“What if we kept it a secret?” She sounded hopeful.
Jack squeezed his eyes shut. His voice was gruff when he finally replied, “We can’t.”
He already suspected Ian was keeping tabs on all his sons. If he found out about Emery, he’d find a way to screw with her. And even if he didn’t, what kind of life could they have? She’d finally found friends in Jessica and Bailey and Dahlia. She was part of Cooper’s inner circle, and she was flourishing there.
If she chose Jack over them, she’d lose all that. And she’d have to stand by his side while he did shady shit for his father and just accept that she was with a guy people couldn’t stand to be around.
He wasn’t worth her losing everything she’d taken so long to build.
“Can’t or won’t?”
She’d asked him something similar before.
Forcing himself to turn, he found her flushed and disheveled and half-naked beneath the blanket, and even though he’d gotten her hot only to stop again, Em still looked at him like he was something more than he was.
“Some might say flirting with the town’s shy bookstore owner whenever it strikes your fancy makes you kind of a dick.”
It was time to end this. For good. For her sake.
“I’m attracted to you, Em. You obviously know that.” He flicked a hand impatiently at her. “But I don’t want you … permanently.” He choked out. “I’m not that guy. And I might be an asshole, but I’m not enough of an asshole to screw around with the feelings of a good woman.”
Understanding dawned on her face and she clutched the blanket tighter. When she spoke, she surprised and crushed him with her honesty. “I don’t know if that’s the truth or if you’re just hell-bent on self-destruction for the rest of your life. Either way, the constant humiliation has grown tedious.” Her words were clipped. Cold. So unlike her. “I’ll preface this by saying that your secret is still safe with me. But now I’d like you to leave, Jack. And I would appreciate it if you stayed the hell away from me. For good.”
Shards of pain splintered through his chest.
It took him a moment to recover from the initial agony.
But finally, he gave the woman he was pretty damn certain he was in love with a tight nod and strode out of her house.
Out of her life.
On the silent promise that it was for good.
14
Emery
Three months ago
Main Street was abuzz with anticipation and excitement for Winter Carnival.
And for once I was there and didn’t feel at all uncomfortable. It was true what they said: Life was kind of like riding a bike. It was alien and weird and tricky at first, but once you got the hang of it, it started to feel natural.
I stood at Dahlia’s stall, manned by Bailey. Vaughn was at her side, and I was at Jess’s, Cooper at hers. We were waiting on Dahlia’s arrival so she could take over from Bailey. It didn’t surprise me Dahlia was running late. She’d been flustered ever since she returned from a trip home to Boston and her ex-boyfriend Michael Sullivan followed her back.
Michael, a.k.a. Detective Sullivan, was working for our new Criminal Investigation Department under Sheriff Jeff King. Interestingly, Dahlia used to date Jeff, and everyone knew she broke up with him and he hadn’t been happy about it. I would’ve thought an interesting love triangle might unfold—until I had drinks with my friends.
While I no longer blushed and stammered shyly around Vaughn and Cooper, Michael was brand new. And he was charming in this rugged, tough-guy, Bostonian-cop kind of way.
Seeing how Dahlia lit up like a Christmas tree around him despite her determination to keep him at bay, I knew Jeff didn’t stand a chance.
I didn’t think Dahlia stood a chance either.
Michael seemed very determined to win her back.
It made my romantic soul extremely happy.
“Oh my God, there she is.” We followed Bailey’s gaze.
My lips twitched.
Walking toward us, dressed as Snow White, was Dahlia. It was the perfect character for her coloring. However, with her envious curves, it was impossible for anything to look demure on her. Especially not a dress with a sweetheart neckline.
Jess and Bailey wolf-whistled and catcalled as she approached, making Coop, Vaughn, and me chuckle.
Rolling her eyes at our teasing, Dahlia halted behind the stall. “Oh yeah, my puffy sleeves are so sexy.” She squeezed Bailey’s shoulder. “Thanks, babe.”
