by Lexi Post
Hospice? The word was no longer in use during his life. It took him a moment to pull up the meaning. “Were you always a hospice nurse or did you do other types of nursing?” He couldn’t reconcile the poised, optimistic Joy with someone who worked around death all her life.
“Mostly. I had to work in different departments during my clinicals, but as soon as I graduated, I went right into hospice care.”
“Why?” He couldn’t help asking. He thought he’d be giving her a reality check when all along she’d worked with the dying? Something didn’t fit.
“Why not? I was a nurse and nurses help people. I couldn’t think of a better place than to help a patient die with dignity and grace. I also was able to help the families of my patients. It was a very rewarding career.”
“Did you ever lose someone in your family? Someone close to you?”
She shook her head. “Not as an adult. I did lose my grandmother when I was young. I guess I had it easy. I was the first in my family to leave.”
Now it made sense. The death and suffering she’d witnessed wasn’t personal. Not that he expected it was easy, but it wasn’t like having someone she loved killed in front of her eyes.
In that way, she was ignorant, and hopefully always would be. But it did explain why she was so positive. Helping patients die peacefully was one thing. Watching helplessly as someone he loved died in his arms was a completely different experience.
“Did you want to watch Holly some more, or should we return to Cameron and let him know we’re ready? That is if you still agree on our course of action.”
He nodded. He completely agreed, but he doubted she’d continue to once she realized what he planned for Holly to learn from the visits he chose. Holly already knew what keen loss was. They wouldn’t be here now if she didn’t. He had no doubt that she’d handle his visits to the future better than Joy would.
Opening Joy’s eyes would put them at odds and help him ignore his appreciation of her physically. The last thing he’d ever do is become involved with a woman again, especially one as happy as Joy.
~~*~~
Holly locked the door behind Mr. Branson, happy to see he’d spent his usual half hour picking out just the right ornament. His wife must be paying attention to him again. Last year at Christmas, she’d tried making his wife jealous with a few anonymous phone calls, but the woman had been oblivious. As it turned out, in the spring Mr. Branson had a heart attack and that woke up Mrs. Branson to how close she’d come to losing him.
Luckily, the elderly man lived, and she was so pleased. His wife also realized in time how lucky she was. They celebrated their sixty-first anniversary at the Turnberry Golf Resort with many family and friends just last month.
Holly shook her head. Why did people not appreciate those in their lives while they had them? It shouldn’t take a brush with death to focus on what was important. She’d always appreciated Cam every day of her life. Their time together was far too short.
At the thought that he would visit her in a matter of minutes, she hit the switch that turned off all the Christmas lights in their little store on Main Street. Lastly, she turned off the outside light that proclaimed it the One of a Kind Christmas Shop.
Ducking behind the tapestry that covered the door between the shop and their house, she stepped inside. She dropped her purse on the table next to the door and flicked on the light. “Mac?”
She frowned as she scanned the decorated living room. Some might say over-decorated, but it was perfect for her and Cam…and Mac. “Mac, where are you?”
Holy crap, did she lock him in the closet by accident again? She ran to the bedroom at the back of the house and opened the closet door. “Mac?” Pushing aside clothes, she rummaged around until she was sure he wasn’t there.
“Come on, Mac. Where are you? Give me a clue.”
A quiet meow came from the living room.
Really? He couldn’t let her know he was out there when she first called? Stalking into the front room again, she looked for her trouble-maker cat. “Mac, where are you?” He wasn’t in either of the stuffed chairs, nor was he on the side table where he enjoyed swatting the manger animals onto the floor.
“Mac Douglas, tell me where you are right now.”
A loud meow was followed by a streak of gray fur jumping toward her. “Mac!”
Just as she caught the cat, the entire tree tilted in the opposite direction and fell against the bay window. She stared at the animal in her arms. “Now what’s got into you? Since when do you climb the Christmas tree?”
The cat looked at her with its bright whiskey-colored eyes for a moment before butting his head up against her chin. She scratched between his folded ears before putting him down. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but if Cam sees this tree like this, I’m not taking the blame.”
Mac rubbed against her legs.
“Don’t try to make up to me now. I need to get this fixed before Cam arrives.” She stilled. If Cam arrived. He said last year it all depended on whether she started living again.
She’d tried to do just that. She’d followed-up on all the things Coco and Ian had showed her, calling Mr. Branson, introducing Luca to his two soulmates without letting him know that’s who they were, accepting a few invitations to go to events with others. Now that she understood not everyone’s life in town was as perfect as she’d thought, it made it a little easier to socialize.
She’d even gone back to America to visit her family and finagled a promise for her mom and John to visit her in Deervale next year. The hardest part had been being nice to the one woman in town who appeared incredibly selfish.
Sophia Dunlap had a younger sister, Thea, who had cancer and was supposed to receive a bone marrow transplant, but Sophia hadn’t told a soul in Deervale that she even had a sister. Once the Spirits of Christmas Present showed her Sophia’s secret dedication to her sister, Holly had found a new patience with Sophia.
