by Lindsey Iler
“It wasn’t quick by any means. I’ve been mulling it over for months. After last season, I didn’t feel my normal burn to play anymore. It was strange. Even fathoming giving up something I’ve done almost all my life, it took a while to realize I’m no longer going to stand behind home plate again. After that feeling settled, I was relieved.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely. I wouldn’t have quit if I didn’t think it was the best thing for my future.” His confidence in his choices is palpable, consuming the air around him.
“And how did you decide to change your Business Major to Poli Sci?” This is the question I’ve been dying to get a straight answer to.
I’ve grown up with a father in politics. I’ve never asked many questions. A young girl doesn’t care what her father does for a living as long as he’s there when she needs him and offers dollar bills when it’s time to go to the mall. Now, I’m intrigued by Dan’s motivation to start a career in something that’s sort of an anomaly to me.
“I want to make a difference, and I suppose, working with politicians may allow me the liberty to do that.” He shrugs as if his words aren’t searing into my soul, embedding themselves into who I am and making me adore him even more. If that’s even possible. “Our government has always intrigued me. How it works. How it fails. The complete system as a whole is interesting to me. I suppose if I can’t play a sport and make money, I damn well better do something I love that will bring some sort of fulfillment.”
“You’d make an awfully handsome POTUS, but I refuse to be your pantsuit-wearing first lady.” I nudge his ribcage with my elbow.
“You’d make a much better Monica Lewinsky type. I could reuse the infamous line, ‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman’.”
“But everyone will know that you had because, let’s face it, Mr. Forrester,” I skim my hand over my body, “who could resist all this?”
Dan slinks to the floor, shuffling his body between my parted legs. We kiss briefly, taking a second to appreciate the other.
“So, are we going to have the talk?” Dan says, pulling me away from the lock his eyes have on me.
“My mom already taught me about the birds and the bees.” I joke, hoping to ease the tension creeping up my throat.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” We exchange a meaningful look with each other. “Violet, you can’t storm into town and not expect us to label this.” He ghosts a hand between us. “I wish it were that easy, but from where I sit, I need a definitive answer of what we are and what we aren’t.”
Be fair to him.
“Dan, will you be my boyfriend?” I ask.
My words come out as a joke, a playful way to avoid the heavy hitting. Everything Dan and I have been through, everything I’ve personally put him through, I understand his apprehension to leave our situation as is. He isn’t the only one who needs some form of closure from our past to move swiftly into the future.
“Is that all I am to you? A boyfriend?” He twists the face of a watch I’ve never seen him wear. It’s dark pewter colored and looks great against his tanned skin.
“Dan, do you need me to say it? Do you want all of the words that describe who you are to me and how you make me feel? If you do, I’ll give them to you, but Dan, I don’t think I need to. I’d like to believe you already know.” I tilt my head to the ceiling before rolling it to face him. He doesn’t say anything, a clear sign he wants me to say it. “Fine, I’ll say them because I love you. Did you hear that? I love you, and I suppose I did all along. It was my fear of loving you that had me second guessing us. It wasn’t fair to you, but damn if I’m not happy I did, because if I hadn’t, I might not have made that stupid, stupid list.”
“The list that launched a hundred feelings,” Dan whispers. A smile forms on his lips and I cup his face in my hands as he leans forward. “I don’t regret it either. Just so you know.”
“Is there something else you’d like to say to me? Maybe three words? I just happened to lay my heart out on the line. Did you miss that part?” My eyes widen as his soften. “Dan, it’s not funny. Tell me you love me.” I smack his arm.
“I don’t need to.” He kisses me softly and pulls away. “You already know I do, but to put you out of your misery,” he brushes a strand of hair from my face, “I love you, Violet Jones.”
“Was that so hard?” My cheeks hurt as they stretch into a huge smile.
“Excruciating.” Dan abruptly stands, pulling me up along with him. His arms circle my waist, and I wrap mine around his shoulders. We sway back and forth. “So, what are we doing today?”
