“I don’t think she has any. Granted, I didn’t know I had any, either.”
This was the most normal conversation I’d had with Mia in so long, and I couldn’t bear for it to end any time soon. I said a silent prayer that whatever the Jenningses had gone to do, they wouldn’t come back right away.
“You could kiss me again, though,” Mia said, shocking me so much that I nearly dropped the box.
“Don’t tease me, Mia.”
The look she gave me was one of pure sincerity, drawing a groan from somewhere deep in my chest.
“I’m not teasing. I wouldn’t tease you about that.”
I couldn’t move a muscle. I sat there, white-knuckling the box of dollhouse shingles like my life depended on it, and watched as she scooted across the floor until she was right next to me. Her thigh brushed my thigh. She reached up her hand and cupped the back of my head, drawing me down to her, and her lips touched mine.
The back door opened, and a pack of ice-cold kids swarmed in and tackled us, but I wrapped my arms around Mia’s waist and tugged her on top of me as they all dog-piled on.
She didn’t stop kissing me even as those kids pummeled us with their cold and their sticky fingers and their laughter. That was about the most perfect Christmas moment I could conjure up even in my wildest dreams.
IT SEEMED AS though Marley was attached to Mitch at the hip for the rest of the day. Every time he would put her down, within moments she’d be whining and begging for him to pick her up again, and he always obliged. Her behavior was completely altered from the norm, due to having her father’s attention. If it were just Marley and me at home, she almost always preferred to be down on the floor where she could run around and get into everything. Not with her father here, it seemed. As long as he would keep picking her up, making razzberries on her belly, and flipping her over so that she dangled above the ground, she couldn't care less about anything but being with him. She was happy, though—there wasn’t a cranky bone in her body today, which was an absolute blessing. I had no doubt that was due to the fact that she was getting plenty of daddy-daughter time, something that had been in extremely short supply of late. He didn’t seem very inclined to be apart from her, either, so I supposed it was all for the best.
I kept reliving the memory of kissing him, though. It wasn’t just the kiss; it was how right it had felt to be spending time with him again. We hadn’t talked much while we’d worked on building Lila’s dollhouse. There were definitely things we needed to talk about, though, because all I could think about was the idea that maybe everyone was right and we should get back together. Maybe it wasn’t such a crazy thought, something that Mom was determined to make happen whether it was for the best or not. Maybe we really did belong together and I was only kidding myself in thinking that I was better apart from him.
Mom was rarely wrong about these things, and it was plain that whether getting back together was the best thing for me and Mitch, there wasn’t any denying the fact that it would be best for Marley. She loved her father, and he doted on her, and they needed each other.
I might not like to admit it, but I needed him, too. The last two days, however uncomfortable they might have been at times, had been necessary to get through my thick skull and prove that to me.
I just wished I knew how he would react if I told him. I mean, yes, I knew he still loved me. He’d told me so many times over the last several months that it was seared into my mind, and he’d shown me in as many ways as I had allowed. The fact remained that I’d hurt him—badly—and it was going to take some serious groveling for him to forgive me. At least it would take a ton of groveling if the situation were reversed.
He’d always been quicker to forgive than I had, though. I was pretty sure it had to do with his parents and the way he’d been raised. They’d hurt him time and again, but they’d also loved him, so he had always been able to move past the pain and get on with his life. He might not allow them to hurt him anymore, but it wasn’t eating him up inside years later. But me? I still got angry with them sometimes for the things they’d done to him, and a part of me hated them for all the things they hadn’t done for him. Maybe that was another reason I needed Mitch in my life. He made me want to be a better person than I was without him.
It had been a day full of fun, family, love, and laughter, but everyone was starting to wind down. Davie and Lila, in particular, were showing the effects of the long day. They both had dark circles under their eyes after a night in which they’d likely gotten very little sleep, and they’d both turned more than just a tad cranky after dinner. It was too hard to rest at their ages when the lure of Christmas presents was in the next room. I remembered that well enough. How many Christmases had me, Grace, and Seth—and often Mitch, too, when we forced him to come along with us—snuck out to see what was under the tree? I couldn’t fault kids for being kids.
After we were all subjected to one too many arguments over Legos, Grace had had enough. “That’s it. Bedtime. All of you.” She planted her hands on her hips, standing imperiously over the knot of kids in the middle of the living room floor.
“Aww, Mom!”
“But Aunt Grace—”
“I’m not even tired.”
The chorus of complaints was halfhearted, at best. Those kids knew they were done in as well as we did, so they gave up relatively quickly. The adults all worked together to get the kids changed and bunked down for the night. The team effort meant it only took us about half the time it might have otherwise, during which time Marley had once again fallen asleep in Mitch’s arms. She was drooling all over his sleeve, but he didn’t look like he cared in the least.
She was the last to be tucked in. I watched from the doorway as he settled her beneath the blankets with Emma, put the teddy bear in her groping arms, and kissed both little girls on their foreheads.
“What ’bout Diego, Unka Mitts?” Emma asked.
“Who’s Diego?”
Emma just grinned and pointed at Marley’s teddy bear.
