Relief filled Owen’s face as he entered. Laura secured the door behind him. “Lena is also sleeping. She said the chair and footstool were comfortable enough, so I rearranged her pillows and gave her a blanket.”
As if to confirm Laura’s words, Lena let out a rather unladylike snore. Even Henry was securely in his basket, and as Laura peered into the room at the sleeping forms, she felt a contentment she’d never dreamed possible. No, that wasn’t true. She’d dreamed of such a thing many times. A family of her own, gathered together, content after a happy day. And it had been a happy day, despite the danger they faced.
Laura and Lena had agreed that they would keep the children as unaware of the danger as possible, so they’d turned the situation into a game of pretend, that they were travelers going to a new land through a dangerous territory.
For a while, Laura could also pretend. That this was her family, and the laughter filling her home was not temporary.
But the man shrouded in shadows was a reminder that this would end as soon as they caught James, and Laura would have to once again content herself with being alone.
“Have you eaten? There’s a bit of supper left in the kitchen. We made campfire stew in the fireplace, and the girls loved the idea of cooking over an open fire.”
Owen gave her a strange look. “Was that Lena’s idea?”
Laura shook her head. “No. I’m afraid I got a little carried away with the fun. I didn’t think it was a good idea to separate us all long enough for me to prepare supper, and I can’t help Lena move much farther than a few feet, so it seemed easier to just cook in here.”
Perhaps she had gotten more than a little carried away. But even Lena had admitted that it turned out wonderfully.
“You would have been so proud of the girls,” Laura added. “They helped with everything. Even Lena was surprised at how much such young children can do to assist in preparing a meal.”
She gestured toward the kitchen. “Let’s go sit in there, so we don’t wake anyone. Even if you’re not hungry, I could use a cup of tea.”
Owen peered into the parlor at his sleeping family, then nodded. “I haven’t eaten all day, so supper sounds good.”
He’d left before she was able to serve him the coffee and eggs she’d prepared, and Laura hadn’t thought to make him eat. It wasn’t her job, but as much as she tried to keep herself from caring about Owen, she found it nearly impossible.
When they entered the kitchen, Laura turned up the lamps, then busied herself with reheating the stew.
“Thank you for taking such care with the girls,” Owen said. “What made you think to do all that?”
Laura turned and smiled at him. “When I was growing up, my parents were so overprotective. I was never able to do anything remotely resembling fun. But we had a wonderful cook who let me spend time with her in the kitchen. Thanks to her, I know how to cook. But she also encouraged me to use my imagination and turned even the most arduous tasks into a game. I always promised myself that if I had children, that’s how I would treat them. Since I won’t have that opportunity, it seemed...”
Horrified at what she’d just said, Laura took a step back. “I mean, I... That is, I shouldn’t have said...”
Owen was staring at her like there was something wrong with her. Which there definitely was, considering she’d just admitted that she’d been using his children to fulfill her long-held desire for children of her own. Which made her seem all the more pathetic, considering Owen would soon be gone, taking the children with him.
“I appreciate that you care for them like your own,” Owen said, seeming to be choosing his words with care. Laura braced herself for the but that was sure to come.
How could she have gotten so involved in their little game that she’d managed to miss the reality of her situation? And then to admit it to Owen?
She hated the pity on his face, like she was some desperate woman, clinging to fantasies that would never come true.
A frown marred Owen’s brow. “After our talk last night, I was afraid that spending time with the twins would cause you undue pain. I don’t wish to cause you further difficulty.”
“I’ll manage,” Laura said. “I know we’ve avoided discussing the future, but may I just request that when this is over, and you bring the family to town... It would mean a great deal to me if you’d at least allow Lena and the girls to call on me.”
Her heart seemed to stop as she waited for Owen’s response. She hadn’t been brave enough to ask him to call on her—she wasn’t sure she could take more of his indecision on his feelings.
“Just Lena and the girls?” Owen looked almost wounded that she hadn’t mentioned him.
“I’ve already told you that I was hurt when you didn’t call on me before. I won’t hold out so much hope again. Not unless you give me a reason to.”
Her throat hurt as she said the words, and this seemed to be headed in the direction of another one of their pointless conversations. Laura turned back to the stove to stir the stew so he wouldn’t see her expression and be able to read anything into it. Nor did she want to see the pity in his.
“Lena tells me I’m an idiot for not trying to make things work with you. For not talking about the future.”
Laura tried not to chuckle. Lena had started to tell Laura something similar, but Laura had shaken her head and pointed out that it wasn’t an appropriate topic in front of the children. That had gotten Lena’s attention. She might have her opinions about Laura and Owen, but getting the girls’ hopes up was going too far, even for her.
“Could you look at me, please? Sit with me?” Owen sounded almost distressed.
Taking the food off the heat, Laura took a moment to gather her thoughts. To ask God that no matter what came out of Owen’s mouth next, she would be able to accept it with grace and dignity.
