Over his shoulder, past the darky, empty cafeteria, behind the standing stack of tables and out the windows, a long flash of lightening streaks across the sky. The yellow fire frays off into hundreds of little branches, illuminating the dark clouds for a fraction of a second.
The thunder grumbles, quiet at first and then roaring and rumbling through the earth under my feet.
"You know, Thomas," I square myself trying to follow my gut instead of my heart, "I don't really know. I barely even know you. We rarely talked in school."
"You're right... and that's on me," he shakes his head with remorse, "I was always a bit intimidated by you, I guess. But, come on," he says beseeching me, drawing nearer as he steals my hand from my side.
Jake steps forward towards Thomas, tight lipped but daunting in his towering presence. I can see his irritation and, what else is that. Jealousy? Thomas ignores Jake altogether, keeping his eyes on me alone.
"You had to have known that I was, I AM, into you. Everyone knew it."
I try to process and filter this as quickly as possible but every part of me is clashing with the other. I honestly didn't know, or maybe I didn't believe that he ever really could. Lauren was always teasing me, insisting that he was into me or mentioned me in passing conversations. What would have been if I had been more confident in myself.
I'm not the same person I was before.
"But I didn't know. You never told me, anything." I squirm my hand, trying to pull it away from Thomas but he holds on to it firm and un-relinquishing.
"You're right," he replies, gently bringing our hands to his chest. "I should have told you. I should have been braver. I should have kissed you. Like this…" He pulls my hand tighter to his chest, placing his other hand on the back of my neck, and bringing his hard lips to mine.
This is wrong! My head screams at me, disturbed by my body locking me in place. This kiss is nothing like the one I used to dream of between Thomas and me.
At one point, I would have given anything for this. For Thomas to be holding my hand, holding me. I would dream of what it would be like for our lips to touch, to be playing with each other's.
Those feelings no longer have a hold over me. That was a different life, a different version of me. The new me knows that my heart and my head should be on the same page, but they can't.
"What the hell, Thomas!" my voice leaps in volume as I pull myself out of his grip. My brain is whirring, heat is radiating with fury through my cheeks.
"I'm sorry," he blunders, blood blossoming under his pale cheeks. "I figured that if I was never going to see you again, I should do whatever I can to make up for lost time. I should have told you ages ago. Then things might have been different..." he drops his head, rubbing his arm and kicking his feet. "Sorry, man," he looks up to Jake, who’s face is as hard as stone, "I shouldn't have tried to kiss your girlfriend."
"He's not my boyfriend," I snap. "But neither are you."
"Emma, I am sorry, please believe me. I –" He takes another step towards me but I step back.
"Shut up and stop talking to her now," Jake steps to my side, no longer trying to hide his aggravation. I can feel the heat emanating off him. "Ems, are you ready to go?"
"What's your problem?" Thomas' temper starts to bleed over as he steps to Jake.
"You are."
"Stop! Just stop!" I get in between them, pushing them apart. "Thomas, you have to understand how this looks to us. You being here and in the other town at the exact same time as us."
"I swear, it’s nothing more than pure coincidence. But-, I’m… I really am sorry for overstepping. I wish things were different." Thomas' lips pull down on his smile, and he's got an unfamiliar look in his eyes. I can't tell if he's been disillusioned or has a bruised ego. "I know you might not at this point, but I still hope that you'll start to trust me again and I hope we’ll see each other again soon."
"I'm sure you'll try," Jake spits out, not even trying to dilute his intolerance.
"Let's go Jake." I yank his arm to move him. "Goodbye, Thomas."
My head pounds while we push our cart out into the parking lot. I barely hear Jake telling me to load the vehicle quickly so we can get out.
I want to trust Thomas, I really do, but I don't know that I can. It's not enough to have some childhood crush anymore. I can't let anyone get in my way.
Today solidified that. I was not brave enough when we first arrived back here. I cannot expect to make it at the base if I act like that. I need to be all in from the beginning and not let anything or anyone get in my way.
