by Jill Shalvis
8
R YAN HELD the guitar until the final sound vibration had settled in it, and there was silence. Then he placed the instrument back in its case and looked up to see Lorelei staring at him, dumbstruck.
She tried to compose herself, perhaps arrange her features to suggest she wasn’t moved by the song, but he knew that look. She’d felt what he’d intended her to feel.
And he could not help being satisfied knowing it.
“Wow,” she said quietly. “You wrote that.”
“It’s a work in progress. That was my first time playing it through without any major screwups.”
“You wrote that,” she repeated, as if awestruck.
“Yesterday after I left your place.”
“I’m…stunned. And flattered. Thank you.”
He closed the distance between them and took her hand, pulling her up to a standing position in front of him. When he could see clearly into her eyes, he said, “I wanted you to understand how truly sorry I am for what happened the last time we were here together.”
She nodded, averting her gaze for a moment, then looking back at him with an expression that seemed like determination.
“I accept,” she said. “Now how about we go for a dip?”
“You don’t have to twist my arm.”
After he’d put the guitar back in its case and taken it to the truck, they went to the spa registration desk and checked in. They were given a map of the grounds and facilities, and they followed a path outside toward the ocean, to the hot springs, which were now dimly lit for the evening and equipped with chairs and meditation platforms nearby.
The place was, miraculously, deserted. Ryan said a silent thank-you to the universe. He had no preconceived notions of how he wanted the night to go-okay, maybe he had a few, and he’d reserved a room at the spa hotel just in case-but he did at least want them to be alone the way they had been fifteen years ago. It wouldn’t have been the same with other people there to spoil the mood.
“Looks like we have the springs all to ourselves,” Lorelei said, echoing his thoughts. “Nice, huh?”
“I don’t suppose a cold Wednesday night five days before Christmas is all that popular a time to go spa-hopping.”
“Have you been here…since, um…?”
“No,” Ryan said quickly, which was true. “I think I’d lose some of my cred as a firefighter if I was caught contemplating my navel at a place as frou-frou as this.”
She laughed. “I forgot you have to consider such things.”
Ryan tried not to stare as she casually began taking off her clothes without even turning away. This he remembered from their first time here together, as well. He’d been awestruck by her lack of inhibition, especially when his experience with teenage girls had been dominated by awkwardness and self-conciousness.
Her ability to strip naked without a care in the world, both then and now, gave her an air of raw sexuality that was incredibly arousing to him. It was all he could do not to walk right over to her and take her in his arms.
And it presented him with another problem. He had a raging erection that was going to announce what he wanted to do whether he spoke a word or not, so as he undressed himself, he turned his back to Lorelei, then had to chuckle at himself over the ridiculousness of the situation.
Where was his lack of inhibition? What was wrong with her knowing that she turned him on? Wasn’t that what he wanted anyway?
With a deep breath, he tossed his pants aside and turned to get in the water, consequences be damned. Lorelei’s gaze landed immediately on his stiff cock, but instead of looking away, she simply stared up at him, her eyes half-lidded, as if in a sexy challenge.
Damn, she was bold.
And he loved it. He’d never met a woman so at ease with herself as Lorelei was.
He lowered himself into the water and sighed at its heat, a heavenly contrast to the cold air around them. They could hear waves crashing against the beach down below.
“Here we are,” he said dumbly. “Can you believe it?”
She eased herself into the water one leg at a time, and his gaze took her in, relishing the sight of her bare skin, the curly dark hair that covered her sex and the dark, erect nipples he so badly wanted in his mouth.
“Barely,” she said. “Mmmmm, this feels amazing.”
He tried to think what else to say, but at the sound of her little moan of pleasure, his mind went blank.
He could only sit there, dumbstruck, wanting so desperately to have her that he couldn’t imagine not reaching for her right then and there.
“What is it?” she asked when she caught the odd expression on his face.
“I…this…um…”
What? What could he say? He’d lost all his words.
She eased herself across the rocks, coming closer to him. Closer, closer, closer still…
Then she was next to him, and before he could say a word…she unexpectedly straddled his lap.
His cock, so suddenly pressed against her, ached like crazy to thrust inside. He could hardly believe his luck.
“I have a condom,” she said. “Don’t worry.”
She. Had. A. Condom.
Hallelujah.
She leaned in and kissed him then, a long, slow, deep kiss that stated her intentions as clearly as any words could have. Ryan’s toes curled into the sediment at the bottom of the spring, and he grasped her hips, rocking against her and savoring the feel of her soft, delicious ass in his palms.
“We should get a room,” he murmured when she broke the kiss.
“No,” she said. “I want you right here, like before.”
Yes, this was exactly like before. Her on his lap, straddling him, kissing him into stunned submission.
She’d been awkward then, unlike now, but clearly into him. And he’d been carried away in the passion of the moment, unsure, in his lame adolescent mind, why he was so turned on by his nerdy, odd lab partner, but unable to stop the forward momentum of passion unhindered by thought.
