by Sloan Storm
Somehow, an insidious mix of business and pleasure had crept into my life. I’d always prided myself on being able to keep the two separate and distinct. But, where she was concerned, not only had I not done so, but I’d been completely unaware it was happening to me.
Aside from the obvious attraction and physical pleasure I got from her, the simple fact was that Fiona was complex and demanded more time than I was accustomed to giving a woman.
The ironic part was her demands were not verbal, but more behavioral. She never once asked any more of me that I was willing to offer. That was unusual for a woman, even one much older than her. So, to say Fiona occupied a special place in my mind was an understatement.
Yet somehow, I had to find a way to reconcile my need for her as a scientist in my company and also my desire for her as a man. If I were to go back to the office and see her without getting that clarity, I had little doubt that I wouldn’t be able to make a well-reasoned decision about what to do next.
Instead, I decided the best thing for me to do would be to stay behind and take a long overdue, and sorely needed, vacation. If Fiona was the scientist I believed her to be, I had every confidence she would find a way to overcome the problems with the Link Protocol and get the job done.
In the meantime, as much as I would have liked to be involved, I sensed this was a perfect opportunity for her to succeed or fail on her own merits.
In some ways, perhaps I’d trained her to be too reliant upon me. By removing the temptation altogether and unplugging myself from the situation, I reasoned Fiona would either rise to the occasion, or I’d get confirmation once and for all that it was beyond her capacity to handle.
Otherwise, if there was an emergency while I took time off, I’d left specific instructions with resort management about where to find me. And so, that afternoon, I gathered up a minimum of supplies and prepared to leave for a remote part of the island.
However, before I did, I exchanged a series of text messages with Fiona, explaining to her exactly what I’d be doing. I informed her I’d managed to buy us a bit of goodwill with the investors and that she’d need to wrap the work as quickly as possible.
I wanted to leave no doubt in her mind she was responsible for what would happen next. The time to rise to the occasion had arrived. One way or another, Fiona had to understand the seriousness of the situation.
FIONA
I was lucky.
My grandmother hadn’t seen my fainting spell at the foot of her hospital bed. But, all of the stress that caused it still swirled around me every single day.
I’d received a number of text messages and emails from Gabe in the past couple of days. It sounded as if he was able to put off the investors and delay the presentation long enough for us to get the problems fixed with the Link Protocol.
As I read his messages to me, I didn’t think much of them in the moment. This was primarily due to the fact my attention had been focused elsewhere, specifically on making progress with what I’d come back to do.
But after work one night, I came home to my apartment, and after fixing myself a bit of dinner, I took a seat in the recliner in my grandmother’s bedroom.
I still hadn’t gotten used to not seeing her there across from me, and the reality was I probably never would again. But, in any case, as I picked at my meal, I thumbed through my texts with Gabe over the past day or two.
One thing that struck me, yet again, was the curtness of his messages. Not once did Gabe ask how I was feeling or how I was doing. Of course, he didn’t know about my grandmother and her illness, but it wasn’t as if I’d left St. Barth’s in the healthiest state of mind.
He seemed completely unconcerned about it.
To make matters worse, Gabe gave me an unreasonably short deadline of only a few days to come up with a fix. That was especially the case considering the fact I was the only person who could solve the problem. There wasn't much the team could do to help with this specific issue.
In fact, over the course of the past several communications I had with him, Gabe's tone had taken a decidedly darker edge. I'd been concerned about the very real possibility I could lose my job, but until the past day or so, it was mostly my own insecurity creating the fear in my mind. However, his latest text messages did little to remove that worry and to the contrary, made it far worse.
I tossed my cell phone on top of the side table next to me, and the plastic casing protecting it broke loose. It rattled across the table, falling onto the floor with an annoying series of clicks and clacks.
I couldn’t believe that after he’d come here and seen how I lived, Gabe would threaten me in the way he had. Not only that, but what I shared with him—what I told him about my family—no one else outside of my grandmother knew about it.
Unable to eat, I set my plate down on the table next to me. I dropped it about an inch or so above the surface, and it impacted with a thud. Biting my lip, I propped my elbow up on the arm of the chair, drawing my hand to my mouth. I struggled against my urge, reminding myself I wasn’t going to cry anymore over Gabe’s arbitrary whims.
As I sat there, once again the memory of what I’d confessed to him on the veranda outside of the suite came back to me. I’d trusted him with the most precious secret I had. Not only that, but I more or less told him how important he was to me when I thought I’d lost him over the side of the boat.
Gabe was not a stupid man.
There was no chance he didn't understand the significance of my confessions. It's not that I expected him to say anything of the kind in return, but the callousness of his words since then left me in a state of confusion.
Some part of me had changed during that time. Foolishly, I'd believed that seeing me in a vulnerable state would somehow change things between us. That’s what made the tone of his communication to me all the more cutting and harsh.
Suddenly, it was as if what I’d confided to him meant nothing. Once again, it was all about the bottom line and what I could bring him to make Hawkins Biotech, and the Link Protocol, as successful as possible.
