. . . on the left.
If I saw the evil and accepted this as my future, it would eat away my dreams like acid, burn them to nothingness.
The dray stopped. “Doll, can you hear me?”
“My pa was massa, Thomas. All the pain was done in his name. He never stopped the doings on the left side. Never once did he acknowledge the pain. Overseers weren’t dismissed for cruelty or killings. Thomas, I’m as bad as Pa. I looked away to the right. I always look away.”
“Doll. You’re not him.”
“The jumbies and death masks say I am.”
Thomas gripped my hand. “I don’t see anything.”
“I didn’t want to see it either. If I saw it, then I couldn’t dream anymore. I’d have to take my place in the fields with the people born to hurt then die.”
“Doll, you’re here with me. You’re safe.”
“I can’t die in those fields, Thomas.”
“I’m not letting you go. Never. You’re scaring me, woman. We just need to complete the deal. Let me do this. You sit here.”
How could I when my blood ran in these fields?
Grenada 1790: My Deal
At the main house of Runyan’s plantation, we stopped. Thomas left the dray as I scrambled down.
“Doll?”
“I have to do this.”
He nodded and led me to the main house. It was no owl house, no stilt leg supporting it. Floods weren’t their worries. Broken shutters, busted steps—there was plenty. I paused on a tread not sure it would hold.
“Hurricane damage,” Thomas said. “The killer of 1780. Ten years and still not fixed. Runyan’s hurting for money.”
A ragged old man in a perfect straw hat sat on the porch. “What can I do fer ya?”
“Mr. Runyan,” Thomas said. “I’ve come about buying Sally. I’ve been in contact with you through Mr. Bates.”
“Oh, yes. Ya want to buy old Sally.”
He looked over me to Thomas, sneering like I was some dog at his side. “Ya’ve been sending papers?”
Thomas stepped in front of me. “Yes, I just need you to sign.”
My head was mixed up. I clung to Thomas’s coat like a coward.
Mr. Runyan covered his eyes like the sun weighed down on him and that perfect hat—no gaps in the weave, no raw edges or holes from bugs, nothing from toiling under the sun.
“Sally was good for me back in the day, but she’s old. What use is she to ya?”
“I represent a party who has interest in reuniting her to family.”
“I suppose she does have family.” Runyan spit tobacco near my boots.
Thomas took the contract from me.
Runyan’s gaze on me felt dirty. “Who’s that? Yar good luck piece?”
“I’d say so.” Thomas gave him the papers. “We agreed on thirty-five pounds.”
“That was what I said, but now I’m a thinkin’ Sally awful popular.”
No.
He couldn’t change now.
I folded my arms. “Look, you made a deal.”
He laughed and rocked in his chair. “Can’t you keep your wench in line?”
“I’m no one’s wench. I’m—”
“She should be, being small and round.” Runyan leered and rocked. “Pity’s she’s black as tar.”
Thomas groaned and made eyes at me. “Runyan, let’s finalize this offer.”
With a hand to my hip, I found my courage. “Reduce the amount, Thomas. That’s what I’m saying.”
Thomas craned his neck to the ragged roof. “Miss Doll represents the entity interested in the transaction. She’s made you a very good offer. Take the thirty-five pounds, Runyan, or the amount will go to twenty-five pounds.”
“They let the coloreds do that? Well, the way these ninnies, the chin-up ones, are in Belvedere Estates, they must let ’em all do it.”
He didn’t say ninny, said that other word. He might as well had finished with N’girl.
The tension in Thomas’s grip tightened. He was going to strike this old man. “Apologize, Runyan.”
“For what? Those free ones don’t know their place. They need to be quiet and sit back and be grateful for what they have.”
Sit back and take it? Noooo. “This man needs to sign today . . . or no deal.”
Runyan’s eyes went wide. He took his hat and fanned his balding gray head. “Ya bluff. Now, I’m in no hurry. Sally’s old, but she still has some looks. They bred her to be pretty. Not white enough but definitely not coal dust like your doll.”