Now though…Now, he knew why he wanted her, and he knew he’d be lucky to have her. And there wouldn’t be any stopping them this time, either.
When her hand slipped down his chest, between their bodies, and grasped his cock, he let out a ragged moan of pleasure. She began stroking him slowly, her lips slightly parted as she watched his reaction.
“Dammit, woman,” he said. “You sure know how to make a guy feel good.”
She kissed him again, and he shut up. But if she kept stroking him like she was, this was going to be over before it had gotten started, so he reached for her and pulled her hard against him, lifting her as he did so to bring her gorgeous tits to his mouth.
He sucked each one in turn, teasing a nipple with one hand as his mouth took care of the other. Then he slid his free hand down, between her legs, right across her clit, to gently stroke her opening. She was already slippery, ready for him to enter, and he groaned at the feel of her there.
Damn, but he wanted her badly.
Right here in the open, where anyone could see. He didn’t care now. And apparently, neither did she, which made it all the more exciting.
Was this how he intended to show his contrition for past bad behavior? By repeating the same act? No, this time, he’d be the best damn lover she’d ever had, and he wouldn’t ignore her the next day, or the next week-or ever. He’d give her the attention and appreciation and respect she deserved, because the feel of her body against him was all the convincing he needed that she was just as perfect for him as he’d suspected.
And this time, he intended to be remembered, at the very least, as a good lover.
Grasping her hips and lifting her slightly, he held his breath and plunged under the water, sliding down, and down still, until his face was between her legs. He found her sex with his mouth, flicked his tongue gently against her, held tightly to her hips as she writhed against his coaxing tongue. Then he plunged his tongue inside her and tasted her delicious, musky flav
or, lingering there pleasuring her until his lungs could stand it no more and he had to come up for air.
When he’d broken the surface, his body between her legs again, he took a deep breath and gazed up at her surprised but aroused expression.
“Where’s that condom?” he said in a ragged voice, and she held out her hand, revealing it on her palm where it must have been since she’d disrobed. So she’d come here knowing they’d get it on. One more thing he found to like about her style.
He took the packet from her and opened it with his teeth, then slid the rubber on and grasped her hips again. He couldn’t wait anymore. He needed to be inside her before he went insane.
Looking into her dark brown eyes, he positioned his cock against her and held her hips tightly and thrust gently, back and forth, back and forth, not quite entering her. The satiny texture of her pussy drove him wild with aching, and he wanted to be in her more than anything he could ever remember, but he also wanted to know she ached for him just as badly.
Her back arched, she grasped his shoulders tightly and shifted her hips so that he could tease her no more, nearly forcing him inside her. The naked arousal in her gaze, in her half-parted lips as her breath quickened, told him what he needed to know, and he slid inside her in one smooth thrust. At the sensation of it, he expelled a ragged gasp of pleasure, and she sighed, letting her eyes fall shut.
Ryan felt himself melting into her as he thrust his hips, again and again, the water buoying them, making their movements effortless. To shield her from the cold air, where her body wasn’t in the water, he wrapped his arms around her and held her chest against him, his short deep thrusts reaching as far into her as he could go. Each movement reverberated through his body like a little earthquake.
He could not remember the last time he’d felt so good, so right, and as his body coiled tighter and tighter, straining for release, he wished this night would never end.
9
I T WAS just like the first time, and it wasn’t anything like it. The place was the same, and the people and the act, but the feelings and sensations were brand-new. Lorelei was not an awkward, love-struck teenager giving up her virginity to someone who didn’t deserve it. She was a sexually confident woman who was well aware of what this act did and didn’t mean, and she was taking back the power she’d lost all those years ago.
And, damn, it felt good.
She grasped Ryan’s shoulders tightly as he lifted her and carried her to the middle of the spring, where they could both be immersed in the water and out of the cold night air. Her legs wrapped around his hips, he continued moving inside her in a standing position, and she could feel herself rushing quickly toward climax, just like in her dream, except not.
She closed her eyes to focus on the sensation of him moving inside her, stretching her and touching the most sensitive spots in her body, and she felt herself being transported back in time. The years vanished, and she was the same girl who’d been so hopelessly in love with Ryan, the same girl who’d offered her body to him in the hope of getting love back.
Here they were, joined together again, and finally it felt exactly as she’d once hoped it would. If she just kept her eyes closed, she could forget reality.
He was kissing her as if he wanted to devour her, making love to her as if somewhere inside of her was what he needed to survive. Lorelei held on to him, heard herself whimpering at the pleasure that threatened to overcome her…
When he stopped kissing her, his gaze locked on her and he stared into her eyes. He saw her, or maybe he saw through her, and she could not remember how they’d ever been at odds, or separate or even two different people with their own bodies and desires.
She had never had such uninhibited, animal sex right out in the open before, and she didn’t want it to end. She savored each moment as if it might be the last…felt herself building toward something…her body tensing further and further still…Then her inner muscles began to quake, and she was surprised by the intense orgasm that overtook her suddenly.
