by R. F. Allie
I texted Jenna and the guys with the big news. Jude texted with some celebration plans, to which I’d happily agreed to.
Jenna gave me an ecstatic phone call, promising homemade chocolate liquor ice-cream, which was one of her specialties and my favorite treat. Then, she went on about a cab driver who yelled at her and how she freaked out. It made me laugh that her only problem with the situation was, that she may have seemed like a fraudulent New Yorker.
I stopped by a vendor cart for a quick snack and a diet coke. I decided that the occasion called for some shopping. I'd been on a spree with my mother over the holidays, I was in the mood for some business casual from my one and only Kors.
Up until three years ago, I hadn't been much of a shopper. Clothing concept was all about practicality and comfort, especially for work and college. I'd worn the occasional party dress and gowns. But as far as fashion could go, I sticked to classic and easy.
Needless to say how meeting Ryan had changed me. I'd felt a little offended the first time he'd criticized something I wore.
Several heated conversations and fashion history lessons later, I understood the way he looked at clothing and he encouraged me to always put some money into some worthy pieces to add to my closet.
Two years later, I had to buy an extra closet for my room. I still had some reservations about lingerie. Which continued to make Ryan crazy, and he even made it his life mission to fill my drawer with fabrics I could never wear.
I made my way through the park and chose a comfortable spot to have my snack. I loved the fall scenery around there. It was my favorite season, the rebirth season. I was also born in the fall. Ryan thought that was the real reason I loved it. Also, he could never understand how it symbolized rebirth instead of spring.
For me, autumn was the season during which people made a change in their lives. They make new decisions, get rid of past regrets, and prepare themselves for winter to wash it off. In spring, they blossom. I always enjoyed the perspective and stood by it.
I was born in this city. My father had met a French tourist and fell in love immediately. Giving the difficult situations his work used to put him in, he didn't think twice about asking her to marry him. Soon after I was born, he became a US ambassador and we had to move around and frequently.
I loved winters in France and summers in North Africa. I had the chance to enjoy many cultures, it had been the only positive aspect about being my father's daughter.
It was never easy for me to keep friends. That was the reason I was thankful for my friends and why I considered them family. While Jenna had chosen Paris for college, Jude and I moved back as soon as we were seventeen. We were both escaping a life that had been imposed on us.
He quickly developed a keen reputation as one of the moneymaking faces in the fashion industry. In reality, it'd already started in France when we were sixteen. During one of our dance classes, he'd been accosted by some agent who got him involved in some modeling gigs. Jude grew to love the scene, it was the only place he wasn't judged on his sexuality but rather on the way he looked.
In two years’ time, he made enough money to leave his family and pay for college. He'd always dreamed of becoming a pilot and he was almost finished with school. He was still making some photo shoots for advertisement and helped Ryan when he first launched his men clothing collection.
When I looked back at our lives, I was surprised at how things worked out for us despite what we'd been through and all the problems we'd faced. We had a close circle of friends with Mia, Faith and Ryan's younger brother Andy. We'd stand by each other no matter what.
It wasn't until last year, when things started going wrong for me. I'd decided to get through my finals and leave the city
I'd started with a visit to my brother in Michigan for a couple of weeks. I hadn't seen him and his family for a long time. So it was a good start being around my little nieces. After that, I went to visit my mother and my nana in the south of France. I had a great time catching up with some high school friends. I'd attended many schools in several countries, so it was hard to keep up with all the people I'd met along the years. But I managed to reconnect with some of them, thanks to social networking.
The rest of my summer had been a journey. It'd began with Belgium followed by Spain, where Jude and Ryan had joined Jenna and I along with her summer crush.
When they'd left, Jenna and I were invited by a college friend of hers to visit him in Morocco.
Overall, it'd been a great summer. I hadn't left the country in so long, by the time I'd gotten back to Paris with Jenna, I was completely broke. My mom had insisted on giving me some money to keep me going until I found a job. I'd reluctantly accepted because I wanted to keep a clean credit for my student loans.