He dutifully placed a kiss on the bear’s forehead with a chuckle. “All better?”
“All better.”
“’Night, sugar bear,” he said, straightening away.
I backed out of the doorway to give him room to come through. He left the door cracked and then fixed his gaze on me. Everyone else had gone off to their various bedrooms once the kids were settled, but I doubted they were really going to bed. It was all part of Mom’s plan, I believed. She wanted to give us as many opportunities to reconnect as she could. And it was working.
This was the first time we’d been alone together since everyone else had returned from a snowy afternoon up in our old treehouse, and physical awareness seemed to be crackling on the cold air between us. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. Couldn’t remember what I’d intended to say to him. All I wanted to do was close the space separating us and wrap my arms around him. I wanted to settle in the warmth and security of his embrace.
He walked away before I could do any of the thousand things racing through my mind. I followed him to the living room and took a seat in Dad’s recliner, angled with my feet tucked up beneath me and near the fire, facing Mitch. He’d sprawled out along the sofa, on top of all the blankets and pillows he would be sleeping under later.
“I hope I haven’t ruined your Christmas,” he said after a pregnant pause. I started to shake my head, to deny what he’d suggested, but he kept going. “Your family was really understanding to allow me to come.”
“You’re part of this family, too, Mitch. You always will be.”
He shrugged it off, which forged another crack in my heart. “You get any good shots today?”
“A few.” I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. “Actually, there’s one that I wanted to show you. I thought it could be my gift to you.”
He looked stunned, his eyes big and his brows raised. “You know I didn’t get you anything. I thought it would be awkward…”
“I know.”
I got up and walked to the corner of the room, where I’d left my laptop, thinking about the piles of gifts he’d shipped for Marley over the last few weeks. That was all the gift I’d needed from him. By the time I returned with it, he’d sat up on the couch and put his feet on the floor so that I could join him. As soon as I flipped the lid, the image of him with Marley asleep in his arms from last night popped up on the screen. I’d left that window open, hoping to have an opportunity like this to show him.
He didn’t speak, but reached over and tilted the screen back so he could see it better, and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed a couple of times.
“I thought I’d get it printed up on canvas for you so you could always have it,” I said, needing to fill the silence. There were a lot of different kinds of silence between us, and they were all usually comfortable. This one, though, made me anxious. It made me rethink my plans, and I hated doubting myself.
It seemed I’d rendered him speechless. He nodded, never taking his eyes from the screen, and he reached out a finger to trace the line of Marley’s head resting on his arm. I figured this was my chance, the best opportunity I would have to make a move. Tomorrow, Mitch would have to fly back to Portland, and there was no telling if I’d have any time alone with him before that happened, another moment to tell him what I was thinking.
I took his hand in mine, drawing it away from the computer screen and toward my chest. His gaze strayed over to meet my eyes, a thousand questions floating beneath the surface.
“Do you think—” I cut myself off, taking a moment to be sure I knew what I intended to ask him. “Do you think I’d be able to establish a photography business in Portland? Would I be able to make it work?”
“In Portland?” His tone didn’t give anything away, but there was no hiding the spark of hope in his eye.
“Yeah. I thought maybe Marley and I could come and live there. If I could immerse myself in photography, I think I could make it work. Between us, I mean.”
“Us? You and me?”
“Yes.”
“You’re serious? You want to come to Portland?”
“Yes. I can get a house for us if you don’t want—”
He pulled his hand back, and I cut off, instantly feeling the loss of his warmth. For a long moment, he just stared—so long that I started to doubt myself. “You could have always been doing photography,” he finally said. “You used to shoot my games back when we were in high school, but then you just… You stopped.”
“I could have.” Now wasn’t the time to make excuses. I’d done enough of that. “For whatever reason, I just forgot who I was while we were together. I lost myself. It was just all about you and your career, and I wasn’t Mia Quincey, I was just Q’s wife. I wasn’t a photographer, a woman with my own identity and things to keep me occupied, I was your plus-one.”
“I never…” He let out a disbelieving breath. “I never saw you that way.”
“It was never you. It was just me. Just in my head, and it really screwed with me. The longer I let it go on, the worse it became, until I just didn’t know who I was anymore, Mitch. I do now, though. I know who I am, and I’m not going to forget it again.” Everything in me itched to look away, but I couldn’t. He deserved to see the truth in my eyes. “I’ve told you over and over again that there wasn’t anything you’ve done wrong. This was all on me.”
“It takes two people to make a marriage. Takes two to break one, too.”
“Are we really broken? Like, past the point of no return?”
His Adam’s apple worked again, and he cleared his throat. “That’s what you’ve been telling me.”
“But do you believe it?”
“Not for a second. We belong together, Mia. We’re good for each other. At least I always thought we were. I know you’re good for me.” He stopped there, leaving the idea that he might not be equally good for me hanging in the ether.
“We are good for each other,” I insisted. “And it’s better for Marley to have both of us. Watching her with you the last couple of days…” I got choked up thinking about how she’d thrived from spending time with him.
