by Fawn Atondo
“I’m… sorry!” Falyn whispered.
She felt horrible; not only had the curse worked on her but on her pack too. They were now all Shadow wolves.
“It’s not because I was at Court you felt these things. I’ve been cursed and, along with me, it seems, my whole pack. You and the others are all Shadow wolves.” Falyn put her hand on his shoulder.
“You got us cursed! But why?” Flint demanded, shaking her hand free.
“I didn’t know it would curse the pack too. Flint, I did it to be free of the Court, of their power, so I could do what I was born for. Because they never took my Alpha power away, I’m guessing that’s the reason why the curse has spread to my whole pack. But it’s not so bad!” Falyn comforted him.
“Not so bad?! Falyn, I feel like my soul is turning into ice! My body is cold and my heart is turning to darkness, I can feel it. I can feel the love leaving my body!” Flint cried.
“No. It’s only in your head, that’s all it can be. The cold, it will pass… it’s just the curse working!” Falyn said, trying to make him believe this was all it was.
“Is that what you’re telling yourself, Falyn?” Flint asked. “Because, I assure you, it’s not simply in your head or mine. This curse is in our souls. A Shadow wolf is a living curse. It means we will be like shadows… the shells of the people we were before. Soon we will lose the ability to love. We will know honor and pain… maybe the odd hint of joy and pleasure, but a Shadow wolf has no love!” Flint said sharply.
Even as she shook her head in denial, she felt the truth in her bones. Flint was right! The ability to love was seeping out of her soul and her heart. Her hand went to her chest as if she could somehow hold the love in there if she tried hard enough, but the curse was taking over.
“I do understand why you did this, Falyn. But you need to be ready to face the price of the curse if you’re going to win this war. You’re the Alpha of the pack, and I’m guessing of every Shadow wolf too, so your will is our command. But don’t fool yourself about this curse!” Flint told her as he shook her by her shoulders.
“I… won’t fail you,” Falyn promised softly. “The Court will be seeking us out soon. They will want to take both my Alpha and my Druid powers, but we can’t let them. The Court don’t want the Lycan packs to be united. They want to keep us apart. They may even ally themselves with my father. We need to act first!” Falyn felt the bite in her own words.
“Where do we start then?” Flint asked.
“First we unite the Shadow wolves. I want you and the others to seek out every Shadow wolf in the north-west. I’m making you my second-in-command, Flint. They will follow your lead for my will is your voice,” Falyn told him.
Wolves were linked to their Alpha. So, with Flint acting as Falyn’s second, his call would bring in all Shadow wolves within hearing distance and they would follow him back to Falyn.
As Flint and the others disappeared into the gloomy woods, Falyn felt overwhelmingly alone all of sudden. She made her way back to West’s home. It was still dark but she could make out a shape on the deck and knew it would be Alex.
“Falyn, we need to talk.” His deep voice rumbled through the darkness.
“Yes,” Falyn replied, coming to face him.
“Do you still want me?” Alex asked her.
She was taken back at first, her mouth hanging open. She searched her heart and knew she did want him… at least until the curse took the feeling from her.
“I do,” Falyn told him.
“Then care to explain why your mark is no longer on my body?” Alex sounded upset by this.
“I’m not sure but I think it has something to do with my curse… with becoming a Shadow wolf.” Falyn whispered the last part.
“I see.” Alex spoke softly.
“Do you?” Falyn challenged him.
“I think so. I know that you acted as a commander in a war would, and this is what you are right now… is it not?” Alex asked her.
“I guess that’s one way to see it,” Falyn answered him.
“What would be another way, then?” Alex wanted to know.
“Another way to see it would be I am fated to save my race, to unite them, to lead them, and I acted out of fear for my own life as much as for theirs. I acted on instinct.”
“That’s much the same as the other way, Falyn.”
“Maybe.”
“I’m sorry I keep getting in the way of your destiny. I’m sorry I keep acting on my fear for you and, by doing so, taking away your choice. But I want you to know I did what I did because I care for you.” Alex’s words washed over her.
Falyn stared at him sitting on the steps, his dark hair, longer than normal, curling slightly around his face, his chin lightly covered in stubble and she found him breath-taking. His eyes so blue it shamed any other color. Her heart sped up.
“I won’t lie. I was angry, furious with you for turning me over to the Court. I can’t say I can trust you blindly now, but, had you not sent me to them, I would not have found the tools I need to win this fight and understand the other half of my bloodline. I know you acted out of fear for my life and I understand, even though I do not agree with what you did,” Falyn told him.
“I know I hurt you, and once more, I’m sorry,” Alex told her.
Falyn nodded, not trusting herself to speak, because she knew tears would run down her face and she would cry openly in front of him. If there was one thing she wanted more than ruling her bloodline, it was Alex and having him love her. She was free of the Court’s rule so she was free to love Alex now. However, soon she would not even have those feelings: her victory would by pyrrhic. How long before that happened, she could not say, but she could already feel the process beginning.
