by Lindsey Iler
My laughter is uncontrollable as I jump from my hiding spot and wrap my fingers around Dan’s wrist, pulling him into my bedroom. I push the door shut, barely able to catch a breath from my hysterics.
“You know she’s going to get us back, right?” I sit on the end of the bed.
“Damn right I am.” Amanda slams something against the door. Dan and I look at the thin piece of wood protecting us from her wrath. “Watch your backs. You have to come out of there eventually. Dan may be skinny now, but the boy’s still got to eat.”
“She isn’t kidding, is she?” Dan asks, turning back around to face me.
“What do you think?” My eyebrows peak.
“Shit,” he whispers, flinging himself onto my mattress.
“Be my guest, and make yourself comfortable.” I laugh.
*****
“Seriously? You send in the kid for protection?” Amanda shouts from the living room. A loud pounding rings on my door.
After hiding in the bedroom for more than an hour, I’d called Kennedy and begged her to make a trip to the city. I may have stretched the truth and said I had a surprise for Ben. Luckily for Dan and me, I tend to hoard non-perishable foods in my closet, since Amanda and every other Tom, Dick, and Harry who parade through our apartment like to eat my snacks.
Dan slips open the door and pokes his head out, extending his hand to pull Ben into the room.
“Are you two back together?” Ben’s eyes bounce between us.
“If you two are done using my kid as a human shield, I’d appreciate seeing Dan’s skinny ass out here, right now,” Kennedy shouts.
“I’d listen to her. She’s the enforcer. Just ask Dad.” Ben grins. His admiration for Graham is hard to miss. He’s been calling Kennedy and Graham Mom and Dad since they started the process to adopt him. It’s still a shock to my heart every time I hear it.
“Fine, we’re coming out,” I shout through the door.
With Ben shielding Dan and me, we step into the hall and are immediately blasted with a water gun. Ben giggles as we both try to duck behind him.
“Okay, enough is enough.” Kennedy pulls Ben away and glares at us, but does a double take at Dan. “I’ll never get used to seeing you look like a bag of bones.” She pokes him in the stomach.
“Hardly a bag of bones.” Dan wraps Kennedy in a hug and twirls her around until she demands to be put down. They’ve always had a strong bond. After all the turmoil at the end of our junior year, he’s taken extra care of her.
“Hey, Danny-Boy.” Graham gives Dan a bro-hug.
“Shut the fuck up.” He pushes Graham off of him. “Only my grandma calls me that.”
Our whole group hasn’t been together for months. Dan grins at me, already knowing what I’m thinking. There should be an uncomfortable feel in the room, but there isn’t. We’re family.
“I’ve missed this,” Amanda blurts. “Us, all together. It feels like high school.”
“Hey, I may not have gone to high school with you idiots, but I’m still part of the family. Don’t ignore me over here,” Rico pleads from the kitchen table, his eyes glued to a Victoria’s Secret catalog.
“How could we ignore you, Rico?” Amanda asks, raising an eyebrow. “Your head takes up most of the room.”
Rico flips her off and grins as he ogles the scantily clad models in sheer bras and barely-there undies.
“Now that you’ve dragged us to the city, what’s the plan? We didn’t drive all this way just to have Ben help you leave the bedroom,” Graham says. His dad stare freaks me out.
“We can find something to do, I’m sure,” Violet says.
*****
“So, any news?” Graham asks Dan as we’re shown to our table.
“Any news about what?” I claim the chair next to Dan.
The boys stare at each other. The panic in Dan’s eyes has me resting my hand on his bicep in hopes to relieve some of it. His eyes soften with my touch, and he takes a deep breath.
“I might have an awesome opportunity coming, but it means I need to give up some things.” Dan’s vague explanation irks my last nerve.
“Like what?” I pry.
“Baseball, for starters.”
“You’re kidding, right?” The shock hits me full force.
As far as I know, Dan’s major is Business. The news he’s considering leaving something he loves makes me wonder if this adventure is more important than the sport he’s played all his life.
