by Bry Ann
“I know you don’t want to talk about it with me. I know I’ve been distant since Sam and Jazmine came into my life. I know it must hurt that I’ve worked less for them and never did for you, but I was young Dana. I have a family now, but you were always my family first. I’ll always love you. You don’t have to hide stuff from me. Remember I’m me first before I’m a celebrity and all that shit. I know I get on my high horse sometimes, but I promise I can get off it when you need me. Please trust me again. Okay? I feel I’ve earned it. I love you so much. I’m so worried about you.”
I looked at my brother’s shaggy blonde hair and intense blue eyes remembering all the times we sat in my room as he braided my hair and I snuck in cookies while he vented about his day. I wrapped my arms around him.
“I love you so much. I’ve missed you. I love Sam too, but I’ve just felt like second place.”
“I promise to work on that. I never want you to feel that way.”
“Okay and I promise to talk to my therapist about the cabin. I’ll up my 1:1’s. I promise.”
Logan nodded.
“My credit cards on file, get whatever you need. I’m serious.”
“I always do,” I winked.
He smiled and rubbed my hair.
“I’ll get the girls. They are flipping out. Jazmine just got here by the way so once you guys hash it out and you’re ready you can see her.”
“Yay!”
“By the way Dana?”
“Yeah?”
“We aren’t done talking about Gunner.”
I groaned miserably as Logan left the room. He really had such a powerful presence. He was different yet so similar to how he was as a teenager. I know I was younger than him, but I still felt so proud of the man be became all on his own.
I didn’t have time to dwell on all that because Sam and Alexa came running in the room next. God this was awful and most definitely not the right way to handle someone who just had a total emotional breakdown. I felt my anxiety start to rise just due to the sheer amount of energy directed at me, but Gunner came strolling in the room behind them with Rex and Logan. He leaned against the door frame. I looked at him and instantly felt calmer. He was my calm. Somehow. It made no sense, even to me.
“You fucking fucker…” Alexa said hitting my shoulder with tears in her eyes. “You scared the shit out of me.”
I glanced at Rex who was looking at her like she was an enigma.
“Sorry Alexa. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what happened.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she sighed. “You alright?”
“Geez, I got Alexa to cry. Must be serious.”
“Shut up.”
I looked over at Sam who looked slightly traumatized by the whole ordeal.
“You okay?” she asked gently.
“Are you?”
She let out a bitter laugh and let out the breath she’d be holding.
“Yeah. I’m okay.”
Before any of us could speak again Jazmine came bolting in the room past Gunner and the men. I heard Logan mumble “so much for staying the hallway”.
Seeing her bright blonde curls headed towards me instantly made some of the darkness in my heart dissolve.
“Aunt Dana!” she squealed and jumped in my arms. I wrapped my arms around her tiny body. Something about her innocence and happiness brought tears to my eyes. I looked at Sam.
“She’s therapy, isn’t she?” Sam said with a smug, reminiscent look on her face.
“Yeah.”
Jazmine pulled away and her blue eyes shined bright as she looked at me.
“I missed you Aunt Dana.”
“I missed you too baby.”
For the next hour we all talked and played in that destroyed hotel room. It became one of those moments in life where I was grateful to be alive. Rex and Alexa didn’t even fight. They shot daggers at each other the whole time, but no verbal punches were thrown. Even Logan and Gunner got along fairly well.
The moment was perfect.
Dana- 26 Years Old:
Sam was out for days. She woke up at one point and I’d never been so relieved, but with all the pain meds she couldn’t stay awake long. Looking at her was horrific. She was beaten to a pulp. Seeing a girl as strong as her so broken tore me. Logan looked absolutely horrible. If there was any doubt he loved her it would have been proven wrong quickly in that moment. Logan flew Alexa out immediately and she was… different to say the least. The meeting would have been amusing if it wasn’t for the circumstances.
