by E Cleveland
Suddenly a loud noise crashes through the serenity of our cabin. “Buy one burger now and you get a same-sized burger free! Wow, where else can you get this whopper of a deal? Nowhere!” The announcer oversells it.
Elsie laughs. “There ya go! Maybe we can get them to deliver.”
“Maybe we don’t have to.” I look at the can in my hand, finally inspired.
“What do you mean?”
“In local news, the search for missing person, Elsie Young, will officially begin tomorrow. According to the Anchorage search and rescue team the record-breaking ice and snow conditions that have prevented them from pursuing this operation have lifted and they are prepared to mount a full mission to recover the twenty-three-year-old model from the Chugach forest. It is widely assumed that the young woman is deceased as she has been exposed to days of extreme temperatures and blizzard conditions.”
Elsie stiffens up and flicks the radio back off.
“What, you don’t like hearing that you’re probably dead?” I smile, but she doesn’t move. Her body is a statue of a forlorn Greek goddess.
“It’s not that,” she finally utters.
“What then?”
“I-I don’t know. I thought I’d be happy to hear they were finally coming for me.” She tilts her head and her long hair trails down her arm.
“You’re not?” My heart beats a little harder. Is she saying what I think she’s saying?
“No, not really. I guess I don’t feel ready to go back to all that,” she confesses. Elsie turns around and looks out at the deep shades of mauve and pink lace across the sky. Days quickly fade into night in the winter, but nature makes up for the shortened time with her spectacular sunsets.
I put the can down on the counter and walk up to Elsie, sliding my arms around her. We both watch the transforming sky over the shimmering white snow, like we’re at the edge of an artist’s canvas and he’s painting just for us.
“If this is our last night together, I think we should make the most of it.” I hold her close. “We still have that whiskey we can drink. I’ll make us a nice supper, and I think I already told you my plans for dessert.” I grind my cock into her ass and she leans back against me and smiles.
“Beans and booze. Wow, that’s quite the send-off,” she teases me.
“No, you gave me an idea earlier. I’m going to make something out of the beans.” I smile, happy she’s letting me lighten the mood.
“What’s that?” She turns around and cocks an eyebrow at me.
“I’m making a whopper of a deal.” I imitate the voice from the burger commercial. “A two for one taste sensation!”
Elsie laughs and it’s better than any music my ears have ever heard. Her laughter lightens my soul. “Sounds amazing.” She grins at me.
“You’re amazing,” I answer. “Now, let’s get this party started!”
28
Sawyer
She laughs loudly and puts her empty cup down on the table. “This is so perfect, isn’t it? In our little world of two?” she purrs.
I stand up and fill our glasses back up, dreading the end of this night. The end of us. It doesn’t have to be over. The thought swirls around in my brain.
It doesn’t.
I whirl back around and plop down on the chair, locking my eyes on hers. “It can stay perfect.” My heart thuds out of control. I feel like I’m proposing.
“What do you mean?” She bites her lip and looks at me from under her long lashes.
“Listen, I know this sounds awful, okay? But everyone thinks you’re dead right now. They aren’t expecting to find you alive tomorrow. Hell, I bet they’re not even expecting to find your body until spring, if ever,” I ramble and my drunk words slur together.
“Okay.” She scrunches up her nose, clearly missing the point. “So?”
“So, you can disappear. Permanently. You can come live with me. We’ll have our world of two forever. Who knows, maybe someday we’ll even expand a little.” I nod down at her belly.
Elsie’s eyes grow about three sizes as the impact of my words hit her. “You want me to stay with you? Forever?” Her voice is hushed.
“I do,” I answer solemnly.
“Ummm…” Her uncertainty crushes my spirit. “I don’t know if I can hack it out here. I don’t want to be a burden.” She looks down.
“You’re no one’s burden, Elsie. The only burden with your name on it that I carry is the burden of love you’ve laid on my heart. And that’s a burden I’ll gladly take to my grave.” I swallow another mouthful of whiskey as her cheeks flush.
