I don’t even manage to finish uttering those words that loud moans and screams can be heard front the other bedroom: so, we only have to believe that Joel is sleeping on the couch.
We just snuggle up closer and fall asleep in each other’s arms while the storm keeps infuriating outside.
Waking up next to Xander is as wonderful as I thought it would be: we touch and kiss and give each other that blissful pleasure. This time I am less hesitant but we still stay under the covers, the clothes still stay on and it’s an amazing way to wake up.
‘Do you want to take a shower together?’
He whispers in my ear and I nod with a smile: I never have enough of his hands on me.
We head out of Xander’s bedroom to find that Jemma is eating a pop tart in the lounge, fully dressed and we hear the shower, so Joel must be in there.
I decide to go out in yesterday’s clothes and go take a shower in my cabin instead.
Jemma never takes her eyes off me: she has a disconcerting way of staring a people, it makes me quite uneasy, so I rush outside followed by my hot boyfriend.
‘There will be a lot of cleaning up to do, after the storm. If you walk around, be careful, it’s going to be still very muddy and I don’t want you to fall...’
If that kind of concern came from anyone else, it would really bother me but I know that Xander really cares about me and I find it endearing when he worries about my wellbeing.
‘I think today they will put us all to work but I hope to be able to see you
for a bit before dinner. I know it’s Logan’s night anyway but tomorrow, I call dibs for Brie’s party, will you be going with me?’
I promise him to be his date and he leaves me with a kiss on my doorstep, I stand there watching his confident stride until he disappears from my view.
I enter my cabin determined to take a shower but I stop dead in my tracks when I see Austin sitting on the sofa in the lounge area.
I open my mouth to greet him but his glare stops me short of making any sound.
He has a sketch pad and I see as he lowers it, just before he snaps it shut, that he was drawing me again.
I decide to try to be a big girl and talk to him.
‘Hey...’
Ok, lame, I know but one has to start somewhere and after the way we left things 2 days ago, I need to test the waters.
‘Hi...’
Great, at this rate we’ll have a full blown conversation by 2085...
I tentatively sit down on the armchair opposite his and smile in his general direction.
‘I’m waiting for Brie. She asked me to help her do a nice make up for tomorrow night and she will show me the dress, so we can decide on something...’
‘That’s nice of you...’
He stares at me for a few moments without saying anything.
‘How... How have you been?’
Well done, Clarissa! I say to myself, way to have a general conversation with your... Ex boyfriend? Ex love interest? Whatever he was, ex friend maybe too...
‘Do you want the truth or are we chit chatting to be polite?’
He asks me without averting his gaze: he doesn’t seem to want to make it easy, I guess I deserve it.
‘I don’t know, Austin. Or no, actually I am lying to you, I do know: I care about how you feel but I don’t want to get into another huge fight. Is that honest enough for you?’
He shakes his head, eyes glowering and jaw set.
‘I see that you employ honesty when it suits you...’
Now it’s my turn to shake my head in disbelief:
‘That’s exactly the type of conversation I don’t want to have with you. I guess last time we spoke, you made it perfectly clear what you think about me, so...’
His expression softens just a bit and he reaches out, trying to take my hand.
I let him and he offers:
‘I am sorry for how I talked to you the other day, Clary. I was really shocked and upset. I am sorry for how I expressed myself though, not for what I said.’
If he were actually smirking, what he just said would be a typical Xander reaction but Xander is only a bit of a douche when he jokes, because he enjoys being a smart ass and seeing me squirm, Austin right now is dead serious.
‘Well, that’s not really an apology, so I don’t know what you expect me to say to that. But I am sorry about not coming to you sooner with the situation. I didn’t set out on purpose to deceive you, wether you can believe it or not...’
He shrugs, his fingers tormenting the edge of his sketch book.
‘One day you will have to choose anyway between those two clowns. I don’t think they’ll be able to share you, Clary...’
‘You don’t understand the situation, Austin. And the way you say “share me” makes it sound dirty, when it really isn’t. ‘
His gaze goes down to the floor, my hand still in his.
‘I’m sorry...’
This time he sounds genuine.
‘It’s ok...’
I whisper.
He then pulls on my hand, dragging me closer to him and places his lips on mine.
For a second I don’t know if I want him to kiss me, if it’s wrong to let him kiss me but Xander and Logan said he might come around to our plan, so I guess they wouldn’t be mad for this.
When I don’t move away, he increases the pressure of his lips on mine and his tongue starts prying at the seam of my lips, licking softly until I let him in.
He manoeuvres me out of my armchair and on his lap without breaking the kiss: he tastes of strawberries and pineapple and his leather and berry scent invades my senses.
I missed his kisses: he likes to be in charge of the kiss, taking you where he wants you to go.
We kiss for a while, his hands around my waist, my arms around his neck, it’s almost as if the last two days didn’t exist.
When he breaks the kiss and looks in my eyes, I’m about to say something but he silences me with a finger on my lips.
‘Am I the only one who feels it? This thing between us...’
I shake my head.
‘I have feelings for you too, Austin...’