“Would it be totally cliché of me if I said I just want to be a normal couple? I don’t want anything spectacular or over the top. I just want to be Dan and Violet,” I explain. It feels like an eternity since we’ve simply been together without any underlining dilemma. “You make the plans. I need to shower.” I kiss him on the end of the nose and scurry off.
*****
Outside a movie theater I’ve never been to before, Dan debates movie times. The flashing lights assault my eyes. There’s one like this back in Tennessee. The worn exterior makes me wonder how long it’s been standing. Places like these have a sense of hopefulness. People come and go, leaving only memories with those they love beside them.
“Well, apparently, I had the wrong movie time, so you’re stuck watching my movie choice.” Dan hands me my ticket, and I glare up at him.
“Seriously?” I tuck the small paper into my front pocket. “Why do I get the feeling you did this on purpose?” I’m not the biggest action movie fan. I’d much rather be romanticized by some unlikely character in a Rom-Com.
Dan’s hand glides down my arm until his fingers mix and mingle with my own. The sensation of warmth hits all the way to my toes, and I grin, stepping closer to his side as we walk in the door. We’re laughing and giggling about something stupid when he tenses up beside me.
“Are you okay?”
His uneasy gaze is trained forward. I follow his line of sight to Brittany standing with two other girls. When she notices our presence, I see the flight or fight instinct working its way through her mind. Her wide eyes lower to the ground as her friends gab in her ear.
“Let’s go say hi,” I offer, hoping to make the situation less complicated.
Maybe a part of me wants to show Dan I’m not hung up on his past, even when it comes in a perfectly packaged blonde. Without waiting for an answer, I tug on his hand in her direction. She steps away from her friends.
“Hey,” Brittany says. Her eyes bounce between the two of us, while Dan looks only at me. Quit being a baby.
“I didn’t want this to be weird.” I point between us. “I know you and Dan had something going on, and I wish I could say I’m sorry for coming in the middle of it.”
“But you’re not.” She finishes my thought. “I wouldn’t expect you to be. Dan was never mine to have.” She smiles, almost too sweetly, but as I look in her eyes, I honestly believe that’s who she is.
“Well, this is sufficiently awkward,” Dan says, blurting out the words like verbal vomit.
“I better go.” She jabs a thumb over her shoulder where her friends wait.
Dan’s arm swings around my shoulders, pulling me in close. We step into a dark corner, and his lips graze the crown of my head.
“What was that all about? Did you essentially pee on my leg?” His tongue dances inside of his cheek, amusement at what he thought had happened.
“Pretty much.” I sip my drink, peering up to see his satisfied grin.
The movie is exactly what I’d thought it would be. Loud. Aggressive. Male-driven. Somehow, I don’t care that much. Every few scenes Dan leans over and kisses me. Gentle caresses on the cheek, some on my neck, but all appreciated. I’ve always loved the way he isn’t afraid to shower me with attention. Not a huge fan of public displays of affection, he keeps it PG-13. Still, the familiar heat rises in my body every time a part of him brushe
s against me.
“Hungry?” Dan asks. The air is cool outside of the theater, and he pulls my sweater over my shoulders.
I thumb my lip as we walk through the parking lot. Am I hungry? Easy enough question, but not an easy answer because what I want has nothing to do with food. As Dan opens my door, I push it shut, shoving him against the metal.
“I’m starving,” I say, whispering in his ear. Our lips ignite in fury. As if a match is struck between us, I can feel our bodies demanding to be fed. My hands escape up the back of his shirt. My fingertips dig into his shoulder blades as he hikes me up into his arms.
“Will it ever stop feeling like this?” he asks between our kiss.
“God, I hope not.” I connect our lips again as he opens the door, throwing me inside before climbing over the top of me.
