by Taylor Love
“Girl, those men are machines...if you know what I mean.”
Tamara could see the faint blush under Felicia’s walnut brown skin and hoped her own wasn’t showing the same. Because yes lord, she knew exactly what the woman meant.
“I wanted to also say his father is actually a nice man.” Felicia cleared her throat and continued. “I don’t know what got into him tonight. He’s never treated me like that.”
“Girl, that’s because you’re not dating his son.”
“True. Try not to judge him harshly. Ben’s his only child. And I think you’re the first serious woman in his life in a very long time.”
“I’ll try to remember that.”
Chapter Sixteen
AFTER THEY WAVED THE other pair off, Tamara turned and buried her face in his chest.
“Why do I feel so exhausted?”
“Because you had a long day. Let's get you off your feet.” Ben swung her up in his arms like she weighed no more than a two by four.
“Hey!” She laughed holding on tight. “Don’t pick me up!”
“That’s not what you said the first time I did.”
“I didn’t have my wits about me then. Plus, you were distracting me with your tongue.”
“True.” Ben sat down on the couch with her draped across his lap. “I don’t remember you complaining.”
Tamara laid her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry that I didn’t get along better with your father.”
“Don’t you dare apologize for that. I’m sorry that he was such an ass tonight. He is never this bad.”
Ben’s mouth was tight. Now that he could let his temper show he was pissed at his old man. What the fuck was his problem?
“What’s his issue with me? I’d barely said hi and he was on the offensive.”
“I don’t know. He’s never acted like this before. I’ve mentioned you to him almost every time I talk to him. Your presence wasn’t a surprise.”
“I think he also has a problem with women.”
When Ben remained silent she slid off his lap so they could really talk.
“Tell me about your mother. I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned her. For that matter, you don’t talk about your dad much either. I actually know more about your Uncle, who I like very much by the way.”
“He liked you too.” Ben smiled slightly. “I don’t talk about either of my parents much. I love my dad, but there was a lot of drama between those two. I told you my family has the construction business. My dad was a construction worker most of his life. Now he runs the front office side of things. Everything changed when he met my mother Francine, who was from an upper-class family. They had a hot and fast “lust” affair because I don’t think you can call what they had love. Anyway, they got married and had me quickly afterwards.”
Ben absentmindedly reached out to hold her hand.
“My parents west side story didn’t last long. I can remember from when I was barely more than a toddler hearing them argue all the time. My mother got tired of being blue collar quick. Would remind my dad of the type of man she could have had almost daily. Someone who didn’t work with his hands. Someone who could provide her and her child a big house, the best education etc. She left him...us when I was ten.”
“I’m sorry Ben,” She squeezed his hand. “I’m sure that was rough on you both.”
“Yeah, it was. She was a decent mom when she tried. But if she wasn’t arguing with my dad then she was in a rage about what she considered her plight in life. Pops wasn’t poor nor was his family. They were hard working good people who were comfortable and simple. Family mattered to them most. He and Joe were just starting to expand the business when he met my mom. The Thompson men come from a long line of couples who don't get divorced, or didn’t before this happened. My dad has a hard time acknowledging that society has changed where women were concerned.”
“That was obvious. I’m sorry his experience has made him...cynical in that respect.”
“Me too.”
He looked at her now, raising their hands to kiss the back of hers. She was the first woman he’d ever told all the details of his childhood dysfunction. The full story of how he’d grown up. It was hard to put into words, yet also a little freeing to get it outside his mind for once.
“About three years before she left him, my dad was trying everything he could to make her happy. He decided to enroll in community college with the goal of getting a B.A. in business eventually. Joe and Dad fought literally, about my dad taking a “loan” from the company to pay for school and to buy my mom stuff he couldn’t afford.”
Ben closed his eyes and tilted his head back. Saying this shit out loud made it clear just how crazy it was.
“What my dad tried, backfired. Once she got a taste of high-end things again, the thought of a man who could easily give them took hold. My dad planned to focus on the administrative side of the construction business, expand it with the new knowledge he gained through school. He thought that would be enough for my mother, but it wasn’t. She wanted a C-Suite executive, not an office manager.
Apparently, she found a guy and cheated with him for a year before she left my dad, demanding a divorce. When my dad wouldn’t agree to it, she threatened to push for full custody. My dad wasn’t perfect, he spent a lot of his time focused on my mom and their drama. But he always loved me and made more time for me than she ever did.”
Tamara could hear traces of bitterness in his voice and her heart ached for a young boy that hadn’t taken center stage in either of his parent’s lives.
“After that, he gave her the divorce. She attempted for a few years to have a relationship with me. But I looked too much like my father and you could tell she was uncomfortable when I visited her new life. The new husband had zero interest in a kid that wasn’t his. When I was twelve my mom had another child. A little girl this time. Someone she could shape into her image. She and dad had married young, so she was well under forty when she got with her new man. I suppose she was securing the bag huh? Anyway, the visits dried up to once or twice a year. By fourteen, I was old enough that the court listened to me when I didn’t want to see her anymore. She took it a step further and signed away her parental rights. I like to believe, that mutherfucker she married convinced her to do that. Probably told her I’d come begging for money one day.”