Laura joined him at the table. He’d pulled out the bench and was sitting facing out, with his back to the table, giving her room to sit next to him.
Owen looked at her like he was afraid of her response. She’d reassure him, but she didn’t know that she could do so. Not without knowing where he was going with this conversation.
“I’m sorry I hurt you by not calling on you. I’m sorry that I keep hurting you by not being clear about my feelings and intentions.” Owen took her hands and held them in his.
He stroked her hands with the same tenderness he’d used the day before, and Laura could not stop the warmth that filled her. Why did he have to make her feel so good? So safe?
“I want...” Owen shook his head and pursed his lips. Like he was struggling with the words to express his feelings. Laura’s heart surged with hope because she knew how he’d been hurt, knew that like her, he was afraid of being hurt again. He hadn’t said so, but she had to believe that with as much as Owen had been through, it had made him more afraid to take a leap.
“If we’d met under normal circumstances,” he finally said. “I would, without reservation, ask to court you. But the situation we’re in, the danger we face, I fear it’s clouding our judgment. Would you be willing to put aside these feelings for now? When this is over, can we start again?”
So much of his words sounded like a rejection. Like he didn’t want her or couldn’t face what was between them. Like what they felt wasn’t real. But there was so much tension written across his face, like he feared her response would be negative.
Many of their mistakes in their interactions had been from not having enough information about what the other person was thinking, especially on her part. Laura took a deep breath. No more assuming when it came to Owen.
“What do you mean by start again?”
She looked over at him, trying to find clues written in his eyes.
“I can call on you, and we can see what...feelings...might be there.”
His hesitation over the word feelings gave
her more hope than she’d dare hope before. Was he afraid that she would reject him? That she wouldn’t be able to love him, just as the girls’ mother hadn’t? Or that once she was no longer in forced proximity to the girls, she wouldn’t try so hard to care for them?
Laura squeezed his hands. “I’ll still be here.”
Her answer didn’t seem to give him comfort. The lines on his forehead deepened.
She’d thought she’d been wearing her heart on her sleeve, but perhaps she hadn’t made her feelings clear. Owen danced around the subject, but maybe it was time someone laid it all out, even at the risk of getting heartbroken.
“I care for you, Owen. I have for quite some time now, which is why your actions have hurt me so much. I’ve tried to deny it and close my heart off to you. But even now, when you seem so afraid that I won’t love you back, it only makes me love you even more.”
There. She’d said it. The word they’d both avoided. But it seemed only to make Owen appear more afraid.
If bravery was what this relationship needed to move forward, then Laura could be brave. Even braver, as she dug deep within herself to find the courage to lean over and kiss him.
When Laura kissed Owen, it was as though every wall she’d constructed between them and around her heart came crashing down with that simple touch. And as Owen kissed her back, deepening the kiss and wrapping his arms around her, Laura had never been more sure of the fact that Owen loved her, too.
He might have been afraid to say it or express it with any degree of certainty, but the truth was in his touch.
A man didn’t kiss a woman like that without giving her his heart. Not when he seemed to be putting everything he had into that simple kiss. James used to mock her for not knowing how to kiss a man properly, but now she knew that a proper kiss had nothing to do with mechanics, but the emotion rolled up into that simple action.
Owen caressed her, putting his hands on her back, and into her hair as he continued to kiss her. Oh, how she loved this man. Laura couldn’t help the sigh of complete joy that escaped her.
Abruptly, Owen pulled away. “What are we doing?” he asked.
Laura stared at him. “Kissing?”
His face was flushed, and she, too, felt a bit warm. Her hair had come down around her face, and she knew she must look a mess. But wasn’t that how it was supposed to be?
He stood then walked to the other side of the room. “This is exactly what I was trying to prevent.”
“But...we love each other.” Suddenly, Laura felt sick. She’d been the only one to say the words. Had she been presumptuous again in assuming he felt the same way?
Owen shook his head. “No. This isn’t love. You think you love me because I’m some kind of hero to you. But I am a man, Laura. And I can’t let you be this close to me without feeling things that someone assigned to protect you shouldn’t be feeling.”
Was he trying to tell her this was only lust? Laura’s stomach ached as she thought about how she’d responded to him. She only acted that way because of things she’d felt in her heart, not in some baser part of herself. And Owen? Was she so completely blind and stupid to not realize that he was struggling with desire, not admitting his love for her?
The sting of tears on the backs of her eyes made her hate herself even more. She’d offered her heart to Owen, he’d rejected it, and now he was standing here, witnessing her falling apart as he crushed her heart beneath his feet.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I never meant for it to get this far. I have a job to do. This isn’t part of it.”
She couldn’t even be angry at him for kissing her. She’d been the one to initiate the kiss. Owen couldn’t be blamed for that. Even though he’d kissed her back with such intensity.
“I understand,” Laura said, wiping away her tears. “I shouldn’t have been so presumptuous. I’ll just get you your supper now.”