Not caring who might hear, she cried out, gasping with the intense pleasure coursing through her. And a moment later, she could hear Ryan doing the same. He muffled his release by kissing her again, his tongue coaxing her to feel the moans that escaped his throat and entered her mouth.
When he’d finished spilling into her, he hugged her tightly and sighed raggedly. Then he eased out of her and set her down on her feet in front of him.
He held her against him as he caught his breath, and Lorelei became aware again that they were separate. Their bodies were two, not one. The deep hunger that had filled her had now been replaced by a delicious hum…and yet still, deep within, an ache remained, as if their one act of lovemaking had not begun to satisfy the desire that had burned within her for so many years.
“That was…incredible,” he whispered into her ear. “I forgot how amazing you feel.”
“I’m pretty sure we’ve both improved a bit over the years,” she said, smiling, but the mention of their first time together caused something inside her to harden.
She recalled why she was really here, to do as Kinsei had said and conquer this painful ghost of her past. She couldn’t get swept away in feelings that would only defeat her purpose.
“Come over here and sit,” he said, taking her hand and guiding her back to the rocks where they could sit and still be chest-deep in the hot water.
They sat half facing each other, her legs draped over his, and stared up at the sky.
“You wanted that to happen, didn’t you?” Ryan asked.
Lorelei found herself caught off guard by his frankness. “Of course I did,” she said. “Didn’t you?”
He chuckled. “Sure, but I didn’t want to presume…”
“Why else would we come here?”
“To enjoy a soak?” he offered.
“Don’t act coy.”
“I don’t mean to. I was just curious.”
Lorelei found herself wanting to tell him here and now, why they’d just done what they’d done. It felt like the right time. And so she did.
“I needed to do this,” she said. “To make peace with the past.”
He gave her a curious look. “How so?”
She slid her legs out of his lap and sat up straight, not caring that her breasts were now exposed to the cold night air and all the world, too.
“I really appreciated your apology, but I felt like I needed more than that. I needed to reverse the wrong that was done here before. I’ve spent fifteen years hating what you did to me.”
She stood up and started to climb out of the hot spring, but he grasped her wrist to keep her from going.
“Don’t leave,” he said. “Let’s talk.”
“I have to leave. It’s the only way I can feel any resolution.”
He let go of her, and she climbed out, grabbed her clothes and started getting dressed, still wet.
“So this meant nothing to you then?” he said. “You were just here for…closure?”
He spoke the last word as if it were something vile.
And maybe it was in this context, but she wasn’t going to feel guilty.
“That’s right,” she said, then swallowed hard. “It means nothing.”
W HY , L ORELEI wondered for the next three days, did closure feel so damned awful? Wasn’t having sex with Ryan again supposed to bring her balance and a sense of peace with her past and all that?
It hadn’t given her anything but a sense of emptiness as she lay in bed alone every night. She buried herself in her work, but it didn’t help.
Ryan had tried to call her a couple of times, but she’d screened her calls and hadn’t answered, and he’d given up.
And then she’d felt bereft of him all over again.
She was sitting in the hospital cafeteria alone when her friend and colleague Maria Valdez sat down next to her, bearing a tray with two chocolate brownies on it.
“You look like you need one of these,” she said, offerin
g one to Lorelei.
“Thanks.” Lorelei took it and broke off one corner, then put it in her mouth and chewed slowly. She could barely taste it.
“What’s going on with you? You’ve been moping around here like your dog died.”
She glanced over at Maria, at her warm brown eyes and half smile, and she shrugged.
“Hmm. Man trouble, huh?”
“Yep.”
“It’s the holidays. Seems to either make or break relationships.”
“I didn’t really even have a relationship. Just a…”
“A booty call?”
“No.” Lorelei laughed in spite of herself.
“Whoever it is, you’re sure looking like you want a relationship. Did he cheat on you? Lie to you? Steal your checkbook?”
“No, no and no,” Lorelei said. “He’s a good guy, I think. But I’ve been holding a grudge against him for something he did a long time ago, and I thought I’d finally evened the playing field-I thought I’d feel all empowered and victorious-but it just made me feel like shit instead.”
“Of course it did. You’re a woman. We can’t do anything blatantly mean without feeling bad about it.”
“I guess.”
“Men get revenge-women just get hurt.”
Lorelei swallowed another piece of brownie. She wasn’t sure she bought Maria’s sweeping generalization, but she thought of Kinsei. He was a man. He was the one who’d told her she’d feel better once she’d taken back her power from Ryan.
He’d never steered her wrong before, so what was going on now? Was it just that he’d given her advice meant for a man? She didn’t think so. Maybe she just needed to stop taking other people’s advice and make her own decisions.
“So now you’re all alone for the holidays?” Maria said. “You’re welcome to come join my family for Christmas Eve tomorrow. There’s a ton of us-it’ll be easy to get lost in the crowd.”
“I’m scheduled to work, but thank you anyway.”
“Whatever he did wrong, he’s not worth feeling bad about, you know?”
Lorelei took another bite of her brownie as her gaze landed on the necklace Maria wore, a thin gold chain with a silver and gold angel charm dangling from it.