This was the first time since I’d known him that I’d seen this side of his personality. Yes, he could be difficult and demanding, but I always imagined myself safe from his ruthlessness. After all, he'd always been supporting and encouraging of me, since the beginning.
Listless, I reached for my fork.
As I held it, I pushed the remainder of my dinner around on my plate in absent-minded circles and realized how wrong I was. I’d trusted him with my heart and with my most painful secret.
Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was in love with him.
It saddened me beyond words that the emotion was one-sided.
Staring at the mishmash of leftover food I'd created on my plate, the depth of my disappointment manifested itself, for just then tears began to stream in rivulets of aching fire down my cheeks.
Gabe was incapable of seeing how I felt and most likely shared nothing similar towards me. Because if he couldn't, even after everything we'd been through together in those few days on the island, then I had nothing else to consider.
It was obvious that he wasn’t in love with me.
Like it or not, I was left with only one choice. I could never let him know I felt this way. The only logical way forward for me was to do the job I’d been assigned to do. With any luck, there might be a sliver of hope still remaining for my grandmother and my job.
The same, however, could not be said about Gabe and me.
What might’ve been was now dead.
FIONA
I was somewhere between sleep and consciousness, in that place where dreams and reality mix into kind of a hazy awareness. And so it was within that state I thought I heard the sound of my cell phone ringing.
I ignored the sound at first, accepting it as part of my unconscious state, but the irritant persisted, and before long my eyes fluttered open. In the dark of my bedroom, I looked to my right and noticed the flashing blue screen on my dev
ice.
I extended my arm and slapped my hand down on top of it, dragging it from the nightstand. As I turned it over, I noticed a phone number unfamiliar to me.
“Who the hell is calling me at three o’clock in the morning?” I muttered.
Still half asleep, I swiped the phone on and answered.
“Miss… Matthews?” A strange voice said on the other end of the line.
I licked my lips, still trying to come to full consciousness.
“Yes?” I said as I propped myself up on one elbow. “This is Miss Matthews.”
Over the next several minutes, I listened in horror as a nurse from the floor where my grandmother was in the hospital told me about her condition. Apparently, she had several episodes where she’d lost consciousness and stopped breathing. The doctors were on their way, but even after consulting with the nurses over the phone, they didn’t know what the problem might be. As she finished bringing me up-to-date, I sat up in my bed and turned on a nearby lamp.
“What are you telling me?” I asked her.
Without a moment’s hesitation, she responded, “Ma’am I’m telling you that you need to come to the hospital right away. At this point, your grandmother is stable, but we have no way of knowing if her condition might worsen.”
“Okay, okay… I’ll, um, be there soon as I can.”
After hanging up the phone, I rushed about and got dressed as quickly as possible. Within ten minutes, I was in my car and on my way across town to the hospital.
The elevator doors opened and I hurried in the direction of my grandmother’s room. As I entered, I noticed a couple of nurses and my grandmother’s primary doctor attending to her.
Even from across the room, I could tell something was terribly wrong. Her skin appeared ashen and lifeless. Horrified, I drew my hands towards my face and covered my mouth with them. Without realizing it, I began to cry. Salty streams gushed from my eyes and ran down over my fingers in heated ripples.
I felt frozen in place as I watched what looked to be my grandmother’s final moments unfold before my eyes. Just then, one of the nurses happen to turn and look at me. Reaching for a box of tissues next to my grandmother’s bed, she hurried in my direction. As she approached, she grasped several tissues, snatching them from inside the box.
“Here,” she said as she passed them to me.
My hands trembled as I pulled them away from my face and reached for the tissue.
“T-Thank you,” I muttered, through a tear choked sob.
“You’re welcome,” she replied with a sad smile.
I dabbed at my eyes and did my best to get my emotions under control. While I blew my nose and attempted to put a stop to my tears, the nurse spoke once more.
“The, um, Doctor will explain the situation to you in just a minute. For now, your grandmother is somewhat stable.”
“O-Okay,” I said, after a sniffle. “All right.”
As I spoke, the nurse leaned in and pulled me close to her with a gentle embrace. After holding me there for a moment, she released me, smiled and turned to walk back towards my grandmother’s bedside.
For the next ten minutes or so I watched in a state of numbness as they hovered over my grandmother. The roller coaster of emotion I’d been on with her since returning from St. Barth’s had nearly destroyed my ability to function. I battled between a desperate desire to see her live and a feeling of self-loathing because I couldn’t just let her go. As I looked at her, my selfishness seemed the most terrible of sins.
Just then, the doctor turned and walked in my direction.
His face told me everything I needed to know before he uttered a single word. Over the next few minutes, he informed me there was really nothing else they could do. What little hope there might have been early on, was all but gone now. As I listened to him, my body began to feel heavy, as if I were made of concrete. Misery and despair weighed me down, to the point where I had trouble taking my next breath.
“Miss Matthews, do you need to sit down?” the doctor asked.