Sitting here would make her go mad. At least she had something to occupy herself with instead of having to continue looking at the pity on Owen’s face.
“Don’t bother. I’m not hungry anymore. I’m going to go out for some air.”
He didn’t look back as he strode to the back door, opened it and let himself outside.
At least everyone else was sleeping and hadn’t witnessed the scene. Lena had seemed so hopeful that Laura and Owen would end up together. And for a moment, Laura had almost believed. Perhaps she should have listened all those times when her mother told her not to believe in fairy tales.
Because clearly, there would be no happily-ever-after for Laura and Owen.
* * *
Owen stepped out into the yard and sucked in big breaths of air. Why had Laura kissed him like that? And told him she loved him? Did she have any idea what that did to a man?
No, not any man. Him. Owen had had his share of kisses in his lifetime, and none had affected him quite like that. Everything in him had been shaken, and for a moment, he’d thought that he’d encountered the deepest level of happiness that a man could find. Laura in his arms.
What would it be like to have that every day for the rest of his life?
But what would it be like to lose that feeling?
He’d never felt anything like that with Sadie. Not even close. Which made the thought of losing Laura even scarier. But with everything that happened today, and the stakes ever increasing, it seemed only natural that the tension and emotions of the situation would be getting to her.
He’d heard the longing in her voice as she talked about her afternoon with his children. It would be easy for someone to fool herself into thinking she was in love after an enjoyable time with the family. But that was one day. A very good day, from how it sounded. Laura hadn’t experienced the hard days. Like the ones when all the twins did was squabble. Or when they were ill.
Would being a mother seem like such a fun adventure then?
That was the trouble with making such a big decision based on such limited information. Laura had seen the good parts of being with his daughters. Not the times when they tried everyone’s patience so much, it was hard to know the right thing to do.
And as far as her feelings for him went, how kissable would he be after spending the day mucking stalls? Would she find the day-to-day of ranch life as exciting as the past few days? Because mostly, it wasn’t. Which is why it suited him. This running around, hoping his family was safe, doing the best he could to protect them, it got old. His mind wasn’t on the job but with his family. Exactly why he’d given up his badge in the first place.
He’d asked her to wait, but she’d jumped right into a fire that neither of them was ready for.
Especially when getting burned meant hurting more people than just Owen or Laura.
Owen paused at the back gate. All the guards were in place as they were supposed to be. A walk to clear his head might do him a world of good. He could talk to Will. About all the dead ends they’d run into this evening, and also about Laura.
Will had fallen in love with Mary while trying to clear his name. A slightly dangerous situation, but no one was actively trying to kill either one of them. Perhaps Will would have some advice on how to handle the feelings that were developing between Owen and Laura. Owen had been hesitant to share all of his feelings with Will, mostly because he’d been afraid that Will would see Owen’s emotions as compromising his ability to do his job. Until now, Owen had thought he could manage both, but now, he wasn’t so sure.
If only today had given them some good leads. He and Will had spent all day investigating Jenks and Pitts, even going so far as to check out The Thirsty Miner to see if any traps had been laid.
And yet, nothing.
Owen had exhausted all of his contacts, and no one seemed to have any information that he could use.
It was as though James had completely disappeared after their encounter at the ranch.
Will’s house was only a couple of blocks away, and when Owen arrived, the place was dark. They must have all turned in for the night. It seemed wrong to disturb his friend’s sleep simply because Owen was having an emotional breakdown.
Why couldn’t Laura have simply accepted his request to wait until this madness was over?
As Owen turned to go back to the boardinghouse, Will called out to him.
“Did you need something?”
The clouds moved away from the moon, allowing Owen to see his friend sitting on the porch. He should have noticed. One more sign that Owen’s skills as a lawman were waning.
“I could use some advice.”
Will hopped off the porch and walked over to Owen. “You’re doing a fine job. What has you concerned?”
If only it were simply about the case. They’d had a long partnership where they could count on each other to see new angles and puzzle out confusing situations. But they’d never discussed women or relationships. At least not more than in the general sense. Will knew about Sadie, and he knew some of Owen’s struggles. But men didn’t sit around jawing about their feelings the way Owen and Laura seemed to.
“Laura.”
Owen let out a long breath, wishing he had more words to explain that one.
“Are you worried that your feelings for her are getting in the way of catching James?”
He stared at his friend. “How did you know?”
Will shrugged. “A man would have to be blind not to see what’s happening between the two of you. She’s been sweet on you for a long time, and it seems like you’re finally coming around to feeling the same way.”
Then Will looked at him for a moment, like he was examining a piece of evidence. “Or maybe you’re just now admitting it to yourself.”
“I’m supposed to be protecting her, not thinking foolish things about her.”
Will nodded, then started walking in the direction of the boardinghouse. “I’ve come to believe that the heart knows what it wants, and once it settles on that thing, it’s hard to shake. You’ve protected dozens of women, gotten to know dozens more. But you haven’t fallen in love with any of them.”
Honor-Bound Lawman Page 18