The carnival parade this year was Disney-themed, hence Dahlia’s costume. Kell Summers had tried valiantly to persuade me to dress up as Elsa from Frozen. I may have come far with my social anxieties, but the idea of taking part in a parade, being front and center, was nauseating.
While I was awkward with adults, I wasn’t at all awkward with children. Their innocence and honesty cut through my shy armor. With kids, you always knew where you stood. I never had to guess or wonder if they found me tedious or wanting. I enjoyed being around kids for that very reason, which was why I still volunteered at the counseling center in Millton every second Monday.
It was this affinity that probably drew Cat’s son Joey to me. However, Cat was convinced it was because I looked like Elsa.
Either way, I didn’t care. Joey was exceptionally bright and talented and a true joy to be around. I’d been disappointed to not see them with Jess and Cooper this morning.
“I sold a ring with peridot.” Bailey informed Dahlia.
“Great.” Dahlia glared at us. “You guys will put people off hanging around like this. You’re intimidating in a group.”
“Gee, thanks.” Jess snorted. “And here we came over to ask if you’d like anything to eat or drink.”
“Hot chocolate,” Dahlia replied. “And a churro would not go amiss.”
Deciding that sounded good, I followed Vaughn, Jess, and Coop as they ventured off to find food.
“Where’s Cat and Joey?” I asked Cooper as we strolled across Main Street to the food vendors.
“Cat said something about them running late this morning. They should be here later.”
“Yeah.” Jess nudged me and grinned. “Joey wouldn’t miss a chance to see you. You know he publicly declared his love for you, right?”
I laughed at the thought. That kid was so cute. “Did he?”
Coop shot me an affectionate smile. “Said he’s going to convince you to wait for him until he’s old enough to marry you.”
Oh my gosh. My heart. I grinned. “Well, I am truly honored.”
We stopped at a vendor and procured Dahlia’s hot chocolate and drinks for ourselves. Vaughn tried to pay for everyone but Cooper wouldn’t let him. Jess and I stood back while they argued, holding up the line.
“I can pay for my own,” I tried to interject.
Jess shook her head at me, as if to say it’s not worth trying.
“Fine,” Cooper said to Vaughn. “You pay for Bailey’s and Dahlia’s, I’ll pay for Jess’s and Emery’s.”
Vaughn agreed to this, but there was still a stupid tension between the men as we moved on to a food cart. They split payment the same way again and the tension eased as we wandered back to Dahlia’s stall.
Jess and I trailed at the back and she mouthed “men” with a roll of her eyes.
I bit back my laughter.
My steps faltered a little when I saw Michael was now at Dahlia’s stall. He seemed to have ingratiated himself quickly with our group. It turned out that Michael and Cooper were becoming friends, running on the beach together in the mornings.
The image of another man jogging on the beach flickered at the edge of my memories, but like always, I pushed it out.
And it was like that mere flicker conjured him.
I’d been listening to my friends but also watching as Main Street got busier. As my eyes moved through the crowds, I spotted him.
Jack.
Waiting at a burger stand with a petite brunette.
I was hit with a
wave of déjà vu.
And sadness.
And frustration.
Jack turned his head and met my gaze.
Longing slammed me deep in the gut.
Since the humiliating morning I’d offered myself to him on a platter and he’d refused, Jack had done as I’d asked and stayed far away.
I missed him. I didn’t even know why since we hadn’t spent that much time together over the years. However, the time we did spend was loaded with so much emotion and truth.
He was the person I wanted to trust completely. The person I wanted to tell everything to. I’d been ready to that morning.
I still wasn’t sure if Jack had pushed me away to protect me like he had Cooper, or if he was telling the truth when he said he didn’t want me permanently. My heart said it was the former. My hurt clung to the latter. Especially seeing him continue to sleep around with tourists like the brunette at his side.
Either way, Jack hadn’t wanted me enough to even try, and I was done.