Getting hired as quickly as I did was a miracle and a great save for my visa card.
I walked for a little bit longer across the park. I wished I could come more often. I loved the fall breeze, leafs falling around. Sometimes, you could come across a show or a concert, more often during the spring.
I was plugged in with "Norah Jones" 'Come away with me' and thinking about the way the day had been perfect, when I felt a hand grabbing me from behind. I instantly froze. I was completely freaked out, up until a familiar chow-chow head peeked under me.
I breathed out and turned to find my first floor neighbor Maria walking her dog around the park.
"Hola Chica." Maria said cheerily.
I greeted her warmly. I was happy she wasn't some mugger or worse; Caden.
"Hola yourself, guappa!"
"Judas said you're back. I went up but found no one." I loved the way she referred to Jude. He wasn't very fond of it though.
She scolded at an excited Teddy and I couldn't stop laughing at her.
"I was shopping for a new job and thought about walking around. I was going to stop by your house to ask if you're in the mood for a night out to celebrate with us."
I loved Maria. She was Puerto Rican and had been living in my building for over twenty years. She was almost forty, but didn't look a day over thirty. It was probably due to her petite silhouette and all the workout she did. She had the darkest eyes and curls that could give my own a run for their worth. She was also a very talented photographer, and even had an upcoming event in one of Chelsea's art galleries.
"I'm always up for a party." She winked at me before retrieving her frustrated glare at the hairy puddle.
"Okay, I'll let you get back at this cute angel." I bent down for teddy and gave him the rest of my hot dog.
"Just be ready by nine. I have a new roommate, and she needs to see as much of the city as she can."
"Okay Chica. See you later."
After saying my goodbyes to Maria and her little bundle of fury, I stepped by Magnolia's bakery and got about a week worth of treats. I hailed a cab, laughing at Jenna's difficulties with a taxi earlier. I smiled nostalgically remembering my own screw-ups around the city. I used to walk around wide-eyed and distracted. With time, I grew comfortable around it. I still got a little freaked whenever the subway roared under me, but at least I had developed my own system with the lines. It only took me two years or so.
"Come on. You're still not ready?"
Jenna pouted at me and stood with her arms crossed in front of the bathroom door.
I had a nap as soon as I'd gotten home. When I woke up, I organized my new schedule, went over my contract and slipped into the shower only thirty minutes earlier.
I settled on a scarlet red dress; one of Ryan's newest design. It hugged every inch of my body which gave me all the confidence I needed to accept to wear something so bright. I wasn't one of those girls who were confident about their looks. I knew I was average. I had one of those eyes; the too-big-and-expressive ones. A mix of light brown and hazel shades, courtesy of my mother' side of genetics. Long chocolate curls with too much volume that'd pushed me to adopt the upswept look more often than I'd wanted.
I only grew satisfied with my
legs because of Ryan's constant nagging about how gorgeous they were. So with time, I got comfortable with skirts and short dresses. Who was I to say otherwise, he worked with models every day.
'Curves in all the right places and little apple shaped breasts' or at least that's how the expert referred to my silhouette. Whereas, I thought my breasts, or therefore lack of any, would be able to fool people into thinking I was a man; if not for my hair.
Still, I attracted some men, not many, just the right amount for the average girl. I wasn't a prude. I had my share of boyfriends, but it never felt right or like fireworks. Except for that one time, but it was with a complete stranger, so it didn't count.
"You look like a catch for the devil in that dress." Jenna had a way with words, sometimes; I swear I could've mistaken her for a boy. Well, if she didn't look so fabulous all the time.
"Thank you girlfriend."
"Hold on, I have the perfect shoes to match that look." She disappeared to her room and came back with a gorgeous pair of Duncan platforms.
"If no men proposes tonight, I'll lose hope in humanity."
