by Bry Ann
I whipped out my phone, staying in the doorway, and let Sam know he was here.
“She’s on her way,” I said turning to him.
He nodded and stayed quiet. I couldn’t. I wanted to understand this man, and why I was so brave around him.
“So, are you like a drug dealer or something?” I whispered.
He laughed to himself.
“Why would I tell you that?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know to fulfill my curiosity.”
“You’re curious about me?” he teased.
“Honestly. Yeah.”
He stared at me for a second.
“Yeah, something like that. It’s good money.”
“Why? There’s other ways to make money.”
He just shrugged. “What do you do? You seem like an interesting person to have around.”
My cheeks immediately turned red. Oh yeah, big hot drug dealer, I’m just a treatment junkie. I do nothing, and I am nothing other than Logan Prescott’s fucked up little sister.
“Just stuff,” I mumbled. He narrowed his eyes and then I heard footsteps. “Here comes Sam.”
“I still want to know what you do.”
“No time,” I said quickly.
Then he forcefully grabbed my hand and stuck a card in it.
“Then we make time. Text me.”
I was so confused as Sam whipped around the corner. Both Gunner and I did everything we could to act nonchalant, but Sam knew something was up. She just didn’t know what it was yet. Neither did I. It was the beginning of a very long, very intense friendship that I later found out I would be willing to die for and, worse, willingly hand over my already broken heart.
When I knew it would only be broken again?
Present Day: Chapter 7- Gunner:
We sat up on the rocks about a mile outside of the typical hiking trail. It was by far the safest spot we met at. Dana sat on the rocks with her hands on her knees quietly, seemingly disturbed and introspective. I knew she was those two things, disturbed and introspective, but that’s not how she typically acts, especially around me. We were past that. Usually she’d just lay it on me. Whatever the fuck was on her mind she’d just say it, and I’d usually reciprocate. Our friendship was easy. It’d always been easy. I sure as hell didn’t know why. We were from different worlds, were completely different people, but somehow it just worked.
I looked at her leggings, sneakers and long sleeve t-shirt. She always wore long sleeves, well most of the time. She was embarrassed about her scars, even though she tried to deny it most of the time. I’d seen them once when she was putting on a jacket, but I’d never really seen them other than that. She always hid them before I could really see what she did to herself, how much pain she’d been in….
Maybe we weren’t so different.
“You seem off today,” I told her. She quickly flicked her gaze over to me and blushed.
“I’m fine,” she said quietly and went right back to staring. I furrowed my brow and turned her body to face me. She wouldn’t meet my gaze. What the hell?
“What is wrong Dana? I know you something's up. Just tell me. I’m sure I’ve heard it all by this point.”
“I can’t talk to YOU… about THIS,” she emphasized.
“Why? Wait, do you fuck someone? Is your heart broken or some shit like that?”
I didn’t have time for the burning sensation in my stomach to set in at the thought of Dana fucking some guy, because she leaped back like I’d shot her.
“NO! Why would you say that? I’d… no... I’m not dating. What?”
“Shhh… relax.”
I put my hand on her thigh. Dana has always been off about the topic of sex. I never understood until she told me about her rape. I swear to God I wanted to kill someone when I found out. It did make sense though. Why underneath her kind, gentle nature she seemed to be in constant pain.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. You're not too far off on the topic though,” she mumbled.
I quickly moved my hand.
“What? You can’t say shit like that and not tell me!”
“Okay, okay but…” she bit her lip and her cheeks were flaming red now. “Remember when you asked me what I did for a living and I told you after you asked a million times. I told you I was in treatment?”
“Yep.”
“Remember when I told you I was … raped,” she squeaked out.
“Yeah?” Like I could forget.