Logan had his driver bring Sam’s friend from Wyoming to the hospital. Neither of us were willing to leave there. Logan and I went out to the parking lot when her car pulled up. I was holding Jazmine’s hand. Logan and I had been trading off occupying Jazmine. She was bored and scared for her mom. It was our job to make sure she didn’t worry… yet.
“Alexa’s coming, Alexa’s coming,” Jazmine kept whispering.
She was so excited. I think she was really craving some familiarity. She knew Logan was her father now and she was super happy and couldn’t stop saying it, but I think it was still a lot for her to process. It would be a lot for anyone to process.
“Yeah, she’s getting out right now,” Logan said to her as gently as he could.
Then the back door swung open and a beautiful girl with bright purple hair and a whole Rockstar persona came bouncing out. I saw the look of surprise on my brother's face. I was surprised too, but I was too distracted by the force in which Jazmine pulled out of my grasp.
“Alexa,” she squealed.
“Hey pumpkin!” the purple headed girl said as she rubbed Jazmine’s hair. Jazmine smiled and came back over and grabbed my hand. That made me smile.
Then this girl Alexa looked up at Logan.
“Holy fuck, she really does know you. This is nuts. I’m going to kill her.”
Logan’s eyebrows flew up and he cleared his throat. I let out a small smile. Alexa saw it and shot me a wink. I immediately saw why her, and Sam were close.
“Hello Alexa, thank you for coming. You and Sam seemed extremely close, so I figured she’d want you here when she wakes up. Also, if you don’t mind, we could use some help with switching shifts.” He gestured to Jazmine.
My brother was so professional.
“How is she?” Alexa’s tone changed. It was clear, if not anything else, she cared for the little girl in front her.
Logan gestured for the door and we all headed inside.
“Not now.”
We all looked at Jazmine who was looking at us curiously. “Of course. Thanks for bringing me out Logan Prescott.”
I snickered.
“My full name isn’t necessary Alexa.”
Logan was clearly annoyed as he led us to the elevator. The girl laughed and turned to me.
“Hi Dana.”
I tried to hide my surprise but was unsuccessful which made Alexa laugh.
“I know all about Logan here. Never thought I’d actually meet him. Fucking nuts. Anyway, I know he has a sister named Dana and, more importantly, Sam always talked about this friend Dana she regretted hurting and what not. It’s how she got Jazzy’s middle name. I never figured it was Logan Prescott’s little sister, but I’m now assuming that it’s you.”
“Really? Oh, um, yeah that’s me.”
I was wringing out my hands, so nervous and excited at the prospect of a new friend.
“Uh, let’s watch our language,” Logan jumped in, ruining my moment.
It had been five days and Sam was still out. Occasionally she’d pop up and say hello, but she’d fall back asleep soon after. I was worried sick. Logan and I had barely said anything to each other. For literally three days he kept looking at me to make sure I wasn’t hurt, then he spent a day asking me if I was okay emotionally, then we sat in silence as the weight of Sam’s injuries and what she had probably been through set in. Logan and I sat in the room together as Alexa played with Jazmine.
“I know you’re friends
with that asshole Gunner,” Logan eventually said breaking up our silence.
“He’s not an asshole!” I snapped. “He saved my life! He saved Sam’s!”
“And I’ll be grateful for that, but that prick pretty much dumped Sam in the parking lot in the condition she was in and walked off. The guy's a dick and should be in prison.”
“What?”
My face paled and tears slipped past my eyes before I could stop them. He couldn’t have done that. He just couldn’t have. I stood up immediately and ran out of the room pulling out my cell phone.
“Dana?” Alexa asked as I passed her in the hall.
I shot her a quick hello as I ran into the elevator. I pulled out my cell phone and clicked Gunner’s name.
Me: Hospital parking lot by the dumpster. Now. -D
It was the first time I’d picked a location to meet.
Gunner: I’m busy and I haven’t checked out that location. -G
Me: I don’t give a shit. Be there now. -D
Gunner: I’m on my way. -G.