“I’d have to travel a lot.” He evades my stare, licking his lips. “There would be no option for both.”
“Why all the travel?” I pick up the silverware. “I thought you were a Business Major.” My fingers tear at the paper keeping the fork and knife together. My stomach flutters as I wait for an explanation, an explanation that will prove we’ve been apart for too long.
“I’m a Political Science major now.” Dan straightens his back.
“Wow. I’ve missed a lot it seems.” My eyes stray to my lap. I haven’t been one hundred percent open about what’s going on in my life, either. The only one who knows my official plans is Amanda. After all, until earlier today, Dan and me flirting with the idea of a future together hasn’t even been a thought.
“Vi, I had every intention of telling you when the time was right.” Same here. He grasps my hand under the table and squeezes. “I didn’t think it would come out like this.” Dan clears the discomfort from his throat this conversation has caused.
“Can I go play some games?” Ben’s sweet voice brings us back to the table.
My eyes scan the spacious arcade. Lights and sounds distract me from the news Dan has dropped in my lap.
“Sure, buddy. Here.” Kennedy hands him a bucket full of coins, and he races off.
“I’m going to go with him,” Rico states.
“Me, too,” Amanda chimes in.
“I’m just going to leave the table.” Graham stands, staring at his feet. “I didn’t mean to bring it up. I wasn’t even thinking,” he apologizes to Dan.
“I’m going to go wherever he’s going,” Kennedy adds, a hopeful smile on her face.
When we’re alone, Dan turns to me. My mind scatters into a million places. A million places it shouldn’t go. Like the what ifs and the how comes. I need something. I just don’t know what it is.
“Listen, I haven’t made up my mind yet,” Dan explains, but his eyes tell me he’s lying. “I can see the wheels turning in your head, but you need to know that when I made these plans, when I dreamt them up, you weren’t in the equation.”
“But now I am,” I say as he says, “Now you are.”
We spend the rest of the afternoon watching Graham and Kennedy chase Ben. Rico and Amanda whisper back and forth, laughing and joking about something. She tucks a string of snapshots from the photo booth in her purse, but before the paper vanishes from sight, the last one catches my eye. Amanda’s eyes are shut, and Rico is laying a sweet kiss on her cheek. Giant grins cover their faces.
I inspect the two of them, sitting close together while watching Ben race to the laser tag.
What’s that all about, I wonder? Rico can’t be—there’s no way.
“Violet,” Dan whispers to grab my attention. “I can’t say it enough, but I didn’t mean to keep it from you. We just haven’t had enough time to discuss everything that’s going on. You and me—we weren’t even sure until a few hours ago what would happen between us. My plans have been in limbo, just like we have.”
“I know.”
No, you don’t, and you can’t even be mad at him. Aren’t you flying off on a jet plane soon?
“Oh my gosh, is that you?” Mrs. Jones screeches as she walks into the restaurant. Violet rolls her eyes as I stand to greet her mother. “It can’t be. You’re so . . .”
“Skinny?” My lips feather her cheek.
“Handsome.” She laughs. “You’ve always been a good looking boy, but you look like a man now. How long has it been since I’ve seen you?”
“Freshman
year,” I say, taking a long sip of ice water. Not long enough.
There is no shortage of love lost for Mrs. Jones. Despite how much she adores Violet, she’s the type of mother who can’t be placed into one category. She’s doting and attentive, but self-absorbed at the same time. It’s a wicked combination to deal with. Her husband’s riches have given her a sense of entitlement, but if that were stripped away, she’d be an average, picket-fence kind of mom.
“Hello, Mother.” Violet stands, her arms stiff at her sides.
“Let’s not let this tall drink of water go again, okay?” Mrs. Jones wraps her daughter in a hug.
I chuckle more out of discomfort than amusement. As Violet goes to sit, she elbows me in the side.