Now I was really confused and slightly scared. Not that I’d fucking admit that, but somehow, despite the fact I swore this would never happen, I have really grown to care about this girl in the years we’d known each other. She’d become like family and that scared the living shit out of me because it meant I could lose her. I’d trained myself not to care and it was fucking hard to do because I actually do hate seeing people in pain, especially when I’m the one causing it. However, this job, this life I chose was the only thing that helped me stay in check. I constantly had to force myself to push aside the instinct to care. That kept me safe. I didn’t feel fucking safe with Dana, I felt vulnerable. I hated it.
“I need that version of Gunner. Okay? I don’t even want to tell you this. It’s so embarrassing!”
“Just shoot. I’ll be nice. I swear.”
I lifted a hand in a sarcastic gesture and she laughed.
“Okay, so we had a group challenge the other day where we had to out with a friend. Like in town. Like we had to get dressed up and, you know, be social and stuff. I got dressed and, you know, I’m not very confident so I felt really awkward. My therapist was nice and tried to put me at ease, but you know how it is. I didn’t take after the typical Prescott gene pool and I’m no Sam.”
She fiddled with her shirt as she spoke, but I was too busy trying to reign in my temper to notice. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to try and shake the insecurity right out of her. She’s a beautiful girl. Beyond, and her personality makes your fucking hot as shit because she has a heart of gold. I hate that someone made her feel like she was so much less than the people around her.
“Anyway,” she continued, “we went to a nice restaurant and my friend wanted a drink at the bar, so I went with her. I was standing to the side and some guy asked… well, he asked me to go back to his room with him. He was hot and didn’t seem like a creeper. We talked first and stuff, but I just froze. Literally shut down. My friend saved me,” she paused and looked up at me shyly. I could see she was trying not to cry. Where the hell was this story going?
“Gunner, I'm twenty-two and I hate sex! I’m scared of it. Never had it other than… you know, that night. I don’t know if I’ve ever really had a desire for it. Something's so deeply fucking wrong with me. It was one rape! People have been through so much worse and I’m over here still fucked up from one fucking event! I hate myself.”
She shrugged. She tried to keep it together. Then she turned away from me and just cried. To no one. I suspected she was used to doing that, crying to no one. I knew she didn’t really talk about her problems in depth to anyone. I’ve always feel oddly flattered she’d opens up to me of all people, somebody who deserved it the least. At least I knew I’d never hurt her. Never judge her. I thought she knew that too up until this moment.
“Dana,” I said softly and reached around to grab her little body and pull her towards me.
“No,” she jerked away. “I shouldn’t have said all that. It just came out. I’m so embarrassed.”
“Dana! I’m not judging you. At all. I'm just surprised because you’re a beautiful woman, but not judging at all. I don’t know what you’re going through inside. Please look at me.”
She started to shake her head but as my words started to soak in she turned around to face me. I rubbed my hand down her arm in a comforting gesture. Then before she could pull away I grabbed her wrist and started to roll up her sleeves.
“What are you doing?” she asked wide eyed. She tried to pull away, but i
t wasn’t an actual attempt. She was just unsure.
“Trust me?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“Do I have a choice? You’ll do it anyway.”
I smirked.
“You know me too well.”
“Shut up, you know I trust you. Just go make your almighty point.”
I laughed. Feisty Dana was back. For some reason Dana was super argumentative with me. Always had been. Since day one. The funny thing was I don’t think she was like that with anyone else. Everyone seemed so surprised when they saw her act that way. I really didn’t understand why I, of all people, bring that out in her. I’ve killed people and could easily kill her. Not that I ever would. I’d probably die for her. Maybe she felt that. Which…. fuck.
I slowly rolled up both of sleeves. She watched me carefully. Her mood had changed drastically, and she was watching me to see if I was judging her. She was defensive and in self-preservation mode.
When her sleeves were up I saw her scars up close for the first time. They were worse than I thought, especially one that ran up her forearm vertically. I ran my fingers along the lines feeling an unfamiliar feeling in my chest. I swallowed to try and push it back. I was unsuccessful.
“See these?” I asked her.
