by Sloan Storm
Just then, I glanced from one side to the other and said to my friends, “I’ll be fine. If you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone for a few seconds.”
After a series of shoulder squeezes and back rubs, my friends took their seats in nearby pews. Left alone with my grandmother for one last time, I looked down at her.
“Grandmother,” I began in a whisper. “I love you and I know I never told you this often enough, but I’ll never be able to repay you for what you did for me. You are my hero, and I will love you and miss you until I am reunited with you again someday.”
With that, I grabbed hold of the side of casket and leaned over towards her, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead for the last time. I lingered there for a moment before returning to a standing position.
“Goodbye,” I muttered, choking back the last words I’d ever say to her. “I-I love you.”
As soon as I finished speaking, I raised the tissue to my nose and returned to join my friends. But, just as I did, I bumped into a familiar, solid presence. Freezing in place, I drew my eyes up towards his face.
“Gabe,” I said, as I looked away from him for a moment. “W-What are you doing here?”
With his hands in his pockets, Gabe looked down at me.
“Where else should I be, Fiona?”
I glanced around and noticed several pairs of eyes looking in my direction.
“That’s not what I meant--I mean, how did you know about this?”
Just then, Gabe pulled his hands out of his pockets and reached up towards my shoulders. He wrapped his fingers around my upper arms with a gentle caress.
“Why does it matter, Fiona? I’m just here to support you. Isn’t that enough?”
Finishing his thought, Gabe offered me a warm smile and released his grip. Turning away, he began to walk back towards the rows of pews and took a seat in one of the empty ones. I watched him in silence for several seconds, and soon after, I joined the entire group, taking a seat amongst my friends.
It was a lovely service, fitting for someone of my grandmother’s integrity, honesty, and strength. It went by far too fast, and before I realized it, today would mark the first day she became a memory to me.
Afterward, I spent a good bit of time talking with my friends and accepting their condolences. All the while, Gabe remained in the periphery. When it was just him and me that remained, I locked eyes upon him, not certain exactly what he might say to me.
Of course, I hoped for the best, but the truth was that things with the Link Protocol weren’t good. Despite the fact that it was the day of my grandmother’s burial, I wasn’t sure if that was enough to save me and my career.
Gabe closed the fifteen feet or so that separated us.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Fiona.”
I looked up at him and reached for my charm bracelet, wrapping my hand around it. Gabe’s eyes followed the trail of my movement, until they stopped at my wrist. Just then, he looked at me once again.
“When you’re ready, we can talk. Okay?”
Tugging a strand of hair behind my ear, I looked into his eyes and fought the desire to cry once more. Instead I nodded, and raised my hands to my face, covering my nose and mouth.
Without a thought or care, I leaned in towards him, my shoulders convulsing with despair. For an instant, Gabe remained stoic, still. But, as my pain poured out onto his suitcoat, I felt the much-needed relief of his arms as they wrapped around me. We stood there without speaking, the only sound between us the utterance of my grief.
The worst part of it was, not only had I lost my grandmother, but I was all but certain I’d lost Gabe as well. For as I wept, and even as he hugged me close, I had little doubt that my usefulness to him was at its end.
GABE
I decided to give Fiona a couple of days to herself to deal with loss of her grandmother.
However, a decision had to be made one way or another about her continued involvement with the Link Protocol. Although it was going to be next to impossible to replace her and the role she played in it, I was running out of time and options.
And so, with that in mind, I headed across town in my limousine to pay her an impromptu visit. Once I reached her apartment, I knocked on the door.
After about ten seconds or so, I heard the distinctive sound of the chain rattle as Fiona unhooked it from the lock. Shielding her eyes from the brightness of the early afternoon sun, she looked up at me.
It was hard to describe her appearance.
It looked as if she hadn’t slept for days and had cried for at least that long. Without so much as a word of greeting, Fiona allowed the door to drift open. Afterward, she turned her back to me and began to shuffle away towards the kitchen. I followed her inside and eased the door closed behind me. I then walked into the kitchen, stopping just inside the entrance to it, where I stood in silence for several seconds.
“I would ask how you are, but I don’t suppose I have to.”
Standing several feet away from me in the middle of the room, Fiona hesitated for a moment before she turned to face me. As she did, her facial features wrinkled with ugliness. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and then all of a sudden she walked towards me, burying her face into my chest just as she had at the funeral home. I stood there holding her for almost a minute, until at last, Fiona sniffled and pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting to do that. It seems like that’s all I’ve done for days.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay, Fiona. Don’t worry about it, and certainly don’t feel like you need to apologize.”
Fiona pulled her hair away from her face. Dragging her hands through it, she tucked two chunky strands behind her ears.
“Can I get you anything?” she sputtered, in a voice still hoarse from crying. “A cup of coffee or a glass of water? Something to eat?”
“No,” I replied. “I’m fine, thanks.”
As I spoke, Fiona sat down in one of the kitchen table chairs.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, not really,” she said, as she looked away. “There’s nothing to say, anyway.”
