by Laura Landon
She’d chosen this dress because its bright color seemed to fit her mood. It reminded her of something she’d wear to a celebration. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so excited.
It had been a week since they’d received a message from Major Talbot stating when they would arrive with Jonathan. Now the moment was here.
She couldn’t wait until she held his sweet, chubby body in her arms again. She needed to have him with her again to remind her that her place was with him. To remind her that she could never abandon him.
Since the night in the gazebo, she’d thought of little else but the kiss she and Austin had shared. From the moment she’d walked away from him, she’d wanted to rush back into his arms. The desire she felt for him consumed her night and day.
She needed Jonathan to return to remind her that her future was with him. Not with the man her heart foolishly thought she loved.
Some day she’d rationalize her decision and evaluate how wise it had been to choose a life with Jonathan over one with Austin. Some day she’d grieve over his lost love like she’d grieved over the special people she’d lost in her life. But now wasn’t the time. Now was the time to celebrate Jonathan’s homecoming.
“They should be here any minute now,” Austin said from behind her.
His voice washed over her like a soothing balm over chaffed skin. She turned as he walked into the room.
“Gabe sent a message a short while ago saying they were nearing London.”
“Have you informed Lord and Lady Penderly that they would be here soon?”
He shook his head. “I thought you’d like time alone with Jonathan first.”
Her heart warmed at his thoughtfulness. He understood her more than anyone ever had. “Thank you.”
He pretended interest out the window and lifted the corner of the drapery to peer down the street. When he straightened, he was so near her they almost touched.
She grasped the fabric of her skirt to keep from reaching out to him. His nearness didn’t help the control she was trying to master when he placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.
“Sarah, if you ever need anything—ever—I want you to send for me. And if it’s money you need, you only have to ask. I’m not wealthy compared to some, but I have more money than I’ll ever be able to spend.”
Her eyes filled with tears and when they spilled down her cheeks, he brushed them away with his knuckle. “I won’t need anything,” she said. “Lord Fledgemont was very generous when I was employed by him. I had very few expenses and was able to save most of what I earned. And Lord Penderly has already given me a generous advance to spend on anything I might need after we leave London.”
“Nevertheless, you’re welcome to anything I have.”
“Thank you.”
She thought perhaps he’d kiss her, but he didn’t. Instead, he pressed his lips to her forehead, then lowered his head until his forehead touched hers.
“You are a very special lady, Sarah. Lord Fledgemont was lucky you were there to take care of his wife. Jonathan was lucky to have you take care of him. But I am the luckiest of all. You took care of the heart I thought was dead. You brought it back to life.”
She knew he meant his words as a compliment, and they were. They were also perilously close to the words she’d wanted to hear her whole life, words that told her she was loved. Words that told her it was finally her turn to find someone special who would love her.
She knew it was a selfish thought, yet her heart ached to be loved by the man who held her in his arms.
“This isn’t how I want things to be,” she whispered, saying the words she’d kept inside until now.
“I know,” he answered.
“I promised Lady Fledgemont I wouldn’t give Jonathan over to Lord Penderly. I’m not sure I can do it. I’m not sure I can break my promise. I’m not sure I can share him.”
Austin gathered her in his arms. “You can. You want what’s best for Jonathan and deep in your heart you know this is best.”
They stood in the silence until the sound of carriage wheels rumbled outside. Austin lifted his head and looked out the window. “I think you are about to become a very happy woman,” he said with a brilliant smile on his face.
Sarah’s heart leaped in her breast and she ran from the room. Lord Etherington was walking across the foyer in his usual stately manner and she nearly collided with him in her race to the front door.
Ruskins had the door open and Lady Lydia entered at a rapid clip. She held a bundle in her arms but when she reached the center of the hall, the blanket fell away to reveal a babe with a head of dark curly hair and the most delicate, angelic face. It wasn’t Jonathan.
