by Calista Skye
There was a loud snort from one of the aliens, a woman. She had her arms crossed over her chest and a haughty manner, and her whole bearing signaled disdain and contempt.
The admiral offered Jen a very comfortable-looking chair, and she sat down.
“Now, we must ask you some questions. Please answer them as truthfully as possible. You are not in trouble at all. Yet,” he added quickly.
Jen didn't know what to think. There were at least fifty gold-skinned aliens in the room, and the room wasn't too large.
She took a deep breath. “Okay. It's about the shuttle, right? I have no idea what went wrong there. I guess I maybe stepped too heavily on the floor? Or did I sit too hard on the seat? See, the seats were a little too narrow for my... umm... ass.” She pointed to her butt to indicate which part of her she meant. She had no idea if the Derigaz knew anything about human anatomy.
“No, no, it's not about the shuttle,” the admiral assured her. “That had nothing to do with you. We just had to make sure you didn't leave. Now, forgetting the shuttle, let's get to the important parts right away: Are you married?”
“No.”
“Engaged to be married?”
“No.”
“Are you in any sort of committed relationship?”
Deep sigh. It had been a while. “...No.”
“Are you a virgin?”
“What?! What kind of question is that, you old perv! You can't ask me that!”
“I'm sorry,” the admiral persisted, “but we simply must know the truth about that. I do not intend to violate your privacy. There is no shame in this, I assure you. No offense will be taken by anyone here. But we must know.”
Jen looked around at the aliens. They all seemed much too interested in her sex life. “Well, the answer is no.”
There was another snort from the alien woman, this one with a hint of triumph in it.
“You are not a virgin, Miss Sullivan? Even though you are not married?” the admiral queried.
“That's right. So what? That doesn't mean I'm a slut, you know. It's very common on our planet to not be virgins and still not be married. Are we about done with the scandalously personal questions now? You should know that I'm not a member of the diplomatic corps anymore, so I'll have no compunction about kicking your ass if you keep insulting me.” Jen arranged her face in a way that she hoped was fierce, scowling at the alien, who was at least ten inches taller than her, built like a pro wrestler and had a very deadly looking saber hanging from his belt.
“No insult was intended, Miss Sullivan, and I apologize if I inadvertently injured your no doubt well deserved pride. But I simply had to know,” the admiral said. “Now, tell me, what is your opinion of the prince?”
“The prince? I don't know if he's a virgin! I've hardly spoken two words with the guy! Why don't you ask him?!”
“Ha ha,” the admiral laughed nervously, “His Highness most definitely is very... pure. But that was not what I meant. I meant, how do you feel about him? Does he strike you as... as a good man, an attractive male?”
Jen scratched her head. “Well, I don't know about good. But I liked his speech. Like, it was very emotional and he talked about love a lot. So sure, I guess he's good from what I've seen. Attractive? Hell yes.”
“Yes? In which way?” inquired the admiral, very eagerly.
“Oh, in every way. Where do I even begin? He has, like, eyes that I could just drown in, hair I could lose a hand in for a good hour and when it comes out it will be covered in gold dust, a body that seems to be all steel hard muscle, a skin that just begs to be stroked and caressed, a mouth that just insists on being kissed, a smirk that can stop my heart from six miles away and a personality that I just know will be a perfect match for me. And of course he will be a passionate lover and the perfect father to the kids he and I will have. Are those ways good enough for you?”
The room was very quiet as all the aliens stared at her. The haughty woman's eyes were shooting lightning and her skin had changed from gold to more of a silver-like hue.
“What?” Jen said when she thought that they had all stared for long enough.
“Apologies, young lady,” one of the aliens said, one that looked older than the others. “You may just have solved a medical issue we were discussing before you arrived.”
The woman snorted once more, this time very loudly, and then she said something in an alien language that sounded very angry.
There was a short and heated discussion until the admiral gave a sharp command and everyone calmed down.
“Now, young lady. You have already been very helpful. But let's take a flight of fancy, let's allow our imagination to carry us away to a land of pretend and make-believe. Let's say, just as an example that has nothing to do with anything that's happening here or may have happened during the meeting or immediately after, that the opportunity opened for you to become, ohh let's say, a princess. A Derigaz princess, to be precise. In other words, let's say that the prince would – and I'm not for a moment saying that he will, the very idea is laughable, ha ha, so very absurd – ask you to marry him. Is that something you would consider at all?”
Again everyone was staring at her, and the room was very, very quiet. Jen realized that this was not a flight of fancy at all. This was deadly serious.
“Hm. Well. Now. When you say marry... Is that some sort of alien code for something? Like, does it mean becoming his maid or his pet or a zoo exhibit or something? Because on Earth, it means, like, becoming one and being together for the rest of our lives as husband and wife and so on. Is that the same in your culture, which I'm sure is very nice and rich and all, except for maybe that marriage thing?”
“Yes,” the admiral said, “we have researched typical marriages on your planet, and they are much the same as for us. Except that we bond for life and never leave our spouse ever. Nor do we cheat. And we can only have children with our chosen one.”
