by K. B. Webb
“Dix left her when I was a month-old because he didn’t want to play house. She’s convinced that he would have stayed with her if she’d never had me. I’m okay with taking that blame. In some weird fucked up way, I’m thankful that Lora could never get her shit together. I got to spend twenty years with John Sanders. He was my mom, my dad, my guidance counselor, and my best friend. If Lora had tried harder to be a mom, I would have never had the chance to spend as much time with him as I did. The way she treats me just makes me want to work even harder to make sure Lyric never has to question for one moment how much I love her. I will show her the kind of love my grandfather showed me: selfless and unconditional.”
Well this was awkward. I instantly knew I had said too much, but I couldn’t take it back now. Logan looked at me with his mouth gaping open and shock in his eyes. But there was something else there too, pity. I fucking hated being pitied by anyone. Yeah, life had dealt me a shitty hand of cards, but I played them to the best of my ability and was doing a pretty damn good job if I did say so myself.
“Wow, Molly, I … I don’t know what to say. I know all about shitty childhoods, but yours is a lot worse than mine. I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that at such a young age. No kid should be treated like that, especially by their own mother.” I wanted to get pissed at him. Tell him I didn’t need his pity or his sorrow, but he was so sincere. I knew he meant every word he said, and I couldn’t be angry with him over that.
“Thanks, Logan. So, you know about shitty childhoods, huh? Tell me about it.” I wanted to get to know him better. I just poured my heart and soul out to him, so I was hoping he would do the same.
“Nope, not tonight, Molly Scott. Tonight is about me getting to know you. So, you ready for some rapid fire questions?” The look in his eyes had gone from serious to playful, and even now I wanted to know him better. He was just too damn adorable to deny.
“Sure, hit me with your best shot Mr. Wade.” He laughed that amazing laugh of his, and smiled at me. There was a sparkle in his eye and his dimples were on full display. Damn, he was good looking.
“Why Lyric? I mean, why the name Lyric?”
“Music is a big part of my life. I sang to her a lot when I was pregnant. Once she could, she would kick me every time I sang to her, so I figured music would be a big part of her life too. So I named her Lyric.”
“Well, it totally fits her. She’s beautiful like the lyrics to your favorite song. Next question, Wynee and you seem like total opposites. How the hell did you two get together?”
“Wynee moved next door to me when we were two. We’ve been best friends ever since. I know we look like we would never be in the same room, let alone best friends, but we work. She and I have been through hell and back together. We just … we work. Wynee is my person. She’s, well, let’s just say before Lyric came along, Wynee was the only thing that kept me going.” I smiled while I thought of all the amazing times I had had with my best friend. Every monumental thing that we had been through made us the friends we were today. Inseparable, that’s the only word that can even begin to describe our friendship. We were inseparable.
“So how’d you and Brian get together? I don’t mean this badly, but you just don’t seem like the type he used to go for in high school.” Logan raised one eyebrow when he asked me about meeting Brian. Like he wasn’t sure if that kind of question was allowed.
“Well, that’s a funny story actually.” It wasn’t funny; it was embarrassing, and I hated telling anyone about it, let alone Logan. “You are right, I am not his usual type. Mainly because I have brains and my boobs are real, but that’s beside the point. I’d met Brian a few times after Wynee started dating Justin. We knew of each other and hung around each other some, but that was really it. Then, one night, he was shit faced at some chick’s house and needed a ride but Justin had been drinking. One thing you need to know about me, I fucking hate it when people drink and drive. Seriously, nothing pisses me off more. Anyway, since Justin couldn’t drive, and he and Wynee were already planning to crash at my house that night, I offered to pick him up.