‘Then choose me! Be my girlfriend, Clary. I can make you happy...’
I sigh.
‘I really want to be your girlfriend but I am also Xander’s and Logan’s. That’s not going to change.’
His gaze doesn’t leave me when he says:
‘Choose me, Clary, please. My heart is broken, I can’t stop thinking about you but I cannot do this thing you ask of me. It’s just me and you or nothing...’
His tone isn’t angry but very determined, his voice low and firm.
I stand up and take my hand away from his.
‘I can’t do that, Austin. I hope one day you and I can be friends. For Xander’s sake, if not for any other reason...’
He laughs bitterly.
‘We can’t be friends, princess. We never were friends in first place. It’s either we date or we can’t be anything else.’
Tears threaten to start coming out again, I don’t look at him while I walk towards my bedroom and say:
‘Then I guess you have your answer. I’m sorry.’
I sit on my bed, really upset. My lips still taste of his kiss and he’s still in the other room, I could go out there but I know I would only make things worse.
He’s made it clear that if I want him, I have to make a choice.
Tears start rolling down my cheeks when I think that I just made things worse for Xander: he says not to worry about his relationship with his cousin but Austin is so angry right now and not just with me. If he was just angry with me, I could take it.
I cry myself to sleep and wake up hours later when someone knocks softly at my door.
I sit up in bed and invite whoever it is to come in and I won’t lie but I am disappointed to see Jemma entering my bedroom.
She comes by my bed and asks if she can sit down and I reluctantly make space for her.
‘I guess Xander kept you up all night, you must be exhausted...’
I groan frustrated and cover my face with my hands: I am so not up for a conversation with her right now.
‘No, he didn’t, really, Jemma. We aren’t really doing it, if this is what you are hinting at. I’ve not done it before and I am not ready, so Xander is very patient with me, I don’t know why, when he could really have any girl he wants...’
Including her but I don’t say it and instead deliver a pointed stare to signify my discomfort with this whole topic.
‘Wow, then he must have been serious last night when we were getting the bedding... I am sorry, Clary, I might have told your boyfriend that if he wanted some no strings attached fun, I was up for it...’
I stare at her with my mouth open: I can’t believe the nerve on this girl!
‘I’m sorry, I realise now that was quite shitty of me but... In my defence I thought you were going out with Logan and you and Xander were only fooling around. And I have had a crush on Xander since I first saw him: he’s so handsome and funny... Anyway, he told me that he’s in love with you, like real love.’
I smile for the first time today: it’s not that I needed to hear Jemma say it, but it’s nice to know that Xander didn’t want to take Jemma’s offer.
‘I love him too.’
She takes my hand and I fight the urge to take it away:
‘Look, Clary, we don’t know each other that well but I have the feeling that we started on the wrong foot. I am dating Joel and he and Xander are best friends, can we try to be friends too?’
‘I...’
She looks sincere and I nod: I will give her a chance. I don’t feel quite ready yet to divulge my dating situation but if she earns my trust, I will tell her. For now, there’s just one thing I want to know.
‘Why do you care so much about appearances, Jemma? I am not trying to make you feel bad or anything but last night... We could hear you and Joel. So making him sleep on the couch was totally unnecessary.’
She sighs.
‘Now that we are friends, I don’t mind you knowing, Clary. But I don’t want to have a reputation like Lucy’s...’
I roll my eyes at the mention of one of my self proclaimed archenemies and I tell her that while I understand that, there’s a long way from sleeping with your boyfriend and not hiding it to having a tradition where you sleep with every new guy at camp.
‘I know. But Lucy wasn’t always this way. She’s one of my sister’s closest friends and believe me or not, she used to be shy...’
I can’t reconcile the Lucy I know with someone shy and I tell Jemma that much.
‘So, what happened to her?’
She shakes her head.
‘It isn’t my story to tell, Clary. But my sister had some problems too, her fiancé almost broke up with her because of rumours that she was sleeping around...’
I look at her quite puzzled:
‘But didn’t she? Sorry, I don’t know your sisters but Brie told me...’
‘Yes, she slept with Adam and she also slept with Joel’s older brother Jake. The thing that people don’t know is that she had an agreement with her fiancé that during the summers, they could explore other people and situations. They are getting married this fall and they are so young, so the reasoning behind it was that they needed to saw their wild Oates or whatever... The problem was that when word got out from Adam and it reached our parents ears and her fiancé’s...’
I am not sure I like this way of thinking and I tell her that.
‘I don’t like it either but it’s how it is in our circles. Brie knows that too... I mean, your social circle is similar, your grandad is very good friends with Angie... But maybe the west coast is less conservative?’
I wouldn’t know about that, I tell her that my parents seem to be stuck in the Middle Ages but that I personally don’t care about that kind of hypocrisy and that if I was engaged to someone who cared about what other people say, then maybe I would have to conclude that I would be marrying the wrong man.
‘Well, Clary, we all have to look out for ourselves and as your friend, I just think you ought to be careful...’