“This is a busy parking lot.” My attempt to protest what’s happening is laughable. He could’ve stripped me down in the middle of the road, and I wouldn’t think twice. The only thing on my mind is feeling him against me.
“If I remember correctly, you aren’t afraid of getting down and dirty.” He pulls away and smirks. His eyes melt as he looks at me. Pure love, if I’ve ever seen it. His fingers delicately tuck my hair behind my ear. “Dirt road ring a bell?”
“Oh, fuck it, but if we get arrested and ruin our chances at the White House, I’m going to be pissed.” I giggle as he kisses along my neck to my collarbone. His hands roam every inch of my body, and I burn to feel whole again.
*****
Two days with Dan is as close to a dream come true as I’ll ever get.
When I wake up, he’s gone, but the daisy and a note saying he’ll see me later tonight lets me know he’s thinking of me. Apparently, he’ll be detained for hours working on a mock bill. Whatever the hell that means. My body aches in the best kind of way, and I relish in the smell of him on his pillows. The scent is unmistakably him.
After a quick shower and breakfast, I take a cab to the car rental place. I need to get into the city and don’t want Dan to know. By the time I pull into the carpark attached to Jacqueline’s office building, it’s past lunchtime.
The elevator takes me to the tenth floor. The receptionist recognizes me and smiles as I pass. Jacqueline is in her chair, tapping a pen against the wood of her desk. Her eyes widen when she notices my presence. She waves me in and points to the phone. I sit patiently, waiting for her call to end.
“That man can drown you in his words. Sorry about that,” she apologizes. “What brings you to the city? I thought you were shacking up with your boy-toy in Maryland.”
“That’s sort of why I’m here.” I fidget in the seat.
“Oh no, I’m afraid of what’s about to happen.” She stands and sits on the corner of the desk closest to me. Her looming makes me nervous, but I push it to the farthest depths of my mind.
“I haven’t given you my latest vlog because I’m still working on it, but in the meantime, I’d like to explain what it’s about.” I rub my hands on my pant legs.
“Okay.”
I tell her every single detail of meeting Emma and how her father’s words have affected me more than anything else on this trip. Her expression softens. Reiterating the purpose of my adventure and what I’ve learned strengthens my determination to do this.
“I don’t think I can continue to travel for the company. I love and appreciate the opportunity you’ve given me, but what I really need right now is to be here. To be present,” I insist. My feet carry me from the chair to the door.
“Violet,” Jacqueline calls out. “The most important thing in your twenties is figuring your shit out. You came to me without having yours in place, and I took a chance on you.” Oh shit, this doesn’t sound good. “I think this is the perfect place to do that, especially for a girl like you. Take a week off, then come back and work your ass off.”
“You’re not firing me?” I question.
“Now why would I do that?” She grins. “Come back in a week and be ready to work.”
I leave her office and drive straight back to Dan’s apartment. My reason for not stopping at my and Amanda’s apartment is simple. I want to spend the next week wrapped in Dan’s arms, the place I’ve always belonged, and not have to answer too many questions.
My hands need something to keep them busy, so I clean Dan’s apartment. When he rolls in close to ten, I have dinner warming in the oven. His smile as he steps through the door is breathtaking. Him standing in front of me solidifies every decision I’ve made up to this point in my life, even the decisions that tore us apart.
“What’s all this about?” He gestures to the little picnic I’ve set up in the living room.
“Come on.” I race to him and tug on his hand.
When I sit on the blanket, he follows behind me, his hand in mine. His lips brush mine briefly, and when he pulls away, that same rush of emotion I’d felt after our first kiss in the corn maze overcomes me.
“What are you up to, beautiful girl?” He sips the wine I’d poured as soon as he’d pulled into his regular parking spot.
“Are you sure you’re in love with me?” I blurt out. Dan leans back, unsure of where I’m headed with this monumental question. “I only ask because I’m in love with you.” I take a deep breath.