This is no longer about what my mother nor I want. It's about saving as many people as possible and saving myself. After all, I cannot risk being discovered at the base. If I do, they'll hang me... like they did my brother.
Chapter 32
After weeks of back-and-forth planning, I think I’ve got a concrete plan set for how to get onto the base. I’m still working on the way-out part, but Jake and Kye both seem to approve of what I’ve come up with so far.
They asked that I stay a little longer to smooth out the rest of the details and to give them time to make the much-anticipated trip to Raleigh. Today’s the day. Early this morning they got dressed, filled the gas tank on the jeep and headed out in search of the cambelt.
Jamie and I stand in the shabby kitchen, looking out the yellow stained window, munching on our cookies, and taking in the storm clouds in the sky. The winds are whipping as October brings in a wave of cooler weather, a relief from the humidity of last week. I can see the trees rocking wildly as the gusts beat against the house. The sweet and sour scents of the trees enter through the open windows, bringing a calming peace to my brain.
As I watch the storm outside and think of Jake and Kye, my stomach turns to stones. They’ve been gone for six hours now and I’ve got this dreadful feeling that this weather is part of a bigger storm system coming our way. My brain rambles out small prayers for them, hoping that they come home soon.
The last Oreo cookie breaks and crumbles at the bottom into a small powder of dust in my open hand. We've eaten our way through the last quarter of the bag, reveling in every delicious bite of soft cream. Jamie hops off the counter, dusting her lap off and patting her belly like Santa Claus after eating the plate of cookies. I laugh lightly at her, thinking of how much I'll miss her when I leave.
"So," she inquires, wiggling her eyebrows at me with anticipation. Her blue eyes glowing brightly against her warm complexion. "What is your game plan once you get on the base? What do you want to do?”
"Umm, I..." I shuffle a bit uncomfortably, unsure if I am willing to show my unfinished, severely lacking, plans to anyone.
"Oh, come on. We've got some time to kill, might as well try to see if it will work or if it needs a little help." Her blonde hair flows beautifully in her quick turn away from the kitchen. She grabs my hand and pulls me around the counter, down the hall, and into my room.
"Okay, okay," I grumble, pulling the dresser drawer open and grabbing out my papers and notes. "Please, be easy on me..."
Jamie puts her hands up, as if saying "not me" and laughs as we plop onto the bed.
"Honestly, most of this is just my notes about the base and some of the systems Jake and Kye have told me about. I've probably got more written about how to get off the base than getting onto it... Though taking notes about it and actually doing it are two completely different things." When Jamie stares at me, I continue with what I have. "But while I’m there, I mean, obviously, I'll have to make myself useful. I need to be able to start small and work my way up so I can talk to as many people as I can.
“The only way we’re going to make a change is to come together. I don't want this to end in a fight, but if it comes to it, I am going to do whatever I have to do. I want to help rally those who don't know what's really going on or even those who do but feel powerless to stop it. We're going to have to work up the courage to come together and stop this. Then maybe after a month or so of doing
basic work, I'll let someone overhear me talking about my chemistry skills and, hopefully, I'll be asked to come to the labs. Eventually, I'm going to learn how to make the cure, so we never have to fear losing each other again."
"Okay, okay," Jamie cuts in, taking my paper out of my hand, "but how will you know who you can trust and who to talk to about all of this? It will be dangerous. If you talk to the wrong person... you're dead."
"I know." I place my hand on my locket lying on the dresser. My body feels drawn to it. I swirl it around with my fingers, nervously, hoping to feel even a little bit of the comfort it once brought me. "I'll have to figure that out when I get to it. I do know from both Jake and Kye's story and my dad's e-mails that not everyone is happy with the officials running the show right now. I know there are some people who will be more willing to listen than others. Those are the people I want.
“I have to build a connection with them, help them to be angrier about what is going on, about the senseless killing of people brought on by lies and a selfish agenda. I can ignite a flame in them, I know it. Especially," I lock eyes with her, "if they know that there are others out there who want to take the government down as much as they do." I look earnestly into Jamie's eyes, trying to see if she understands what I am asking of her, of all of them.