And it had been mutual. I knew he would be more comfortable doing his job on the ice if he could come home to his daughter after a game. I had left him, but I’d been watching his games and keeping up with him the whole time we’d been apart. Since the day I’d told him I wanted a divorce, there had been a definite difference in the way he played. He fought the puck a lot these days, as though he’d lost his focus. His skating stride had changed, and not for the better. He was relying more on his physical presence, throwing his weight around, than he was on trying to score. No matter how hard he tried to keep his personal life separate from his professional life, there was bound to be some crossover.
“Would you think about coming to live with me?” Mitch asked after a minute. “I don’t want to push—”
“You’d take me back?” My voice was cracking, just like my heart, but I didn’t care.
He didn’t answer me. Not with words, at least. He put his arms around me and drew me in, his lips covered mine, and that was all the answer I needed.
MIA MELTED INTO me, and I was lost. Not that I minded. I would have given my left nut if it meant getting another chance to have her in my life, and somehow, that was exactly what I was getting. Did we still have things to work out? Of course. But she was going to give it a chance—give us a chance—and that was more than I could have asked for.
Her tongue slipped into my mouth and swirled against mine, and I pulled her on my lap, content to leave working things out for another day. Tonight, all I wanted was to be with her. To hold her. To make love with her.
I tugged her shirt free from the waistband of her jeans and slid my hand up inside, tracing her waist and ribs until I could cup her breast. She arched into me and let out a hum of need, and then one of the kids in the next room coughed.
“Fuck,” I muttered. For a moment, I’d forgotten that we were in her parents’ house. The kids would hear us if we stayed in the living room, and anyone could walk in on us at any time.
“My room?” Mia suggested, trying to catch her breath.
“Those walls are just as paper-thin as they were when we were teenagers.”
“Oh. Yeah.” She licked her lips, and it was all I could do to keep myself from ignoring all the reasons we couldn’t get busy on the couch.
But we couldn’t. I racked my brain, trying to come up with a quick solution that was better than getting into the car and driving over to Mia’s house. By the time we got there, we’d be cold and the moment would have passed. And then it hit me. “We could pretend we’re still teenagers and go out to the treehouse.”
Her eyes lit up for a moment as undoubtedly the memory of the first time we’d made love as teens flashed through her. Then she gave me a look that plainly said I was crazy. “It’s freezing out there.”
I kissed her nose and dropped my voice. “I’ll keep you warm.”
She’d always been so easy for me to read. I watched her eyes, following the indecision as it gradually eased and turned to excitement.
“Let’s go before I change my mind.”
We pulled the blankets off the sofa and wrapped them tight around our shoulders in lieu of bundling up in coats and hats and gloves. Then, stealthy as we’d been more than a decade ago, we tiptoed out the back door, grabbing the baby monitor on the way, and raced across the yard to the tree. I let Mia climb up first, following as close behind her as I could. When we got up inside, I let the hatch slam shut. I nearly bumped my head on the ceiling when I stood up straight. Mr. Jennings had built it for Mia and her siblings when they were kids; it wasn’t really meant to be used by anyone my size.
She let out a nervous laugh, but then she closed the distance between us and was in my arms, and nothing else mattered. We threw the blankets to the floor and hurriedly removed our clothes, trying to stay in contact with each other to share our body warmth. It w
as an awkward business, nearly as rushed and bumbling as our first time. My chin bumped against her forehead; she would have fallen over getting her jeans off if not for my arm snaking around her waist to keep her upright. Years ago, we were both embarrassed about how uncoordinated we were in our rushed attempt to be together, but today we just laughed.
I kissed her again, and she put her arms up around my neck and held on as we lowered to the blankets on the floor. The air all around us was like icicles, but between us an inferno blazed to life.
Everything was familiar and right and perfect. The tickle of her curly hair against my neck and cheek as I nibbled the lobe of her ear. The soft catching of her breath each time I found one of her most sensitive spots. The gentle tease of her fingertips as she trailed her hands up and down my back. The way we moved as one when I was inside her, our bodies knowing we belonged together even if our minds didn’t always keep up.
“I love you,” she whispered in my ear over and over again. “Sometimes I wish that I didn’t love you so much. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry…”
“I’m sorry, too.” I should have realized that she was losing her identity within our relationship. I should have encouraged her more to do the things she’d always loved and not focus so much on dealing with all the details every time I had to move to a new team.
I kissed her all over, touched her in the ways I knew would bring her close to release. In all the years we’d spent together, I’d come to know her body as well as my own, and I could play her like an instrument. “I love you, Mia,” I said as she sighed and arched and moved beneath me.
I tried to last, to make it good for her, but it had been so long that I might as well have been the teenaged version of myself. In no time I was spent, shuddering with the force of my love for this woman. I moved to the side so I wouldn’t crush her and used my hands to bring her to orgasm.
When she came, she was like my own personal snow angel. Her skin had always been pale like porcelain, and her blond hair was spread out around her head like a fan, and her body bowed up beneath my touch in a quest for more contact. I nearly lost it again just watching her.
Holiday Hat Trick Page 6