“When I got to the chick’s house, her name was Belle, like in ‘Beauty and the Beast’, but they really should have called her Snow White ‘cause she was coked out of her mind. He was standing outside, and she was yelling at him saying he couldn’t leave. He tried being nice, and that didn’t work, so he had started yelling at her. She slapped him, and even though Brian is a total dick, at that moment, he really didn’t deserve it. So, me being the kind of person I am, I got out of the car and started talking shit to this random girl. After a few choice words, she swung at me and missed. I then swung back and punched her right in the nose. Brian began laughing hysterically telling her that if she didn’t want her face to look anymore fucked up, she needed to shut her mouth, so she did. He got in my car and started telling me that I was different than the girls he was used to hanging out with. He said I was a spitfire.” I had to laugh a little at remembering Brian say that. That’s what made him love me then, my low tolerance for bullshit. Funny, that later it was the thing he hated most about me. “So, after annoying me every day for a week asking me out, I finally agreed. We were actually only together for five months when I got pregnant.”
Logan laughed. “I can totally see you beating some random chick’s ass.” If he only knew how many times I had been in fights in the last few years, he wouldn’t find it funny. He would probably run in the other direction. “So things with you and Brian, they’re good?” It was meant as a question, but it came out more of a statement, like he knew the answer already. Were things with Brian and I good? Well, hell no they weren’t. We were many things, but good was not one of them.
“Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that. We get along alright.”
“Do you love him?” Where the fuck did that come from? My jaw went slack and my eyes widened. Who asks questions like that? He should assume I loved Brian. We lived together, had a daughter together, we should love each other. I blankly stared at him for what seemed like minutes. I had no clue what to say. I knew what I wanted to say, but I also knew I couldn’t.
No Logan, I don’t love Brian. I fucking hate him actually. He treats me like total shit and is only with me because he needs a place to sleep. He beats my ass almost daily and makes me feel like I’m not worth the shit on his shoe.
That’s what I wanted so desperately to say, but I couldn’t. I could never share with another person, the personal hell being with Brian was. It was my secret, and it had to stay that way.
“Do I love him? Well yeah, I mean, he’s Lyric’s dad, so of course I love him.” It was a total lie but I had to say it. Logan looked like I had just hit him in the nuts and drop kicked his heart at the same time. I hated the look of pain on his face that my words brought. Why should he care that I loved Brian? There it was, that little part of me chiming in again that said maybe Logan felt what I did. Then, before my brain could convince my mouth it was a terrible idea, it came out.
“But I’m not in love with him if that’s what you meant by love him. He’s my daughter’s father, that’s the only reason I feel anything for him.” Well fuck, I shouldn’t have said that.
Logan looked at me with those beautiful eyes and a sad smile played across his lips. He reached over the bar and took the rag that I had been ringing from my hands. He pulled my left hand into both of his and gave it a small squeeze. I could feel the calluses on the tips of his fingers and the tops of his palms from working. But the rough feel of his skin was a strong contrast from the soft way he was rubbing the front and back of my hand.
He looked up at me after a minute and let out a loud sigh. “Look, Molly, I just want to be your friend, honest.”
“I don’t do friends, Logan.” The look on his face was confusion and hurt, and I knew that was not the answer he expected to hear.
“What about Wynee and Justin, they’re your friends?”
“No, Wynee and Justin are family. Friends fuck you over,
leave you, and hurt you for no reason. I don’t need friends, Logan. I already have one friend who fucks my life up. I think you’ve met him, his name’s Brian. I don’t need another ‘friend.’” I used my fingers and made air quotes around the word friend. I knew I was being a condescending bitch, but that was me. I spent all of my time in self-preservation mode. I couldn’t handle anymore let downs in my life.
He slammed his hands down on the bar and stood up so quickly that the stool behind him fell to the ground with a loud crash. He held eye contact with me and looked flat out pissed. Well, sorry, Logan, this was the real Molly. I said shit all the time. I had no filter and was perfectly fine with that. I was a brutally honest bitch ninety-five perfect of the time, and that was just the way it was.