I stormed out to the dumpsters feeling fire burning through my body. Other than a text from Gunner assuring I was okay and unharmed we hadn’t really talked since the whole incident. Now I was furious with him; for leaving Sam in the parking lot, for not checking on me and Sam in more than text form, for not telling me what happened to Sam and for being the Goddamned bad guy even though he saved my life. For making me choose between my morality and him. For making me pick between Sam and Logan and spending time with him. I shouldn’t even want to spend time with him!
I was facing around frantically when Gunner approached.
“Motherfucker!” I yelled running over to him and pushing against his chest.
“How could you do that?”
“What the fuck!” Gunner yelled, grabbing my wrists roughly and holding them in the front of my body.
“What is your problem?”
“How could you do that?”
“Do what? Save your life? Fucking Sam’s. I lost my place with Tim. I hope you’re happy.”
“I am fucking happy, but what I am referring to is how you dumped Sam in the parking lot and left.”
Gunner visibly deflated and pulled away from me.
“Yeah.”
That’s all he said.
Yeah.
“Well what the hell? What happened to her?”
“What the fuck do you think happened to her?” Gunner snapped.
I tried not to let the bile rising in my throat come to the surface. Then I softened and looked at him gently. I knew in that moment. I knew why he left her.
It hurt him. It hurt him to see her like that. He wasn’t totally heartless and that killed him.
“Are you okay?”
He turned and ran his hands through his ragged brown hair.
“It is what it is.”
I put my hand on his shoulder.
“Hey,” I said softly, “Talk to me. Tell me what happened.”
Gunner swiveled around swiftly.
“What happened? Why were you so stupid? Going to the police?! Damn it Dana. This is your fucking fault.”
I pulled away so fast and stared at him for a second in shock. Gunner immediately looked guilt ridden.
“Dana, I…”
I just ran off. Gunner couldn’t chase me far, because then we’d be seen together, and it’d break his stupid rules. Tears came to my eyes and I made my way to the other dumpster in the back of the hospital. I threw up everywhere. I just kept vomiting. Even when I felt my hair being pulled back out of my face. I couldn’t even look to see who it was. I felt so sick. Once there was absolutely nothing left in my stomach I fell to the ground. Gunner sat down next to me. I guess he was the one who held my hair back.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “That was cruel. It’s not your fault. Not by a long shot. It’s the fault of the people who did it and no one else.”
“I told the police. If I hadn’t…”
Gunner held up his hand.
“You were trying to help. Sam knew why you did it. She’s a smart girl. She also knew what she was getting herself into. She loves you. That was just hard for me Dana. I don’t like Sam or anything. She’s in a category with the rest of humanity, annoying and in my way. However, I respect the shit out of her. She’s smart, quick witted and hard working. Seeing her in the vulnerable condition she was in, again, due to my men, people I called my co-workers was hard for me. I’ve never coped well with that shit. I just left her because I felt shitty and I didn’t want to look at her anymore. The hospital cleaned her up well. It was really bad Day.”
I swallowed hard trying to take in what he said. Then I sighed.
“I need to get back to her. We still friends?”
Gunner nodded.
“You sure you’re okay? No one touched you.”
“No, Sam made a deal with them. I told you. She made sure of it.”
I tried not to let my voice betray my emotions, but it did because the unspoken words were… she made sure of it and now she’s upstairs in a coma.
Gunner came over and squeezed my shoulder and left. Then I wiped my face, went to the restroom to rinse out my mouth and went back upstairs to Logan who didn’t say anything about my haggard appearance. He couldn’t, he looked just as shitty.
Two more long days went by before Sam came back to consciousness for real. Not a quick hello and then going back to sleep. Alexa was with her and she gave me a call immediately like I’d asked. I was super grateful to her for that. I drove to the hospital so fast I was lucky it was not even five o’clock in the morning or I definitely would have gotten a speeding ticket. I was so nervous when I stood in her doorway, looking into her familiar hazel eyes. She immediately tried to put me at ease, but I didn’t think I’d ever feel at ease around her again. Guilt and anxiety would always surround us now. She made the ultimate sacrifice for me, and I didn’t know how to deal with that.
