“She’ll be fine. And then you’ll all be together.”
“Penny wanted to see her mother, but I couldn’t let her. She was so badly damaged when she was hit.” He started to cry as he said it. It was as though a lifetime of emotions were flowing out of him, and he was drowning in them.
“Don’t think about it now. You have to lie down. Even if you don’t sleep. Just lie down and try to relax.” She was trying to talk him through it as best she could. She had been there herself, with four young children at the time. And Liam had been there for her. She had never forgotten how kind he was to her then, and to her kids. “You can call me in the morning when you wake up, or tonight, if you can’t sleep.”
“Kate, thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you right now. I’m so lost without her.”
“You did it for me a long time ago.” He still remembered how destroyed she had been to lose Tom. But she’d had time to prepare. He had been so sick that it was almost a blessing when he died. This had hit Liam like a building falling on him the night before. “Now go to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
She hung up and thought about him, and she was drained herself. She lay down on her bed for a few minutes, still dressed, and the next thing she knew it was morning. And the first thing she remembered as she opened her eyes was that Maureen had died. She still couldn’t believe it. And neither could Liam when he woke up and burst into tears.
Chapter 23
Justin checked in on Shirley the morning after he got back to Vermont after driving Julie to New York and seeing the agent. She said she was fine, and getting bigger by the hour. She was good humored about it.
“These girls are having a party in there,” she said, laughing, although it was uncomfortable for her. “I think they’re dancing or something. They never stop moving now.” Justin thought it was a good sign, and told her to call if she needed anything, and she said she would. Justin was going to be available at every moment for her until the babies were born.
Milagra was down for a nap and he was writing when Richard called him and asked if he could come by after school. Justin hesitated but said he could. He usually saw Milagra on the weekend, but Justin had no objection to his coming by. He had made his peace by then with the fact that they weren’t getting back together. They had been apart for six months. They’d had six good years together, and maybe one couldn’t ask for more than that. He had accepted that it was over.
He was feeding Milagra a snack when Richard walked in, and he handed her over to the babysitter who had come so he could go back to writing for a few hours. He was working on an outline for another book, and had a magazine piece to write with a deadline. He knew he had to work harder than ever now to support three kids.
Richard looked uncomfortable when he walked in, but Milagra shrieked with delight when she saw him, and complained when the sitter took her away to play on the swing set Justin had had installed outside. And there were more toys than ever all over the house. Richard laughed when he sat on one of them, when Justin brought coffee for both of them to the living room, which seemed more civilized. The kitchen had become Justin’s office.
“I miss that,” Richard said, as he set the toy on the floor.
“What? Sitting on toys?” Justin laughed. “Come by anytime, we’ve got plenty for you to sit on.” And there would be lots more soon, once the twins arrived and started moving around. Justin knew that the next several years would be chaos. He was expecting it. It would be all hard work and fatherhood for him. It was what he wanted.
“That’s why I’m here,” Richard said quietly, as he stirred his coffee and then looked up at Justin. He was still embarrassed at what he’d done six months before, and how badly he’d handled it, but Justin had gotten past it. He wasn’t seeing anyone, but only because he hadn’t had time to, between the book and the baby. And he was sure his dating life would be seriously impacted by the twins, at least for a while. “I want to talk to you. I know I was a jerk, and I had some kind of meltdown, or freak-out, or midlife crisis, or whatever you want to call it. I think I lost my bearings for a while. The baby overwhelmed me, and you’re so much better at it than I am, I think I felt bad about that too. I was jealous of how good you were at it, and all the attention you gave her. I felt left out.” It was a lot to admit, but Justin could see he meant it.
“I loved you, not just the baby, and I loved her because she was ours,” Justin said simply.
“You’re a natural mother; I’m not,” Richard said honestly.
“Try saying that to someone straight.” Justin laughed.
“You know what I mean,” Richard said uncomfortably.
“I do, but you’re a better mother than you think, and a good father. You can’t be everything. Maybe my fathering skills won’t turn out to be so good. You just do the best you can.”
“It’s taken me six months, and thirty-seven years to figure that out. And I was an idiot six months ago, but I love you, Just. I’d like to try again, if you’ll let me. I want to come back.” It had taken him months to get up the guts to say it, but he knew he would never be happy again unless he did, even if Justin turned him down, which he realized was a distinct possibility after the way he’d behaved. He had panicked, cheated, and run away. Now he was back, or wanted to be.
Justin was staring at him in amazement. “Now? You want to come back now? Are you crazy? You freaked out with one kid. You want to try again five minutes before I have twins? You’re insane.” Justin was grinning as he said it. It was gratifying to hear, and he was touched, but it would never work. Maybe six months before, but not now.
“Five minutes before we have twins,” Richard corrected him.
“That’s debatable. I decided to have them on my own, when you walked out,” Justin said clearly. He had no expectations of him.
“But they’re still ours,” Richard insisted, and Justin sat staring at him.
“Do you have any idea what you’re signing on for? Three girls. And I was a twin, I know what that’s like. You’ll be out the door in two days.”
