by Drew Elyse
“I love you, Charlotte.” Her eyes grew wide at my declaration. “You told me all of this, and I still love you, more than anything. Nothing can change that. I want to kill that fucker for the things he did to you, but none of it changes how I feel about you. I hate that you pushed me out, pushed all of us out for so long because you were afraid of that.”
Her head shook slightly, like she was scared to believe what I was saying. I grasped the wrist she was trying to subtly pull away from me.
“This scar? It does not define you. No matter how you got it, it can never define the beautiful person you are. All it can ever be is a mark from the past, a symbol of pain that I wish more than anything that you could have never experienced. It doesn’t ruin any part of you, inside or out, and neither does anything you just told me. Our pasts don’t define us, Charlotte, and even if they did, all yours would say about you is that you were an innocent girl who was hurt by a fucking monster. None of what happened was your fault.”
“I never did anything to stop him,” she answers.
“No, baby. Don’t think for one second that because you didn’t know what to do that you are to blame,” I told her emphatically. “He is to blame for every single thing he did. Your father is to blame for hurting you. You are not to blame for one damn thing.”
Her lower lip quivered, and I wanted this all to be over. I wanted to move forward, to spend the rest of my life showing her that she was so much more than just worthy of love. There was still one more thing I needed to know though, one more part to the story that I needed to understand.
“Charlotte,” I hedged gently, hoping I wouldn’t push her too far by asking, “what happened over the summer, before you moved here?”
She gave a small nod, like she had expected that question. “I ran into someone I had known in high school. We were sort of… catching up, I guess. Then, he mentioned Derek. He asked if I had heard what happened. I had no idea what he was talking about.”
She stopped, and I had no idea what she was going to say. Had that fucker found her? Hurt her again? God, I didn’t know if I could handle that.
What she said when she continued was not what I had expected at all. “Derek… he died. Just a few months before that, he died in a car accident. He had been driving drunk, and he ran off the road.
“I was happy. It’s disgusting to think of being happy about someone dying, but I was so fucking happy that he was dead.” I could not blame her for one damn second. I was fucking happy he was dead too, even if I had wanted to do it myself.
“But then,” she continued, “thinking about him triggered a panic attack. That was when I realized that he would always have power over me, even though he was gone. I didn’t… I don’t think I meant for it to go that far. I was just trying to make the pain stop, so I started taking the pills and drinking. I just wanted his voice out of my head.
“I felt so horrible when I woke up and Eli was there. He didn’t understand, and I had no idea how to take away the pain I caused him.”
I could not stop myself anymore. My beautiful, damaged girl. She had been tormented by her past, and I hated it. I hated that her fear had nearly taken her from all of us. I pressed my lips to hers, reassuring myself that she was really there with me, trying to show her that I was still hers completely. Nothing could change that. Knowing the truth of her past only made me want to take every bit of pain she had known from her. It made me want to shower her with love until she no longer felt trapped as she had for too damn long. This kiss wasn’t the frantic one I had given her earlier, this was me loving her lips, savoring every heart-stopping second. I was breathing her in, drowning in her. I gave all of myself into that kiss, and only hoped she would give me all of her in return.
I broke away from her, meeting her eyes as I pleaded, “Tell me that you love me, angel. Give me that, and I’ll give you everything I have, forever.”
Those eyes that had captured me since the first time I saw her still held trepidation, a hesitancy that I knew would take a long time to remove. What they did not show, was fear. There was a lightness to them, a surrender that I had been dreaming of for so long.
Then, those sweet lips opened, and gave me the greatest gift I had ever known.
“I love you, Logan.”
My lips were on hers in an instant, my heart felt like it might burst from my chest. There was no containing myself. I grabbed onto her hips, pulled her flush against me, and urged her legs around me. I stood without hesitation and carried her into the apartment. I was taking her back to my bed, where she belonged, where I had been lying awake night after night because she wasn’t in my arms. I did not care what happened when we got there, just so long as I had her in my arms again.
I sat on the plush mattress, keeping her in my arms so that she was straddling me. Our kiss had grown deeper, and I was already rock hard beneath her. When she started to circle her hips against me, I nearly lost it.
Groaning, I pulled back. “I love you, baby. God, I want you so badly.”
“Please, Logan, I’m yours.”
That was all I needed. My fingers were immediately reaching beneath the hem of her shirt, pulling the damn thing up and out of my way. I hardly paused to appreciate the sight of her satin bra before I was disconnecting it and tossing it away, too. Her exquisite breasts were bare, her pink nipples puckered. I pulled one sweet tip into my mouth, laving it with my tongue and hollowing my cheeks as I sucked on it. The once slight circling of her hips dissolved into outright grinding, causing me to thrust up, wanting inside of her more than my next breath.
Before I knew it, I had her on her back beneath me. I whipped my shirt off, lowering myself on top of her. As I took her sweet lips again, I marveled at the feel of her soft breasts against my chest, the warmth of her skin seeming to radiate deep within me. She was really back in my arms. She loved me. I felt like I had the goddamn world right there in my hands.