My mouth went dry. “The deal is done. Let’s go, Mr. Thomas.”
Thomas grasped my arm. “Not even the twenty-five. You sure?”
“This fool has no need of the money.” I leaned closer to the old man. “And it’s clear he may not have many more days. Mr. Thomas can take up this deal with your heirs. Rats like you always raise greedy rats.”
Runyan stood up from his chair. “Wait. Don’t let her talk to me like that.”
“I can talk to you anyway I want. My chin’s up.” I stormed off the porch.
Thomas put the papers into his jacket and descended the shoddy steps. “You know what you doing, Miss Kirwan?”
I couldn’t answer, but scrambled atop the dray, right into the driver’s seat. I grabbed the reins before Thomas had a full grip on his seat and had the thing moving. We had to get away.
A mile or two in silence didn’t stop my shaking. The steam of the crater lake made my face wet. Then I realized it was already wet.
Thomas took the reins and made the dray stop. He sat there with his hand on mine, listening to me sob.
“I should’ve listened to you, Thomas. I couldn’t let him win.”
“The old coot,” he said, “he was just trying to stroke another five pounds.”
“Runyan could kill her tonight or hurt my grandma bad, but my pride got in the way. I let her be enslaved another hour ’cause I couldn’t let the old massa win. I’m horrible and shamed.”
He pulled me against his shoulder. My wet face burrowed into his neck, ducking into the folds of his linen shirt.
“Thomas, I poked at my brother. I couldn’t let him win. It’s my fault he hurt me and Kitty. My fault. I just couldn’t sit and take it.”
“That fool’s actions aren’t your fault.” He swept me deeper to his chest. His hands knocked off my bonnet and sank into my curls. “And don’t you ever take abuse or dim your light because of a fool. You’re remarkable. The rest of us are trying to catch up.”
“You need to hurry. And I can’t fail my family again.”
“Let yourself be caught sometimes. Let someone else help. I’ll get that old buzzard to free your grandmother.”
Thomas was being sweet, and I was a crying fool.
Shifting in his seat, Thomas took up the reins and guided us slow and easy back to St. George’s.
When he leaped out of the dray, he came to my side. I slid into his arms and let him hold me. “I want to be caught.”
His embrace tightened. “I’m home, finally home. I’ll get Sally freed.”
“Thomas, I told Mamaí I had a surprise for her. What do I tell her now?”
He dimpled. “Let me take care of this, too.”
He looped his fingers with mine and led me up the steps to my house.
Mamaí and Kitty, and the children, were in the parlor. “Hey, everyone, Doll has finally agreed to marry me. We’re finally going to be together. We’re all going to be a family.”
My mother jumped up from the sofa and kissed Thomas’s cheek. “That’s the surprise? How wonderful.”
“I wore her down, you see. I need her. She’ll be my Mrs. Thomas.”
Kitty and my little girls gathered around me. Edward hugged Thomas’s legs.
I was furious. We hadn’t agreed to anything. Then Frances climbed into his arms and hugged his neck. “Papa. I get one now.”
Mamaí hugged me and left her hand on my stomach. “Babies need fathers, Doll. Ones who’ll claim �
��em and keep ’em safe. Then no one can take them away.”
Her whisper chilled. She wasn’t talking about Frances or Eliza, was she? If my family wasn’t crowding and crowing, I’d start crying all over again.
Grenada 1790: My Church
I let Thomas take me on a one-day sailing trip to Dominica, and we ended up puttering about in the sea for three. It gave him plenty of time to prance about the deck of his Mary, listing his passionate reasons why he and I should be “us” again.
The boat docked, he tied up the sail against the blue painted mast, and helped me out. “Let’s walk a little before we head to Mr. Bates.”
We wandered into the Old Market where we had had our first long chat. The cobbled well was still there, still alone, still deep.
“Come on, Doll.”
Hand in hand, Thomas took me to Mr. Bates’s office.
Mr. Lionel stood up to greet us. “Good to see you, Miss Dolly.” He led us to a room. “Your housekeepers are still being productive. We are collecting fees. Your fortune grows.”
