I remembered last time. Charlie asked us to meet Sam and Helena, Mandy’s maid of honor, to finalize plans for the bachelor and bachelorette parties. The two parties were supposed to be separate, even though everybody was driving to Vegas together and staying at the same hotel. Of course, Charlie and Mandy couldn’t know anything about it, so they delegated Brady and me as their designated representatives.
After Sam and Helena left and Brady escorted me to his car to take me home, he just started the motor when he got a call. I didn’t understand half of what he said, but when he hung up, he glanced over and saw me staring at him. “What?”
I shuddered. “Is it always like that?”
“Always like what?”
“Always like you cracking the whip and making them sit up and beg.”
He leaned across the seat. “I’ll crack the whip and make you sit up and beg if you don’t behave yourself.”
I felt my core get hot as the inside of my thighs got wet. Everything was a sexual invitation to him. He knew he could make me crawl at his feet with the snap of his fingers. He knew he could order me to my knees, and the harder that glint in his eye flashed, the more turned on and complacent I would be.
Thinking about sex with Brady always made me squirm. Thinking about getting pregnant with him made my blood run cold. How was I supposed to work with him on this wedding with this hanging over my head? What if he found out?
Well, he wasn’t going to find out because there was nothing to find out. I wasn’t pregnant, and I wasn’t going to get pregnant. I was going to get my period any day now, and I would have nothing to worry about.
11
Brady
I rang the doorbell and waited on the doorstep until Victoria came out. I held out the roses to her. “These are for you.”
She sniffed them. The red matched her cheeks. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“I wanted this to be our first official date. No sneaking around. No guilt.”
She flashed her exquisite smile. “Thank you. It’s very nice of you to think of me.”
“I’ve done nothing but think of you these last few weeks,” I told her. “I know we agreed to keep it casual, but I can’t stop thinking about you. This seemed like the next logical step.”
She set the roses inside her house.
I walked her to the Porsche and sat her in the passenger seat. I drove her to the restaurant and got a table in the back where we could talk. I ordered a bottle of wine and scoped out the menu. “The filet mignon is really good here. That’s what I usually get, but since this is a special occasion, I might get something different. What do you think you’d like?” She kept looking around. “Is everything all right?”
She waved her hand. “This place...It’s kind of.... you know, expensive for my taste.”
“Do you want to go somewhere else? I know a really good hamburger stand down on the corner. We could get a couple of paper bags and eat in the park. We could sit at the picnic tables with the other crack heads.”
She laughed. “No, I don’t want that. This place is really nice. I’m just not used to it. I’ve never been to a restaurant this nice. Then again, I’ve never been on a date with a guy as rich as you.”
I shrugged. “Don’t think about that. Just think about going on a date with the guy you used to sneak around with in college. I’m still that same guy.”
She winced. What did I say to set her off? “Look, Brady, I don’t want to go on a date with the guy I used to sneak around with in college. That guy really hurt my feelings. I wouldn’t be sitting here now if I thought you were the same as that guy.”
My eyes snapped open. “Really? What did I do to hurt you so badly? I always thought we were going pretty good back then. You said before I dumped you, but I never did anything of the kind.”
She fought hard to keep her voice calm. “You did so. You say we were going pretty good, so what happened? You just disappeared out of my life one day. I texted you to find out what happened, and you never even replied. What happened? Did you find a better girl?”
My stomach ached from this conversation. “You know I could never find a better girl than you.”
Her voice cracked with pent-up emotion. “You say that, but you’ve got one hell of a way of showing it. Do you know what you did to me? I actually cared about you. I actually started in my deluded state to think we might have a future together.”
“That’s what I thought, too. That’s what I always wanted.”
She bent across the table and snarled under her breath. “Don’t you dare say that. Don’t even think about saying that after the way you treated me.”
I clenched my teeth. So, this is what it came down to? She thought I dumped her and refused to return her texts? I never wanted to tell her the truth, but now I could see I had to. I bent forward, too. Our noses almost touched in the middle of the table. “You want to know what happened? Do you want to know what made me stop seeing you? My grandmother died. That’s what happened.”
She stared at me with her mouth open. I always knew she’d react like that if she found out. I couldn’t stand to see that stunned look on her face. It reminded me too much of how I felt back then. “Oh, my God.”
I sat back in my chair and tossed my wadded-up napkin on the table. “There. Now you know. Okay? It threw a massive wrench in our whole family. She was my father’s mother, and after she died, the whole family went nuts. People started fighting in court over who would inherit her fortune. My parents split up over it. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. It took everything I had just to stay in school. I almost dropped out, but I coped by cutting myself off from everyone. I couldn’t talk to anybody, especially not to you, Vic. I’m really sorry, but I did what I had to do to survive it. It cost me everything I had, but it got me where I am today, and I won’t apologize for that.”
She swallowed hard. She closed her eyes and bowed her head. “I am so sorry. I never knew, but I wish now I had known. I wish I could have helped you somehow instead of hating you all these years.”