I nodded as she spoke. After a few moments, she looked at me once again.
“Look, Gabe. About leaving like I did, I…”
I raised my hand, waving her off. “It’s in the past, Fiona.”
A look of surprise came over Fiona’s face.
“So… you’re not upset?”
While there was a part of me that had frustration over it, I wanted to do the best job I could sticking to the promise I’d made to myself on the island. If there was ever a time to put my new resolve to the test, this was it.
“I just want to move forward, Fiona. There’s no sense in doing anything else.”
Fiona lowered her head and dropped her hands in her lap. “Okay. I am sorry though.”
“I know you are, Fiona.” I began, as I took a seat next to her. “I realize this may not be the best time to discuss the situation but… we have to. We’ve lost an incredible amount of time.”
“Gabe, I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what else you want me to say right now.”
I took a deep breath and interlaced my fingers, placing them flat on the kitchen table. “This isn’t about what you should say to me, Fiona, it’s… ”
She interrupted me. “Then what is it about, Gabe? I appreciate you showing sympathy, I do, but there’s a part of me that feels as if you have another agenda behind your visit.”
I shrugged. “I’m not hiding anything, Fiona. I’m concerned about you as a person and as my employee.”
“Then why do I feel like it’s only the latter?”
“I have no idea, Fiona,” I began, as I struggled to understand what she insinuated. “Why don’t you just tell me what’s on your mind?”
She kept her eyes fixed on me for a moment or so before shaking her head.
“Gabe, I appreciate you coming by. But, I don’t have the energy for this right now.”
/> “For what?”
Fiona simply shook her head and waved her hand in my direction, as if she were shooing away a fly. “This, Gabe. This.”
Had I done that bad a job of earning her trust? After all the opportunity I’d given her, I couldn’t fathom the idea she’d act this way towards me. Unwilling to sit and take the insulting innuendo from her, I began to stand from the table.
“Fiona, I won’t waste a lot of time here. Whether you believe me or not, I’m very sorry for your loss. You do have my deepest sympathy. However, as is so often the case when you are the boss, you’re the one responsible for keeping things moving forward. I’m here today to offer you one last opportunity to grab hold of your dream. I know that in an emotional time like this, it’s probably the last thing on your mind, but trust me, in a month or six months from now you will understand what I mean.”
As I finished speaking, Fiona’s face disfigured in rage. Reaching up, she slammed her hands on the table and bolted into a standing position, catching me by surprise in the process.
“Jesus Christ, Gabe!” she yelled. “Don’t you understand? I’m all alone! Don’t you have feelings? Why must everything be about work with you? Now please, would you get out?!”
As she finished speaking, Fiona wrapped one hand around her waist and straightened her other arm, pointing in the direction of the front door. Most people would crumble in an emotional, highly charged situation like this. But in many ways, survival in both life and business are the same thing. One way or the other, Fiona was going to understand how precarious her situation was at the company.
I shook my head and said in the calmest tone of voice I could muster, “Fiona, I’m not upset with you, okay? I understand what you’re going through, but I don’t have any options in this situation.”
But rather than respond, Fiona just looked at me, almost as if she were looking through me.
“I’m all alone, Gabe,” she muttered. “I’m all alone…”
I took a step or two in her direction. “But, you aren’t, Fiona. I’m right here.”
I leaned in, reaching towards her, but as I did, she recoiled. “Don’t touch me.”
With my fingers still stretched towards her, I said, “Fiona…”
“Gabe, please… I-I’ve told you already, I just need to be alone right now. Why won’t you just go?”
“I’m not leaving you, Fiona. Not like this.”
“I’m fine.”
I shook my head. “No.”
Fiona glared at me. “You’re not understanding me, Gabe. I want you to leave. I don’t want you here. Having you here is making things much, much worse.”
“Why? I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t, Gabe. And that’s why you have to go.”
With each word she spoke, Fiona closed herself off from me more and more. She sat down in the chair once again, slumping in place as she did. Her hands disappeared inside her sleeves in a familiar gesture I’d thought she’d gotten past.
I looked down at her and shook my head in disappointment and regret.
“All right, Fiona. If you don’t want me here, I’ll go. But understand, you’ve got a commitment to keep. I’m willing to give you time to grieve, but at some point, and it’s sooner rather than later, I’ve got a business to run.”
“Yes, I know, Gabe. I’m all too aware of how precious your business is to you.”
She was hurting. I understood that, but the thinly veiled insults were beginning to piss me off. If there’s one thing you learn in business it’s that everyone is replaceable. I wasn’t even sure Fiona realized how much her words affected me, so I decided to warn her.
“Fiona, I realize you’re upset. But, acting this way is not the right thing to do.”
She tilted her head upward and locked eyes with me. “What would you know about the right thing to do, Gabe?”
“What?” I scoffed.
She wasted no time in continuing her accusation. “Every single decision you make, Gabe. They’re all calculated, cold, and done with only one thing in mind. How it benefits you.”
“Fiona,” I warned. “You need to stop right now.”