Alex had never told her he loved her, only that he cared for her, but she assumed he must love her to keep chasing her down and trying to keep her from harm. Should she say the words to him now? Before it was too late and she could no longer say them?
If she did say them and they faded, would honor keep her by his side? Keep her to the vow of what love meant? Did Alex deserve such an ill-fated chance at love? She could love him with everything she had right now, but when that was gone, what would be left?
“Falyn?” Alex was saying her name.
“Yes?” she asked, turning to look at him.
“You know we are avoiding the one thing that comes with you being free of the court, don’t you?” Alex was grinning a little.
“I was just thinking about the matter,” she assured him.
“You’re free to love whom you wish… even a vampire like me,” Alex said sheepishly.
“I guess I am, but does this vampire love me?” Falyn asked.
Alex stood, pulling her into his arms. Taking her face in his hands he looked into her eyes with those dark blue ones of his and she felt the world tip. It didn’t matter her heart would one day not feel love because, right now, she felt so much of it she had to think it would take a long, long time to fade.
“He does love you, more than he would ever let himself admit.”
With those words he brought his lips to hers.
The kiss was soft but it still made her toes curl and her heart pound loudly. Alex had to be the world’s best kisser because he melted everything inside her.
“Alex, I love you… and even when I can’t any more, I will love you,” she whispered against his mouth.
Alex roughly pulled back from her to look in her eyes, as if he was searching for something.
“Even when you can’t any more…? Do you think loving me will be so hard?” Alex asked her.
Falyn was fighting with herself whether she should tell him what her Shadow wolf curse would do to her love or keep it to herself.
“I… I’m not sure how loving you is going to be, but even if something makes it impossible, I want you to know I will… still love you,” Falyn told him.
“I promise you, Falyn, I will never be far f
rom your side. I will always know you love me… even when you can’t,” he said with a chuckle. “Now, what has you out here at this time of night?” Alex switched topics quickly.
“My pack was here. Seems when I cursed myself, I also cursed Flint and the others,” Falyn sighed.
“Ah, I’m sorry. That can’t be a welcomed outcome for you,” Alex said, hugging her close.
“No. I would not wish this curse on anyone, but they will follow me because I am the Alpha, and hopefully soon other Shadow wolves will join them,” Falyn mumbled into his chest, because he still had her crushed there.
“Is that what they’re doing now… seeking others?” Alex asked as he rubbed her back.
“Um-hum,” she answered, enjoying this closeness with him.
“Is it okay if we head up to our bed?” Alex asked her.
Falyn could not help but smile at his choice of words: “our bed” made her way too happy.
“I think it should be.” She smiled up at him.
He carried her from the steps to the room upstairs. Laying her in the bed, he joined her, but he made no move to make love to her. Instead he pulled her into his arms and held her, kissing the top of her forehead and stroking her back till sleep overtook her.
Falyn awoke to sunshine and strong arms holding her. Not a bad way to wake up, she thought, as she wiggled out of his arms and sat up on the bed. The cold feeling of the night before had passed. She felt normal and chose to think maybe Flint was wrong. Maybe the curse would not take away her heart.
The day was too bright and she was too happy to not feel optimistic. Pushing aside the worries of the night before, Falyn made her way to the shower. The water was hot and she let it work the last bit of stiffness out of her shoulders.
She didn’t hear Alex coming, not even when he opened the glass shower door. But the moment his arms went around her, she knew it was him. He kissed her neck and took over washing her himself. They made love in the shower, soft and slow. It was not their normal style – most of the time it was rough and hard – but this time was different.
She was smiling about it all the way through her morning coffee. She was so happy to see Lark, she all put knocked him over when she hugged him.
“You look well for a cursed soul!” Lark teased.
She went cold at his words, but was quick to shake it off.
“Well, it seems such things suit me.” Falyn gave him another tight hug.
“So what is your plan now?” Lark asked.
“I am waiting for my pack to return with more Shadow wolves, and if our numbers are high enough I will go after my father.” Falyn said this as she locked eyes with Alex, but he only smiled with no hint of doubt or worry on his face.
“Sounds like we will need to be gearing up then? Maybe seek out other allies?” West asked as he came to join them.
“What allies do you suggest, besides vampires?” Falyn wanted to know.
“Vampires were exactly what I was hinting at.” West looked at Alex.
“I will be at her side, naturally,” Alex said.
“I do not doubt that, but what of your own clan?” West asked. “You have one of the largest vampire clans around; surely they will help you protect your love.”
Falyn didn’t miss the cold look Alex shot his friend, or the way his jaw was set in a hard line. Falyn had never heard him talk about a clan before.
“I always thought you were more of a rogue vampire,” Falyn admitted.
“I am, and West knows it’s been many years since I’ve been home,” Alex snapped.
“This seems like a good reason to go make amends with the family, doesn’t it?” West suggested.
Falyn could see the topic was making Alex angry and she was more confused than ever.
“You have family?” Falyn asked in shock.