"Emma, we are only three people, you think that will be enough to convince them? There are hundreds of people on that base alone. We won't be enough– Oh..." she whispers in a hushed tone, dropping her eyes to the floor. I can see a million different thoughts churning through her mind as her eyebrows furrow and her forehead crinkles together with thought. "You want us to find more people."
"Yes. There must be more out there. We can't be the last to survive. Thomas mentioned never knowing who you will run into out here, I'm guessing he has met other survivors before."
"Thomas could be one of them, Emma."
"I know, I know. He very well could be. I hope he's not, though. And it doesn't take away from the fact that there are people out there. Why would they be flying helicopters with infrared cameras through places unless they were looking for people. You have to get to them first."
She nods her head thoughtfully, taking in the plea in my eyes.
"Okay. We find more–" Jamie stops mid-sentence, setting my paper back onto the dresser and cocking her head to listen.
I hear it too. It sounds like yelling. I run out of the room with Jamie on my heels. Jake and Kye's voices are getting closer and more frantic in tone. The trailer door bursts open right as we come to it.
"They're here! We've got to hide." Kye scuffles past me into the kitchen, grabbing Jamie's hand as he drags her near him.
"Jake, what's going on? I implore as Kye begins grabbing fresh food and throwing it in a trash bag.
"Thomas." He spits angrily. I see hatred burning through his eyes as he looks at me like I'm some naïve child. "He was lying to you like I said."
I stare blankly at Jake. Unsure how to process what he's saying. Thomas lied to me. My chest heaves heavily still not fully understanding.
"We saw military vehicles up the road. We parked the jeep a bit away and sneaked as close as we could to hear what they were saying. There's a group of about twenty soldiers out there. They were saying that there were people in our woods, and they are working their way through to capture everyone they can. We've got to make it look as desolate as possible and get to the bunker. We need to get moving!" Kye tells Jamie and I, still rushing to grab what he can.
Jamie's eyes grow double in size, but she tucks away her fear and jumps into helping Kye as fast as possible.
"What does Thomas have to do–"
"He's the one leading them, Emma." Jake pushes past me, picking up the guitar. "He said he knew there were people here because he followed them. He gave the orders to arrest us all, but to make sure not to harm you. Specifically, you."
Hurt freezes my body in place as I try to reconcile all of my feelings. Why is Thomas doing this? How? And Jake... He blames me. I'm getting in the way of his family's safety.
"Come on, Emma. Move!" Kye pulls me out of a trance.
My brain snaps together, allowing me to jump into action. I run outside to the generator, turning it off and placing all of the gas cans in the wagon to move to the bunker.
The moist smell of rain in the air mingles with the earthy dirt and tree needles, energizing my body as I navigate the gas down the hard steep thin stepped stairs. Once finished, I rush the wagon to the other side of the woods and turn it upside down.
The garden! I think, even if they can't find us, they'll stay around if they see the garden, knowing that someone was using it. I dive into the forest, running with as much speed as I can to the river's edge. Fallen leaves crunch under me with each strike of my feet falling to the ground. It reverberates and echoes off of every tree, giving me away as I stumble into the garden.
With the season changing, most of the spring and summer crops have stopped producing already, but the brussels sprouts, spinach and kale were freshly planted a few weeks ago. I rip up the small wire fence around the garden, tossing it over the edge of the hill.
Kneeling into the dirt, I wrap my hands around the smooth stocks of tomatoes. Their coolness lingers on the surface of my hand for a brief moment before I yank them out of the ground. The soil lifts, sprinkling the air with a wet powder. Tiny roots hang down off the stock in my hand, naked without the earth's feed covering it. I launch it into the air and watch it fly a foot or two over the edge of the hill.