I had never felt so at peace. With Logan’s lips on mine, his body pressed against me, I felt complete. I had always felt that way when I was with him, but there was something different about this. There was nothing between us anymore. I did not need to hide behind lies and secrets. I could just be open with him. I could offer up my heart and not be afraid. He had given that to me.
Hip lips traveled down my body. Each luscious kiss ignited me. I needed him, and I felt confident to take what I needed for the fist time. My hands moved down toward the top of his jeans, moving over the hard planes of his body. He was solid, powerful, and it made me feel delicate. Delicate, but not weak. Logan made me feel stronger than I ever had before.
A rough sigh escaped him when I had his jeans undone. There was nothing underneath but skin, and the sight had me ready to explode. His rigid cock was already bulging from the fabric, begging to be released. I slid the rough denim down, my hands trailing across the perfectly sculpted globes of his ass, feeling his body tighten at the contact. He kicked them the rest of the way off before pressing down against my core.
“You’re killing me, baby,” he groaned.
He attacked button of my jeans, driven by a single-minded need to take me. His fingers gripped onto my panties beneath my jeans, pulling both down in one single movement, leaving me completely exposed to him.
I was aching from my need for him, and from the sight of his solid, engorged length, I knew the feeling was mutual. He crawled back over me, his erection brushing against me and causing my back to bow off of the bed. His mouth was back on mine as his hand cupped my sex. He could feel how wet I was, and it was all he needed.
His hand was out of the way in an instant, and his hips move between my legs, spreading me wide for him. With his lips still firmly attached to mine, our tongues ardently massaging each other, he pushed slowly inside of me. He filled me completely, stretching me just to the point of absolute bliss. His movements set every nerve ending ablaze.
Logan made love to me, taking me with long, even strokes. The build was slow, so slow I thought I migh
t lose my mind. I wanted to let my body take over, to grind myself against him until he took me harder, faster. It was the look in his eyes that stopped me. He was staring at me with absolute adoration shining in his eyes. His love was apparent in his gaze, in his caress, in the maddening evenness of his strokes. He didn’t want this to become a crazed meeting of two bodies, he wanted us both there completely, sharing so much more. My heart seemed to stall out for a moment at that expression, at the weight of what was happening between us. He was mine, and I was his, in every way.
“Logan,” his name came from me like a sigh.
He kissed me sweetly in reply, never faltering in his pace.
Eventually, both our bodies were close to exploding. Every inch of me was completely aware of him, wanting to sink into that intense pleasure only when he went with me. Logan was right on the edge, his entire body practically turned to stone with need for release. Those bright aquamarine eyes met mine, and I knew immediately what he needed in order to let go.
“I love you, Logan.”
His rhythm fractured for just a moment, his eyes blazing at me. Release was right there, waiting for us both.
“I love you too, angel.”
I shattered. His rough, deep voice pushing me over the edge. The moment I broke apart, Logan followed. His hips jerked against me of their own volition, our bodies both beyond our control. The sounds of our pleasure melded together around us, the soundtrack to the most poignant moment of my life. The music of our love.
When it was over and we were lying together in the aftermath, Logan pulled me close. His lips met my temple, a sweet contact that I had missed more than I could say.
“You are my everything, Charlotte. Nothing else matters,” he told me.
He was right. Nothing else mattered. I had believed for so long that my past was all that mattered. I accepted that, giving up on dreams of a different life. Logan proved me wrong. He saw me, hiding beneath the scars of my past, he saved me from the prison I had built for myself.
“Nothing else matters,” I repeated.
With that simple statement, all the dissonance, all the harsh, painful noise that had been my life dissolved. In its place, was the sweet song of promise, the sounds of a million tomorrows with Logan at my side. I had been waiting for so long, constantly trying to remember that there was still time for me, and my time had finally come.
I was healing.
March
Having Charlotte back was the greatest Christmas gift I had ever received. We spent the holidays with my parents, Alex, and Eli. There was a somber air to it all, knowing that Caleb was not joining us. He had checked into rehab. By all accounts, it was going well. Last I had heard from Mom, he was hoping to come home soon and continue long term treatment. He’d sent a letter to me a few weeks ago, apologizing for what had happened between us, for the things he said to Charlotte. I tried to let that go. I had Charlotte back, and I knew Caleb’s actions were the result of the drugs, but it was still hard to forget the pain he caused. It was not even so much my pain that hurt, but Charlotte’s. It killed me that my own brother had to be added to the list of people that had hurt her. Caleb was my brother, and I would be there to support him when he got home, but we had a lot to work out between us.
Since the night I got her back, Charlotte was lighter, her smile freer than I had ever seen it. There was a confidence starting to blossom in her that had me beaming all the fucking time. We had spent hours talking through the things she had told me, trying to get her to a place where she could reconcile the desolation of her past with her hope for the future. It was not an easy thing to do, and she had started to lose hope several times, but I refused to let her give up. I was determined to show her all that we could be, and not even she could stop me. We came out of it all stronger, even if our hearts had taken a beating from it all.