Alex looked at her and she could see the struggles on his face. She was starting to worry about what could make him act this way.
“I have a mother and father, but I have not considered them family in a long time, Falyn. It’s why I have not brought them up before. They are no longer a part of my life, and I no longer have a clan. West knows that full well enough!” Alex shot another hard look at West.
“It’s not my place to ask you to bring in your people, Alex, and I won’t, so don’t worry about me asking you to,” Falyn was quick to assure him.
“If I thought it would make a difference, I would ask for their help but I’m not convinced we’ll need them. Even if they would be willing to aid me,” Alex told her.
“They would help if you asked them, if you told them what was at stake. If you made Falyn part of your house, they…”
West never got to finish.
“Enough! I’m not acting on this out of impulse. We don’t need my family,” Alex said sternly.
“It’s not their fight. Alex is right about that.” Falyn agreed and was relieved to see the anger leave Alex’s body.
“I’m just saying, this affects all of us Immortals in the long run,” West grumbled.
“The races of the Immortals are not going to feel the need to act till it’s too late.” Lark was quick to point this out.
Falyn had the same sinking feeling. The world they had come to know was facing its end and no one was going join her in battle until it was knocking at their door. Alex had a family, and while that was a bit of a shock, it was not her place to order Alex to bring them into it. If he had no dealings with them, why should she?
However, even with this understanding, Falyn could not help the feeling that having the support of his clan and family would be helpful. If the vampires joined with the Shadow wolves and they brought in other races, then defeating her father and the Lycan Court would be easier, as would the more urgent business of fighting the Dark Druids and their Dark sickness. Yet she would have to face what was coming with minimum help until her world saw what doom was coming and joined her in arms.
Hours later, Alex stood watching the moonlight. Falyn was fast asleep on the bed, but his mind was too full to find any kind of rest. His family was running through his head now. He was thinking of the issues which had driven him from his home nearly two centuries before. He had not always felt this way about his home and family. Once, long ago, he’d been hard pressed to move on.
His father and mother had been very protective parents, and it was understandable seeing how their first two children, both girls, had been killed. So when they had a son they kept him close and did not even tell him he was a vampire until the time of his turning at his first feeding.
After wards, Alex had never been the same. His mind could not wrap itself around that part of himself – of what his family really was. After a few years he came to terms with it but his parents wanted him to stay within the bubble they had built for him. He could not do it, and it was not long before they turned him away and he had not been back since.
He never thought of them these days, not till West had brought up the past. Now he could not get them out of his head.
Falyn made a sound in her sleep, a cross between a moan and a whimper. He went to her, smoothing her hair back from her face and kissing her forehead as he whispered soothing words into her ear. She rolled back over peaceful once more.
He would seek help from his family and clan if Falyn really needed it. He would do that for her because she was his world, but he would not do it for himself. His parents were stuck in the past, though. They would only help Falyn if she was part of the family: that is how things went in their world. The clan was family, but Falyn was not a vampire. She would not matter to his clan or his family unless she was his wife.
It was not something his mother and father would approve of willingly, but if he married Falyn and called upon their aid in fighting this battle by their own code, they would have to join them. But was this reason enough to marry Falyn? He loved her, but it was much too soon to be asking for her hand. They had only just became a couple. She mi
ght not even want to be his wife… However, in the back of his mind, the idea was forming. Even with all the doubts and current complicated issues it was growing.
Not only would he have to marry her, he would have to bring her home so she could go through the hoops of joining his clan and becoming part of his family – and that was not going to be an easy thing for Falyn to do. It was like being put on display – to be judged, rated, and have all your faults and shortcomings pointed out before she even made it to the altar. His mother was right out of the sixteenth century! She was not going to take to Falyn.
Another reason Alex had gone his own way was his family they were, well, insane and their methods much too medieval for him to stomach. But he would ask Falyn if she would be willing to do all of this, because as much as he disliked their ways, they were his. All vampires had roughly the same guidelines, even if most chose a more modern way of doing it.
Alex stayed up the whole night, and when dawn came, he went downstairs and waited for Falyn to join him. He would ask her, and he would warn her just how bad the whole process would be. If she was willing, then he would do it. If the Dark Druids and their mind sickness were seeping into the races of Immortals, then those still of sound mind, or relatively so, needed to fight. Everything hung on Falyn’s magic, on her joining the packs together, on her fighting not only her father but the Lycan Court. They would need numbers.
Alex’s family had one of the largest clans, and if they joined with Falyn, others would follow. Surely no one would want to lose their souls to the Dark powers. Falyn was the only Immortal who had the blood right to lead them all.
Falyn came down a few hours later. She didn’t look well rested but he figured it was due to her disturbed sleep that night. She poured herself a cup of coffee and joined him at the table. She gave him a smile, but he could not help but sense something was not right.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked her.
“Yes, I’m fine. Just feeling a little worn out.”
This reassured him and he pushed the odd feeling aside. He was likely projecting onto her his own uneasiness at asking her to marry him.
“You were restless last night,” he told her gently.