I stared down at my plate. I had to keep myself together right now. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I really wish I could have reached out to you back then. Losing you hurt a lot worse than losing my grandmother, but I couldn’t do anything else. I was young and stupid. I should never have let you go, but I didn’t know then what I know now. I did it, and it cost me seven years I could have spent with you. That’s the worst part of the whole thing. That was my punishment for handling it the wrong way.”
She peered up at me. She opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it again. “I understand now why you stopped talking to me. It might not have been the best way to handle it, but it helps to know you didn’t turn your back on me. That’s what upset me most.”
My head shot up. “I Would never turn my back on you, again Vic. Never!”
Her hand inched across the table. “Do you mean that?”
I grasped that hand for dear life. I clutched it for all I was worth. I could never let her go, now that I had her. I had to find a way to keep her for good. “Absolutely. You’re the one thing I always knew I could count on. Even when I couldn’t face you, just knowing you were there, helped me. It gave me an anchor to hang onto. You were always the one true and solid thing in my life, even when I couldn’t see any hope anywhere else.”
Her face lit up, and her eyes misted over with tears. “I never stopped thinking about you. That’s what really hurt. I always thought you found somebody else.”
I shook my head. “Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry.”
She tried to smile, but her lips twisted the wrong way. “I’m just relieved. I’m just happy that now I finally understand.”
God, I wanted to hold her right then. Clinging to her hand would never be enough. I should have told her in a quiet cafe instead of this noisy restaurant, somewhere I could put my arms around her and kiss her like she needed.
She blinked th
e tears away and raised her shining face to me. Now she really did smile, a glorious smile like the one I remembered from her early days. All the icy frost that separated her from me melted away, and the sun shone out of her eyes.
I could see she wanted to hold me, too. Her lips twitched, and her eyes danced around my face. She didn’t know where to look or what to do. She smiled at me so long I got embarrassed. Me! I never got embarrassed around women before, but just then, we should have been alone together in a private room. Anybody looking at us could see our most private, intimate moment spread out in public.
I let go of her hand and sat back. This wasn’t right, and I didn’t want to step on her toes by making it any more intense than it already was. She understood and withdrew her hand into her lap. We both turned to our menus and said no more about it.
She said almost nothing for the rest of the meal. When the waiter came, she waved her hand. “You know this place better than I do. You order for both of us.”
I ordered her the filet. I’d had it enough times before, and I wanted her to have the best. She beamed at me from across the table. Every time I looked at her, I caught her giving me the same shining look. I didn’t have to hold her hand. I didn’t have to put my arms around her. She was right there, with me. She always would be.
12
Victoria
Neither of us said anything on the drive back to my place, but I couldn’t stop my mind whirling. I never felt closer to Brady than now. He really did care. He didn’t dump me back in college the way I always thought he did. He suffered a lot worse than I did, and he came through it strong and sure. He came through it still caring about me after I turned my back on him.
What was I going to do now? I couldn’t lie to him, not after what he told me at the restaurant. All the barriers between us, all the old resentment and hostility—none of it meant a thing now. If I looked him in the eye, if I kissed him or touched his skin, I had to come clean. I couldn’t face him otherwise.
The Porsche purred through the streets. The headlights swept right and left when Brady turned corners and angled off the freeway. That silence stretched on and on. It would never end until one of us said something, and I wasn’t about to be the first.
It was a comfortable silence, a silence in which everything that needed to be said had been said and would be said. We could live in that silence for years, decades even. That silence accused me more than anything. I hadn’t said everything that needed to be said, and I should have.
He came clean. Now it was my turn. Somehow, though, that silence just got longer and longer. One intersection and one street corner after another passed by, and I didn’t say it. The silence got heavier and more oppressive until I couldn’t sit still anymore. I had to get away from Brady, even as I longed with all my heart to hold him and take shelter in him.
The car pulled up in front of my house. Brady got out and opened my door for me the way he always did. He walked me up to the step, but instead of going inside, I turned around to face him. “I’m going inside now, Brady. Maybe I’ll see you later. I had a really nice time tonight.”
Faster than the eye could see, he flew at me and kissed me. He pressed me so tight I could barely breathe. His lips sucked the air from my lungs. Before I knew it, I got all tangled up in him. I couldn’t keep away from him. Some force stronger than both of us drew us together.
His hands ranged all up and down my back. He nestled his warm fingers around my neck under my hair, and my whole spine sagged into his embrace. I couldn’t stop myself when he touched me like that.
His other hand glided down my back to the arch where my ass rounded outward. He squeezed me against him until I moaned in open desire. I wanted him so much, but I couldn’t have him.
His cock swelled against my dress, and he rubbed it back and forth. My tissues unfurled their swollen petals, and my juices wet my panties. If only I could take him inside and forget everything else, he would make everything all right again, at least for a little while.
I tore myself out of his embrace and gasped for air. “I’m sorry.”