“I just need to sleep on it. Is that okay?” She looks so uncertain. What does she think I’m going to do? Pull out a timer and tell her I need a decision by the time it rings?
“Of course, that’s okay.” I smile.
“Sawyer, I love you.” She grabs my hand.
“I love you too.” I stand up and pull her tight against me.
“Show me,” she whispers.
29
Elsie
Sawyer’s lips hover over mine and I can smell the booze on his breath. His arms wrap around me and he kisses me passionately. I moan into his mouth as our tongues flirt and dance. He pushes me back, but I pull free.
“I thought this is what you wanted.” He lifts his eyebrows in confusion.
“It is, I just want to taste you first.” I slide to my knees and work on getting his pants open. His belt is easy enough, but for some reason, his zipper gives me trouble.
“Is this what you want?” He unzips his pants, pulling his heavy, hard girth from his underwear in front of my mouth.
I lick my lips hungrily. “Yes,” I whisper.
He places his hand on the back of my head, pulling my face toward him, making my pussy flood with desire as I inhale his musky smell. My mouth opens instinctively.
I thought he might feed me his cock or fuck my face. In fact, there’s a part of me that wants him to own me that way. That wants him to claim every part of me as his. Instead, he lets me determine how much I take into my mouth.
Circling my fingers and thumb around the base of his shaft with one hand, I suck on the flanged head. My breath is hot on his shaft as I watch the rivers of my spit coat him. I slick my hand over every inch of him until he’s lubricated. A couple more inches slide into my mouth, while I keep pumping my hand, and now my head, in unison. I suck my mouth tightly around his thick rod until my cheeks are sunken inward with the seal I form.
His groans make me crazy and I want to please him, to take his entire cock into my mouth. I want to taste all of him. I get greedy and try to inhale his length into my mouth, feverishly sucking his dick, like my life depends on making him cum. His cock starts twitching. I steel myself for the load of jizz I crave. He stops me, pulling out of my mouth completely in one swift movement that makes a popping noise.
Sawyer plucks me from the floor, pushing me back against the cool wood wall. He yanks my pants down, and I step out of them, never taking my eyes off his.
He pulls me against him, kissing me with such passion, fireworks explode behind my eyelids as I sink against him. My tongue tells him my secrets, my desperate longing for him. It tells him of my broken heart he’s now mending, all in this one kiss. He wraps his arms around me and I feel like I’m finally home, like my body was made to be pressed against his.
My nipples are pebbles under my shirt and my mound is clenching with anticipation. I love how he owns the bedroom, or whatever room he’s fucking me in, making me as excited as a virgin with just a look or a whisper.
Without a word, he dips his fingers down between my open legs, teasing me as he strokes lightly against my sex. I can’t contain my moans. He traces his finger over my lips before pushing it deep into my core. I cry out and thrust my hips back toward his hand, desperate for more, chasing his touch.
He pulls back, gliding his now coated finger up until he finds my tender bud. I breathe in sharp, silently begging him to give me release.
&n
bsp; Slowly but firmly he pushes small, tantalizing circles around my clit, driving me to the edge. I hope with each ragged breath that he will flit his finger over my most sensitive part, but he expertly dances around, purposely bringing me pleasure but not allowing me to build toward a climax. He won’t be happy until I’m begging him for it. At this rate, that won’t take long.
He kisses down my neck and then my collarbone until he reaches my breasts. His mouth moves down to my nipple and he takes it in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the first, then the other, giving each equal attention. His sense of fairness and justice even stretch into his lovemaking, giving each inch of my skin his devotion as I arch my back to push my breasts toward him, offering them to be ravished by his mouth.
“Please,” I cry out.
I can feel his smile spread against my skin.
“Please what?” He loves to tease me. To drag this out. To make me beg.
“Please fuck me.” My voice is raspy with desperation.