Jen raised her eyebrows in sincere approval. “Okay, sounds nice.”
“And what would your answer be, now that you know that?”
Again everyone was staring at Jen. “I guess I'd have to talk to him more, you know, get to know him, see what's he's really like, talk about life and stuff like that or possibly just go to his quarters right now and get married and then proceed to make sweet love and spend the next week in a passionate embrace with that golden god of a hunk and bear him many, many children that we will raise together as only we can, because he'll be the most wonderful dad.”
Huh. That was a surprisingly passionate thing to say about someone she didn't really know, Jen thought. But it felt so true! Now that the alien had mentioned it, the prince and she were obviously meant to be woman and husband. It was so obvious! She felt it very strongly, and the missing part of her heart and mind did clearly have something to do with the prince.
“Ah. Very well. Thank you for now. Could you please wait outside while we discuss some... other things? We will not be discussing you, of course. Not at all. No no, it's an entirely unrelated topic. Colonel Dec'Hor will escort you.”
The alien officer who'd gotten her from the shuttle gestured for Jen to follow him, and he held the door open so she could leave the room.
10
The door closed and all hell broke loose among the alien officials as they all had to give a voice to their inner turmoil in a chaos of opinions.
“She's obviously not the prince's Hon'eekoh,” Dr. Mon'Toc screamed, releasing a hail of disagreement.
“She obviously is!” one doctor said.
“She seems to be. But we must investigate further!” said another official.
“She has a remarkably royal shape. Very... um... round,” someone said, and there was a wave of agreement.
“Her skin is unusually pale. She may be anemic.”
“No, no, many of them are like that. And some are not as pale. But none of them look like us, exactly.”
“Do they even have blood? They're very alien to me.”
/>
“Yes, yes. Well, no. Not like we have. Their blood is... How shall I put it... red.”
There were many loud gasps in the room.
“Red?!”
“Not black?”
“Not blue?”
“Not mysteriously striped?”
“Not transparent with kind of a milky sheen?”
“Red. Very red. As is my understanding. I have of course never seen this alien blood in any great volume myself. But when we bring in the alien again, notice its eyes! Look very closely at them. You will see little red veins. That's the color of its blood!”
There were more gasps and the chaos increased further until the admiral had to raise his voice.
“Gentlemen, ladies! Settle down! We have to make some decisions here. First: Is she the prince's Hon'eekoh? Second: If yes, when shall they be wed? It must obviously happen very soon. Already the prince's condition is deteriorating noticeably, because his Madness of Love is not finding satisfaction and consummation in the arms of his One. Chief Royal Physician, what's your opinion?”
“Let me answer the second question first,” Dr. A'Atk said. “If possible, he must be wedded today, within twelve hours. We all agree that he suffers from the Madness of Love. It's very powerful in him, as we would expect. It may kill him within less than a day from now if the marriage isn't consummated by then.”
“Very well,” the admiral said. “We know that he has the Madness, and we know that his Hon'eekoh is somewhere on this spaceship. But I understand there's some disagreement about exactly who this Hon'eekoh is?”
“No, not really-” Dr. A'Atk began.
“Yes!” Dr. Mon'Toc yelled, her face now almost pure silver in excitement and frustration. “It's a complete forgery to say that this pale and, quite frankly, fat alien is the Hon'eekoh of any member of the royal house, much less the Prince Regent! It's obvious to everyone who knows anything about medicine that it has to be a Derigaz female. And we know precisely who that female is.”
“Yes, yes,” the admiral sighed. “We know you really want it to be your daughter. And I suppose there's an extraordinarily slim chance it might be her.”
There were mutterings of “no, no” and “out of the question”. Everyone in the room shook their heads vigorously, except Dr. Mon'Toc, who stood by herself with a straight back and a face that was more silvery than ever.
The admiral knew that it was important to do everything right, to prove her wrong once and for all, so that everyone could get on with carrying out the royal wedding which had to take place, one way or the other. Dr. Mon'Toc was not of noble blood, but she had a great deal of influence at the Imperial Court, especially with the First Minister, who wielded almost as much power as Prince Tar'Shoc while the old emperor was ill. It would be dangerous to cross her.
And, he realized, she did have a point. An alien Hon'eekoh was not politically desirable. The Derigaz didn't mind conquering and ruling alien species, but having an alien as a future Empress would undoubtedly create problems. Major problems.
“We will have to determine who is the prince's true Hon'eekoh,” he sighed. “I don't recall ever having heard of that being necessary. Is there a procedure for that, Dr. A'Atk?”
“No. There is not. I checked just now, only ten minutes ago, just to be absolutely sure. Nowhere in medical literature is there ever mentioned a test for this. There has never been any need for one. There is never any doubt, the symptoms are indisputable. The male goes Mad immediately, while the female simply will not consider any other partner than her Hon'eekoh and soon can think of nothing else. We all know this.”
“Are you telling me that we have to come up with a test?” the admiral said, incredulous. “In just a few hours?”