I offered him a smile, but not much else.
Mr. Bates waved us to seats. He was a little thinner with the same brass spectacles, but thicker lenses. “This contract keeps your assets intact and in your control, Miss Kirwan. If Thomas were to outlive you, he’d get a share along with your natural children. Is that what you want, Thomas?”
The solicitor was at least consistent.
“Yes, Miss Kirwan has worked hard to provide for her family, not for an able-bodied male. I intend to be old and gray with her, but I shall not live beyond my usefulness.”
“Miss Kirwan, are you fine with this paperwork? I’ve made sure all the protections are in place for you and your heirs.”
I looked at the paper, the jumble of words. I knew what my name was and Thomas’s.
Should I just trust that the legal papers said the truth I wanted? No. “Where are the other witnesses? I always do big documents in three to make sure it says what I want it to say.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Mr. Bates said. “My clerks will head in now.”
One by one, they entered, read me the papers, then left.
By the third one, I could probably recite it by heart.
Thomas smiled, not upset that I had doubts.
He knew me.
He didn’t take offense, but he should be offended. I had a secret that this union would cover.
Mr. Bates again turned the documents in my direction. “Ready to sign now?”
Maybe. “Not yet.”
Thomas tossed his arms behind his head. “Mr. Bates, can you give us a moment?”
When the door closed, he leaned near. “You scared of commitment, Doll? The obligation to live in harmony too much?”
Maybe. “No.”
He put his hand on my chair. “Then what is it?”
“These papers say I have to depend on you. And you me. That sounds like a lot.”
Thomas sat back, a thoughtful look swept across his face, sorrow. It stole his smile. “This protects your assets in the unfortunate circumstances of death. My cousins or business partners can claim nothing.”
“So you’ll still be dealing with them?”
“A man has to have time to dabble. But responsible dabbling. This protects you from that but not from me. I intend to haunt you. I’m never letting you go this time, ever.”
“A jumbie? You sound pretty confident for a dead man.”
“Well, I’m not dead yet. Maybe if you commit to me, I’ll pass away from shock.”
“Then I shouldn’t sign. We should go dance by the docks. We’ve never danced, Thomas. Never.”
“Is that the way to get to you, Doll?”
It took everything not to touch my barely flat stomach. “It’s worked before.”
He kissed my palm. “I know, and my rhythm is off. I’m going to learn.”
Looking into his eyes, so blue and clear, I had to confess. “Thomas, I’m with—”
“With me, Doll. And I’m with you. And all your children become mine. Any one of them born after we wed is legally mine. Remember me? The man who wants the big family.”
I raised my eyebrows. Somehow, he knew I had William’s babe in my belly and was willing to make that child a Thomas. Mamaí and Kitty did do the laundry. They were friendly to Thomas. They must have told him. How else would he know?
“Doll, I’ll be there whenever you’re sad. No more being alone for either of us.”
Fear of the birthing sadness was enough to say yes, but my lips weren’t moving.
Thomas sat on the desk in front of me. “This is my way of letting the world know you’re mine. If it keeps a prince or a scoundrel or two from Demerara away, that’s fine with me.”
“You’re not going to regret hitching yourself to a Catholic? If Grenada continues to harshen, you wouldn’t have to lie. You could go on just fine.”
“I’m not fine without you, Doll. I don’t know how else to prove myself.”
His easy humor started to slip. He didn’t understand that it wasn’t him or his love that I doubted. It was me. I slid the paper and held it to the light coming from the window. “A contract, like Lizzy and Coxall. Why does this paper make me feel like chattel?”
“It’s not a bill of sale. This isn’t about the past. No one but you and me. We’re building together. I know you have dreams, woman. I’m ready to help them come true.”
“If you were to wake up one day and think you should be at sea, making deals for your sloop, I don’t want this paper to stop you.”
“Doll, I made up my mind when I saw you in your shop. I watched how happy you were stocking shelves. I want you happy. I love you. I know you love me, even if you don’t say it. This time we do it right, but we start right.”
What do you do when a force bigger than you comes against your fears?