He leans back and grabs my legs, throwing one over each of his shoulders, and doesn’t hesitate before he buries his large cock deep into my mound. Holding one of my ankles in each of his hands, he pulls my legs straight up and wide-open. I moan loudly at the sensation of his dick filling me up again, feeling that tight fullness as I stretch around him.
A wave of heat burns in my lower abs, blooming out and growing larger until it spreads through my entire stomach. Sawyer holds my legs so tight, I can’t move them an inch while he furiously pounds his throbbing cock inside me.
I feel myself race to the edge of my desire and fall over as a hot bolt of electricity jolts through me. Starting at my sensitive bud, my ecstasy radiates out through my body in a powerful, gripping shot. Every muscle in my body spasms while the walls of my pussy pulse around Sawyer’s cock, tugging him up higher inside me.
I want to scream and cry with my incredible orgasm, but all I can manage to pant in his ear is, “Yes.”
His back tenses and his sexy ass tightens up as he pushes his weight into me. I struggle to catch my breath as his orgasm shudders through him. His thick cum fills my aching pussy in wave after wave until it begins to spill out of me, dripping down my ass. He holds me perfectly still, impaled by his meaty cock, as he gets his jagged breathing back under control.
Sawyer’s entire body tenses and shakes as his seed drips from my pussy. My body is humming in an afterglow that kisses my soft skin. He pulls out of me and I drop my feet back down onto the floor. I’m not completely certain that I’m not going to collapse into a pile.
Sawyer throws his arm around me as support and gently guides me to the blanket we never used in front of the fire. I lie with my ear against his chest and listen to his heartbeat sing me a lullaby.
I’m not ready to leave him, but I don’t know if I can stay. Both thoughts are terrifying. I told him I would sleep on it and as my eyelids slowly blink closed and my mind drifts to a world with only the two of us in a log home I’ve never seen; I do just that.
30
Elsie
My mouth feels like when I got my wisdom teeth yanked out and they had it all packed with cotton balls around my gums. Except this time, I can’t blame my impacted teeth. Only my low tolerance for the hard stuff.
Still, last night was fun, though. More than fun. I go over the moments Sawyer and I shared as I try to convince my eyelids to be brave enough to flutter open and face the daylight.
Who knew I could have so much in common with someone like him? It’s not like we agree on everything. Far from it. But it’s refreshing to have someone who isn’t afraid to have different opinions. My thoughts flicker back to what feels like my old life. After only a few days here, my time with my cheating ex, Ben, feels like a distant memory. The kind that the color and details only bleed back into when you stumble across an old picture that documented a day you would’ve otherwise forgotten.
When I was with Ben and his crowd, we never did anything as brash as disagree or debate. When you’re part of a crowd like that, you keep the peace and bite your tongue. Crass arguments have no place at parties. That’s what Twitter is for.
I pry open my heavy eyelids and look into the face of a man who, in only a few days, has made me question everything I thought I wanted in this life. After growing up as an outsider in my own family, I was desperate to be accepted. Not just by my Instagram followers, but by Ben, by anyone who was living a life I had only dreamed of as an unloved foster kid orphaned by her parents’ drug addiction.
However, acceptance came at a high price. I could never really be myself. I could never have real conversations. I was a prop. A round ass contorted in a million online pictures and a pretty face on a famous poker billionaire’s arm. I was accepted but judged for everything I said and did.
How did I ever let myself get so buried in that life?
I run my hand over Sawyer’s thick but soft beard and smile. He looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping. His gruff exterior melts away and exposes his softer side. His lips twitch into a half smile, but he’s still sleeping heavily.
Sawyer hasn’t given a shit about how I’ve been dressed. How my hair looks. How many ways I can pop my ass out for another “belfie.” He’s been the exact opposite. Only caring about my thoughts, my history, about… me.
