I drink until the burning down my throat stops. I sit here until I hear more footsteps, and this time, I see Lizzie and Laurene walk into the room. “Oh, this is fun,” Lizzie says, coming over and sitting down in front of me.
“Was that bottle full?” Laurene asks, walking in and sitting next to Lizzie.
“You went to see Becca,” I say. “She came here.”
“I did,” Laurene says and then looks over at me. “I wanted her to know that you had no choice.”
I don’t say anything else. I just take another drink. “Getting drunk is not going to help you get her back,” Lizzie says to me.
“That ship has sailed,” I tell them. “It’s over.” The words taste so bitter in my mouth. “She can’t be with someone who doesn’t think about her.”
“I’m so sorry,” Laurene says, getting up and walking over to me. “I thought if she knew the whole story.”
“Oh, she gets the whole story.” I laugh bitterly. “She said she would have done the same. What she can’t forgive is my not even thinking about how she would feel.”
“I’m sure once she has time to sort through it all,” Lizzie says, trying to make me feel better, but I just look over at her.
“It’s done.” The words get stuck in my throat.
“I’m so sorry,” Laurene says. “This is all my fault.”
“Um, no, it’s not,” Lizzie says, going to her and putting her arm around her shoulder. “He should have told her what was going on.”
Laurene puts her hand on Lizzie’s leg, and she smiles up at her. “What the fuck is going on right now?” I point at both of them.
They look at each other again and then look at me. “Well, we have some news,” Lizzie says, beaming. “We’re getting married!” I gasp.
“Maybe we should have started with we are together before telling him we are getting married,” Laurene says, kissing her.
“What?” I sit up. “When?” I don’t wait for them to answer “How?” I look back and forth at them. “Where?”
“I’ve been in love with her for seven years,” Laurene says, looking at Lizzie.
“I’ve been telling myself that I’m not good enough for her for seven years,” Lizzie says to her. “Luckily, we got drunk one night, and the next thing you know, she’s riding—” I put my hand up.
“I don’t want to know.” I get up and look at them. “I’m happy for you.”
I walk out of the room, the smell of Becca still lingering in the air. My heart falling when I walk into my bedroom and I see that the cleaning lady washed the sheets. Walking over to the bed, I stand here looking at the spot where she used to sleep. “Becca,” I whisper her name, falling on the bed. I bring the pillow to my nose and moan when it doesn’t smell like her anymore. “Becca,” I call her name, praying that somehow she can hear me. “Becca,” Again and again, I say her name until the darkness takes me.
Chapter 33
Becca
I roll out of bed, my whole body hurting from the top of my head right down to my toes. I skipped another morning run, and at this point, I don’t even care. It’s been over a week since I last saw Nico. The calls stopped after that night as did the texts.
I don’t know what I was expecting. I told him it was over, so why would he still send me messages and texts. I walk over to the coffee machine, pressing the button, then I turn on the television. The sports news makes me look up, and I lie to myself, thinking that I’m doing it for my clients.
Instead, I wait to see any shots of Nico. I turn off the television after the guy stops talking about the Oilers because I’m not interested in the other games. I walk up to my bedroom, and I get dressed. I grab my beige knit checkered skirt that wraps around so I can make it fit on my body. The weight I lost has not come back. I grab my long-sleeved cashmere sweater with gold buttons down the front, then slip on the caramel suede booties.
I just stare at myself in the mirror. “When is the last time you were happy?” I ask myself, and I know the answer. “When was the last time you smiled?” Is the next question. “When was the last time you did something for you?”
I walk away from the mirror, grabbing a Starbucks before work. I walk into the office, and it’s like a switch flips in me. “Erika,” I say once I get closer to my office. “Can you tell my brothers I need to have an emergency meeting?”
“Sure,” she says, and she picks up the phone. I walk into my office and take my wraparound shawl off and sit at my desk. Turning my chair, I look out the window. “They said they can do it now.”
“Perfect,” I say, smiling and getting up. “I’d like you to attend also.”
She nods at me, and we walk to the conference room. Trevor is right behind me, followed by Francis.
“I’m almost afraid of this meeting,” Francis says, sitting down in one of the empty seats, and I laugh.
I look at them and smile. “Guys.” I swallow.
“She’s pregnant,” Trevor says. “Fuck.”
“How can she be pregnant and lose fifty pounds?” Francis says.
“Okay, one, I’m not pregnant,” I say. “Two, I lost fifteen pounds, not fifty. But I am leaving.”
“Leaving?” they both say at the same time. I look over at Erika, who looks at me in shock.
“More of a sabbatical than anything else.” I smile for the first time in a long time. “Erika is going to take over for me since she knows all of my clients.”
“Where are you going to go?” Trevor asks.
“I have no idea,” I tell them honestly. “Somewhere warm where I can sit on the beach.”
“But this isn’t forever,” Francis says. I shake my head and the tear comes out.
“It’s not forever. It’s …” I look around the table. “I’m not happy,” I admit. “And I don’t like myself not happy. I miss the old me who used to be happy to get up and run on the treadmill. I miss the old me that used to come into work and dive right in. I miss the old me who didn’t have a broken heart.” I haven’t told my brothers the secret about Nico and his fake wedding. I haven’t told anyone because it’s not my story to tell, and I would never betray him like that. “I just need a new start.”