“So, what brings you to the city?” Violet pries, smoothing her napkin on her lap before staring across the table at her mother. Her eyes are clear, ready for whatever mess her mother has to throw at her.
Mrs. Jones glances at me for something, I’m just not sure exactly for what. Maybe she wants a buffer, but it’s not something I’m willing to give. From Violet’s tone, I’d guess their relationship hasn’t been the easiest.
“Your father and I . . . We . . .” she stammers.
“Spit it out, Mom.” Violet’s voice cuts her nonsense.
“The divorce won’t be finalized for a while now. I’m in the middle of trying to prove your father’s a cheating bastard. Unfortunately, it’s not working in my favor, but I’m hoping you can help me with that,” Mrs. Jones admits.
“How is it not working in your favor?” Violet cringes. “Have any PI go down to that monstrosity in Atlanta, and he’ll see it written all over the wall. Dad moved her in before he moved out of our house. It seems pretty cut and dry.” She rubs her eyebrows and sits back in the chair.
“I haven’t been entirely honest with you, either.” Mrs. Jones drops the bomb. “Before your dad started this thing with Little Miss Priss, I had an affair. An emotional affair.”
Oh shit.
Violet’s body stiffens, and her eyes narrow on her mother. She’s pissed, and rightfully so. All this time, she’s blamed everything on her father, when in reality, the fault should’ve been spread evenly. Not knowing her reaction to this new information scares me more than anything.
“Jesus Christ, Mom.” Violet jerks back and stands. The menacing way she looms over her mother has me coming to my feet in case she needs my help, or I need to restrain my little firecracker. “You two deserve the mess you’ve created. Leave me out of it. The next time you come into town, you better damn hope it’s to catch up and not to drag me into any of your sordid mess.”
“Violet, honey,” Mrs. Jones calls out as Violet rips her purse from the chair and storms out of the restaurant.
Their outburst has earned us an audience. Mrs. Jones appears embarrassed, and all I can do is offer her a sad smile.
“Dan.” Mrs. Jones shrugs. “We screwed up, her father and me, but when she tries to push you away, don’t allow it. She has a kind heart and an even kinder soul. She deserves to be happy. A happiness I knew she would always find with you, even all that time ago.”
Though I agree, placating her isn’t my priority. Finding Vi is. As I rush from the restaurant, bright red hair catches my eye. Violet is sitting on a bench in front of a knick-knack shop. My relief is instant. From behind, I wrap my arms around her shoulders, and her hands latch onto my forearms.
“Don’t push me away. I know we have a lot to figure out.” My lips graze her temple. “I know everything inside of you is going to try to use your parents as an excuse, but let me give you one reason not to.”
“I’m listening,” she whispers, laughing beneath her breath. Her amusement is music to my ears.
“We love each other.”
“And it’s just that easy?” She twirls to face me and snuggles deeper in my arms.
“Yes, and we may not have all the answers today, or hell, even tomorrow, but what I do know is that you love me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“You’ve loved me this whole time. I felt it in our time apart. I saw it at the cabin the minute your eyes caught sight of me. A love like ours isn’t something you turn off.”
“My parents are assholes.” She releases a long breath as if letting go of the truth.
“Yes, they are, but their bullshit has nothing to do with our bullshit.”
“We have bullshit?”
“Don’t all great couples in history?” I smirk. “Romeo and Juliet? Lucy and Ricky? Graham and Kennedy?” I rattle off the names and laugh.
“Dan and Violet?” she adds as I slide next to her.
“Exactly.” My arm drapes over Violet’s shoulder. She leans into my side, cuddled up next to me.
“I’m just afraid it’s more bullshit than we can handle.”
“Maybe so, but I don’t care right now.” I try to pretend I don’t hear the weariness in her voice. “We’ll deal with it when we need to.”
“But–”
I cut her off. “But nothing.”