It appeared she’d need new patience with her cat as well. She walked over to the fallen Christmas tree. So many of the ornaments reminded her of her time with Cam, but she’d added new ones every year because that had always been their tradition. The only ones that weren’t up there were ones Mac had broken.
She scanned the room to make sure the cat wasn’t causing any more trouble and found him sitting on the arm of “his” chair, cleaning his paw. Shaking her head, she grasped the tree and pulled it back upright. Luckily, it didn’t go through the window. There may not be any snow on the ground, but it was cold outside, and she couldn’t imagine celebrating Christmas al fresco.
The artificial tree’s branches were rusty from a water leak early in the year. It was an older model where each branch needed to be inserted into its appropriate slot and the rust on the metal ends had made it a struggle to put together by herself. At least none of the branches came out when the tree tipped over. Though that may mean she wouldn’t be able to take it down after the season was over.
She should have asked Brody or Ethan for help, but the tree raising and decorating had been such a personal event for her and Cam. She just couldn’t do it. She should probably just buy a new tree, but she couldn’t do that either. This was their tree.
She stepped back and viewed her masterpiece. Branches were bent and ornaments were missing. “Mac, if you broke any of my ornaments, you won’t get your Christmas treat this year.” She crouched down and started picking up ornaments.
Cam had to come. She hadn’t overheard anyone calling her the “poor widow Douglas” anymore. That had to be because she was getting out and interacting with friends and neighbors. Or it could just mean she wasn’t in the right places to hear it.
Mac rubbed against her knee before batting a crystal ball with a sleigh inside it completely out of her reach. “Hey, stop that. I don’t remember asking you for your help.” She stood and placed the ornaments on a side table then walked around to the other side of the tree.
Before searching for the ornament Ma
c sent rolling, and any more that had gone that way, she turned on the gas stove then hit the button that brought all the Christmas lights on, bathing the room in a pink glow. The two trains started to move, a tiny whistle signaling the start of the one beneath the tree.
Quickly, she crouched down to check the track for ornaments. Sure enough, a tiny silver bell with her and Cam’s wedding date engraved on the side lay in the way of the oncoming train. Diving under the lowest branches, she snatched it up before there was a train wreck.
“I always did love your ass.” Cam’s voice from behind her sent her heart racing.
Scrambling from beneath the tree, she let her gaze feast on the one man that filled her heart and soul even to this day. “Cam.”
“Merry Christmas Eve, hen.” He floated before the fireplace in a sleeveless black t-shirt that revealed his muscled arms, his forest green, blue, and white plaid kilt which showed his bare knees, and a pair of black hiking boots. His hazel eyes were a bright green, his love for her shining in them.
Her heart burst with joy, almost taking her breath away. Swallowing against her tears of happiness, she smiled, letting him see how much she still loved him even after three years apart. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
He grinned. “It was your actions that made it possible.” A brief ripple of concern crossed his brow so quickly, she wasn’t sure she actually saw it.
Rising to her feet, she brushed off her green slacks. “I worked hard to be involved. I didn’t want to risk never seeing you again.” She stepped forward, wanting to hug him, but knew she couldn’t. “Can you phase through me?”
Hurt flashed in his eyes, proving to her that his feelings hadn’t changed since he’d passed, not that she’d expected any less. What must it be like on the other side?
He gave her a soft smile. “How about if I do it when I leave so I can carry your sweet scent with me?”
“You can smell me too when you do that?” She thought it was her imagination that Cam’s distinctive clove-like cologne stayed with her after a “phase-through,” what she’d named the experience.
He nodded. “One of the perks of phasing.”
She grinned. “You mean besides flying through time?”
“Yes.” He stepped closer to her.
“Will I get to do that when I cross over?” How fun would that be to fly with Cam? She wouldn’t have to worry about him falling from the side of a mountain again. The thought brought a wave of anger, and she quickly squashed it.
“I hope not. I want us to enjoy eternity together, not just these few visits we’ve had.”
“Wait a minute, do you mean after tonight I’ll never see you again?” The thought brought tears to her eyes for a totally different reason than before.
Cam looked away and brushed his thick brown hair off his forehead. “I don’t know yet. Each year they make it more difficult.”
“They?”
His gaze snapped back to her. “I can’t explain. What I do know is that a lot will have to do with the two spirits coming to visit you tonight.”
She moved to Cam’s old chair, the only one she was allowed since Mac commandeered hers two Christmases ago and was comfortably ensconced there, watching them. “Just tell me what you need me to do. We can do this.”
Cam’s face was far more serious than she’d ever seen it in life. Whatever pressures he was under were far more critical. Now that she thought about it, the wrinkles around his eyes weren’t just smile lines. Wasn’t death supposed to be a release?
Or is my need to see him, causing him problems?
The new thought scared her so much, she pushed it aside to think about later when he wasn’t visiting. Their time together was too short as it was. “Tell me about my visitors.” She forced her voice to sound upbeat.
He floated closer, perching on Mac’s chair arm. “The first is Malcolm. He’s a very successful spirit guide, but his methods are not the norm. If he doesn’t do well on this visit, I’ll be forced to let him go.”