“Oh my god,” his eyes dance around at the candles, the food, and the effort I’ve put into this moment, “are you proposing to me?”
“No, I’m not proposing.” I cover my mouth, hoping to block any laugh trying to escape. “I’m asking because I’ve made a lot of decisions lately, and they all revolve around you.”
“Like?” he eggs me on.
I tell him everything about Emma, up until the very moment I packed my bag. Nothing is held back. I realize how manic I must sound, but I think I’m making sense when he smiles at me.
“You’re trying to tell me, after all this time, it took one letter from a girl’s dead father to make you realize you’ve always been where you belong . . . With me?” He rests on his palms and smiles until it reaches his eyes. The corners wrinkle under the tension.
“Yes and no. It’s a combination of everything. The cabin, the damn list, red boots, Emma, but most importantly, you.”
“I don’t really care about all the things that have brought you back to me. All I care about is that they did, Violet,” he exclaims. “All this time, I’ve been telling myself you’d be back. You’d see I’m never going to hurt you.”
“I know, and I’m sorry I ever doubted you. Even if you do hurt me, being loved by you is a privilege.” Tears prick the back of my eyes, and as one slips out, he brushes his thumb over it, erasing it from existence.
“No crying.” Dan sits up and hovers over the top of me. “I don’t want one more tear to be wasted on this.” He covers my lips with a gentle kiss.
“What if they’re happy tears?” I protest.
“I promise, from this day on, I will only cause you happy tears, Violet Jones.” His head tilts to the side, and every ounce of love he’s ever held for me is right there in his eyes. They melt under my watch, as they always have.
“Sounds awfully like the beginning of a proposal to me.” I smirk.
“Someday, I’ll get down on one knee, and I’ll beg you to be my wife.”
“No begging necessary.” I arch my back to close the gap between us. My hands brush over his shoulders and down his spine until they rest low on his back.
“I love you,” he whispers in my ear.
The three simple words dig and bury into the deepest depths of my heart, and there’s no apprehension or uncertainty in them. I believe him when he says it, and it’s because, even when I had my doubts, I’ve always known Dan is worthy of me, and now I finally feel worthy of him.
*****
“Are you sure one o’clock is what he said?” I nag. “Are you sure this is the right place?” I point through the front window of Dan’s truck. “Could you be wrong?”
“This is the only courthouse, b
abe. Relax,” Dan insists. “And plus, look.” He nods his chin somewhere behind me, and I twirl to see what has his attention.
“Oh my god.” Surprised, tears prick at my eyes. “She looks so beautiful.”
Graham and Kennedy walk hand-in-hand toward the large brick building in front of us. Her knee-length dress is stark white, which is laughable. Mr. and Mrs. Conrad follow close behind with Ben at their side. Mrs. Black steps out of a large black SUV to greet them. Everyone smiles and admires the couple who have taught me so much about love.
“You ready?” Dan asks.
“You go ahead.” I smile. “I’ll be right behind you.”
As Dan meets up with the rest of them, no one looks in my direction during the short walk into the courthouse. When I’d heard the plan for them to marry quickly, I had my doubts. Every girl deserves a perfect wedding. But now, I understand why they are choosing to do it this way. Sometimes life throws you for a curve, and you have to adjust to make it work in your favor.
I jump from the truck, straighten my dress, and head inside where my best friends will make the ultimate commitment to each other. A commitment, I was almost positive a few months ago, was a waste of time and non-existent for me in the future.
Dan is pacing the hallway when I finally find him. He doesn’t utter a word. His arm is offered, and he ushers me through the double doors.
“What are you doing here?” Kennedy squeals from the front of the courtroom. She releases her hold on Graham’s hands and races to me. Her warm, familiar arms wrap around me. “I can’t believe you’re here. I thought you were still in Greece or wherever the hell you’ve been.” She reaches behind me, punches Dan in the arm, and points at him like a stern mother. “How could you keep this from me?”