“No, I won’t. And we can go to a motel for a night, and leave them with a sitter. We need some time for us too.”
“Yeah, like in twenty years if we’re lucky, when they’re in college. Richard, we won’t have a baby anymore, we’ll have a family. That’s a much bigger deal.”
“I’m in, if you’ll have me,” Richard said seriously.
“Why?”
“Because I love you. In the end, it boils down to that. I may hate this at times, and three little girls may drive me nuts. But I love you, and that’s part of the deal. Will you let me come back?”
“And what happens if you hate it? You’re out the door again? It took me a long time to get over that.”
“Do you still love me?”
Justin took a moment before he answered and then nodded. “Yes, I do, but sometimes no matter how much you love someone, it doesn’t work out.” He had accepted that.
“This can work, and it will. I’ve grown up,” Richard insisted, and before he could say anything else, Justin leaned over and kissed him. And then he looked at him seriously.
“If you want out again, just tell me. You don’t have to do what you did before. If you’re unhappy, just go without making a mess.” Richard nodded.
“I won’t leave again, I swear.”
“When do you want to move back in?” He was smiling when he asked him. Justin was happy. This felt right. More so than ever before, and they had six years invested in their life together, and three children. It was too much to throw away.
“I have a bag in the car,” Richard said sheepishly, and Justin laughed.
“Well, come on in. These may be the last peaceful days we have for the next fifteen years. And you thought Milagra was a lot to deal with. Wait until we have three of them screaming at the same time.” They were about to have three children thirteen months apart. It was the quiet before the storm.
Richard left and came back wit
h his bag a few minutes later, and they walked up the stairs together. As they wandered into the bedroom, Richard thought of something.
“Where are the twins going to sleep?”
“With us in the beginning. And then in Milagra’s room. When they’re old enough, we can buy them triple bunk beds. Or maybe by then, my books will be selling and we can buy a bigger house. Until then, it will be five of us in this dollhouse.”
“Bring it on,” Richard said, grinning, and they both laughed.
—
Julie had called Justin when Kate told her Maureen had died, and Kate let him know when the funeral was, but he called to tell her that there was no way he could come down now, even for a day. Shirley was just too close to delivering, and he might not get back in time. And he wanted to be there when the twins were born. He didn’t want to miss it. Kate told him she was sure Liam would understand. Especially with twins. They talked for a little while about how tragic Maureen’s death was, and how devastated Liam and the girls were, and then he quietly told her that Richard was back.
“Is that what you want?” she asked him, and he said it was, and that things were better than ever between them, and they had put a lot of thought into it and had some good talks.
“Then I’m happy for you,” his mother said. “Send him my love. How’s Shirley doing?”
“She’s getting very close. She looks like she’s going to explode any minute.” Kate laughed at the memory of her own pregnancy when she’d had twins.
“That’s how I looked with you.”
“Let me know how the funeral goes,” he said seriously. “And please tell Liam and the girls how sorry I am.” Kate promised to do that, and that afternoon Richard and Justin went to visit Shirley. She was happy to see them back together. Richard couldn’t believe how enormous she was. She looked like she was carrying two ten-pounders this time, but nothing was happening yet, and her due date was still three weeks away, although she didn’t look it, and she could barely make it up the front steps of her house without help. Jack had told her this had to be her last surrogacy, but he was good-natured about it, and happy for the boys. This time, she knew she’d never do it again. She’d done enough.
That evening there was a vigil for Maureen. Both girls were there in somber black with lace mantillas Elizabeth had brought from Spain, and Liam stood beside them looking somber and dignified in a black suit and black tie. Kate had stopped to get him the tie at Hermès, because he said he didn’t have a black one. He was given to bright ties, none of which he could wear on this occasion.
Kate went to the vigil with Julie, Willie, and Izzie, and they all hugged the girls and stood with them, while the guests filed in and signed the guest book. Maureen’s father didn’t come that night. He was too frail, and he was saving his strength for the next day.
The funeral was as serious and proper as Maureen had been. The choir was beautiful, as was the music Liam had chosen. A soloist with a gorgeous voice sang the “Ave Maria.” Liam’s daughters sat with him and their grandfather. A bagpiper played, following the casket out. She had already been cremated. And the church had been filled with friends and people Liam did business with. All the details had come together with Kate’s behind-the-scenes careful attention. They had paid tribute to Maureen just as she would have wanted. And after the burial at their family plot, a hundred friends of theirs and the girls came to the house. Kate had ordered an excellent buffet for their guests from one of the best caterers in the city.
“Thank you,” Liam whispered to her again with a grateful look, as he helped his father-in-law back to his car, with a nurse and a walker. Kate did everything she possibly could for him and the girls. Liam’s daughters left for Europe three days later since they had to go back to school, and Liam was alone in the apartment. Kate took him to dinner, and he looked awful. She knew it was going to be a long time before he got over it and would pick up the threads of his life again, particularly with the girls so far away. Neither of them wanted to transfer now, at the beginning of the semester, and they liked their schools in Europe.