“Don’t ever compare me to Brian James again. I’m not fucking kidding, Molly. I am nothing like him, and deep down you know it. You’re scared. I get it. Shit, I am too. I need to be in your life and I need you in mine. I don’t like being needy, Molly. It’s not a good quality for me to have, but with you, I am. I need you. I need you to know you can talk to me about anything and everything. I need you to know I am here no matter what. And if you would just let the walls you have built around yourself down for one minute, you would see that. Let me try, Molly, let me be family.”
“That’s what walls are for, Logan, to keep people out. Did you ever think that there’s a reason I have walls? That some pretty fucked up shit has happened in my life to make me this way. Do you really want a friend like that?” I looked at him, daring him to say he really wanted this. That he could handle all the shit that came with being part of my life.
“Yeah, yeah I do, Molly. Believe it or not, I’m pretty fucked up myself. I mean, hell, my life sure as shit isn’t all rainbows and daisies and I know yours isn’t either. But if you let me be your friend, Molly, let me help you, maybe we can find out what the rainbows and daisies look like together.”
How the hell was I supposed to turn that offer down? The angry look was gone from his face and now all it held was pure sincerity. He really did want this. But why me? I was damaged, broken, lost. Why try so hard to save a girl who didn’t want to be saved anymore?
“Why, Logan? The shit I told you tonight about my mom, that’s just the tip of the fucked-up iceberg that is my life. Why take on someone like that as a friend?”
“Honestly, Molly, I’m not sure what it is about you, but I want to find out. Just please, please give me a chance. I promise you that you won’t regret it.” This could be either an amazing friendship or a fucking disaster. I had spent the last four years of my life locked inside myself, not ever really letting anyone in. I was a scared little girl deep down who just didn’t want to handle any more let downs. But, if this friendship could really work, it would be beautiful. So for the first time in four years, I decided to take a chance on something and just pray things worked out like they should.
I took a long breath in through my nose and blew it out through my mouth. I was really about to do this. “Okay, we can be friends. But I can’t promise you won’t want to run for the hills after a few days. Oh, and rule number one of being my friend, if you ever, and I mean EVER, drink and drive, I will fuck up that pretty little face of yours.”
He let out a small laugh and gave me a cocky smile and a wink. “So you think I’m pretty, huh?”
“Is that really the only thing you heard out of all I just said?”
He laughed again, louder this time, and quickly jumped over the bar and wrapped me in a huge bear hug. His arms were around my waist and he lifted me so that my feet weren’t even touching the ground anymore. I just wrapped my arms around his neck and took in the scent that was distinctly Logan. God, he smelled good. He placed me back on the ground and put his hands on my shoulders. He pushed me away a little so he could look down at me.
“No, that is not the only thing I heard. The most important part is that you said you would give me a chance to be your friend. You won’t regret this, Molly. I promise. And I swear I will never drink and drive, scout’s honor.” He held up a few fingers, and even though group activities were never my thing, I knew there was no way that was the actual Boy Scout salute.
“Were you even a Boy Scout?” He laughed again and shook his head while giving me one of those trademark Logan Wade smiles. “Well, I know how much you drank tonight because I’m the one who served you, so you will not be driving home. Leave your truck here and I’ll give you a ride to your house.”
He agreed and told me his brother’s house was only a few miles away. After finishing cleaning up and Logan making sure his truck was locked, we made our way to my car. We both got in and I plugged my phone into the auxiliary outlet and put on the 90s Pop Pandora station. It was my absolute favorite. Immediately, “Roll to Me” by Del Amitri came on. Logan shot me a happy, slightly drunk smile and turned it up.
“This is officially our song, Molly.” I laughed at him and shook my head while he sang all of the lyrics. His voice was deep and wonderful. If I thought I loved the sound of him talking and laughing, that was nothing in comparison to how much I loved him singing, especially when he was singing to me.
“Our song, huh? Well, you may quickly move to the best friend category because you obviously have fantastic taste in music.” I smiled at him and he turned the song up even more. We both sang together, looking at each other occasionally and laughing.