“Every fucking day,” she snapped back.
“They are more about what’s on the inside than the outside scars you try so desperately to hide.”
Her whole body softened.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I know this first hand. The body can take a whole hell of a lot of pain but the heart… that’s, that’s really fucking hard to heal. I don’t know how to heal those scars Dana. Hell, my whole life is what it is because of one fucking scar, BUT I can promise you that one day you will meet someone who gets you. Really gets you and will be willing to help you trust intimacy again. It will just take time and experience and continuing to work on yourself. You will meet someone who’s in it for more than just a casual fuck.”
“Are boys even capable of that?” she laughed nervously.
“Men are.”
I shook my head and snapped that memory out my head. Dana was unconscious in Tanner’s arms. He snickered at me. This was a dangerous game and I was coming awfully close to losing her. I had to remind myself Dana was unconscious not dead, and Tanner was still in control. I had to stay cool and play this right.
“What are you going to do now Gunner?” Tanner mocked. “You killed two men. One’s probably in a coma, but you are hurt. Even you can’t fight forever. Plus, I have the upper hand here,” he said shaking Dana. “I can do whatever I want because I have my hand around this bitch’s throat and you care about her. If you don’t want her to die, then you’ll leave.”
“I’m not leaving her with you,” I scoffed.
Tanner smirked and before I could think he grabbed her between the legs. He opened his mouth to make some comment, I'm sure about what he did to her.
I saw red. The blood on her arm, the blood that came rushing to my ears, the scars on her arm that he caused. Tanner was a fucking idiot for just letting me holster my gun and not having me kick it to the side. It showed this truly wasn’t his game. Apparently, his game was just raping innocent women. I hated him. I pulled my gun out of my pants in a quick motion and shot him before he could blink. Under normal circumstances it would have been too risky with him holding Dana, but my adrenaline was pumping so hard I knew I wouldn’t miss… and I didn’t.
Present Day: Chapter 8:
Black. The world was just black. I fought to open my eyes, but they felt too heavy. I heard voices but couldn’t make them out.
I’m not dead. Oh my God I’m not dead.
“What’s… wrong?” I croaked out.
I tried to lift an arm but failed.
“Dana! Oh my God! You’re awake. Oh my God!” a body flung over my stomach and sobbed. Who was that? Who was crying over me?
“Shhhh, babe come here,” said a voice I recognized instantly. Logan. The body was instantly pulled off me.
“Hey Day,” he said softly.
Then I heard more tears. Logan was here so the tears must be from… Sam? Sam was crying? Over me! My eyes started to open. Everything was blurry, and I groaned.
“Logan…” I whispered.
“I’m here. How are you?”
Instantly my eyes shot open and I tried to sit up. Two pairs of hands instantly helped me.
“Gunner is he okay? What happened? Is…”
Instantly I felt him. I looked to my left, where one set of hands had helped me. There he was. Bandaged, bruised and pretty exhausted, but he was there. Alive.
“You’re alive,” I whispered feeling tears fall down my cheeks. “You. didn’t die.”
“I’m hard to kill,” he shrugged, but his voice sounded unconvincing and sad. I frowned.
“Dana, what were you thinking?” Logan asked giving my hand a squeeze. “We almost lost you. Alexa and Sam were flipping out. I was flipping out!”
“Yeah not cool babe!” Alexa’s voice rang from across the room.
“I had to go. I was hurting you guys. I shouldn’t have called you.”
“That was a suicide mission Dana,” Gunner’s voice interrupted.
“I didn’t die. Did I?”
He scoffed.
“Yeah nearly! And the only reason you didn’t die is because I was able to back you up!”
“Yeah after I distracted them!” I yelled, but my voice was way too weak to make any kind of real noise.
Gunner rolled his eyes but backed off.
“You weren’t hurting us Dana. I always want to be there for you,” Sam whispered.
“I echo that,” Alexa said.