Kate called to check on him every day, and took him out for lunch and dinner when he was willing. The only thing keeping him going now was his work. It was like a life raft for him in the middle of a stormy sea. Kate’s calls and gentle attentions were the human touch he needed and so desperately missed.
And with the time she was spending checking on Liam, Kate was more grateful than ever that Julie had taken over her online business. She was doing a great job running it, and stayed late every night. She loved what she was doing, and was surprised to find she didn’t miss designing. In some ways this was even more creative.
She was leaving the store at ten o’clock one night when she walked past a restaurant in SoHo, and was startled to see her brother Willie leaving with a striking-looking woman who appeared considerably older than he was. They looked like they were having a good time. He didn’t see Julie as they talked and laughed with their arms around each other. Julie fell discreetly behind so as not to run into him. She wondered who the woman was and if it was one of his casual seductions, or just a friend. The way he went through women, she couldn’t imagine that this was serious or would last long. But it was intriguing to see him with her, and then they turned a corner and disappeared. Julie thought it was funny and felt like she was spying on her brother like when they were kids, but she didn’t want to intrude. Willie was always very private about who he went out with. He admitted to quantity, but never their identities. And then Julie caught a cab to Izzie’s house, and told her about it, and they giggled.
“He must chase anything in a skirt from eighteen to ninety,” Izzie commented. “How old was she?” Julie had told her the woman looked older.
“Well, not that old, but older than he is. I don’t know, thirty-eight, forty maybe. Older than we are, and a lot older than he is. He looked like a kid with her, but she was gorgeous and they seemed like they were having a good time.”
“Good for him,” Izzie said. They talked about Richard and Justin getting back together then, and Izzie admitted that she liked the lawyer she had had dinner with. The two sisters enjoyed living together. It gave them both someone to talk to and to gossip with. It was just like the old days at home.
—
The weeks waiting for Shirley to go into labor gave Justin and Richard time to get comfortable with each other again, and have some peaceful times and some fun. They went to a farmers market together, which Richard had always loved to do since he liked to cook. They went out to dinner a few times, and the movies, and had the babysitter in to watch Milagra. And Justin got some work done—a series of articles on prescription drugs he had been assigned by a major magazine.
Shirley’s due date was only a week away and she was hanging on, when she called them one morning while they were having breakfast and Milagra was having her nap.
“Anything new?” Justin asked her. She didn’t sound any different than she did every day when they called her and she said she was fine.
“I think the ladies are arriving,” she said and laughed. “I think I went into labor last night, but then it stopped, so I didn’t call you. But it’s getting going now. The doctor just told me to come in so she can check me. This is it.” She sounded as excited as they were. The babysitter was on call, so Richard called her, while Justin put their dishes in the sink and put some snacks in a bag for them, in case it took a long time. Shirley sounded remarkably calm, so they didn’t rush. The babysitter came twenty minutes later, and they left the house and drove to the hospital, parked, and walked in. As soon as they arrived, they went up to the labor room where Shirley looked like a whale lying on the bed. The OB resident had just checked her, and her doctor was arriving any minute. Shirley was panting through a pain, but smiled at them right after it stopped. They had told her it was too soon for an epidural. The doctor had suggested she not try to do it naturally this time, in case they had to do a rapid C-section if one of the babies got distre
ssed, and Shirley had agreed. Twins were a whole different story.
“I’m only at five,” she said, looking disappointed. “But they won’t let me go home, in case it speeds up, like it did last time. They want me here.”
“So do we,” Justin said, smiling at her. “I thought I was going to have to deliver the baby last time before we got here. How do you feel?”
“Okay.” But he could see that she was in pain when the next contraction hit her. They had a monitor on her that was registering both heartbeats, and her contractions.
She went on having contractions for another hour, and the doctor broke her waters to get things moving, and within minutes everything took off at a rapid rate, and Shirley was hit by wave after wave of contractions, and was begging for the epidural. It was a lot more intense than when Milagra was born, and she was clutching Justin’s hand in a viselike grip. And the anesthesiologist took forever coming. He was on an emergency C-section and they said they were shorthanded that day. They had called for another anesthesiologist, but he wasn’t there yet.
“Can’t you do something for her?” Justin asked the nurse. He hated to see her in so much pain. The obstetrician had said it would be fast with twins, but it felt like it was taking forever and the pains were brutal. Richard had to leave the room at one point because watching her was making him feel sick, and Shirley was begging for relief.
She was screaming as the obstetrician walked in to check her, and after she did, she told Shirley she was at ten. “We’re going to let you push now,” she said firmly to get Shirley’s attention. “We want to get those babies out,” she said intently, and Justin thought he heard something different on the fetal monitor as Richard walked back into the room. Justin suddenly had the feeling they were rushing, and Shirley didn’t stop screaming anymore. It was one long, continuous, agonizing wail.
“What about the epidural?” Justin asked the doctor, confused by what he was seeing. Everyone seemed to be rushing and very intense. It didn’t feel right to him.
Against All Odds Page 28