“That’s crazy! I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Tamara didn’t know what else to say. So instead she snuggled up close. Putting her arms tightly around this strong, intelligent and worthy man that was hurting. Who had been rejected by the very woman that gave him life. Ben rarely used such strong curse words. Tamara had joked with him before that compared to her potty mouth, he was a boy scout.
“Shit happens in life. But that’s why my dad refused to let me work with Uncle Joe after I reached sixteen. He drummed in my head that I needed to be better than both of them. Go to college from the start, major in something that would put me in an office. He didn’t care that I liked working with my hands, creating something from nothing. Uncle Joe is the best though. He spent a lot of time with me while pops finished up school and Francine was gone. His house didn’t have constant fighting either. He and Aunt Eleanor got along great, really loved each other. She passed away a few years ago and I really miss her. She was the closest thing I had to a mother.”
“You were lucky to have them both in your life, I’m glad you did.”
Tamara had the feeling without them, Ben wouldn’t be the man he was, which was sweet and caring. He may have gotten some of his drive from his father, but without that more loving side from his Uncle, she believed Ben would have turned into a very unhappy man.
“I was.” Ben agreed. “I think my dad assumes you’re the type of woman who won’t be satisfied with what I can give you. He lives in the past a bit and can’t understand that women have their own. That some women don’t need a man just for what he can provide.”
Tamara grabbed his chin and tilted his head,
so he looked directly at her.
“You know that’s not me, right? I don’t care what a man does for work, as long as he’s hard working and treats me right. You do both. I’ve never met a man that works as hard as you. Doesn’t your father know how smart you are? How successful you’ve become? How talented you are in all areas of your work life? I personally don’t know a single woman who wouldn’t be proud to call you their man. Though they won’t get a chance because your mine.”
At her words he almost said he loved her then and there. But she was already dealing with his dad and his family baggage. He gave her a sweet kiss instead.
“Girl you keep flattering me like that and it will go to my head.”
Tamara softly grabbed his crotch. “Which one?”
“Both.” He said kissing her neck.
More than ready to be distracted from the depressing topic, Ben was a little disappointed when she pulled her hand away.
“Thank you for sharing all this with me. Trust me you are not the only one who had messed up parents.”
Ben nodded. He knew compared to some, his childhood wasn’t bad at all. He’d noticed how Tamara rarely talked about her parents, which was why he’d been surprised when she mentioned her mother tonight.
“You don’t talk about your parents either. I knew your mother had died when you were young, but none of the details until tonight. You never mention your father...is he still living?”
Tamara didn't relish talking about them now either.
“Yeah, he’s still alive. My brother keeps tabs on him, through the grapevine, but doesn’t speak to him. None of us do. It’s a weirder than fiction tale. A bit like fatal attraction. My parents dated in high school, then my mom got pregnant in her senior year, while my father was in his freshman year of college.”
She took a deep breath and scooted closer again, needing the contact to ground her. She hadn’t told anyone this story in over a decade.
“From the little I remember hearing and what my siblings told me, Kenneth my dad, said that between my mom and his family he felt pressured to marry her. Before the baby came so it would “look” better. By the time my mother graduated she was a wife and mother. My father finished college, with both sides of the family helping them, but my mother got pregnant with my brother around that time too. Kenneth always accused her of getting pregnant on purpose as they went almost four years with no incidents.
You know I think he was probably right. When I came two years later...well that time he claimed she’d gotten him drunk. That he hadn’t touched her since my brother was conceived. They had three kids within seven years and my father didn’t want any of us. He blamed us for the fact that he hadn’t been able to go to graduate school. That he worked so hard to take care of so many kids. My mother worked as well, but still he felt it was all on his shoulders.”
“He sounds just as much of an asshole as my mother.”
“Yes...he was worse. At least your mother left out right. After I was born, he rotated in and out of our home. Sometimes just days and weeks. Other times for months. He would pay his share of the bills but that was it. When I was older, I saw it all for myself. He didn’t take much interest in me or my sister and only gave my brother a bit more attention. Because we were our mother’s children and he hated her, he couldn’t find it in his heart to connect with us.”
“Did they get a divorce?” Ben asked softly.
“No, at least not then. We all wished they would have. I remember Tanya even yelling at them to just end it when she was a teenager. He used the house for a roof over his head whenever one of his other women got sick of him. Apparently, he’d had a vasectomy after I was born, so he was free to recklessly have affairs all over the city. Once he couldn’t get my mother pregnant anymore, he used her for sex too, and she let him. When I was eleven, he found a woman he wanted to settle down with. Someone who didn’t want kids, the only problem was she refused to continue messing around with a married man. Kenneth finally asked my mother for a divorce. I was the only one home to see the nasty fight that ensued.”