“And you don’t want to do that.”
He nodded. “Correct. For more than one reason, but suffice it to say his outlook on life is very pessimistic, for good reason.”
“And you need me to help him see the happier side of life?” She was well aware of both sides thanks to Cam’s early death, so she could certainly empathize. Still, it wouldn’t be easy.
“That’s part of it, but it will be made more difficult by the spirit he chose to work with.”
“You let him choose? I thought you were the boss.” She winked, trying to lighten the mood.
Cam shook his head. “Unfortunately, I had no say in it. I would have chosen someone else, someone less opposite of him. My fear is that Joy’s unfailing optimism may make him even more resistant to change than someone who could see both sides.”
Ah, now she understood. “Then it sounds like you really need me to mitigate both their views.”
He smiled. “I’ve always loved how quick you are to catch on. Yes, but it won’t be easy. These two are as far apart as Neptune and the sun.”
“Maybe Malcolm chose Joy because her optimism attracts him. Maybe he secretly wishes he could be that way, too.”
“I hope you’re right, but I have my doubts.” Cam’s furrowed brow proved exactly how concerned he was. That’s where his new wrinkles were.
“I’ll do everything I can to make this work for them. And if Malcolm changes his ways, will I get to see you again next year?”
Cam shrugged his shoulders. “I won’t know until after they leave you. I’ll come back and let you know what the outcome was either way.”
She was more determined than ever to make sure Malcolm kept his job because she refused to be separated from Cam until she died. That would be too hard to live with.
With determination, she rose and walked to stand in front of him, but her gaze was caught by Cam absently stroking their cat. “Now why does he get to be petted and I don’t?”
He looked down at Mac, a puzzled frown on his face. “I don’t know. This is the only instance I’m aware of that a phased spirit can touch something living.”
She quirked her mouth up. “Well, we always knew Mac was, um…special.”
Cam’s laugh made her smile. She loved his laugh. It made everyone who heard it happy.
“He’s not giving you any trouble, is he?”
She thought back to last Christmas Eve when Mac swiped all the manger animals onto the floor and then tonight with him climbing in the Christmas tree. She could tattle, but she didn’t want to add one more thing to Cam’s shoulders.
Instead, she reached down and scratched the cat behind one folded ear. “No, he’s been great company. He gets feisty during Christmas, but I think he’s trying to keep me occupied since you’re not here to share it.”
Cam rose, the space between them no more than a hand’s breadth. “I so wish I was with you. I’d do anything to take back that Christmas day trip to the mountain. I thought I was invincible. How wrong I was.”
She stared deeply into his eyes, the hazel mix of colors meshing into a dull gray. “I know you would, but there’s nothing you can do about it now. We’ll have to muddle along as best we can together. Are you okay where you are?”
He gave her a quick nod, but changed the topic. “Did you find out any more about my half-sister?”
“You knew about her and never told me?” She crossed her arms, not at all happy to find he’d hidden that fact from her their whole time together.
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t know. I could never keep that from you. I learned it from Ian and Coco last year. They said you planned to try to find her.”
“I did, but I only found out that the car she drove was rented in Glasgow. The car rental agency wouldn’t give me any information.”
“Did you ask anyone here to help you with that?”
Holy crap, she hadn’t thought of that. “No. But I will. I’ve help now at the shop, so I have a little more time.”
<
br /> Cam’s eyes widened before an approving smile lifted his lips. “That’s very good news. I’m glad you aren’t spending your life on my silly idea.”
Silly idea? “Cameron Douglas, the One of a Kind Christmas Shop was not a silly idea. It was an inspired idea. People here in Deervale love it.”
“I’m glad. It must be doing well, if you’ve hired someone on. I just don’t want you to feel that you have to keep it going if it ever becomes a burden.”
She walked toward their tree filled with one of kind Christmas ornaments. She wouldn’t tell him that they were looking at a loss this year. Hiring Brooke had been to allow her to rejoin the community, what Cam had told her she needed to do to see him again. It had hurt the profits, but it was worth it. She turned to face him. “It could never be a burden. That shop is the closest to a child I have from you.”
The brown specs in Cam’s eyes seem to glow before he floated toward her. “Holly, I’m sorry I put off having a child with you. It’s one of my biggest regrets. You would make an amazing mother. But don’t mother the shop. It’s not the legacy I want to leave you with.”
Another surge of anger tried to make its way from her diaphragm to her heart, but she quickly redirected her focus. “Well, it’s all I have of you now besides these visits.”
He looked away as if what she said bothered him.
“Cam, is something wrong?”
“No.” He didn’t meet her eyes. “All I think about is you.” Then as if catching himself, he looked at her. “And all my duties and the spirits under my wing. Much like you, I must move on.”
She crossed her arms. “I hope that doesn’t mean you forget about me in the process.”
His gaze softened. “Never. You own my heart, love.”
“And you own mine.”
His brow furrowed.
Was he in pain? Or worried? She couldn’t tell.
But then he smiled. “I have faith that you can make this visit with the spirits successful. Do your very best. You may have to change the way you think, but trust me, it will be worth it in the end.”
