Logan laughs that I am small but feisty.
‘Hey, how about a snow cone before dancing?’
I love snow cones and he asks me to go get us some while he places a request with the D.J. for later.
I walk towards the snow cone table where Xander is sitting: I feel his eyes on me before I approach the table, his gaze making my heart beat a little faster.
‘Hey, you...’
I greet him and he takes one of my hands and brings it to his lips, kissing my knuckles, his eyes not leaving mine while his lips touch my skin.
‘Just when I think you couldn’t possibly look more beautiful, you prove me wrong...’
He whispers and I try to crack a joke about me always proving him wrong just to break that tension that seems to be flowing between us: in reality I would just like to kiss him, I feel as if I will burst if I don’t feel his lips on mine.
I blame it all on those eyes, which make his already impossible good looks almost otherworldly.
He gives me a coke flavoured snow cone for Logan and a blueberry one for me and when he hands me the cones, his fingers caress mine.
‘When can we spend some time together?’
He whispers and I am ready to throw the cones away and go wherever he wants but at the same time, I do want to dance with Logan like I promised, so I tell him that I was going to dance and then I am free.
‘Perfect, in about half an hour Joel will relieve me and I’ll come and find you...’
I smile longingly at him: I don’t know what it is about Xander but whenever I am not with him, I miss him more than it rationally makes sense.
I walk back to where Logan and I ate and he’s waiting for me with a big smile.
‘I requested a nice song to dance to, I need an excuse to have you in my arms in front of everybody... Not that I care if anyone sees us but I know that all the supervisors might watch us a bit more if we aren’t discreet, so it’s better we stay under the radar.’
He winks at me and takes the snow cone: I eat mine so quickly that it gives me brain freeze.
‘Ouch! I never can eat a frozen treat slowly enough!’
I say rubbing my forehead and Logan chuckles, his blue eyes twinkling.
He takes my hand and we walk towards the dance floor: a raised wooden platform topped with a pergola full of jasmine.
Tiki torches are at the corners to illuminate the dance floor, since it’s now almost totally dark.
The song Logan has requested is an old 90s song by the six pence none the richer: kiss me.
He knows about my obsession with 80s and 90s music, it’s so thoughtful of him to remember the songs I like.
There are a few more couples dancing: Joel and Jemma, Rob and Hazel, Brooklyn and Leah and Hayley and Austin.
Logan holds me tight while we dance to the slow, romantic song and I would relax completely if I didn’t catch Austin’s eyes fixed on me: I know that he probably doesn’t like seeing me dance with another guy but he’s dancing with Hayley, so he can’t really say anything and for all I know, he might like her more than as just friends, since I know for a fact that Hayley has every intention to hook up with him.
But I am not doing Logan any justice by thinking about another guy while dancing with him, so I rest my head on his shoulder and let the music guide my movements.
He seems to be stirring us towards the edge of the dance floor and before the end of the song, we are in a completely dark spot at the edge of the beach.
His lips find mine in the dark: they are soft, warm and move slowly against mine as if he wanted to savour this kiss.
The kiss doesn’t end when the song does, no one can see us here so he deepens the kiss, his hands resting on my back, slowly rubbing my skin at the edge of the dress.
He tastes of cola, like the snow cone and his scent of cotton candy is on his warm, smooth and now tanned skin.
He breaks the kiss for a moment, his lips still hovering very close to mine.
‘Clary, I was thinking... With no curfew today, lots of people will be camping out on the beach, what do you think about sleeping in your cabin... With me, I mean...’
I open my mouth to answer but he starts:
‘Sorry, I wasn’t implying anything of course, I would just like to sleep with you in my arms, wake up together... I like it when you wake me up...’
He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, his fingers stroking lightly the sensitive skin right under my ear lobe.
I think about it for a second: he’s probably thinking about that morning when I went to wake him up and Joel caught us on his bed. I decide that I really want to wake up in his arms and I tell him yes.
‘I will see you there in a couple of hours then? I promised Brooklyn that I would play beach soccer, we are doing guests against instructors. Do you mind if I do that?’
It’s really sweet of him to ask but I am not a controlling person so I don’t expect to monopolise all his time, apart from the fact that Xander will be almost done by now.
He guides me back towards the beach and before wrapping me into a sweet hug, he says:
‘Clary, please don’t wander off alone. Or at least make sure that you know where Justin is at all times. If he bothers you again, please come find me. I don’t care if I am playing soccer or anything else, ok?’
I promise and give him a peck on the cheek but I let it linger a little longer than necessary.
He hugs me again, tighter this time and whispers:
‘I will hold you in my arms all night, for once I won’t be just dreaming about you, I will hear you breathing right by my side. Later, sweetheart...’
He walks away and I have no time to dwell on anything he said because Xander approaches me from the opposite direction.
I wonder if he has seen Logan holding me in his arms but I think he probably hasn’t because he smiles as soon as our eyes meet.
For a second I feel guilty about dating them both but in my heart I don’t feel like I am cheating because I have equally strong feelings for them both... And for Austin. I shrug those thoughts away as Xander reaches me and takes my hand.
‘Hey, Ariel!’
