“No, and trust me, you’ll thank me for this.”
“You might have a point,” Paige conceded. Tiffany waited patiently and Paige finally caved. “I told you a while back that I lost my baby, but I didn’t tell you the entire story. The thing is…” She stared down at her wine. “They had to take my uterus.”
Tiffany set her glass of wine down and wrapped an arm around Paige’s shoulders. “Oh, Paige, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Paige nodded but said nothing, not sure she would be able to talk without crying. “Does Justin know?” Tiffany asked.
With a defeated sigh, Paige set her glass of wine down and rubbed her forehead, where a headache brewed. Might as well spill her guts, get it all out in the open. Lord knows, she hadn’t managed to figure things out on her own. Talking with Tiffany might make her feel better, and she was more than ready to feel better. “Yeah. I told him on our trip. He wants his own children. I always knew that, which is why I put off telling him.” She fought to keep her voice level. “He backed off so he could work through this.”
“And to think I liked the man.” Tiffany took a huge drink of wine. “Want me to hurt him?”
Paige fought back tears. “I thought I’d finally found a terrific guy. I mean, he is terrific, but…”
“But not terrific enough if he’s going to let this stop him,” Tiffany proclaimed. “I’d like to punch him. If I were a guy, that’s what I’d do. Punch him.”
Paige gave her friend a weak smile. “It’s weird. The last time we saw each other—after he had taken days to think things through—he suggested we adopt or go the surrogacy route. I was shocked. All this time he’s been adamant that when he got ready to have a family he wanted to fill the house with a bunch of little Colemans.”
“It’s a man thing, but he gets points for the adoption or surrogacy idea.”
Paige twirled her mostly empty glass of wine and watched the clear liquid swirl around, mirroring her own turmoil. “He should get points. I, on the other hand, don’t get a single point. I totally balked at the idea.”
“Why?” Tiffany asked softly.
As tired as she was, Paige was actually glad she finally had the opportunity to admit she’d confused even herself by not jumping at Justin’s idea. “I wish I could answer that, Tiffany. Justin must think I’m a bit crazy. I certainly wouldn’t blame him. In fact, I’ve wondered the same thing myself.”
“Have you talked with him since?”
“I’ve thought about calling him,” she admitted. “But what’s left to say? I’m still sitting on the fence. Stuck on the fence is more like it.” She finished her wine. “I think some more happy juice might help give me courage to make that call,” she said. “How many bottles do you have?”
“Enough. You can have as much as you want, as long as you don’t drive home.”
With that said, Tiffany refilled their glasses and was about to take a sip when Paige grabbed her arm. “You can’t drink any more. You’re on call tonight.”
Tiffany pulled her arm free. “Dr. Getsburg is taking my calls this evening. We switched, because his son has a performance in a school play tomorrow night.” She nudged Paige. “Now quit trying to change the subject.”
“It was worth a shot,” Paige grumbled. She dipped a finger in her wine and licked it off. “What if I’m not a good mother?” she asked before she could stop herself.
“Are you nuts? You’d be a wonderful mother. Where in the world did that question come from?”
“I wish I knew. I went years thinking I was the reason my dad left. That I did something bad and ran him off. Then I read his letters. Intellectually, I get he didn’t leave because of me. Still…” Her voice trailed off.
“Listen to me, Paige. You’ve got to let that ridiculous notion go. You were the child. He was the adult. You were innocent. He was at fault. And you, my dear friend, would be a fabulous mother.”
Paige swallowed past the knot in her throat. “You really believe that?”
“Absolutely. Matter of fact, let me show you something.” She stood and grabbed her briefcase off a nearby chair and opened it, then pulled out a file. “This is merely a suggestion, so don’t feel any pressure, but I have a young teenager who is giving her baby up for adoption.”
Shaking her head, Paige held up a hand, not wanting to hear another word.
“Just hear me out. No harm in that, is there?”
Paige took another sip of wine, thankful for the mellow feeling that had finally begun to float through her. “I’m listening.”