By the time the song was over, we had made our way into Logan’s brother’s neighborhood. He started telling me where to turn and we ended up in a two-car driveway in front of a small two-story duplex.
“Lucas lives on the second floor. It’s pretty nice, you want to come up?”
I glanced at the clock in my car and realized it was almost five in the morning; we had spent the last three hours talking at Ricky’s. I did want to come up with him. I was in a little happy bubble and I was terrified it was going to burst the moment I walked back into my hellhole I called home.
“I wish I could, but I really need to get home. Another time, I promise.”
“Yeah, it is kinda late, but I will remember that promise. Real friends don’t break promises.” He laughed a little and reached for the door handle. He hesitated for a just a minute and turned in his seat so he was facing me.
“Thank you for tonight, Molly. I had a great time. This is honestly the most I’ve laughed in a long time. I can tell you and I are going to be great friends.” Then he grabbed me, pulled me into a hug and gave my body a squeeze before he pulled back and kissed my forehead. Oh, hells bells, that small kiss sent chills up and down my spine. I wanted to talk, but I couldn’t. All I could do was smile at him and nod. He got out of the car, and right before he closed the door he leaned back in. “You’re a lot stronger than you think you are. Something just tells me you needed to hear that. See you tomorrow, Molly.”
With those final words, he shut the door and went inside the house. I did need to hear that. I had been trying to figure out what the feeling was that I got every time I was around Logan. It wasn’t just attraction. It was something stronger. I had finally figured out what it was; Logan Wade made me feel like my old self. The Molly that was strong, and confident, and didn’t take shit from anyone. I missed that version of myself. I didn’t just want that person to come out when Logan was around. I decided I would make a conscious effort to make sure that Molly came back for good. I just had to handle a few things first.
The light coming through my thin curtains made it feel like my room was directly next to the sun. Damn, I drank way too much last night. Despite the shitty feeling I had, I quickly smiled to myself when I remember the previous night with Molly. She had agreed to be my friend, and even though I wanted to be much more than friends with her, it was a start.
Molly’s story of her mom, and how she came to live with her grandfather, threw me off completely. I knew all about shitty parents. My dad didn’t just take the cake in that department, he took the whole fucking bakery. He hit my mom for a
s long as I could remember, and when Lucas and I were old enough to finally tell him to stop, he turned his fists on us.
Jack Wade was a miserable shell of a man. He drank too much and worked too little. He expected to be treated like a king and we were his peasants. To this day, I was not sure why he finally left. He just walked out one day when I was eight and Lucas was eleven, and never came back. For years, I thought he was dead, and that thought never once caused me and pain or heartache. When I was older though, my mom admitted that he was still very much alive, he just chose to stay away from us. I never asked her how she knew he was still alive, or asked where he was. I had no desire to ever see his face again, mainly because I knew that I would likely kill him if I ever did. I could handle the shit he did to me. I wasn’t one of those kids who thought that I deserved his hate. I knew that my father was just a terrible person who took his hatred for his own life out on the people around him. What I couldn’t handle though was the pain he had inflicted on my mother for years. Pain so severe that she never dated again out of fear of what another man might do to her. I also couldn’t take what he had stolen from Lucas.
Lucas never had the chance to be a carefree teenager. He always had to worry about taking care of mom and me. Because of this, he never had true freedom until I was old enough to take care of myself. I know that Lucas had always blamed himself for a lot of the shit I got myself into when I was younger. He thought that if he did a better job, I would have never gotten in trouble in the first place, but that wasn’t true. I got in trouble because I was an easily influenced shithead who couldn’t tell my dumbass friends no. Lucas did everything he could have, and even though it took me awhile to get my shit together, I easily gave him all the credit.
I know my life was no picnic, but her story was so much worse. Every little girl needs a mom to help her, and Molly didn’t have that. I know every little boy needs a father, but I had Lucas, and even though he was only my older brother, he was the best father figure I could have ever asked for.