Ben could feel how tight and stiff her whole body had become as she talked. He gently started massaging her shoulders, trying to comfort her any way he could.
“First she was angry, calling him every name in the book. But that was better than her falling apart next. She started begging him to stay. Asking him why he didn’t love her or the kids. She was crying, no wailing for him to reconsider. She even said she didn’t care if he kept other women, as long as he always came back to her.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out my room to see her on the floor clinging to his knees while he looked down at her with a look of disgust that I’ll never forget. I told him to get out. To just leave us alone and never come back. For once in my life he listened. He left and never showed back up to the house again. He hired a lawyer and anything else to do with the divorce or us kids went through him. The only thing I’ll give him props for was paying his child support...more or less on time.”
“Good god Tamara, you shouldn’t have had to see that! You were a child!”
Smiling sadly, she went on.
“Unfortunately, none of us stayed children long in my house. See while my father was a bitter asshole who didn’t give two shits about any of us, my mother was worse in her own way. She loved us, she did. But she didn’t love anyone more than my father, not even herself. My mother...was infatuated with my dad. She grew up very sheltered and my dad was her first and only boyfriend. Her first everything. I have no problem believing she got pregnant on purpose once he went to college because she was probably terrified of losing him. After all most relationships in high school are puppy love. Those naturally fizzle out when folks move away or get out into the wider world of adulthood.
I believe she had this notion that kids would keep him with her. A lot of women think that, then and now. While it works for a few, in most of those cases someone isn’t happy and it’s all wrapping, not real. My mom had bouts of severe depression my whole life and wasn’t a happy person overall. She did well by us, but like your father, most of her attention went to her husband. Trying to please him, and later obsessing over where he was at, and who he was with. After the divorce, she would put me and sometimes my brother in the car as she stalked his house and job. My sister was livid when she found out. Tanya was almost eighteen and kept herself out the house with activities or stayed with friends. Anyway, after the two had a huge argument, my mom stopped taking us on ‘stalker’ rides.”
“Did you ever see him after that? Besides through the damn windshield of a car?” Ben was losing the fight to keep his temper in check.
“Nope, he didn’t even come to her funeral.”
“What a fucking bastard! I don’t know why I’m asking, but have any of you tried to form a relationship with him as adults?”
Tamara turned the question back on him.
“Did you ever form a relationship with your mother? What about your half-sister, once you both were grown?”
“No, no I didn’t. My mother gave up those rights when she signed away her status as my parent. As for my sister...well I figured she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I’m sure growing up with her parents has poisoned her mind, or made her just as entitled as my mother was.”
Tamara gripped his arm but didn’t turn around.
“Careful Ben...you sounded a lot like your father right there. It’s none of my business, but for what it's worth I think you should. She was literally a toddler when all this happened. She’s a full-grown woman now. My siblings and I are not poster children for the perfect family unit, we still have our issues. But in our own way, we’re close and still take care of each other. The sibling bond, might be worth forging with your sister. You should think about it.”
“Maybe. I’ll put some thought on it.” Ben said gruffly.
Tamara let out a shaky breath, rubbing her sweaty palms on her dress pants as the memories of those stakeouts played in the bac
kground of her mind. Silence settled as they both thought about their childhood demons.
“Baby, you don’t have to talk about this anymore if you don’t want to.” Ben finally spoke.
“No, it’s okay. The tragic tale is almost over. My mom continued stalking him for another year or so, harassing him and his new wife. Calling and cussing out whoever she could get on the phone. They would change numbers, but some mutual acquaintance eventually would tell her the new one. She finally stopped when I turned thirteen.
I was relieved, happy even. I thought she would finally move on. Maybe start dating. The opposite happened. It was like she finally believed that he wasn’t ever coming back to her, and well the little light she had inside went out. My mother lived for that man, not herself and ultimately not even her kids. Since her youngest was officially a teenager, my brother fifteen and my sister out the house. I think in her mind that made us all old enough to fend for ourselves.
After that she let herself sink into a deep depression and had no desire to come out. She refused to take her medication and often we took care of her. Making sure she ate, even bathed at times. Mom was fired from the job she’d somehow been able to keep all this time. Lost her seniority and good pay. After that she worked on and off over the years at random jobs. Then at the beginning of my senior year she died in a car accident. It was raining...but not even that hard. Still somehow, she slammed into a guardrail on the opposite side of a bridge. The insurance company couldn’t prove it was suicide, so they paid out. But we knew...”
Tamara wiped away a couple of tears, glad Ben couldn’t see her face.
“So that’s it. My mother died long before she got in that car. Whether it was from a broken heart, a mental issue or both we’ll never know for sure. Then I graduated and went to college and you know the rest. So please assure your father that I’m not looking for you to take care of me or supply me with luxuries. I’m very much used to taking care of myself and I’m not with you to use you for any reason.”