Sarah’s gaze darted back to the door as Major Talbot stepped through the entrance carrying a second bundle. The door closed and he stopped when he reached his wife. He surveyed the room as if to make sure all was safe, then pushed the blanket from Jonathan’s head and turned him so Sarah could see his face.
Sarah couldn’t stop her squeal of delight when she saw him. She couldn’t slow the forward progress of her body as she raced to reach him. The major did not even try to keep her from taking Jonathan from his arms.
Tears ran down her cheeks as she nestled him close. “Hello, my sweet,” she whispered through her tears. “It’s been such a long time, hasn’t it?” She snuggled against him and he wiggled in excitement. “Oh, I’ve missed you,” she said, kissing his cheeks.
She talked and cooed to Jonathan and he answered her with loud gurgling sounds and by blowing sloppy wet bubbles that dribbled down his chin.
A commanding hand rested against her back and she went where the pressure urged her to go.
Austin’s family greeted each other and Etherington gave orders to his staff on the sleeping arrangements for their guests, but she was oblivious to the commotion. Nothing was important to her except the precious bundle in her arms.
“Were you afraid he would have forgotten you?” Austin asked from beside her.
She looked up from the infant sitting in her lap. She wasn’t aware of how she’d gotten there or when the rest of the family had taken their places, but she found them all watching her with smiles on their faces.
“The thought crossed my mind.” She looked back at Jonathan who was kicking his uncovered arms and feet. “But I don’t think he did, not completely.”
“I don’t think he did at all,” Liddy said. “In fact, he missed you terribly. Nurse said he moped and wasn’t his happy self his first few days at Southerby.”
“Well, he’s happy now,” the major added.
“Yes, and look how he’s grown, Austin,” Sarah said. “He wasn’t nearly so big when he left.”
There was a short silence and she realized her mistake the minute she said his name. The look Liddy and Major Talbot exchanged said they’d noticed, but making a point to correct the familiar use of Austin’s name would only emphasize her error more clearly.
“He must have liked England’s country air,” Austin said. “Rachel seems to like it, too, although she’s not as big as Jonathan.”
Liddy laughed. “That’s because she’s a girl, silly. Girls are supposed to be smaller.”
“Are you sure?” Austin asked.
“Of course. That’s because they don’t put all their efforts into growing their brawn as you men do. They concentrate on developing their brains.”
All the men in the room guffawed loudly.
“Leave it to you,” the major said, “to think of it in those terms.”
He reached out to pat his wife’s shoulder and Sarah realized that Liddy’s arms were empty. “Where’s Rachel?”
“I sent her up to the nursery. She didn’t handle the trip nearly so well as Jonathan.”
“Yes, she was a typical female,” Major Talbot said. “Where Jonathan took everything in stride, Rachel complained about every bump in the road.”
“You have to admit, dear, that you pushed us like
we were soldiers on the march.”
“Did you have trouble?” Austin asked.
Gabe shook his head. “I think our plan worked. Although I intend to scout the area surrounding Etherhouse before dark.”
“I’ll go with you,” Austin said. “I’ll at least recognize if something looks out of place.”
Major Talbot nodded, then took one of the glasses Etherington handed him. “Does Penderly know we’ve arrived?”
Austin shook his head. “I wanted to give Sarah a few moments with Jonathan before they came. I know once they see him, she’ll have no time alone with him until they leave.”
A wave of dread settled deep in her chest. This was it, then. The beginning of the end. Austin’s plan was in motion and it wouldn’t be long before Jonathan would be a part of the Earl of Penderly’s family. And so would she.
Sarah picked up the infant and placed him over her shoulder. He was starting to get fussy and she guessed he was hungry. “I think I’ll take Jonathan upstairs. He needs to be fed and changed before he meets his grandparents.” She pressed her lips to Jonathan’s cheek and kissed him. “He needs to look his best for the occasion.”
“I’ll go with you,” Lydia said when Sarah rose. “I need to make sure the nurse isn’t having trouble with Rachel.”