I smile back at him: I like it when he calls me that.
‘Had a good dance?’
I tell him that I did and he nods, still smiling and not asking who I danced with.
‘Hey, I was thinking, I really smell like BBQ, since earlier I helped lightning the grills and grilling some of the food, so I was thinking to wash it off. Are you wearing a bikini under that dress?’
I say that I am and his eyes flash with a slightly dangerous glint and his bad boy smile dances on his face.
‘I was thinking about walking to the end of the south pier, away from all the noise and swimming in the lake, if you are up for it...’
I think about it for a second.
‘Won’t the water be cold?’
He promises to keep me warm.
‘I have some towels in the lifeguard tower and we can leave our clothes there...’
I agree a bit excited to be in the water with him, thinking about that shower we took yesterday.
We walk on the beach holding hands: the temperature has decreased from earlier in the day and there is a light breeze carrying the smell of the burning wood.
The moon is just a sliver in the sky and the pier is dimly lit, so no one will see us.
We climb the steps of the lifeguard tower and he finds a flashlight that he turns on: the tower isn’t bigger than a changing hut, it’s got a bench and a few hooks for clothes and a couple of wooden deck chairs.
He takes his t-shirt off and even though I have seen him shirtless on the beach and in the shower yesterday, my heart still skips a bit and I hold my breath at how sculpted and perfect his muscles are: not too big but just solid, defined and absolutely gorgeous.
I slip out of my sundress, still a bit embarrassed even though he has seen me in a bikini a few times. I guess I wish I was taller, skinnier, a bit like Hayley maybe.
But I have a petite frame and like Brie keeps saying, legit boobs. Also my bottom is curvy without being too big but I’m always very self conscious when I see girls like Lucy and Hayley who look like models, tall and super thin.
He smiles at me and we walk back out at the edge of the lake.
As soon as my toes come in contact with the water, I let out a little squeal.
‘Oh my god, it’s freezing!’
Xander laughs and reassures me that it’s not that bad.
‘I don’t know if I can...’
I hesitate.
He then scoops me up in his arms and starts walking into the lake.
‘I promise I will keep you warm. Have I ever lied to you so far?’
‘Not that I know of...’
I smirk and he drops me down by a few inches, catching me back in his arms right before my skin comes into contact with the water.
‘Hmm, I wouldn’t be too sassy when I could lose my grasp and accidentally drop you in the water...’
‘Douche bag!’
I laugh and he pretends to drop me again.
‘Really? Are we going back to calling me names? Then I guess I have no choice but to... Ooops!’
And he lowers me in the cold water.
‘Oh my gosh, you really did it! You...’
He silences me crushing my lips with his: I am surprised to find them warm.
His arms surround me and hold me close, chest to chest while he kisses me long and deep.
I put my arms around his neck and we keep kissing in the water, in each other’s arms until at a certain point my legs are wrapped around his waist.
One of his hands is splayed against my back and the other one holds me in place on my back thigh, just under my buttock.
His body is still warm despite the cold water and right now I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here.
We kiss for a while, I lose any notion of time and I even end up forgetting that we are in the lake.
‘Hey, baby...’
He whispers against my lips.
‘What do you say, if we get out of the water and get dried up and dressed? I am all good now but you are starting to get goosebumps...’
I agree with him not telling him that the goosebumps are not just because the water is cold but also because his touch does that to me in the nicest possible way.
He carries me back out of the water and up the stairs despite my protests:
‘Oh come on, I can walk... I am so heavy, I ate like a piggy all day yesterday and tonight.’
He laughs depositing me with my feet on the floor and turning the flashlight on again.
‘You are a soft, little feather, Clary.’
His lips are on mine again and all of a sudden I lose all interest in debating about my weight or any other topic.
He gets a towel and starts drying us both, looking into my eyes with his aqua green eyes, so intense than I hold my breath until he drops the towel and takes my lips in a searing kiss.
In the water the contact between our bodies was nice but now the feeling of his skin on mine seems heightened, now I can feel every ridge of his pecs and abs against my damp skin, his hands on my back and our thighs touching as we stand up kissing, really close to each other.
His tongue caresses mine relentlessly, as if he never wanted to break this kiss and I start feeling that familiar heat beginning to spread all over my body but especially in my core.
His kisses get more demanding, his hands pressing my skin with a firmer touch.
Now my back is against the wall and I can feel his excitement growing against my thigh.
His mouth leaves mine and starts kissing down my neck, on my collarbone and down the middle of my chest.
The feeling of his lips, tongue and teeth on my skin is causing a tingle all over my body and making my knees feel weak at the same time: I have never felt so good in my entire life.
I lift one of my legs to wrap it around his hip and one of his hands holds it there, giving me a better feel of his hardness while his mouth is now trailing at the edge of my bikini top still in the middle but now kissing the bit of boob that the bikini doesn’t cover up.
My skin there is silky and sensitive, cold against his warm lips and he kisses it softly, using a bit of tongue but no teeth and then his lips move onto my boob but without moving the bikini material.
My breathing speeds up another notch when he presses me a bit harder against the wall and his teeth graze lightly on my hard nipple through the fabric of my bathing suit, his hands holding mine, our fingers laced together.