She offered me one of her sinful looks and rushed me out.
"Nonsense. I'm not looking for my next disaster, I just want to celebrate and feel good while doing it." I said walking out to the door, or rather pushed towards it.
"Well, at least invest in a new vibrator to complete the 'feeling good circle'."
She said stifling a laugh.
"You're such a bitch. You know that, right?"
"I do. Your favorite one, that is." Jenna turned to hug me.
"But seriously though, it's time for you to experience an orgasm, that is not battery operated; at least once before you hit twenty-two.”
She turned quickly and scouted down the stairs without giving me the chance to answer her.
I wasn't repulsed by the idea; a man or a vibrator. All the sex stuff were the reason my first real relationship had went south. I wasn't ready and it'd cost me so much, my dignity mostly. It was the sole reason I'd avoided men for the past five or six months and embraced my celibacy for the time being.
We decided on 'The Empire Hotel' rooftop for the drinks. Jenna hadn't been the cliché I thought she would be. She got into her classes and continued working online, which meant, a lot less sightseeing than expected. We thought we'd hit two birds with one stone.
Jude had cultivated all the right relationships to get us into almost any club in town after all the rejection we'd encountered when we'd first moved in. And it didn't hurt when Ryan started appearing on some VIP listings after his first successful show.
We made our way to the rooftop lounge for the view and the scenery. One of the signs of living in this city for too long was when you stopped caring about which days to go out. So, Monday night jazz was crowded with some fancy people. We found Mia and Faith flirting with a bartender. Probably planning on having him as their hangover cure.
The atmosphere was incredible. It was a good night for celebration, and that was what we did the minute we managed to grab a table to fit all of us. I loved the setting of the place. It was basically a penthouse. Very sophisticated, yet comfortable. Some people were either standing or sitting by the bar, other groups were set up like us on tables and sofas, dancing, chatting or flirting soothed by the music and smooth lightning.
I had a chance to catch up further with Jude and Maria. Jenna was already too busy flirting with some guy, ready to eat him alive.
Poor guy...
We'd been in the club for more than an hour. We were all a little drunk and we capitulated with two rounds of tequila shots. I danced and laughed until I started to feel a little dizzy. I felt like someone was watching me and blamed it on the dress or alcohol paranoia. I wasn't in the mood for meeting guys. In fact I rejected two perfect gentlemen already, so I guess I chose vibrator for the night.
I laughed at my private joke and excused myself to go get some air on the terrace.
Jude followed me but I asked him not to worry.
I stood for a little while with a bottle of water to refrain my drunken dizziness. I admired the view and breathed the fresh air until I started getting cold instead of inebriated. I rocked my platforms and turned to head back inside. I noticed a shadow walking my way and grinned.
"You worry too much. Did you save a dance for your true better-half?" I froze once the city lights illuminated Jude's features.
Except, it wasn't Jude. Those beautiful features, magnetic and graceful. The familiar gaze, hot, dark and heavy.
No... That is simply impossible!
Chapter III
Six days earlier
"Come on! We did that already, more than enough!”
“There won't be any new painting you know that." Jenna was bargaining for a Sunday picnic with some of her friends. I had only one night left before we would pack and head back to New York.
I wanted to spend my day visiting some of my favorite spots in Paris. Which meant lunch at Sybille's bistro in Montmartre, a walk down La Scène, a coffee in front of Notre Dame before one last tour at Le Louvre. I won't be able to come back for a long time. In fact, I'd be lucky to afford a train ride to Yonkers when I'll be back in Manhattan.
I went through all my savings traveling back and forth. Even though my mother had a blast paying for all my shopping and gave me a check to help once I was back home. I wasn't going to waste another penny. I went crazy with the parties over the summer, and Europe wasn't all that cheap.
Basically I was done until I could find a job, so I wanted to make the most of my last day.