Major Talbot laughed then looked at Austin and Lord Etherington. “I can assure you that nurse isn’t having trouble with Rachel. Rachel is blessed with my disposition. She never causes trouble for anyone.”
That remark elicited a loud harrumph from Liddy.
“My wife, however, hasn’t let Rachel out of her sight for more than ten minutes since she was born.”
“There’s an answer to that,” Austin said with a teasing expression on his face Sarah hadn’t seen before. The transformation caused a warm blanket to wrap around her heart.
“I’m curious,” Major Talbot said, “but I don’t think I want to ask what that might be.”
“Well, I want to know,” Etherington said. “What’s your suggestion, Austin?”
Austin took a swallow of the liquor in his glass then looked at Major Talbot with a grin that indicated he was the cat who’d just tricked the canary. “Liddy obviously needs another babe to fuss over. We wouldn’t want little Rachel to become too spoiled.”
Lord Etherington laughed with Austin, but Major Talbot and Liddy simply looked at each other and smiled. Liddy’s cheeks turned a delightful shade of pink.
“Hell, Harry,” Austin said. “Do you see the way they’re looking at each other?”
“I see,” Harrison said with a hearty laugh.
“Already, Gabe?” Austin clapped his brother-in-law on the back and lifted his glass. “A toast. To another addition to the Landwell family.”
“Hold on,” the major said with a broad smile on his face. “If the two of you are so eager to toast to a Landwell addition, I’m afraid one or both of you will have to find wives to provide you with one. I prefer toasting to the next addition to the Talbot family.”
There was an uncomfortable silence when no one spoke. Then, Austin made an attempt to smooth the awkward situation. “Right, you are, Gabe. And unless Harrison has plans for a wedding anytime soon, that’s an unlikely probability.”
“And we know that’s doubtful,” Liddy said with a roll of her eyes. “From what I hear, he can’t tear himself away from his business accounts long enough to accept an invitation to an event where he might meet someone. You know, Harrison, if you’re not careful, there won’t be a single young lady left in London once you decide to look for a wife.”
Lady Lydia rose from her chair and gave her brother a sharp nod, then turned to Sarah. Jonathan was fussing more loudly. “I think young Jonathan’s telling us he’s ready to eat. Shall we go?”
Sarah followed Liddy across the room.
“I’ll send someone for you when Lord and Lady Penderly arrive, Miss Bentley,” Austin said behind her.
Sarah’s steps faltered. She nodded, but held little Jonathan a bit more tightly as she made her way upstairs.
Events were progressing far too rapidly. She and Jonathan would be leaving London—and Austin—far before she was ready.
Two guards stood at the top of the stairs, and two more were stationed outside the door to the nursery. She walked past them and entered the room.
“Are you all right, Sarah?” Liddy asked after she’d closed the door.
Sarah nodded, even though she wasn’t sure she was all right. She didn’t feel all right. She was afraid once she left Austin, she’d never be all right again.
“Becky,” Lady Lydia said to Rachel’s nurse, “fetch the nurse. Lord Fledgemont is demanding to be fed.”
“Yes, ma’am.” She started toward the door, then stopped. “Miss Rachel’s asleep already. The trip obviously wore her out. She was asleep shortly after her first whimper.”
Liddy walked over to the wooden bed and looked down on her daughter. Her face lit with a special expression that Sarah had always hoped she would some day wear when she looked down on her own son or daughter. Now, she knew that would never happen.
She jostled the fussing Jonathan in her arms, then handed him to the nurse when she arrived. The nurse took Jonathan and left the room with a polite nod and a wide grin on her face.
Sarah dropped into the nearest chair and stared at the nurse as she carried Jonathan away from her. Her arms ached from emptiness and she longed to rush after him and take Jonathan back.
“I know how desperately you must have missed him,” Liddy said from behind her.