“Emery, what are you staring at so hard?” Jessica asked.
Afraid of being caught, I pulled my attention from Jack. “Nothing,” I mumbled.
“What are you looking at?” Vaughn asked.
I glanced up, thinking he was insisting upon Jess’s query, but he was talking to Bailey. She shot me a knowing, excited look that made me want to disappear. Then Dahlia nudged her, glowering, and Bailey glared back.
Oh no.
Did my friends suspect I had feelings for Jack?
Suddenly, the carnival held no appeal for me. I didn’t want to see Jack here with another woman. Moreover, Bailey was a good friend, but she lacked subtlety. And the last thing I wanted was for Vaughn or Cooper to know about my crush on Jack Devlin. I’d never had male friends before, and I may have once been willing to lose their friendship over Jack, but not anymore. If Jack didn’t want to fight for what was between us, then I certainly wouldn’t jeopardize hard-won friendships for it.
Glum, I said, “I … uh … I think I’m going to call it a day.”
“Oh, don’t go,” Bailey replied.
“She can go if she wants to,” Dahlia argued.
“I don’t want her to go.”
“It doesn’t matter what you want, especially when your head is in cloud cuckoo land.”
Dammit. They did know. And reading between the lines, Bailey was for my crush on Jack, and Dahlia was not.
Mortified, I backed away from the stall. No one was paying attention. They were too busy wondering what on earth was going on between Bailey and Dahlia.
Seeing my chance to escape, I turned and hurried through the crowds.
I was so focused on trying to maneuver through people as quickly as I could that I didn’t see him coming.
At once, Jack was there, and I stumbled into him. His hands curled around my arms as my palms fell against his chest.
I pushed away as if burned, but he didn’t release me.
“Em, are you okay?” He bent his head to mine, eyes dark with concern.
I glanced at his side and saw the brunette was nowhere to be seen.
Heat flashed through me, being this close to him, heat I resented that in turn caused me to resent him. I attempted to pull out of his grip but he held on. “I’m fine, Jack. Let me go.”
He scowled and reluctantly released me.
We shared a wary look before I moved past him, disappearing onto the boards.
A few days later …
There was a lot to be said for living in a tourist town. There was a lot more to be said for living in a coastal town during low season. I loved walking along the quiet beach at sunset. Yeah, it was breezy, but I liked the wind whipping around my legs. And I loved the feel of the cold, wet, mushy sand sinking beneath my feet and squishing between my toes.
To avoid being whipped in the face by my own hair, I’d piled the mass of blond waves onto the top of my head, and I held my oversized sweater closed with my arms wrapped around myself.
Usually I was content here. But for a while now, I’d felt a disquiet. A dissatisfaction I didn’t understand, considering mine was a pretty good life.
Not to mention the events in town lately were more than a little unsettling.
Even though I shouldn’t be, even though he’d hurt me, I was worried about Jack.
We’d all known that Deputy Freddie Jackson was a bad egg. He used his position as a police officer to intimidate people, specifically for the Devlin family.
Yes, Jack had hurt me. Yet that didn’t change the fact that his eldest brother had just been murdered by Freddie Jackson.
I wondered how Jack was feeling. He didn’t get along with his brother. He’d laid him out a few times in the past. He’d helped trap Jack into a life he didn’t want. There were moments when I’m sure Jack hated his brother. But Stu was his brother.
And he’d been murdered.
I couldn’t even imagine the mess Jack’s emotions were right now.
My chest felt tight with pain for him.
And suddenly he was there.
Catching sight of the lone figure standing on the beach, staring out at the ocean, my steps faltered. He was wearing running clothes, including a hoodie with the hood up, and yet I knew it was him.
I’d know Jack anywhere.
The closer I got, the clearer his profile got, his face peeking out from his hood.
Tall, lean but muscular, it didn’t matter what Jack wore, he wore it well. He was just that guy that made clothes look great. Even jogging pants and a hoodie.
