stretched out on the bed, giving him her sexiest smile.
‘It’s the right time of the month, Luke. Come on, darling. Tonight’s the night.’
His face reddened. ‘I’m sorry, Mel, but I’m just… you look lovely, but…’ Luke sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, head clasped in his hands.
Mel went over to him and wrapped an arm round his shoulder, pressed an ample breast against his arm.
‘Aw, I know you’re tired, sweetheart, but I don’t mind doing all the work. You can just lie back and enjoy yourself.’ She went to slip a hand down the waistband of his trousers, but he slapped it away. Then he looked shocked. Worried. He stood up and backed away from her. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Mel. I didn’t mean anything.’ He tugged at his hair. ‘It’s just that… I can’t.’
She stood too. ‘What is it? What’s wrong with me?’ She indicated her body, which was toned and slim for a forty year old. Although she was six years older than Luke, she knew she looked young for her age, having the benefit of good genes, and she’d always kept herself in shape.
He shook his head. ‘I just…’ He
let out a shuddering sigh. ‘I don’t think I want another baby.’ He took a step closer to the door and she followed, teeth clenched.
‘You… What did you just say?’ Her voice was shaking, she could feel it right the way down through her legs.
He ran a hand through his hair, not looking at her, his eyes fixed on the floor. ‘It’s such a responsibility. And we have two great kids. I just don’t feel that I can cope with any more.’
‘But what about me?’ she said, closing the gap between them. ‘Where does what I want come into any of this?’ She put a hand on her chest, could feel her heart racing, colour rising to her face. ‘You know I want a baby. I want my own child, not…’ She thought she’d stopped herself in time, but there was a hard glint in his eye now. She’d pressed the wrong button. He stalked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. This time, she didn’t follow. Even though she wanted to with every fibre in her body. Don’t beg, she told herself. Do not beg. He’ll come round. Just be a bit more subtle next time.
He’d slept in the spare room after that night, locking the door. Whenever she tried to mention it to him, he said he wasn’t sleeping well and didn’t want to disturb her. There wasn’t much she could say to that, after the Callum incident and the other little argument when he’d had a cold and had kept her awake. She hated going to work all fuzzy-headed and bleary-eyed. For one, it didn’t look professional and for two, it was essential that she was on the ball. Looking back, she could see that she’d overreacted to him disturbing her sleep in the past, and she could understand why he might not want a repeat performance.
She shook her head sadly, the thoughts fading in her mind as she smothered them with regret. Somehow, she’d started something with Luke, a falling apart, a tearing at the seams, that she couldn’t seem to stop.