“Whatever you need,” Erika says.
“Thank you,” I say. “Now, I’m not just going to up and leave. I’ll finish this week. I will tell my closest clients, but other than that, if you need anything, I will always be just a phone call away.”
“What do we tell people?” Trevor asks.
“I’ll send out an email to everyone, letting them know I’m going on a sabbatical, and we can go from there.” I look around the table. “Let’s send it out on Friday at five o’clock, so people have the weekend to ask us questions.”
“If this is what you want,” Francis says. “We’re not going to stop you.”
“Who knows.” I put up my hands. “Maybe I’ll be bored out of my mind and rush back after a week.”
Trevor gets up and comes over to hug me. “Take all the time you need,” he says, kissing my cheek, and Francis follows next. They walk out, and I look over at Erika, who has her own tears.
“Are you crazy?” She looks at me. “I can’t do your job.”
“Oh, yes, you can,” I say to her. “Probably better than me, and who knows, maybe no one will miss me,” I say as we walk out of the conference room.
I pick up my phone and call Manning. “Hey.” He answers right away.
“Hi, there.” I try to sound chipper. “I was wondering if you were free today or tomorrow? I don’t need a lot of time. It could even be done over coffee.”
“Yeah, how about I swing by the office? I’m on my way to the rink,” he says. “See you in ten.”
I hang up the phone and wait for him. When he comes walking in ten minutes later, I get up and go to him. “Thank you so much,” I say and close the door behind him. He looks at me and takes off his baseball cap. “For coming so fast.”
“Going to be honest, I am a little scared, especially w
ith the door being closed.” He laughs nervously as he sits down on the couch.
“Everything is fine,” I say, sitting down. “I mean, it’s going to be fine.”
“Are you dying?” he asks, the worry all over his face, and I laugh loud.
“I’m not dying,” I say, “but I am leaving.” He just looks at me. “I’m taking a sabbatical, and I don’t know for how long.”
“Fuck,” Manning says. “I told Nico I would fuck him up.” I shake my head.
“Please don’t do that,” I say. “It’s really a me thing.”
“What can I do?” he asks sincerely. “How can I help?”
“Right now, I’m coming to terms with being in love and not being able to do anything about it,” I say honestly, “and I’m tired of being sad and mad. I think I need to get away.”
“You need to eat, pray, love,” he says, shaking his head, and for the first time in a long time, I laugh so much my stomach hurts.
I hug him goodbye and walk back to my desk. Picking up my phone, I call Francis. “What is the nicest beach you’ve been to?”
“Thailand,” he says. “You aren’t going to Thailand alone, so Turks and Caicos.”
“I can go to Thailand by myself,” I say, “but I’m not going to because I like Turks.” I hang up the phone with him, and in a matter of an hour, I have a villa booked in Turks. That night, I pack my stuff.
“Hey,” Erika says, poking her head into my office. “Are you ready to go over the email?” she asks. She has hit the ground running. I’ve told Manning, Miller, and Ralph as well as some others.
“I have it all written,” I say. “I am just waiting for five o’clock to press send.”
“What time does your plane leave?” Erika asks.
“Six.” I smile at her. “My bags are already packed and waiting for me at home.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing it,” she says, sitting down in one of my chairs. She is moving into her own office on Monday, and even though she didn’t want to, I put my foot down and forced her to.
“I’m doing it,” I say. My heart is a little sad I’m leaving right before the holidays, but I’m happy to be out of here. “This time tomorrow, I’ll be sinking into a hammock and listening to the water.” I wink at her. “And who knows, I could meet someone who is mending a broken heart, and we can fall madly in love.” I know I’m exaggerating, but it was fun to say.
“Okay, I’m really jealous,” she says.
“Do you want me to read the email?” I ask, and she nods her head, tears forming in her eyes again. “You act like I’m dying, and you will never see me again.”
“It’s just,” she says, “since the first day I’ve started here, you’ve been my hero and someone who I look up to every single day.”
“Aw,” I say, touched by her words. “You cannot make me cry.” I raise my hand. “I do enough of that shit on my own,” I joke with her. I have to admit, it’s becoming less and less frequent, and I thought that was a good thing, but the pain in my chest lingers, and some days, the pain feels like an actual stab wound.
“Okay, fine, before we are both blubbering messes, how about you read me the email.”
I smile at her, opening the document and reading it to her. By the end of the short letter, I have my own tears. I look at my watch. “It’s almost time.” I get up and hug her. “I’m going to head out before it goes out,” I say. “Can you send it?”
“Of course,” she says, and I smile. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll send pictures,” I say, and she walks out of the office. Trevor and Francis already came to say goodbye. I take one look around the office before grabbing my purse. Stopping by the doorway, I turn the lights out, and my heart sinks just a touch.
I smile at everyone. No one knows what is going to come at five o’clock, but it was what I wanted. I didn’t want the whole goodbye hugs and all that. I am coming back. I had to argue with Trevor and Francis, so it’s silly. “Have a nice weekend!” someone yells to me, and I turn to smile at them.
