“Without letting me know.” The hurt he felt flooded his face.
I took a deep breath. “If I had, what then? You made it pretty clear the last time I saw you that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Not true.” He took a step toward me then stopped. “I think I was half in love with you, but if you couldn’t be honest with me about…things, then why let you know how I felt.”
“All in the past tense,” I said wryly.
“I don’t know,” he replied, looking away for a moment before returning his attention to me. “Did you have any feelings for me, more than the fact we were friends for a while?”
I nodded. “I did. I still do. I can’t say I love you. I don’t know you well enough, despite what we went through together. I do know, if I’d had the choice, I’d have stuck around to see what happened.”
“Why didn’t you have a choice?” he asked, staring hard at me.
“There are things about me…” I spread my hands.
“Tell him,” Gavin said from the entrance to the living room.
I shook my head.
“You do it, or I will,” Gavin replied.
I sneered at him. “And break your promise.”
Lorne was listened, his gaze going from me to Gavin and back again as we talked. Now he said, “What promise?”
“The one I made to Brant, not to talk about him with my superiors.” Gavin shot me a hard look. “Lorne isn’t one of my bosses.”
“Don’t,” I begged. “He doesn’t…He’ll hate me if you do.”
“Will he?” Gavin finally came into the room. “Are you sure of that? I don’t hate you. I’m not exactly happy about it—but despite your basic motives, you are doing some good, too.”
“Okay, both of you, if one of you doesn’t tell me right now what you’re talking about, I’m going to presume the worst,” Lorne said angrily. “Like Brant’s a…a killer for hire.”
“It’s not quite that bad,” I said, going to the sofa and sitting, looking up at him.
“But it’s not good, either,” he retorted, dropping down in the chair opposite me.
“I suppose it depends on how you view it. Gavin didn’t seem to have that much of a problem, once he learned about me. Which, by the way, he found out before we even met.”
Gavin chuckled. “Not that I could prove what I was thinking.”
Lorne pounded his fist on arm of the chair. “God damn it, will one of you tell me!”
So I did, with some help from Gavin on the finer points, like the fact I sometimes turned over the evidence I gathered to the police, after I’d blackmailed my target for a sizable amount of cash.
When we were finished, Lorne said, “That’s all? That’s what you were afraid to tell me?” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Okay, it’s not exactly the best thing I’ve heard all week, but considering I thought you might be married, or have ten men on the string, which—” he almost smiled, “—I could believe considering how you acted at the club, it honestly could be worse. At least from my point of view, since I was, I am totally infatuated with you.”
“Infatuated?” I felt a touch of amusement at his use of the word. Then I said a second later, “Am?” as my pulse sped up.
In the background I heard Gavin say, “He’s twenty-four. Infatuated works.”
Lorne and I ignored him. Lorne shrugged. “With a few provisos, yeah.” He leaned back. “Are you good at it? Blackmailing bastards, I mean. Is that the only kind of people you target? You don’t go after some schmuck who’s got a woman on the side he’d rather his wife doesn’t find out about, do you?”
“No I don’t. There’s no real…” I stopped before I put my foot in my mouth.
It didn’t stop Lorne from finishing my sentence. “No real money in it. I suppose there wouldn’t be.”
We all went silent for a moment, Lorne and I looking at each other while Gavin watched us. Then I asked, “Why are you taking this so calmly?”
Lorne smiled. “Because if you and Gavin are telling the truth, and I think you are, you’re doing some good despite your admittedly criminal activities. I can’t say I’m thrilled. If I had an ounce of common sense I’d walk out of here right now and go to the cops with what you’ve told me. The trouble is, what my head knows I should do isn’t what my heart wants. I might be a hell of a lot younger and more innocent than you. It doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t real. Yeah, infatuated sounds like something a sixteen-year-old girl would write in her diary about the guy she’s got a crush on.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s just the first word that came to mind.”
“I suppose it works, if it’s really how you feel. Personally I’d go with care for, have feelings for, am interested in, well, you get the picture.”
“Are you?” Lorne asked, his expression lighting with hope.
“Interested in you? You bet I am. Like I said, I don’t know you well enough yet to decide if it’ll be more than that, in time. There’s only one way to find out.”
“By coming back with us?” Lorne asked.
“No.” I swept my arm around. “This is my home now. This house, this city, a new life. Not a different one. I’m still me. I’m going to keep doing what I do and I won’t make any excuses for it.”
Lorne tapped his chest. “Where do I fit in?”
“It’s up to you. If you’re serious about how you feel about me then ask yourself if there’s anything reason to stay where you are, other than a job you don’t particularly like.”
“It’s where Kyler lived…and died,” he said quietly.
I nodded. “I get that. But is it reason enough not to give us a chance?”
“I don’t know!”
“If and when you figure it out, let me know.” I was aware I sounded cold, but it hurt that he didn’t immediately jump on the idea of moving here to be close to me. Selfish of me? Probably. But I couldn’t help how I felt. I needed him in my life, but I wouldn’t beg.
I turned to Gavin, who had settled at the other end of the sofa. “What’s this job you need help with?”