He bites softly once, making me moan, twice sending an electric buzz all the way down to my core and I can’t catch my breath. I grab the fabric of his shorts right above his ass and smash his body even further against mine: we are now crushed together against the wall, one of my legs hitched up around his hip, heat and wetness pooling down below, and I start feeling a light throbbing when he cups the same breast he bit before and he hardens even more against my soft centre.
We still have our bathing suits on but I have never felt so exposed and excited before and I want more.
‘Xander...’
I pant against his shoulder and his body doesn’t move away from mine but his mouth leaves my nipple and comes back up, now next to my ear.
‘I know, you are right... We need to stop, if I don’t stop now... But I want you so damn much...’
He moans against my skin, still not moving away, his heart beating so hard and fast that I can almost feel it against my own chest.
‘No... I don’t want you to stop... I want more...’
My nails graze the smooth skin on his back and I bite lightly on his shoulder.
‘Clary, we have to stop...’
He moans cupping my ass with his hands and pressing me further against him.
‘No, I...’
I decide right then and there that I want everything, I will think about what that means later on but my body won’t accept anything less.
I try to tell him that, my voice in a hot rush against his lips.
‘I want you to take me, Xander. I need you inside me, please...’
My words have exactly the opposite effect of what I was trying to achieve because he steps away from me, two whole steps in the opposite direction, his hands resting on the wall at either side of my head.
‘I am not taking you now, Clary... I can’t.’
His breathing is as fast as if he had been running, his eyes squeezed closed while he tries to calm down.
I feel hurt and strangely violated not by what he was doing to me before but by his sudden distance and I feel big, fat tears streaming down my face.
He chooses that moment to open his eyes and he looks in pain when he cups my cheek and asks:
‘Why are you crying?’
Sadness leaves it’s place to fury and I push him away, hard.
‘Do you have to ask me that? Really? I just asked you to have sex with me and you literally walked away. You rejected me... I thought you liked me...’
I hate myself for not being able to stop crying, for looking so desperate and vulnerable.
He shakes his head and puts his lips on mine in a slow, sweet kiss.
I don’t move away, still excited and confused, still crying.
When he takes my hand and pulls me towards one of the two deck chairs, I follow but I offer some resistance when he sits down and tries to lower me on his lap.
‘Baby, please, hear me out. I want to explain why I said no. I promise you it wasn’t rejection, like it wasn’t when I didn’t kiss you.’
I am still standing and he’s still pulling my hand down to try and get me to sit on his lap: he looks at me with dark, stormy eyes, his pained expression making him somehow look even more handsome.
‘Please?’
I relent and sit down, still rigid, afraid that he’ll hurt me with what he’ll say and that this thing between us will be over.
He surrounds my sh
oulders with his strong arms and twists me around so he can look in my eyes.
‘Clary, please hear me out. The reason why I didn’t go all the way with you a moment ago isn’t at all what you think. I didn’t because I love you...’
My pupils dilate with surprise and I open my mouth to say something but he silences me with a finger on my lips.
‘... Let me finish, please. I am in love with you and I think that I have been since that flight and even earlier when you fell on my lap. I know it sounds completely foolish and we have known each other only for a week but I think I knew when we first kissed and then yesterday when I saw you hurt and I felt so powerless to make you better and I didn’t understand why it bothered me so much. I love you and I want you so much that I had to stop before I did something wrong...’
I shake my head, still confused.
‘I... Love you too... But I still don’t understand. I begged you not to stop. If you love me, then why did you stop?’
He squeezes me a bit tighter and explains:
‘I stopped because I love you and because I know it would have been your first time, Clary. If this had been just a casual hook up, trust me, things would have gone completely differently...’
Another tear slides down my face.
‘Is it because I am inexperienced and you think I’ll let you down?’
‘No, baby, it’s because if we had not stopped now, I would have let you down. Look, let me explain it properly, ok? And please trust me that rejection has nothing to do with it, quite the opposite in fact. For a guy sex is different, much easier. Now I don’t want to sound patronising but for girls sex and pleasure are not always connected, at least not at first and I want to make sure that when we do make love, you’ll feel as much pleasure as I will. If we had done it tonight, it would have been over quite quickly and I know you would have been disappointed and probably put off too.’
‘But...’
He kisses me softly, his lips gentle, one hand at the nape of my neck.
‘For a girl the first time can be quite painful and I want to make sure that it isn’t like that for you. Look, let me tell you a few things, ok? My ex girlfriend was my first. I knew she had slept with a few guys before me, I guess the whole promiscuous cheerleader thing is a bit cliché but the point is that she was experienced. So, when we broke up, things got quite emotional and she admitted that every time her and I had sex, she was faking her orgasms. At first that really hurt me: if she had told me that what I was doing wasn’t working for her, I would have tried something different but she told me it wasn’t just with me, that she had always faked it with every single guy she’d been with. That her first time hurt so much that she actually ended up breaking up with the guy and being scared of having sex for a while because all she felt was pain. Then she got another boyfriend and even though it wasn’t painful anymore, she felt nothing. And it was like that with every guy she had been with including me.’
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 16