He eased me back to stare into my eyes. “Let’s go inside. We can do this better there.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want to.”
He cocked his head to one side. “Then what is it?”
“It’s just that....” Even I didn’t understand what it was. Why couldn’t I let myself get close to him? Why did I have to keep coming up with excuses to hold him at a distance? “It’s just that.... after what you told me....”
He frowned. “What about it? I thought telling you would bring us closer. I wouldn’t have told you if I thought it would drive us apart.”
I seized his hand. “It has brought us closer together. That’s what I’m trying to say. It seems like...this thing between us.... I don’t know what I’m trying to say. It’s fragile right now. It’s delicate, and it needs protection. That’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t want to do anything to endanger it.”
He stiffened against me, but he didn’t let go. “We’ve done it enough times. Doing it again won’t hurt us.”
I had to laugh at that, but there was nothing funny about this. “We did it before I knew this about you. I never knew you cared about me the way I cared about you. I thought it was all just a good time to you. Now I find out it wasn’t. I don’t want to do anything to endanger this. Just for tonight, let’s kiss and say good night. We can come back together later, and we’ll be that much stronger.”
He gave me a quick peck. “Are you sure about that?”
I nodded.
He moved back and slid one hand down his stomach to his cock. He squeezed his package, and his abs contracted to thrust his hips toward me. “So, what am I supposed to do with this?”
I bit back a smile. “Save it for me.”
“I don’t have to save it for you. I can deal with this myself and have another one just as hard when you’re ready for it.”
I drew him back into my arms. “Thanks. That’s what I want.”
When I kissed him this time, the passion flared hotter than ever. Did I really think I could turn him away on my doorstep? He mouthed me to a raging inferno. He crushed my ass in one big hand and tormented my sensitive mound on his cruel spike. Oh, if I could only get at that thing, I could satisfy all my deepest desires. I never wanted anything as much as I wanted that.
He quit before I did. He pushed me back and left me standing on my doorstep cold and alone. His fingers trailed off my hand. “Until next time.” He kissed my knuckles. “Sleep tight.”
I could only stand there staring at him while he yanked the car door open, fired up the Porsche, and motored down the street out of sight. A thousand doubts and fears plagued my brain. I should have let him in. I should have spent the night with him. I should have told him everything.
What could I really tell him, after all? I didn’t really know for sure. I couldn’t see him again until I knew for absolutely, positively sure where we stood.
I fumbled with my keys. My hands shook, and I missed the lock more than once. When I finally got the door open, I went straight to my bedroom. I took off my dress and put on my old pajamas. I wadded up my hair in a knot on top of my head and went into the bathroom.
I took off all my makeup before I dared look at myself in the mirror. No masks. No decoration. Just me, myself, and I. I stood there regarding myself in the mirror. I had to face myself as myself. I couldn’t hide from myself at this moment.
I opened the medicine cabinet and took out the cardboard box. In bright letters emblazoned across it, I read those fateful words, Home Pregnancy Test. I had to know the truth. I had to know before I ever laid eyes on Brady Townsend again.
I couldn’t stand there staring at it all night. I tore it open, got out the dipstick, and sat down on the toilet. I put the stick on the counter and went into the bedroom. I turned down the bed and switched off my phone. Whatever the result, I would need some quiet
time alone after reading it to take stock of my life. I had to face tomorrow with my head up, whatever the outcome.
No matter what I found in that bathroom, my life would change. I couldn’t go throwing myself away anymore. I had to move in the future with sure, certain steps. I had to get absolute clarity on what I was doing and do it without flinching.
I sat down on my bed and gave myself a pedicure. Brady’s presence haunted that bed. I brought him home with me, even when he drove away to the other side of town. I would curl up in that bed, put my arms around him, and tell him my darkest secrets. I would kiss him and rest my head on his chest. He would comb my hair off my face and rub my back.
Why did I ever think I could live my life without his protective presence? Why did I think I was better off without this touchstone guiding me and filling my life with meaning?
The clock on my bedside table registered twenty minutes. The results would certainly but up by now. I put away my pedicure set and rubbed my eyes. I was already half asleep. Even as I stepped through the bathroom door, a deep inner knowing filled me with the light of truth. I knew what I would find before I picked up the test.
It was positive.
13
Brady
“Vegas, baby!” Sam and Charlie waved their arms and shouted through the windows of the first-class Lexus I rented for this weekend getaway “Come on, Brady!” Charlie shouted. “We’ll be late.”
I slammed the trunk. Half a dozen groomsmen crowded the seats as I slid into the driver’s seat. “Late! Are you crazy? We’re leaving three hours early. If we leave right now, we’ll have all that time to wait before the bachelor party.”
“Well, we don’t want to miss anything.” Sam did a little dance in his seat. “Vegas, here we come!”
I threw the Lexus into drive and checked the traffic on all sides. I pulled out into traffic. “Where are the girls?”
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