“The mother is a seventeen-year-old girl who is enrolled in college for the fall and has made the difficult decision to give her baby up for adoption. Her mom says no way she can raise a baby, and the baby’s father was a one-night stand. He’s in college on a basketball scholarship. Plans on being a pharmacist and says he’s absolutely not doing the daddy thing now.”
“So why are you telling me this?”
Tiffany narrowed her gaze on her. “Put that drink down and pay attention.” She took a couple of pics from the file. “The mom,” she said laying a picture down on the counter. “And the sperm donor.” She slapped down another picture.
Paige picked up the picture of the girl. “She’s beautiful.” She glanced at the man’s picture. “So is he. Bet he knows it, too.”
Tiffany nodded her agreement. “This girl—her name is Jocelyn by the way—is a straight A student who wants to go into nursing.”
“That would be pretty rough with a baby and no father,” Paige said, feeling horrible for the teenager.
“To put it mildly, and Jocelyn knows this.” Tiffany touched Paige’s arm. “She wants her baby to have a good, loving home.”
“Of course, she does,” Paige said, her heart squeezing.
“Quit pretending you don’t know what I’m hinting at,” Tiffany said.
Paige wanted to cover her ears and run out of here as fast as she could, but instead she got herself under control before opening her mouth. “I don’t think I’m the person who should adopt this baby. Or any baby, as I’ve already said.”
“Oh hush. You would be perfect. That’s why I’m telling you now. So you’ll know about this baby before Jocelyn officially puts her up for adoption.”
Paige swallowed hard, knowing she should flat-out refuse, but not able to make herself say the words. “When is she due?”
“Six weeks. As an adoptive mother, you would have paid maternity leave and, as you know, the hospital has an employee nursery. In fact, I bet you could even start out as a foster parent if you’d rather.”
Paige picked up the young mother’s picture and stared at it. “Poor girl. I feel awful for her.”
“Yeah, it’s tough. If you’d ever met her mother, you’d realize just how tough.”
Paige knew exactly what it was like to have a lousy parent—a lousy parent who left you damaged far more than you’d ever realized. She set the picture down. “Not that it matters, but is the baby a boy or a girl?”
Tiffany picked up her file. “Girl. I have her seven-month ultrasound pic. Want to see it, or am I rushing you?”
“You’re rushing me,” Paige said even though a part of her wanted to rip the folder out of Tiffany’s hands. “Actually, you’re torturing me,” she admitted, suddenly feeling weepy.
Tiffany grinned just as the timer on the oven went off. Standing, she stood and pulled out the soufflé and set it on a hot pad.
Paige took advantage and opened the folder, pulling out the ultrasound pic. “Oh,” she whispered. “She looks like her mother.” She set the picture down with shaky hands and stared at it, imagining herself holding this baby and falling crazy in love with her. “I’m so scared I’ll fail at being a good mother,” she managed to get out.
“Don’t even think that, let alone say it. Seriously, Paige, you can’t truly believe that.”
Paige continued to stare at the baby’s ultrasound. This infant deserved a wonderful, whole mother, who wasn’t riddled with doubt. “
What if the mother doesn’t like me and doesn’t want me to adopt her baby?”
On a sigh, Tiffany took down two plates, then got a knife and a couple of forks. “Don’t be ridiculous. No way that’s going to happen.”
“But I’m single,” Paige stated. And wounded. Far more wounded than she’d ever realized until tonight. No, that wasn’t true. On some level, she’d realized it the night Justin suggested surrogacy. And she’d shoved it out of her mind by blaming Justin for everything.
Tiffany laid a hand on her arm. “I can practically see all your negative energy churning. Stop it.” She handed Paige her dinner and a fork. “You love children. Plus, you’re educated and you know a lot about babies. In addition, I know without a doubt you could provide this infant a solid and safe home with an abundance of love.”
Could she? Paige wondered. She dropped her head into her hands. “I can’t even think right now. I’m stunned. I’m thrilled. I’m scared to death,” she ended on a gasp. She also didn’t feel worthy of this, but she was smart enough to keep that to herself.