I opened up to her about my relationship with Gunner. I felt I owed that to her. She deserved to know why I did what I did, why she was in this mess. My heart went to my throat when Sam said she wanted to speak with Gunner, but I couldn’t say no to her. Not now. Not ever. I knew she wanted to talk to him about me even though she said otherwise. I felt so nervous. I wasn’t even sure I could get Gunner to agree but I had to. Sam asked it of me, so I’d make it happen. I told her to give me a few days.
I immediately texted Gunner that Sam wanted to talk to him. He said no, but I could sense it wasn’t a firm no, he just didn’t want to do it. I stared at the no on the screen and wondered how I could convince him to do this.
Me: Sam wants to talk to you… -D.
Gunner: No…. -G.
Me: Look, I don’t want her to talk to you, but I owe her. It’s all she asked of me. Please. -D
Gunner: It’s risky. -G.
Me: You’re not with Tim anymore. -D
Gunner: There’s other risks. -G
Me: There’s always a risk. I’m not asking, I’m begging. Please. Don’t make me say no to her. -D
Gunner: God, you’re so persistent. You have me wrapped around your little finger, don’t you? Fine, give me a few days. Don’t bother texting me back. I’m mad at you. I’ll text you soon.
I squealed and set my phone aside. He wasn’t mad. Even though he left off his initial I knew he wasn’t. He was annoyed because he couldn’t say no to me. Gunner hates having a soft spot for anything, but he has one for me.
Sure enough, five days later Sam and Gunner talked. I’m not going to lie. When I left the room, leaving the two of them I ran to the restroom and threw up. Logan was pissed, and I felt weird about the whole thing given their background. It felt like my two lives were crashing together and it was an overwhelming guilt inducing feeling. Once I was done vomiting I went into the hallway and waited for them to be done. Gunner was heading out soon after I got there. He opened the door, but didn’t see me yet because he turned back to Sam.
“Just so you k
now,” he told her, “I’m an asshole and all that, but how I found you will haunt me forever. I am just not good at knowing how to handle feeling that way.”
My heart stopped. He turned to leave the room and saw me immediately. We always felt the other’s presence in a room. Our eye contact was immediate and intense.
“Thank you,” I mouthed.
He looked down at my shaking hands and gave me a sincere nod. I had this overwhelming feeling that I’d never see him again. I wanted to run after him, tell him how I felt, tell him something, but I just stood there frozen. Story of my life. So much was changing so fast, and I saw him just walk out.
A few more days passed, and I wasn’t able to spend quite as much time at the hospital as I’d have liked. My treatment team and Logan both gave me no choice. They demanded I up my therapy, so I could discuss what happened and my guilt surrounding it. Logan also asked me to talk about my friendship with Gunner. I told him I would, but that was a lie. That was one thing I’d get to keep to myself. My team knew every last detail about me and had more control over me and my future then I wanted them to have already. I’d keep my friendship to myself. I’d give myself that little bit of freedom.
Despite not being at the hospital as often Logan and Alexa kept me in the loop. They told me every last detail. When I wasn’t in therapy or with Sam, I was watching Jazmine. Life was crazy busy.
Several days after Gunner talked to Sam Logan they decided it was time for Jazmine to see Sam. Jazmine’s questions had gotten more and more persistent. She’d always seemed to have Logan’s laid-back demeanor, but more of Sam’s feisty personality was starting to shine through the longer we kept her away from her mom. She started having behavioral issues of all kinds, which was super uncommon for her. Logan sat her on his lap and tried to explain that her mommy was hurt and needed time to heal. Jazmine wasn’t having it; the same way Sam never had that excuse with her own mother. Logan couldn’t take it anymore to be honest. He couldn’t handle seeing Jazmine struggle on top of Sam of seeing Sam struggle.
Logan got his way of course and Sam agreed to see Jazmine. The meeting was a disaster from what I heard. Logan called and told me he had to drag Jazmine out of there. He didn’t tell me the details only that he wanted to give Sam her privacy and we made plans to do something special for her the next day to perk her up.