With each plant I pull up, a part of me aches with malice for the people causing me to destroy all of our arduous work. The sprouts are last. Barely peeping up over the top of the soil. I reach my hand to dig it up, but I feel an invisible tug on my hand that keeps me from hoisting it out, destroying its chances of providing food.
It stays. I think to myself, determined to give it a fighting chance. Instead, I shift to my feet, reaching for the garden hoe at the base of a nearby tree. I need to make the garden look as abandoned as possible.
My feet pound and kick into the upturned soil, trampling all but the few sprouts of brussels. Finally, I cleave the garden hoe into my mess, creating one final look of chaos.
Standing back to admire my work, it looks as if animals have trampled over a long-abandoned settlement. The sprouts are barely noticeable, and most wouldn't even know what it was until it grows more.
It's time to go. I've used enough precious time on this. As I race back to our clearing, I chuck the garden hoe at random into the woods, barely taking note of the rugged rock on the edge of the path where I threw it.
Reaching the clearing, Jake and Kye are standing at the side of the overgrowth that the bunker is hid beneath, searching for me.
"What the hell?" Kye hisses at me as I take the last few steps to them.
"I was taking care of the garden. I thought that if they saw it while they're combing through the forest, they'd know we were here. They would have waited for us to come back."
"Smart thinking, Emma. Thank you." Jake responds. His expression has softened towards me since our last conversation, and I can see that he is trying to make amends for how he spoke to me before. "Come on, climb in."
Kye climbs down first, and I climb in behind him, taking each stair in stride.
"Oh, thank God!" Jamie exclaims once I reach the bottom rung. She pulls me into a hug before I even step onto the cold concrete ground. Jake crowds in behind me, pushing me further into the bunker. I look around and see that they've managed to bring in three bags of items from the trailer along with the bucket from the well, part of the brown frayed rope still wrapped around the handle, and the target training material.
My stomach sinks as I take everything in, coming to a horrible realization. I launch myself back to the stair, throwing myself against the unyielding steel steps while, scrambling to climb up as fast as possible.
"Wait, Emma!"
"Stop, where are you going?"
"Whoa! What a
re you doing?" Jake asks incredulously. He grabs my arm, holding me in place, melting my eyes with a bewildered expression.
"They can't find it!" I shout, looking at them each in turn. "I left it on the dresser. My stupid plans, all of my notes. Everything you or my dad or anyone has ever told me about the base."
"Shit."
"And beneath that; my necklace." I reach for my neck instinctively, knowing it isn't there. "If Thomas sees it, he'll know it’s mine. He'll put it all together. We'll be dead, my dad will be dead."
"She's got to get it. Let her go." Jamie whispers, shaking her head.
I try to climb to the next step, but Jake won't let go. He's still holding on tightly, looking past me.
"Jake, please, let go of me!"
He too starts shaking his head, his free hand moves to his temple as he thinks, the same way he's done a hundred times before.
"I can't." He looks up with a hard expression in his eyes. His jaw is clenched in a grimace. Still, he won't look at me. Instead, he turns to Kye, giving him a meaningful glance.
"Kye." His voice commands, giving some type of order.
Then I get it; what that glance was. Kye's arms wrap around my waist pulling me back into his chest in one easy lift.
"No!" I rasp, clutching the banister in desperation.
Jake's hands wrap around both of mine, "Let go, Emma."
My fingers break away against my will. I kick at Kye, twisting in his arms as Jake climbs up the steps himself. "Please, stop!" I cry out, waves of emotion crashing into me.
He doesn't. He keeps going, disappearing through the bunker door, and closing it as I sob in defeat. Kye finally lets go of me but stands guard in front of the stairs, denying me the chance to go after Jake. Jamie is at my side, placing her arms around my shoulders, looking frustrated herself.
"Seriously, Kye?" she hisses at him.
"Sorry, but an order is an order. If it were reverse, he'd do the same for me. "
He shrugs his wide shoulders in response, being the ever-protective watch-dog, he is.
A Whisper in the Flame (The Ragers Series Book 1) Page 23