“Let’s eat and then go sit in the living room and try and chill,” Tiffany suggested. “Please don’t feel like there is any pressure. There’s not. I thought of you, because I know how much you’d love to have a baby. And don’t deny it,” she added, pointing her finger at Paige.
“I don’t think I can eat.” Paige picked up a fork and took a tiny bite. “Okay, maybe I can choke some of this down.”
“Atta girl. Sip your wine, too. Your nerves are bouncing all over the place and making me dizzy.”
Paige took a few deep breaths and tried to calm herself, wishing she could be as sure as Tiffany about her mothering skills. “Do you want children, Tiffany?”
“If I ever find a guy who’s worth committing to. If not, I might think about adopting a child from another country. Did you know I can speak Spanish fluently?”
“Seriously? Can you cuss in Spanish, too?”
“Damn straight I can. Want me to teach you?”
Paige laughed, the first real laugh she’d had since she and Justin had broken up. “Besides being petrified, I also feel a little excited about this, Tiffany, but I need time to think about it. If I decide I’d like to pursue an adoption, I want to meet the mother, so I can visit with her and feel her out. I can’t get my hopes up and then crash if she changes her mind.” She squeezed her eyes shut, willing her feeling of hope to go away. “We both know that once she sees her baby, she’ll fall in love.”
“Of course she will, but I believe this young lady will do what’s best for her baby as well as herself. You think it over. Once you give me the go-ahead, I’ll set the meeting up.”
Paige pressed a hand over her hammering heart. “I can’t believe I’m even considering this. My heart is racing like I’ve run a marathon.”
Tiffany patted her shoulder and nodded at their food. “Eat up. I have a feeling you’re going to need your strength.”
Paige took a bite of food, then another, thinking while she chewed. “I can’t believe I’m even entertaining this idea, but let’s play ‘what if’ for a minute. What would I do when I’m called in to deliver a baby in the middle of the night?”
“Your mom?”
Paige shook her head. “She has a full-time job and she can’t quit.”
“Okay, mark that off the list. I’ll help you research options. We’ll find something.”
Paige took a sip of wine, her mind whirling with ideas in spite of her fear. “I could probably find a few nursing or medical students, who would watch the baby for extra money. They already know how to get by on little to no sleep. They would have to come to my house, though.”
Tiffany held up her half-empty glass of wine. “Here’s to new beginnings.”
Paige couldn’t help but smile as she clicked her glass with Tiffany’s. “To new beginnings,” she repeated. Deep down, she already knew she wanted this baby. Now she had to convince herself she could be a terrific mother for this little girl. Excitement and happiness danced through her, and the sadness she’d been fighting these last few weeks suddenly took a back burner, as sheer joy at the thought of becoming a mother washed through her.
Shaking her head, she pointed a finger at Tiffany. “Don’t let me jump into this without a lot of thought, girlfriend. I need to calm down. Think instead of just feel.”
“Honey, I know you well enough to know you’ve been thinking about adopting as a single mother ever since you lost your baby and knew you could never get pregnant. Think all you want, Paige, but I suggest you go with your heart on this one.”
Chapter Thirteen
Justin greeted his dad and Dottie when they entered the restaurant, and instantly felt guilty that he’d neglected his family this last month or so. He’d gone through the days in a haze of disbelief and grief, and even though it had been weeks since he’d last seen Paige, he still felt like hell.
Why hadn’t the woman jumped at the opportunity to adopt or go the surrogacy route? It had blown him away when she’d dismissed the idea he’d deemed as perfect. Maybe if he’d brought it up a lot sooner, she would have been more receptive. Or maybe not. He needed to put this behind him and move on, but so far he hadn’t had much luck with that.
Damn, he was tired of feeling like hell, but try as he might, he hadn’t been able to pull himself out of his funk.
“What brings you two here tonight?” he asked his dad and Dottie, handing them each a menu.
“You,” they said in unison.
“I’m not very good company these days.”
“So we’ve noticed,” his dad said. “Can you sit with us?”
“Maybe for a minute or two.” Justin pulled out a chair and sat.