He’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. His question from last night pops into my brain. He wants me to live with him, just us, at his cabin. I told him I needed to sleep on it, but in the light of day, I know it’s the only life I want. I could never go back to the vast void I called living. Once a bird has swooped and dove through the pale blue sky, can it ever return to a cage?
I know what I need to do. But first I need water. If I’m going to live off grid with Sawyer, I should probably get used to doing the work that goes with it. I sit up and my head spins. The fresh air will help me feel better. I’m going to surprise him and go get the snow we need to wash away our hangovers and get some coffee started.
I scramble to my feet and the cold air clings to my naked body, draining me of heat and leaving me a shivering, teeth chattering mess.
I quickly grab Sawyer’s jacket and put it on, zipping it all the way up. From the floor, I put on my pants and then slip my feet into my big boots. My violent shaking settles down into an occasional tremble down my spine as I warm back up.
Over on the window ledge, a flashing catches my eye. My heart beats quickly as I realize my phone is lighting up with messages. I must have a signal!
I don’t move for a second. I’m not sure I want to read any of them. I’m not sure I want to still be attached to the life I’m ready to walk away from. Maybe I should tell Kate that I’m okay and to call off the search that is supposed to be coming. I don’t want to send them on a wild goose hunt for someone who doesn’t want to be found.
I slowly close the gap between me and my phone. The device that was once an extension of my hand now feels like an intrusion on my space. On my freedom. I gingerly lift it from the window ledge and glance down at the screen.
473 unread text messages.
Wow, I don’t even want to think about that. Only a few days ago, it would’ve felt amazing to see so many attempts to get a hold of me. So many people desperate to find me. Now, I resent it.
As I swipe my thumb over my phone and bring my screen to life, I reach into Sawyer’s jacket pocket to warm my other hand. I’m going to need to get him to teach me how to get a fire going like he does. It’s amazing how quickly he can have a roaring blaze going from nothing.
My fingers graze across something crinkly and rough, distracting me from the scrolling list of bolded, unanswered texts. I grasp the paper in his pocket and pull it out, freezing in place as I realize what I’m holding.
It’s a newspaper clipping. The edges are worn, and the paper is yellowed, but the words are still crisp on the page. The headline makes me cringe almost as much as the viral photo I remember circulating on the Internet a few years back. “A Soldier’s Humiliating Home
Coming.”
My gut sinks as the pieces of Sawyer’s puzzle come together for me. I didn’t recognize him with the beard, but now, looking at the picture that became a cruel meme, it’s impossible not to see. That’s him all right, on his knees, hunched in what looks like physical pain while the woman who cheated on him stands in front of him. Falling from his hand is an engagement ring she never deserved.
It all makes so much sense now. Why he left the military. Why he left society.
I run my thumb over the wrinkled, worn photo. Sawyer looks younger and strange without a beard. I can’t imagine that pain. I’ve dealt with my share of online trolls, it comes with the territory, but I’ve never become a walking, breathing joke. Reducing someone to a picture on the Internet to laugh at, it’s like stealing their humanity.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
I swirl around on my heel in surprise as Sawyer stands behind me with rage twisting his features down.
“What? Uh, what do you mean?” My hands are frozen in the air, one clutching my phone and one holding the newspaper clipping.
Sawyer stomps across the room and yanks it from my grasp. “You’re taking a picture of this?” He glares at me. “I thought you changed. That you didn’t care about all this social media shit anymore. And you’re trying to get some kind of Instagram shot? Wouldn’t your fucking followers love that, huh? Congratu-fucking-lations, you found the lame cuck. Wanna snap a selfie with me, you don’t want to miss out on the likes!” His eyes flash with an anger I’ve never seen in any person before. I don’t know what to say. I open my mouth, but words don’t form.
“I can’t believe you. I understand that you don’t want to come back with me, that’s fine. It was obviously a mistake to ask you anyway.” He seems impervious to the cold, despite being completely naked. Normally, that would distract me, but all I can focus on is his rage. It’s seething from him. Radiating around the room like a dark cloud of atomic dust.