"I don't mind spending the day on my own; in fact I'd rather have some time-off your craziness." I laughed at my best friend's glare and the un-ladylike middle finger she threw my way.
"So you go say your goodbyes and we can meet at the CAB for our last Parisian party with Lilo and Micah tonight."
I continued hoping she'd let go of her inquisition.
"Tu es chiante. Tu le sais ça?" Jenna scoffed at me, making a point of telling me how annoying I could be before rocking on her rounded snickers heels and turning to the door.
"Je sais. Mais tu m'aime quand même!" I yelled after her.
"Yes I love you, you stubborn-best-friend of mine. Call me if you change your mind." She finished before slamming the front door.
It'd been close to five months since that awful night. I couldn't believe I was falling for such a manipulative bastard. He'd managed to hide the truth from me for several months and I was going to offer myself to him to prove how much I'd loved him.
I'd diminished myself to a stupid cliché; Caden was my speech writing professor when I was in sophomore year. I used to admire him from afar like most girls in my class. I never missed his class that year, but I barely spoke during it. He was so passionate during the sessions. I'd never witnessed anything like it before. He made us laugh with jokes and fun facts about political speeches history. Sometimes he even made us emotional when reading a particular speech and called them a lesson of greatness for the world history.
It was only during my last year that I had him as a professor again. He still was the same intense looking professor. You'd get interested in whatever he's teaching in a blink of an eye. Some students transferred to be in his class. He was one of those professors that would've made you want to become a teacher even if it was the last thing you'd consider. Awe-inspiring. Add to all that, lots of charm, beautiful blue eyes with a hot and elusive gaze, a sophisticated Abercrombie and Fitch look, and it would be your basic college girl fantasy coming to life.
He'd said that he noticed me way before I'd applied for the teaching assistant position. He used to talk about how expressive my eyes were. Becoming his TA had launched us in an endless spiral of flirtatious conversations and overwhelming private gazes during work hours and classes. He charmed me with words, poems and hot glances. I'd fought it over with my conscious. We had a no-fraternization policy.
We still started seeing each other when I'd st
arted spending more time with him debating a graduate program for the following year. Our relationship consisted of long kisses, hot dates around the city and long work nights until I'd started giving into the pressure of having sex.
It was stupid. I should've gone with my gut. I should've known I wasn't ready; not because I was saving myself for marriage, but rather because, deep down I'd known he wasn't right for me. When I discovered he was hiding a secret, at the most critical time, it'd destroyed me.
In less than two days, I was going to be back home after my improvised sabbatical, feeling new and dignified again. It wasn't easy, in fact it was far from it. I was lucky I had my friends and my mom and Nana. They all stood by me and hopefully, I'll get one of the jobs I'd applied to give a positive start to the New Year.
After a delicious authentic Niçoise salad at the oldest bistro in Montmartre, I walked around the city. Paris had the same vibe you'd find in New York. Just as touristy, with more buzz around its sightseeing sites. It was smaller. Admittedly, the skyline was nothing like New York. Paris remained authentic to its old architectural style. When standing on a rooftop, the Eiffel would stand glorious by itself. That's what I loved about it, no matter how modern and contemporary it'd gotten, the oldest neighborhoods were still the most authentic ones and also much more expensive.
I walked for as long as I could before my feet started killing me. I hailed a taxi and rode to Notre Dame with my coffee and my music. I walked the stairs with heels and coffee in hand, took my tour and turned back outside to enjoy the scenery of the last day of summer afternoon.
The place was crowded; people were enjoying the light breeze under the shades of the cathedral. I loved it there, tourists, natives, non-natives. It attracted all kinds of people, they'd take a tour or just sit and have coffee or lunch on the marches. At all times, people would be mingling, laughing, eating or singing along with a trumpet or harmonica player that would stand out among the pot. After I finished my coffee, I pushed to my naked feet, walked some steps down and turned back to snap some pictures. I smiled cherishing the memory until next time and turned back to head to my next destination.