If it had been anyone else, I’d have chickened out and walked away. But Jack Devlin gave me the courage to push through my insecurities. He always had. And even though it had led to the kind of hurt I’d been avoiding the last nine years, I slowed to a stop at his side.
He barely turned his head. Just flicked me a look. If he was surprised by my approach, he didn’t say anything.
The turmoil in those blue-gray eyes devastated me.
Jack looked back out at the water and I turned, my hand almost brushing his to gaze out at the ocean too. I heard his breath shudder a little and fought the urge to throw my arms around him.
I couldn’t give him that. But I could give him this.
I stood with him, watching the sun lower beyond the horizon.
Time passed.
Until there was only a flare of orange and pink where the sea met the sky.
Gathering my courage, I reached for Jack’s hand and clasped it in mine.
He squeezed my hand.
Tight. So tight.
I waited for him to let go.
He took awhile.
But eventually his grip eased.
I brushed my thumb along the top of his hand.
And then I released him.
I knew I didn’t imagine his eyes on my back as I strolled down the beach toward my house.
I always knew when Jack was watching me.
I always had.
15
Jack
Present day
Five minutes ago, the thing weighing most heavily on him was his selfish inability to leave Emery Saunders alone. He’d been doing well. He’d stuck it out and avoided her like she’d asked after he fucked up last summer. But ever since she’d approached him on the beach three months ago, to comfort him over Stu’s murder, it had been a daily battle to stay away from her.
Jack was pissed at himself for going to her store and unfairly pissed at her for her coldness.
Now, for the first time in a long time, Emery had been shoved to the back of his mind.
Ian had allowed Rebecca to return home for Stu’s funeral, but then he’d sent her right back to England. If Jack didn’t already hate the man who’d spawned him, he’d hate him for that. Anyone could see Rebecca was a shadow of who she used to be. Worried about her, Jack had kept in contact with her almost every day since she’d returned to London. And when she’d asked him to arrange her secretive return to Hartwell, Jack didn’t think
twice. He did it.
Rebecca had been living in his house for the past few days. She’d been quiet, introspective. Jack was trying to give her space while she got herself together.
It didn’t occur to him that she’d go to the police now that Stu was dead and couldn’t be charged for covering up Rebecca’s crime.
Heart pounding, Jack hurried down Main Street to the sheriff’s department.
Almost five years ago, Rebecca had murdered a guy she thought was a tourist, but in self-defense while he’d attempted to rape her. Stu came in after she’d hit the guy over the head with a dumbbell and convinced Rebecca to help him bury the body and the weapon. Stu told Ian, because he told his father everything, and Ian forced Rebecca out of the country to school in England. Then he’d used her crime to blackmail Jack into the family fold. Ian said he’d tell the police where the body was if Jack didn’t work for him … and that he’d make sure it was Jack who went down for covering up the murder, not Stu. After all, it would be way more plausible that Jack, who was close to his sister, would’ve been the one to protect her, not Stu.
And Jack had known his socio-fucking-path of a father meant it, that he wasn’t bluffing. Jack knew Ian wouldn’t blink at the idea of Rebecca going to prison for murder because she wasn’t his daughter. Jack’s mom, Rosalie, had a years-long affair with an old boyfriend. Ian found out when she got pregnant with Rebecca because he hadn’t been in his wife’s bed for a long time. He’d had his mistresses to see to those needs.
Unfortunately, things had gotten extremely unpleasant for Rosalie and Rebecca in the Devlin household. Ian threatened to make Rebecca’s life miserable if Rosalie ever saw the old boyfriend again, which meant cutting Rebecca’s real father out of her life. The guy didn’t even know he had a daughter. And when Rebecca got older and learned the truth, she was forbidden from asking about him.
Over the years, they’d all heard things happening to their mom that no kid should have to hear, including their father forcing another pregnancy on her, just to prove he was a man.
The Truest Thing: Hart's Boardwalk #4 Page 11