She still had moments when doubt crept in, and I could see her start to pull back. I just stayed by her side, silently reminding her that I was always there. Those moments would pass, and the radiant woman I had fallen so hard for would come back to me. I knew every day was still a battle for her, her fear still clawed its way in. What made all the difference was the fact that she was no longer trying to fight that battle alone. She would wake me when she had nightmares to comfort her. She would talk to me when she could feel a panic attack taking over, and most times I could calm her down before they got control. She had even opened up to Eli recently, telling him everything she had kept hidden for so long. It was horrible watching her reopen those wounds again, but she had been stronger for it. Eli had taken it hard, which was not surprising, but I think he was mostly just glad to know that she finally was not fighting her demons alone.
He and I had had our own heart to heart a few days later. He thanked me for bringing his sister back, and I asked him for something in return. He was the one that came up with the idea to do it today. He could deny it all he wanted, but that man was a sappy romantic just like his fiancé.
Or maybe, I should say wife.
They were now married, after all. Though, we weren't through with the reception just yet.
The ceremony was beautiful I’m sure, but I cannot say I know firsthand. My eyes had been firmly attached to the deep brown ones I loved, and Charlotte had definitely been fucking gorgeous. I had been so busy thinking about what I had planned, I had lost track of what the hell was going on around me. Eli had to elbow me in the damn ribs so that I would hand over Alex’s ring. At least I had handed him the right one.
The other ring, the one I had big plans for, was still burning a whole in my pocket.
The bride and groom had already shared their first dance, performed by myself and the maid of honor. Eli’s surprise had worked. Alex had started tearing up when she realized that Charlotte and I would be singing. The clever bastard.
After speeches were given and the cake was cut, I made my way back to where the band was set up. I had already planned this with them when I had made arrangements for the first dance, so they all just stepped aside so I could have the stage. My palms were sweating up a storm, and I was not convinced I was going to keep from passing out, but I took the microphone anyway.
“Excuse me, everyone,” I announced into it. “I have a little something else planned, with the permission of the groom.” I nodded to Eli, who wore a shit-eating grin. Alex looked at him, confused. We had agreed to keep her in the dark, just as we had with Charlotte. I looked around the room, passing over my mom and dad’s excited faces, to find Charlotte in the small crowd. She was standing near Justin and Leo’s table, watching me.
I sat at the piano, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “Today we are here to celebrate Eli and Alex, and the love that they share. But I also have another reason to celebrate the lovely couple. They brought me the greatest gift I have ever know. It is because of them that I met the love of my life.” I met my girl’s eyes from across the room. “Charlotte, for as long as I live, I will never forget that first time I saw you. Even soaking wet, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Then, I got to be a part of your life, and I realized that that beauty went so much deeper. This song is for you.”
I had agonized over what song could possible say everything I needed it to. I wrote dozens that I scrapped every time. It wasn’t until I one day when I was on the work that I found the answer. Charlotte had been playing with the radio before I dropped her off, so it was plugged into her iPod. The song started and I knew it was exactly what I had been looking for.
I played the first few chords before singing “All of Me” by John Legend to the woman I swore the words were written for. I poured everything I felt for her into the words, let them guide my fingers across the keys. When it ended, I felt like I had laid my soul bear for everyone there. It was crippling. Until I saw Charlotte standing right in front of the stage, staring up at me with tears in her eyes.
The room was absolutely silent as I stepped down to her. I pulled the little box Eli had given me mon
ths ago from my pocket.
“Before I say anything else, I want to give you this. Your brother gave this to me, but it is actually a gift from your mom.” She opened the box, revealing the antique key within. I continued, “She wanted to have a way to tell you that the right person had come along, that it was time to open your heart up to him. She gave it to Eli when she got sick, so that she would still be able to tell you that even after she was gone.
“Eli gave that box to me. He told me that I would need it, that I should give it to you when I needed to remind you how I feel about you.” Her eyes shot up from the box, a question in them. “You want to know why I didn’t give it to you months ago,” I supplied for her. “I didn’t need it. I didn’t want you to open your heart up to me because anyone else said it was a good idea. I wanted you to do it because you loved me as deeply as I love you.
“I’m giving it to you today for another reason. I wish more than anything that I could have spoken to your mom before I did this, but I want this key to represent her permission, and your brother’s.”
I went down on one knee, and Charlotte gasped as it finally hit her what I was doing, her hands flying to her mouth, tears leaking from her eyes. I pulled the ring from my pocket. It was the perfect ring, I knew it the moment I found it. Set in a platinum band was a cushion-cut aquamarine, and fanned around it were diamonds, the whole thing in the shape of a lotus blossom. The shape had make me think of the tattoo on her ankle immediately. Charlotte had told me that aquamarine was her favorite stone, because it matched my eyes. Buying a ring to match my eyes made me feel like a jackass, but I knew she would love it. As I slid it on her finger, the awe on her face told me I was right.
“Charlotte, you are, without a doubt, the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I wanted to say so much, I wanted to write a song that was worthy of the way I feel about you, but everything falls short. I love all of you, with all of my heart. I will spend the rest of my life loving you, if you’ll let me. Will you marry me?”