“You as well.” I walk out before I say what I’ve always said. See you Monday bright and early.
The elevator ride down is slow, and when I get home, I change into my yoga pants. I lock up my house, then grab my luggage. I don’t know how long I’m going for, so I am bringing three bags. I also don’t know why I’m bringing all these clothes since my plan is to be on the beach every day.
“Your car is waiting,” the doorman says to me, and I smile at him.
“Have a happy holiday,” I say, and he just nods his head at me.
I sit in the car, looking out the window. The holiday decorations are lit up everywhere. I watch the city fade away as we make it to the airport. The plane is waiting for me as soon as I get there.
I lied to Erika. My flight is exactly at five o’clock. I wanted to be in the air when the notice goes out. I walk up the steps, and the attendant waits for me with a glass of champagne. “Welcome aboard.”
“Thank you,” I say, grabbing the glass and walking into the plane. I sit down, fasten my seat belt, and nod at the attendant who closes the door.
My phone beeps with an email alert, and I look down to see that my notice is out. Bringing my glass to my lips, I say, “Goodbye,” right before I take a sip.
Chapter 34
Nico
“Have you checked your emails?” Lizzie asks as she walks into my office. I look up at her.
“No,” I say, looking back down at the contracts on my desk. “That’s what you do.”
“I think you should check your email,” she says, and I run my hands through my hair.
“Lizzie, I don’t have time for this, nor do I want to.” My eyes burn as I grab my phone and open my emails. Ever since Becca left my house, I’ve been in a daze of sorts. I sleep maybe three hours a night if that. I travel with the team, but to be honest, not even that is keeping my mind off her. “What am I looking for?” I ask, but the minute I see her name, I don’t ask anymore questions. My heart speeds up, and for a moment, I’m happy.
From: Becca Edwards
To: Nico Harrison
A little note from Becca.
Good Afternoon,
I hope this email finds you well. I’m writing today to inform you that effective immediately, I will be on an undetermined sabbatical. It was a very hard decision to make, one that I did not do lightly. But one that I felt needed to be done.
This in no way will alter the way we do business nor will it hinder any of the contracts.
In my absence, I will be leaving you in the very capable hands of Erika Markingson. She has been my right-hand person for the past three years, and I have no doubt that you will not even miss me.
I want to take this time to wish you and your family the best holiday season.
Until next time.
Becca
“Oh my God,” I say, reading it, my heartbeat finally slowing down. “Get Manning on the phone,” I say, but my fingers are already dialing Manning. He sends me straight to voice mail, and it’s no surprise since we have been at odds since he found out I was married. “It’s me. Call me back.” He made it clear whose side he was on, and it wasn’t mine. “This is crazy.” I get up, grabbing my jacket. “Her work is her life.”
“The emails says otherwise,” Lizzie says.
“Find out everything,” I say, walking to the elevator. “And I mean everything.”
“I’m not Sherlock Holmes.” She puts her hands on her hips, and I just glare at her. “But I will make some phone calls and see if anyone knows anything.” I nod at her, getting into the elevator. “Where are you going?” she asks.
“Going to the rink to see if anyone will tell me anything,” I say.
“That sounds like a sane thing to do!” she shouts as the doors close.
When I walk into the rink, I see that the team is already there, which is not unusual since we are playing a game tonight. I nod to a couple of people I see, my eyes scanning the
room looking for Manning.
“Hey,” I say when I see him on the stationary bike. I walk closer to him, and he just looks at me. “I was looking for you.”
“You found me,” he says, huffing while he grabs his bottle of pre-game whatever he drinks. “What do you want?”
I look around, making sure no one is listening to our conversation. “You knew she was leaving.”
He just glares at me. “What’s it to you?” He shakes his head. “Where is your wife?”
I ignore the second part of his question. “You know where she went?”
“Yup,” he says, stopping pedaling. “I do.” He gets up and walks away from me.
“Is she okay?” I whisper, and he turns to look at me. “I just want to know if she’s okay.”
“She is far from okay,” he hisses, his voice low as not to bring attention to us. “But hopefully, she will be.” I just nod at him. I don’t say anything more.
I walk out at the same time Lizzie walks in. “Where are you going?”
“Home,” I say, and she looks at me with her mouth hanging open.
“We play tonight.” She points at the door I just walked out from.
“I’ll watch it on the television,” I say. “Did you find out anything?”
“Nothing yet.” She shakes her head. “But I put out some feelers.”
“Let me know,” I say and walk away from her toward my car. I get home, walking straight upstairs to my room. I throw my jacket on the chair in the corner, unbuttoning the cuff links when the phone rings.
I walk out to my jacket and pull it out to see it’s Laurene. “Hey.” Pressing my shoulder to my ear, I hold the phone while I undress.
“It’s done,” she says, and I sit on the bed. “Just like it never happened.” I breathe out a huge sigh of relief.
“Are you sure they won’t find out?” I ask. “It would suck really hard if we went through all this for nothing.”
“If anything comes up, I’m going to cry.” She laughs. “No one wants to fuck with a woman who cries.” I laugh. “I heard about Becca.”
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