Half listening, I looked at him and nodded without a word.
He helped me to a nearby chair and after I sat down, he looked at me and said, “We’ll be done in a few minutes and then you can visit with your grandmother. Do you understand me, Miss Matthews?”
“Yes, Doctor,” I replied. With a whisper, I added, “I understand you.”
I spent the most difficult thirty minutes of my life with my grandmother once the doctor and nurses left the room. She never regained consciousness during that time. In my heart, there was no question she wouldn’t be around much longer.
In spite of the pain it caused, I gained some clarity about my life.
No matter how much it might anger Gabe, I really had no choice in the matter. Leaving the hospital, I made my way back to the corporate offices at Hawkins Biotech, arriving there just as the workday began.
Without bothering to check in at the lab, I went straight to the Human Resources department and paid a visit to Miss Jameson. I entered her office, and as I did she looked up from her desk. Her eyes widened as she got her first look at me.
“Fiona,” she began, as she stood from her chair. “You look terrible. What’s happened?”
My insides were raw and on edge. As she drew close to me, I struggled to hold back my tears. But, it was no use. Before she even reached me I began to sob once more.
“Oh, oh, you poor dear,” she said, as she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her. “Whatever is the matter?”
I struggled to stem the tide of emotion ripping through my body.
At last, I managed to get it under control enough to tell her what was going on. Over the next several minutes, I explained to her the dire nature of my grandmother’s condition. I left no doubt that she had perhaps only hours remaining to live.
“So you can see… M-Miss J-Jameson, the predicament that I’m in.”
“Yes,” Miss Jameson began. “That’s a terrible situation indeed. I’m so very sorry to hear about it.”
“Thank you. That’s very kind of you.”
“I wish there was something I could do for you. Can I get you anything? Glass of water?”
“No, no thank you.” I replied. “But there is something you can help me with.”
“All right,” she nodded.
I cleared my throat and did my best to dry my eyes once more.
“Under the circumstances, I feel as if I have no choice other than to take an emergency leave of absence.”
Mrs. Jameson listened intently and replied, “Well, it’s fully within your rights as an employee to do so. Are you able to find someone to fill in for you while you’re not here?”
“No,” I said as I shook my head. “There really isn’t a suitable replacement for me.”
“Oh, I see.” Mrs. Jameson said. Her tone changed. Concern peppered the words which followed. “Well, Fiona, if that’s the case then this might be a situation which will require the personal approval of Mr. Hawkins himself. I’m sorry, but that’s just company policy.”
My stomach sank as she issued her ultimatum. First of all, Gabe had no idea about my grandmother and her dire health situation. Knowing him, he would be very upset I hadn’t shared that information with him in the first place. Frankly, given the state of our relationship, I wasn’t sure whether or not he would take that out on me or be forgiving.
I really had no idea.
But, no matter what, the simple fact of the matter was that my grandmother was running out of time. Whether Gabe would’ve come down in a way that’s favorable to me or not, I really didn’t have the luxury to wait.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry Mrs. Jameson, but I’m afraid I don’t have time for that.”
“Okay then, Fiona,” she began. “I’ll just have you fill out the paperwork for your leave of absence. You should be aware, however, violating company policy in this way could lead to your termination. You do understand that don’t you?”
I swallo
wed hard and nodded, tucking my hair behind my ears. With a sniffle of defiance, I replied, “Yes, Miss Jameson, I understand exactly what you’re saying.”
GABE
It had been well over two years since I had taken any time off. In the early years of my business, it wasn’t uncommon for me to work one hundred hours or more in a week. As I became more successful, however, I was able to dial that back a bit.
Now most weeks I averaged about eighty hours or so. Even though that sounded like a lot, the truth was, there was nothing else I’d rather do.
I’ve always loved almost everything about what I do. Specifically, the challenge of the business, coming up with new and groundbreaking ways to treat serious illness. When you have that kind of affection for what you do, there’s no need to take a vacation.
At least, that’s the way I used to feel until a few days ago.
Although my love for the work hasn’t changed, I’ve found I’m letting my problems affect me more than I ever have in the past. I’m not the type of person to openly discuss things that are bothering me. Over the years I’ve found what works best for me is being alone and taking time to think through my issues.
And so, that’s exactly what I hoped to achieve with my brief retreat at one of the island’s most secluded spots.
In the wake of our failure to get the Link Protocol ready in time for the investor meeting and the subsequent fallout from it, I needed to clear my head more than ever. Not only was I dealing with the pressure from that, but also from the feelings I had towards Fiona.
I decided to go off the grid entirely.
I gathered up enough supplies to last me for a few days, but otherwise left everything behind, including my computer and cell phone. After just the first day, I already knew it would turn out to be just what I needed.
I spent my days swimming and hiking, while at night, I would sleep on the beach under the clear tropical skies.
The thing that always struck me the most about nighttime in the islands was the overwhelming number of stars. Back home, I could barely see any, while here it seemed as if the sky wasn’t big enough to hold them all.