“Want to talk about it?” his dad offered.
Justin shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about his and Paige’s breakup. No wonder he’d kept his relationships casual all these years. Endings were a bitch. Then again, none of his other endings had been like this. He should have heeded Paige’s need to stay casual and not let himself get involved.
Instead, he’d fallen head over heels in love with the woman—a woman hiding a pretty damn big secret. “She shouldn’t have kept it from me that she couldn’t have children,” he found himself saying. “She knew how important family was to me.”
“Would you have broken it off?” Dottie asked.
“I wouldn’t have let myself get so involved, that’s for sure.”
His dad arched a brow at him, and he braced for the lecture. “So, you would have continued to see her but not allowed yourself to love her?” his dad asked.
“This is a trap. Right?”
A smile peeked out from Dottie’s lips, but his father’s expression remained solemn.
“I should never have gone out with her,” Justin muttered. “She warned me she only wanted casual, but I went full-speed ahead anyway.”
One of his waitresses came and set a frosty glass of cold beer in front of him. Justin gave her the thumbs up, then lifted the cold glass and took several big swallows.
“What can I get for you two?” the waitress asked, turning toward his dad and Dottie with a smile.
They both ordered a drink and then returned their attention to Justin. He took another big swig of beer, the cold drink giving him brain freeze, and he winced.
“When the right woman comes along, it’s impossible not to get involved,” his dad said as if the conversation had never been interrupted. He draped an arm around Dottie’s shoulders and caressed her shoulder.
Justin shrugged, ready to end this little pep talk. He was surprised when Dottie covered his hand with hers. “Give her some time. She may come around. I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”
“Not any more, she doesn’t.” Justin scooted back from the table. “I’d best get back to work. Dinner’s on me tonight.” Before they could respond, he headed to the bar, more than ready to quit talking about Paige. She’d made it clear she was done with
him by never calling, and dammit, he was done too. It was time for him to quit stewing about Paige Dillingham and get on with his life.
* * *
“You won’t regret this.” Tiffany nudged Paige’s side as they walked down the shiny tiled hall of the maternity ward to see Jocelyn and her baby, who had come almost a month early.
Tiffany stopped outside a hospital room. “The baby has been in an incubator for a few days to help her breathe, but Jocelyn now has the baby with her, so I’m pretty sure she’s in there. That okay with you?” Paige nodded, her entire body awash with nerves. “I’m telling you,” Tiffany went on. “She’s beautiful and you’ll fall in love.”
That’s exactly what Paige feared the most—that she would love this newborn the instant she saw her, and her ability to make a sound decision would fly out the window. She should never have let Tiffany talk her into this.
“You ready?”
Paige’s heart pounded so hard that her blood roared through her veins, making her almost lightheaded. “I’m not sure I can do this,” she whispered.
“Fine. Don’t come in. That will give me more time to hold this little angel.”
Paige shot her friend what she hoped was a hostile look. “You never fight fair.”
Tiffany grinned, and Paige pressed a hand against her tight chest and pulled in several deep breaths. “I’m ready,” she lied through her clenched teeth.
Grinning, Tiffany opened the door and led the way into the room. “Hi, Jocelyn. How you feeling today?”
“I’m okay, Dr. Warren.” She smiled down at her four-day old infant, then glanced back up, her sad gaze landing on Paige. “Have you ever seen a prettier baby?” she asked, tears in her eyes.
Paige smiled at the girl, her heart aching for the young mother. She shifted her gaze to the baby and her heart melted. “She looks like you, and, yes, she is beautiful.” She took a few steps closer, watching the sleeping infant snuggled in her mother’s arms.
Jocelyn stared at her baby, tears filling her sad, dark eyes. “I didn’t know I could feel this way,” she said, pulling her daughter closer, and Paige’s heart fell. Jocelyn would not be able to give her baby up. “But I can’t give her a good home,” Jocelyn added, wiping away a tear. “I have no way to take care of her and go to college.”
Since I Found You (Crystal Springs Romances: The Wedding Chapel Book 2) Page 18