We sit on the bench, watching hordes of people pass by, all in a hurry to get somewhere. Me? I’m content, soaking up this moment with Violet. All I’ve ever wanted in the past several months is to hold her in my arms. Even sleeping together at the cabin doesn’t compare to this moment. There’s a huge difference between being in someone’s presence and being with someone.
Today, for the first time in a long time, we are finally with each other.
*****
Monday morning’s walk through campus is peaceful. When I’d left the city, everything felt secure and in place for the first time in a while. A sense of solitude ropes around my heart, securing the loose and drifting pieces where they belong.
My phone vibrates, and I smile at the picture of Violet on the screen.
“Good morning, gorgeous.”
“Hey.” The apprehension in her voice crawls across the line.
“Everything okay?” I wave Brad off as he makes his way toward me.
“Actually, yes and no.”
I cross over to sit down on one of the benches lining the walkway through campus.
“Dan,” Violet whispers my name. “I need to tell you something.”
“Oh, god,” I whisper to myself. My body leans forward, and I rub the tension building behind my temple. “Are you okay?”
“That’s the thing, I’m better than okay,” she answers. What a relief. “I know you have a lot going on, and this thing between us has just started up again, but I need you to know what my plans are.”
“You started your new job, right?” The question bubbles out of me. Was I wrong?
“I did, but when I got your flowers this morning,” she pauses while I give myself a mental high five, “—which is beyond sweet, by the way—it made me realize I need to be honest with you.”
“You’re starting to scare the hell out of me, Vi.”
“I’m going to be doing some traveling,” she blurts. “Remember my list?”
How could I forget about the list?
“Yes, what about it?” I question.
“Quite a few things on there never seemed possible, but while talking to Jacqueline this morning, I realized I can work while I travel. She actually thinks vlogging my experiences while traveling will be an impressive addition to the company website. And I’ll actually get the chance to meet some designers. It seems like an excellent opportunity.”
“How long will you be gone for?” I ask for selfish reasons. She’s not even left, and I miss her already.
“It’ll be sporadic.” Her deep breath rings through the phone. “There’s a handful of places I’ll be traveling to.”
“I’m happy for you.” Though I sound anxious, the truth is I’m extremely happy for her. How could I not be? It’s her dream come true.
“This changes nothing.” A rustling sound from her end has me imagining her in her new office, swiveling around in a leather chair. “Dan, nothing’s going t
o change. We can Skype, and I’ll be back in the city quite a bit. Nothing is going to change.”
“Only if we let it, and I have zero intentions of that,” I respond, confident with where we are headed. “I’m about to go into class, but we can talk later when you’re out of work. I want to hear all about it.”
“I’ll be out at four.”
“Talk to you then.”
I hang up and head to class. My mind races to strange, far-off places. Where will she be going? Will she be alone? Who all knows her plans? I can’t imagine Kennedy and Amanda are in the dark. Hell, they’ve probably helped plan out the trips.
Today’s lecture on the fundamentals of foreign travel regarding safety and security goes right along with my concerns for Violet. Maybe something I learn can help her, too.
A mishap in scheduling last year landed me in an international relations course. Dropping the class would have been easy, but something stuck with me that first day. The professor’s lecture captured my attention, and I found something I didn’t think I’d find in a college course. Although I never believed I’d find a passion for something other than baseball, I haven’t looked back since then.
I sure as hell didn’t see it leading me down the path I’m on now.
After the lecture, the professor, Mr. Samuel, calls my name, holding up a finger to have me wait while he finishes talking to a few students.
“A little birdy told me you’re going to be joining me on my team,” Mr. Samuel states, a satisfied grin in place.
“I am.” I nod.
“I know it’s taken a lot to step away from baseball. Coach and I’ve had plenty of conversations. We both agree that no matter your choice, whether it be baseball or the opportunities I’m laying out for you, you will excel. I’m happy to have you, and if you’re ready, then I’m willing to let you dive into the project.”
“Thank you. I appreciate the chance to participate.” I extend my hand, and we shake in silent agreement, solidifying my baseball-free future.