He gave me the details, even though it was apparent his heart wasn’t in it at the moment—any more than mine was. I knew he’d brought Lorne with him in the hope the two of us would take the next step in a relationship which hadn’t actually existed until today. If Lorne wasn’t sitting right there, Gavin would probably tell me I was being stubborn and stupid. Perhaps I was. I ran to get away from Lorne because I didn’t believe he would accept me for who I am. But he did, he said. He accepted it, but apparently not the thought of our being together.
“That’s the gist of it,” Gavin said in conclusion. “You being an unknown and in no way connected to the agency will make it easier to find out what we need to know to shut them down.”
“It sounds too dangerous,” Lorne said, letting us know he was still here, and listening. “Didn’t he go through enough with Durant and his thugs?”
“He’s only going to be looking for information, which he’s good at,” Gavin replied. “Get him inside, with a legitimate reason to access their computers, then pull him out as soon as he’s found what we need.”
“He’s not an accountant,” Lorne protested.
“Actually, I am. Well, a certified financial planner, which comes close,” I said. “And will the two of you stop talking as if I’m not here.”
“Sorry,” Lorne muttered. “I worry.”
“How about you trust that I know what I’m going to be doing,” I replied sharply. Then it was my turn to apologize. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, but if you and I are going to have a relationship, part of it will be your accepting I will be working with Gavin on and off. It’s the deal we made when he promised not let the people he works for know what I do to make a living.”
“I get that. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. Not after seeing you in the hospital and realizing you’re not invincible.”
I lifted an eyebrow in question. “Did you think I was before then?”
>
“Well, no. I mean of course not. But I looked up to you, because you were helping us find Kyler’s killer. Hero worship, I guess.” He lowered his gaze. “Mixed with attraction for a man who seemed larger than life.”
“I’m not, you know. I’m an average guy, most of the time.”
“Uh-huh. Sure you are, except when you’re relieving bastards of their ill-gotten gains, and maybe doing something about them afterward. And now you’re going to be helping Gavin, on top of that.”
“I am.” I reached for his hand with my good one and he let me take it. “Having you around will give me a reason not to do something stupid.”
“Like going undercover to catch the men Gavin was talking about?” he asked with shake of his head.
“No. Stupid would be allowing them catch me at it. Believe me; I’ve had plenty of practice in not letting that happen.” I added, tightening my grip on his hand, “That does not include the little interlude with Durant’s punks. We knew what would happen and planned for it.”
“And you could have died, like my brother.” A thought which obviously upset him on several levels from the dark look he gave me, and the fact he pulled his hand free of mine.
“I had you and Gavin backing me up, which is why I didn’t.”
“We won’t be there when you go undercover on this new job Gavin wants you to do,” Lorne said. “Or any others he’ll draw you into.”
“Not physically. In my mind, however? Knowing you’re waiting for me when it’s over will make me twice as careful.” I patted the sofa, cocking my head to let him know I wanted him beside, not across from me. He didn’t move until Gavin got up and went into the kitchen, asking me if it was all right for him to make coffee—which I told him it was, since it would give me a few moments of privacy with Lorne.
When Lorne was sitting next to me, I continued what I was saying, asking him, “Will you be waiting?”
He was slow to answer, but when he did I knew he—no, we—were taking the first step toward the relationship I believed we both wanted.
“I’ll be here.” He leaned in to kiss my cheek. “Not in your house. Not until we’re sure this thing between us is real and will last.” He rested his hand on my leg. “I guess I should maybe look for an apartment? Somewhere not too far from you.”
“I think you should,” I agreed, trying hard not to grin like a fool.
“Now?”
“No time like the present, to be very clichéd,” I replied.
Gavin came back to tell us the coffee was ready. We all got some and then went into my office. After booting up my computer, I went online to find sites handling apartment rentals. Lorne pulled up a chair and we went through the listings, narrowing them down to apartments he could afford that were within an easy distance from my house. With a list in hand, the three of us set out to look at them.
It was almost seven when we walked out of the final one. Lorne liked it, and two others. From the look he gave me when I asked, for at least the third time, “Are you certain you’re not rushing into things?” he was less than pleased with me at the moment.
He turned to Gavin to say, “Do you think you can convince him I’m an adult with a working brain, and that I’m quite able to decide if I’m doing the right thing?”
Gavin laughed. “Brant knows. I think he’s just in shock that you’re moving so fast when he thought there wasn’t a chance in hell you’d accept him once he told you his deep, dark secret.”
“Well, you were wrong, weren’t you?” Lorne said, putting his arm around my waist as we went back to the car.
I was, and I happily admitted it before giving him a quick kiss to prove I meant it. His eyes widened in surprise. Then he kissed me back. I won’t say it was earth-shattering, but it was another step in our slowly forming relationship.
* * * *
The apartment Lorne finally decided on was in what used to be someone’s home. It had been broken into six apartments. His was one of two with a private entrance from the backyard. He signed the lease two days after arriving in the city.
“Now all I have to do is go back, quit my job, and pack up my things,” he told me that evening as the three of us ate dinner at my place. “I’ll have to give at least two weeks’ notice.”