‘Yes, Jemma. Please don’t be offended because I said the same thing to Brie and it’s not directed just to you but my problem isn’t the sleeping with whoever you want is the trying to portray yourselves as these innocent damsels when...’
‘I get it. Let’s agree to disagree for friendship sake... But what I am dying to know is how is Xander in bed?’
‘Well, Xander and I haven’t done “it”, if you catch my drift. So I have limited experience but he’s so hot and he’s so tender with me. He cares about making me feel good... Can I ask you how is it with Joel? I have always been curious about him. He doesn’t open up that much...’
She sighs.
‘Joel is... He knows exactly what he’s doing in bed. If he wants you to have fun it’s amazing but often enough I think with him it’s about power and control. And then he becomes unyielding and cold. The thing is that even when he’s been willing to do something for me, it’s all about him and you responding to him how he expects. Don’t take me wrong, if I say no to something, he’s a real gentleman, he stops immediately. But with Joel is definitely fucking, every single time. It’s never love making. He’s never looked at me the way Xander looks at you. I think sometimes it doesn’t matter who he’s with... I have a boyfriend back home and see, he loves me. So I can tell the difference...’
‘But then...’
‘Why do I do it? Would you say no to Joel? And my boyfriend back home loves me, I am not sure I feel the same or I wouldn’t want to be with Joel and Xander. ‘
Her question really makes me think: up to a couple of weeks ago, I would have done anything Joel had asked of me. But now... That coldness in his eyes really scares me and I don’t think he’s a nice guy. But yes, I understand, Joel is gorgeous and he can be really charming when he wants to be. He’s just never bothered being charming with me before, I have only ever observed him flirting with other girls.
‘Well, sweetie pie, talking of Joel... I am meeting up with him for some afternoon delight, so I will see you later? Maybe we can talk about what to wear at the party tomorrow?’
I agree and realise that Logan will be here soon for our date. He said to be ready for dinner but also wear a bikini under my dress.
I shower and get ready just in time as I find him on my doorstep.
‘Hey you...’
I bat my eyelashes at him: he makes me feel so flirty with his smile and his eyes twinkling as soon as he sees me.
He’s wearing a baby blue t-shirt and kaki shorts and he looks so handsome with his hair all spiky on top of his head, he must have used some hair product to do that but I like it, it gives him a rockstar kind of vibe.
He kisses me briefly on the lips, his hands hugging my hips.
‘I missed you so much! Damn storm, I was stuck at the arcade all night and I slept all morning and then helped to clean up a bit. Where were you?’
I tell him and he gives me a little squeeze.
‘I figured you’d be with Xander because I knew you’d be at the archery range together, this is why I didn’t totally freak out, I knew he’d keep you safe. But this is our evening and I want you all to myself. I convinced Mrs Taffar to pack us a little picnic and we are going to the spa area because there’s another game of truth or dare at the pool and I didn’t think you’d want to play. So we’ll have the whole place to ourselves.’
I confirm that I am not interested in Truth or dare and ask him:
‘Is Xander...?’
‘No, babe. I just talked to him and he’s offered Joel to cover the arcade because he really wanted to avoid being caught up in the game this time. ‘
We walk to the spa which is a bit deeper in the woods, surrounded by trees and tranquility.
There’s massages facility and
sauna, a steam room, a Japanese bath area and some hot tubs, each one on a private deck.
‘I thought we could have dinner on the deck and then go in the hot tub if you want?’
We set our picnic out and Mrs Taffar has outdone herself with some home made quiches and a fresh salad and she even put a slice of strawberry and cream cake: she always remembers my favourite.
Logan and I eat and feed each other the lovely food, joking and flirting the whole time.
When dinner is over and the leftovers are put away in the basket Mrs Taffar had packed everything in, he asks me if I want to go in the hot tub.
‘Sure...’
I agree.
He presses a couple of buttons in a panel by the tub area and the cover opens up, revealing a tub with jacuzzi jets and also the deck lights get dimmed and lots of little fairy lights come on illuminating the sunset coloured sky.
He offers me his hand to help me in the tub and we sit side by side in the hot water.
I sigh, stretching my arms and legs: this is really relaxing, I definitely need it after the stress of the last couple of days.
We don’t say anything for a while and then Logan scoots closer to me and wraps one arm around my shoulders.
‘You know, this is my idea of happiness: me and you, relaxing together...’
‘Yes, it’s nice.’
‘And you are in a bikini, so you are scantily clad...’
He chuckles with a naughty light in his light blue eyes.
‘Scantily clad? You are starting to talk like me, be careful or Brie won’t let you live it down.’
He laughs and puts a finger under my chin, lifting my gaze to meet his.
‘I told you that I have been reading. You are so smart and worldly, Clary. I knew you’d get bored talking only about superhero movies and football...’
‘There’s nothing wrong with your interests, Logan.’
‘I know but you showed me that there’s more to the world than Captain America and the NFL. It’s always been one of the reasons why I like you. It’s not only your looks, I am interested in what you think, I want to talk to you about things, how I see the world, because you showed me that I want to discover new stuff, come out of my little niche, so to speak.’
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 24