“Sam, your dream. You were hurting and then Alexa, you and Rex. I was just fucking everything up. I had to go.”
From the corner of my eye I saw Gunner huff and run his hands through his hair. I was confused but quickly turned my sights back to Alexa who was approaching me.
“Dana! Listen to me. Sam made a choice to be there. She knew about her nightmares and was prepared for that. I am fine. Rex is… nothing. I was just surprised. I can handle Rex,” she spat out like the word disgusted her.
“Okay? Never, ever, ever, ever leave us alone like that. Do you fucking understand? You scared the shit out of us. If Gunner hadn’t called…” she turned around and took a few deep breaths. “Just don’t be dumb!”
“Okay enough!” Sam said sternly. “Dana needs her rest. We’ll be back girl.”
Sam squeezed my leg. Her eyes were puffy and swollen. I couldn’t believe Sam, of all people, would cry over me. Alexa started to leave the room, along with Sam. Logan stayed behind.
“Sam hasn’t stopped crying you know? I rarely see Sam cry, and I do mean rarely. She’s been crying in my arms for days. Worried about you.”
“Days?”
“They put you in a medically induced coma to help reduce the chances of any side effects from the strangulation.” Logan’s voice was strained.
“Oh…” I paused. “Sam really cried. For me?”
Logan looked at me strangely.
“Yeah Day. She adores you. I adore you. Jazmine has drawn you like fifty pictures and get well soon cards. We love you. Sam feels connected to you. Always has. Look, I know you're scared I’m mad at you.” Yep. “I was at first, but I’m not mad anymore. I was scared. Really scared. You never have to lie to me before Dana. Do you understand? I’m here for you! Okay?”
My eyes instantly began to water.
“Did I lose your trust? I swore I wouldn’t lose it. I worked so hard to earn it back and now it’s just gone again.”
My legs were bouncing around a million miles a minute now trying to stop the tears from welling up. I needed to be alone. I needed to cry.
“No sis. I love you. Ten years of doing the right thing doesn’t get erased in one day. It’s a few steps back, but you don’t totally lose my trust. Let that be the least of your worries,” he kissed my head and w
alked out.
That left one person… Gunner. I put my head in my knees. I couldn't look at him and I had no idea why.
“I’ll go,” he said softly. “You want to cry alone.”
“How do you know?” I whispered.
“Your legs start getting really annoying and flying all over the place when you are trying to hold back tears. Telltale sign.”
“We’ve been friends for too long.”
“Yeah, we have. It almost got you killed.”
“No Gunner I…” he held up a finger and shook his head. He was angry at himself. It was all over his face and I had no idea how to convince him this was not his fault.
“I care about you Dana. I’m going to make this better somehow.”
“Gunner,” I whispered, but he was already leaving. Before he left the room, he threw something in my lap and shut the door behind him. I wanted to lean over and cry immediately, but first I looked over to see what Gunner had thrown at me. When I saw what it was the air whooshed out of my lungs.
A small stuffed pig. Just like the one that had bought me so much comfort when I went to the hospital as a teen.
I pulled it to my chest and cried for all that had happened and for all the mixed, confused that were now bubbling at the surface.
Dana- 22 Years Old:
I’d felt my heart being ripped open quite a few times in my life, but nothing compared to when I helped Logan get Sam out of his car after her mom died. Sam had always been the picture of strength to me. Sure, she had her weaknesses and her breakdowns but overall, she was so self-assured and always able to give as good as she got. This Sam was different. Logan tried to prepare me on the way, but I don’t think anything could have prepared me for seeing someone I loved so much hurt so badly. She was freezing. Her lips were blue and her skin ice cold. Her thick brown hair was matted around her face. The worst part, however, was the look in her eye. It was the look of someone so far gone they were beyond saving. She was so detached I wanted to scream. To cry. Then when I saw the horrified, pained look on my brothers face I wanted to cry all over again. How could this happen to such a small, kind family? HOW?