You believe, let him in, and hope for forever. Still a fool, I picked up the quill and signed the paper. “There. Now you can officially call me Mrs. Thomas.”
He elbowed the door, and Mr. Bates and Lionel seemed to fall into the room. “This is done, gentlemen. I’m escorting Mrs. Thomas to the Old Market.”
We walked in the dusky light through the quieting cobble square. We missed the well for he led me down an alley to Notre Dame du Bon Port Church.
I clutched the iron gate. “Charlotte’s wedding was beautiful here.”
“Won’t be missing any other family celebrations.” He pushed open the gate. “Mrs. Thomas, let’s commit a bit of heresy and marry properly with a ceremony before God.”
“But it’s not legal. The Holy Father hasn’t—”
“Well, he should sanction it. Maybe he will someday. Our love is as honest and pure as any, even if it’s a Catholic and Anglican uniting.”
My fingers laced with his, and we stepped through the courtyard and into the chapel.
At the back of the church, Edward, Kitty, and Polk sat. My son and sons-in-law and all my girls were there, too.
But Jean-Joseph Fédon didn’t look happy, and he separated himself from the jovial Coxalls.
I put them all out of my head when Mamaí gave me flowers. They were lovely—scarlet sabineas, pink and red hibiscus, but she laced them with the red and yellow bulbs of the peacock flower.
It was a little late for that wicked flower. My tea had failed to control anything.
This child would memorialize my choices. I’d build a world where this babe would be a prince or princess.
Mamaí sat by an old woman who had Frances and Eliza.
Then I realized that the stranger with silver hair and a weathered face scorched by the sun looked like my mother.
Thomas leaned down. “Yes, Miss Sally is free. Seems Mr. Runyan had a chance to think on it.” My husband’s voice vibrated on my ear. “We settled on twenty-five pounds but that I’d pay the manumission fee.”
“I’ll pay you back, Thomas.”
“Consider it your gift.” He grasped my hand. “Ready?”
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His friend, the drinking minister from Lizzy’s ceremony, was at the nave under a crucifix of the Lord. This service felt truer than the papers, and should last longer than my prior concubinage.
I sniffed the vanilla sweetness of my flowers. They were a thing of beauty and pain. Pure happiness couldn’t exist without sacrifice. I understood that now. Though I had a man who loved me and was committed to me, somehow I knew I wasn’t done paying.
Grenada 1791: My Land
I waddled down to the shore and held up my hands. “This is it.”
Kitty chased behind me. “Slow down, Dolly. Thomas doesn’t want you to fall.”
“Can’t slow down, sis. I have to show you this.”
“Dirt?”
“No, this. This plot of ground. I own the land. This is where I’ll build a hotel. I might even add a musical church.”
Her face brightened. She clapped. “You bought it? But there’s nothing here. Does Thomas know they cheated you out of a building?”
With a shake of my head, I smoothed my thick middle. Thomas knew what he wanted to know, that I’d birthed one son, Josephy, then a daughter, Ann. In seven months, I’d soon give him another baby. “Kitty, I’m going to bring the elegance from across the sea here to Grenada. My hotel will be a work of art.”
“Why can’t you be happy with the store and the housekeeping services? Why more?” My sister looked down at her sandals that had beach sand. “Why do you have to keep pushing? Josephy was early. And we almost lost you with the last babe.”
“Ann is fine. She breathes. She’s growing.”
My sister clasped my stomach. “Don’t take on anything until this baby is here. You’re not strong, sometimes.”
“The sadness is not as bad.” I lied and lifted her chin. “And Thomas and you make everything good. I recovered much faster.”
Kitty balled her fists and jumped around in the wet sand. “I’m not good. I don’t want to lose you. I’m scared. Can’t you be easy?”
“No. Kitty, I’m going to put a hotel here. I’m going to construct something big and wonderful. And all the coins from the navy men visiting will be ours. Edward will run this for me when he grows up. I have to make sure he and Josephy have businesses. That’s how my princes will survive.”
Island Queen Page 32