Her voice was soft and filled with compassion. Sarah told herself she was beyond letting her emotions control her but it was difficult. She felt as if she was being pulled from several different directions at the same time. She was torn by the knowledge that her relationship to Jonathan would change once they left with the Earl and Countess of Penderly. She was frightened because even though Austin assured her nothing would go wrong, there was always the possibility that something could, and Jonathan might be injured—or worse. But most of all, her emotions were tortured because in a few short days she would leave Austin and more than likely never see him again.
Sarah lifted her gaze and gave Liddy a half-hearted smile. “I agree that sharing Jonathan won’t be easy. I’ve had him to myself since the day he was born. But having him take his place in the Earl of Penderly’s family is where he belongs.”
“Oh, how brave that sounds. And how noble. As if you’ve already detached yourself from the pain of losing him.” Lydia reached out and gathered Sarah into her arms. “But I know it’s much more difficult than that.” She hugged her for several long moments, then released her. “I can’t imagine having to give Rachel up. No matter how wonderful her future promised to be.” Liddy let a tear run down her cheek. “I’m certain I couldn’t do it.”
Sarah sank into the nearest chair and dropped her hands to her lap. “I’m not certain I can either.” She blinked rapidly to avoid her welling tears from spilling down her cheeks. “I never thought it would really come to this,” she said, feeling the need to release all the pent-up hurt and loneliness she’d been unwilling to face until now. “I was always so certain that Penderly was behind the attempts on Jonathan’s life that I thought protecting him from the earl was my only objective. Never, giving him over to him.”
Liddy sat in a chair near her. “You’re certain Penderly isn’t behind the attempts?”
Sarah smiled through her tears. “Even a blind man could see how eager he was to welcome Lady Fledgemont into his family, even if she’d spent her life on the stage. No one could misinterpret how devastated he was when he discovered he wouldn’t have the chance to take back the accusing words he’d said to her. The emotion I saw on his face, and on Lady Penderly’s, couldn’t be faked. You’ll see what I mean when they arrive.” She smiled a sad smile. “There was no way I could keep Jonathan away from them. Not once I realized they would love him and provide for him more than I ever could.”
/> “You’re a remarkable woman, Sarah,” Lady Lydia said. She gave Sarah’s hand a gentle squeeze. “What are you going to do when the murderer is apprehended and Jonathan is safe. Austin says Penderly has offered you a position so you can be near Jonathan. Will you take it?”
Sarah swallowed hard. “Yes, I have been given the perfect solution.”
“Have you?”
Sarah turned her head to look into Lydia’s questioning gaze. “Are you suggesting that I give Jonathan up and not go with him?”
“I’m suggesting that there might be something better waiting for you.”
Sarah lowered her gaze. “I know what you’re suggesting. But that’s not possible.”
“Are you sure?”
Sarah nodded. “I love Jonathan. Lady Fledgemont’s dying wish was that he would always be cared for. I promised her I would make sure he was.”
“You don’t think Lord and Lady Penderly will assume that responsibility for you?”
The air caught in her throat. “They didn’t vow to take care of him. I did.”
Liddy sat in a nearby chair and took her hands. “Sarah, I didn’t know Lady Fledgemont but I can’t imagine that she’d want you to sacrifice your future like this. As Lord Penderly’s grandson, Jonathan will lack for nothing. You know that. He will always be taken care of.”
“I know, but—”
“Austin loves you,” Liddy interrupted. “And you love him. You deserve to be happy together.”
Sarah shook her head. “Our feelings for each other aren’t…well, they…Austin knows how much I love Jonathan. He’s taken great pains to make sure I can always be with him.”
Lady Lydia’s shocked silence would have been amusing if saying the words out loud hadn’t been so painful. Thankfully, no other explanation was needed. The soft knock on the door brought a halt to their conversation.
A small, fair-haired maid quietly opened the door and stepped inside. She looked at Lydia. “Lord and Lady Penderly have arrived, my lady,” she said.