“Well, my opinion as a medical professional is that no test is necessary and that the alien female obviously is the prince's Hon'eekoh and, for what it's worth, that the prince is hers. If we could get certain parties,” the doctor glanced at Dr Mon'Toc, “to desist with their dangerous and non-professional nonsense, no test would be required. But if this is impossible, then yes, we have to design a test.”
“And knowing this, Dr. Mon'Toc,” the admiral said, using his darkest, most threatening tone, “do you retract your plainly wrong and dangerous opinion that your daughter is the prince's Hon'eekoh?”
“I certainly don't!” Her voice was shriller than ever. “If anything, the repulsive behavior of the alien you've dragged in here and desecrated these royal quarters with is proof enough that she's clearly not the prince's Hon'eekoh and that it's close to treason to claim any such thing!”
The admiral furrowed his brow. “I have never been accused of treason before, Dr. Mon'Toc. Perhaps you'd like to moderate your statement? I mean, before I draw my saber and slice your head clean off right here?”
Dr. Mon'Toc's face was now so silvery that she mirrored everything around her perfectly. “No, no! Of course I didn't refer to you, Admiral, but to certain individuals who have brought this entire farce to your presence.”
The admiral let her words hang in the air for three heartbeats while he stared her down. Then he chose to let it go. “Now then. The test. We have no time to lose. We must all work together to find a way to prove who the prince's true love is.”
Again the room erupted in passionate exclamations and opinions.
“That will not be necessary,” Dr. Mon'Toc yelled over the din. “I have thought out a way. It can't fail!”
11
“Have you been sleeping, Your Highness?” Dr. A'Atk sat down by the prince's bed.
“No,” the prince sighed. “I can get no rest. I feel that my mind is in disorder. It's taken up by a huge... ball... of something wonderful.”
“A ball, you say?” All Madnesses of Love were a little different from person to person, Dr. A'Atk knew. Feeling its presence as a large ball of emotion and ideas and impulses was very common.
“Yes, a ball that takes up all my mind and keeps growing. But I can't penetrate it. I can't see through it, I don't know what's inside. If I pierce it with an inquisitive thought, it might... burst. It seems to be wonderful. It's very enticing. But I have learned to be suspicious of things that are enticing.”
“Yes? Why is this?” the doctor said while carrying out a cursory medical examination.
“Because everyone is always trying to get me to do things. And they make these things seem... enticing. It goes with being powerful. I know that. But now, I have become vary of temptation.”
The Chief Royal Physician noticed that the prince's vital signs were weaker than before. His heart rate was faster, his temperature a fraction lower, his reactions slightly slower. It was important to keep him from diving into the Madness for as long as possible. Once he gave in to it, his life expectancy could be measured in hours if he didn't marry his Hon'eekoh in time.
“Yes, it seems prudent to not give in to that. Stay away from it for as long as you can, Your Highness.”
“I will. But... I feel it will grow stronger than me. Soon. The temptation is so strong. I only know that it concerns... her.”
“Which her is this, Your Highness?” The doctor made sure not too seem to interested.
“The Earthling. The alien. She left this ball of wonder in my mind.”
The prince started to sweat and became agitated. In a split second, his temperature rose to the fever level. “Where is she? Is she surrounded by only the softest silk and is she attended to by only the most beautiful young virgins in the Empire? Is she being guarded by the best officers in my armies and navies, making sure that no man ever sets eye on her, including those very same officers?” He attempted to sit up in bed, but the doctor held him down.
“Calm down, your highness. Don't think of her for now.”
“But I want to! I want her to fill my consciousness forever!”
Dr. A'Atk realized the dangerous direction this was taking. He had to divert the prince's attention.
“Your Highness, there is some question of possibl
y canceling the Imperial Migiuz championship next year,” he lied. The prince's favorite sport was the only topic he was sure would get a reaction from the prince.
“What?! No, I won't have it. The championship will take place as planned. This is because of the cheating in H'urk, isn't it? Hah. I knew they would try something like that, the anti-Migiuz league. The fiends! But they will see who rules. Of course, after the G'op qualifications, there may be some interest in the revised scoring procedure as proposed...”
The prince rambled on about his favorite sport and the doctor breathed out. For now, he had kept the danger at bay. But he worried about the test. He really did. For more than one reason.
The door to the prince's bedroom opened and an officer came in. He nodded briefly to Dr. A'Atk and withdrew.
“Your Highness,” the doctor said. “Admiral Vun'Sic wonders if you'd honor him with your presence in another part of the ship. If you'd follow me, please.”
It was usually hard to get the prince to do something that he had not decided himself, but in his weakened state he didn't even ask any questions, just followed passively in the doctor's wake. That worried the Chief Physician more than anything.
He lead the prince through most of the ship, all the way down to the main hangar bay. It was the largest space in the ship, chosen for the test for that very reason.
The Derigaz functionaries and doctors were all there, but they were hiding in and behind the many smaller spaceships. They were not going to miss this.
It was a very dramatic test Dr. Mon'Toc had devised and insisted on. But it would be effective, everyone agreed. And there was always the chance that it would hurt Dr. Mon'Toc more than most, which all the other dignitaries found an interesting prospect.