“Why? It’s true, isn’t it?”
“No, Fiona, it isn’t.”
She shook her head and looked away from me.
“Fiona, I’ve got no issue keeping what goes on between us and what happens in business separate. But it’s clear to me, now, more than ever before, that you do have that problem.”
Without turning to look at me, she mumbled, “My grandmother just died, Gabe. Give me a break.”
“I’ve been trying to do just that, Fiona, but with every chance you get, you seem to want to turn everything back on me.”
“No, that’s where you’re wrong, Gabe. Maybe it’s just taking my grandmother’s death to make me realize what’s really important…” She paused and glared at me. “And, what isn’t.”
“All right, Fiona. Have it your way. I refuse to stand here and be insulted or belittled by you. And so, as of this moment, you’re fired.”
As the words tumbled from my lips, I stared at her for an extra moment or so for emphasis. Fiona’s eyes widened as soon as I finished speaking.
“What?” she said, as she began to shake her head. Irises glimmering in disbelief, she continued, “Fired? Why? You can’t…”
I cut her off.
“I absolutely can, Fiona. You’ve abandoned your role as team leader and taken an unauthorized leave of absence. And don’t pretend that we don’t know why, either.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Gabe?”
“You know full well what I’m talking about. You’ve abused our arrangement. No other employee would have done what you did, unless you believed that I really wouldn’t punish you for it.”
“My grandmother was dying!”
“I realize that, Fiona. You are the one who chose to keep that information to yourself. You are the one who chose not to trust me. I’m not going to stand here and be manipulated by you because you are living under the mistaken belief that what we do insulates you from the same treatment I would give to any other employee. You’ve crossed the line and been disrespectful to me while doing it.”
With that, I turned and began to walk out of the kitchen. As I did, I heard the distinctive sound of the chair scoot across the linoleum floor as Fiona shot to her feet. She called out from behind me as I headed towards the entrance to the apartment.
“No Gabe, please! I-I’m sorry. I-I can’t lose this job. I’ll never survive without it.”
Without turning to face her, I shook my head and wrapped my hand around the doorknob. I twisted it, and yanked the door open. Just as I was about to cross the threshold, I turned towards her.
“Well, you should have thought of that before you took off and before you decided to spend the last ten minutes insulting me.”
As I finished my thought, I walked out into the bright afternoon sun. By then, Fiona had closed to within a couple of feet of me.
“Gabe, wait!” she begged. “What am I going to do? What’s going to happen to me?”
“It’s not my problem, Fiona. Good luck.”
“Gabe! No! Please!!!”
FIONA
As Gabe closed the door, I reached up with a closed fist and banged my hand against it. Turning in place, I leaned into the door with my upper body and slid down its length until I found a seat on the ground. Propping up my knees up, I rested my elbows on top of them and dropped my head into my hands.
Within seconds, tears began to spill once more. But unlike all the other times I’d cried in recent days, this time, the pain came from a place deep inside me. I gasped and gulped for air as I wailed. Shattered, and without any idea of what to do next, I sat on the floor as my entire body rocked in despair.
As if I didn’t already know it, what Gabe had done meant the end of not only my career, obviously, but also of us.
As much as I wanted to tell him how I felt, it just di
dn’t seem like it would matter. There was no circumstance under which we could wind up together. So, what difference did it make if I told him I was in love with him? It wouldn’t change anything.
I cried for several minutes, maybe five or ten. It didn’t really matter. Eventually, I stood and made my way to the bathroom to get some tissues.
As I walked inside the room, I flipped on the light. Reaching for the box of tissues on the bathroom sink, I tugged out several sheets of it. My breathing began to slow, and for a moment anyway, the intense pain I felt in the moments after he walked out subsided.
I turned towards the mirror and looked at myself.
After blowing my nose and doing what I could to wipe away the inexhaustible supply of tears, I reached down and turned on the faucet. Bending over at the waist, I cupped several small handfuls of cold water and splashed them on my face.
Afterward, I returned to my reflection once again.
What in the world was I going to do now?
For the first time in my life, I really had no idea what would happen in the coming hours and days. At that point, my existence was little more than suffering from second to second and minute to minute.
I did my best to clean myself up, and after leaving the bathroom, I turned down the hallway and headed in the direction of my grandmother’s room.
With each step I took towards it, I sensed my muscles tighten and my hands grow clammier. I’d avoided going in the room until now, and even as I reached down towards the handle, I still wasn’t sure if I was ready.
Yet somehow, I managed to twist the knob and push it open. The old hinges squeaked and moaned as the door moved away from me and inward to the room.
I sucked a shallow inhale into my lungs, and as I did, I was immediately struck by the lingering smell of my grandmother’s perfume. I recalled how, as a child, when she would hug me, the aroma would give me comfort and put me at ease.
But now, it smelled different to me. There was no one for me to reach out and embrace. It was but another painful reminder of the loneliness that was my reality. No one was coming to care for me, and likewise there was no one for me to care for any longer.