“I’ll arrange for us to fly out in the morning,” Gavin said, taking out his phone. He did, then said, “While he’s gone, Brant, you can head east to take care of that job.”
I nodded, telling him it wouldn’t happen tomorrow as I had to set everything up to infiltrate the organization, which would require his people dealing with the man I was going to replace. Of course he knew that, and told me he’d let me know the moment it happened. By then I’d have created my new persona.
“Will you be able to keep in touch with me?” Lorne asked with a worried frown.
“Yes. Hang on.” I went into my office, returning with a phone which I handed him. “It’s a throw-away and untraceable, like the one I’ll use to call you.”
He almost smiled as he tucked it away in his pocket. “Now I feel like a secret agent.”
“No, that would be me.” I grinned, giving him a hug as we were sitting next to each other at the table. “You’re the contact I pass the information on to.”
“Not really, I hope.” He looked as if that idea scared him.
“Naw. That would be Gavin.” I took his hand, saying softly, “You’re the man I’m coming back to when the job is over.”
“You’d better,” he replied just a quietly.
“Believe me, Lorne, I plan on it.”
* * * *
The job took longer that I’d expected—two weeks longer. In the end, though, I got the information I’d been sent after and planted a couple of spyware programs Gavin had given me onto their computers. They would let Gavin’s agency monitor everything they needed to until they eventually had enough to bring the organization to a screeching halt and arrest the persons involved.
By the time I returned home, Lorne had moved into his apartment and, as he excitedly told me one evening when I called, had found a job.
“It’s retail,” he grumbled, “but that’s better than digging ditches.” He told me where, and what it entailed, then asked, “When are you coming home?”
“With luck, in two days,” I replied. “As soon as Gavin can pull me out without letting them know I was a ringer.”
“How?”
I chuckled. “I’m going to be picked up on a DUI, at which point the cops will find there’s a warrant out for me from another state. At least that’s what the guy I was working with will be told.”
“As long as it’s not for real.”
“It’s not, I promise,” I assured him. “I live an exemplary life so something like that doesn’t happen.”
Lorne snorted. “If you say so. I could debate the fact, but I won’t.”
Laughing, I replied, “You hadn’t better.”
I got home late Saturday evening, almost four weeks after I’d left town. When I got to the house, I found Lorne sitting on the stoop. Even before I set my bags down he was on his feet. Putting his hands on my hips, he looked me over from head to toe. “Unless there’s damage under your clothes, I’d say you survived unscathed.”
“You know I did. We talked every night.”
“It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t try to hide something from me,” he replied.
“No secrets, Lorne. Not anymore. If I’d been hurt, I’d have let you know.”
“Promise?” he asked.
“I promise.”
He smiled then grabbed my bags and stepped aside so I could unlock the door. When we were inside, he set them on the floor. “Welcome home.”
“Thanks. I didn’t expect to see you until sometime tomorrow.”
“I figured since I’m off tomorrow, I could afford to stay up past eight like the big boys.” He said that with a straight face, then doubled over laughing.
“You’re crazy. You’re aware of that I hope.”
“Crazy for you. Yeah, trite, I know, but true. Four weeks without seeing you.” He moved into my personal space, which didn’t faze me in the least. For a long moment our gazes locked then we were kissing. As kisses go, it beat the hell out of our first one. Not earth shattering, sending me into the stratosphere, but definitely worth trying again—which we did, moments after we broke apart to regain our composure.
When it ended, I grinned. “Maybe I should go away more often?”
“Umm, no?” He smacked my ass. “I didn’t move down here to have you vanish on a job every time Gavin snaps his fingers.”
“Not planning on it,” I replied. I meant it. I had my own life to live and now Lorne was going to be a big part of it. I knew that and so did he, even though it took us long enough to get to this point.
It would take longer before we did more than exchange hugs and kisses. In the interim we had our disagreements, especially when it came to what I really did to make a living. He didn’t exactly look on it as a good career choice, despite the fact some good came out of it when I went after bastards who deserved more than losing some money in order to contribute to my bank account.
Thankfully, as far as both Lorne and I were concerned, Gavin didn’t make a habit of bringing me in on jobs for the agency. I think he knew if he pushed it I’d push back. Since we’re friends, he didn’t want that.
Lorne put it best I think when he said, soon after he moved in with me, “Now I know how a cop’s family feels when he goes undercover. It’s lonely, and frightening, wondering if he’s going to come home alive and in one piece.” I knew he wasn’t only talking about what I did for Gavin. It didn’t stop me from doing what I do best, but it did make me realize more than ever before how special Lorne was to me. With him I felt whole. I know he felt the same. It took us forever to get where we are now, but we did. When it came down to it, that’s what counted.
THE END
ABOUT EDWARD KENDRICK
Born and bred in Cleveland, I earned a degree in technical theater, later switched to costuming, and headed to NYC. Finally seeing the futility of trying to become rich and famous in the Big Apple, I joined VISTA—Volunteers in Service to America—ending up in Chicago for three years. Then it was on to Denver, where I put down roots and worked as a costume designer until I retired in 2007.
Everyone Has Secrets Page 13
